Cómo no enamorarse y salvarse del desamor
Are you one of those people who fall in love too fast and too hard? Yes? Then we’re the same.
That’s exactly why I’m writing this guide on how to not fall in love and thus save yourself from being miserable for a long period of time – been there, done that.
Essentially, there’s nothing wrong with being open and vulnerable, in fact, that’s admirable, but in order to save yourself from unwanted heartbreak, you need to create boundaries and have a good relationship with yourself first.
It’s possible to learn how to control emotions, along with a few more tricks, in order to protect your heart successfully and avoid having it broken again.
One of the reasons people fall in love easily is because they’re either very sensitive, hopeless romantics, or they’ve been single for a while.
I’m definitely a hopeless romantic and a dreamer. My views on love are lofty and sentimental and I’m not ashamed of it.
However, I’ve gotten stuck in situations I’d rather not experience again all because of my idealistic approach to dating.
It’s cost me my time, energy, and a lot of inner strength to get through heartbreak. Once you know the aching pain of unrequited or simply impossible love, you’re determined never to go through that pain again.
Arruina toda tu vida y te cambia para siempre.
That’s why I started being more cautious with my heart and developed a tactic for avoiding desamor.
10 consejos para no enamorarse
1. Admit to yourself what you’re feeling
“If you can’t accept something, you need to change it. If you can’t change it, you need to accept it.” – Molly Burke
Para evitar enamorarte, tienes que ser muy consciente de tus sentimientos en cada momento. ¿Qué significa eso? Significa ser realista sobre lo que sientes y ver las cosas objetivamente.
¿Pasa mucho tiempo pensando en ellos? ¿Se sonríe cuando piensa en ellos?
Do you feel nervous and extra pressure to look good when you’re about to see them? Does your heart go crazy when you see they texted you?
Si la respuesta a todas estas preguntas es afirmativa, es posible que ya haya caído. de cabeza pero si sientes sólo una ligera excitación entonces todavía tienes una oportunidad.
Don’t let your brain trick you into thinking you have everything under control; that’s not how it works, trust me. The heart is a wild thing and it doesn’t listen to our brain.
It pretty much makes fun of our attempts to rationalize things we can’t comprehend. Pay attention to what it wants and needs.
Para salvarnos del desamor, tenemos que poner límites a nuestras necesidades y al comportamiento que provocan.
For example, don’t ask them out and don’t go out when they ask you; don’t try to think of conversation openings, and stop listening to songs that remind you of them. Get busy with something else.
Una de las mejores formas de redirigir tu energía es recordarte a ti misma los objetivos que quieres conseguir por ti misma y todas las distracciones que te causará el enamoramiento.
If you want to be as productive as you can – fall in love with yourself and follow your dreams.
2. Analiza tus sentimientos
“The essence of love begins when infatuation ends.“ – Anonymous
Encaprichamiento is pretty much like a spell. You don’t know what’s going on with you but you’re totally into it and then after it gets washed off you can’t believe the things you’ve done.
That’s why a little common sense comes in handy. Before you do something silly or plain dumb ask yourself:
Why am I doing this? Am I doing this to impress someone else? Am I doing this to prove something to myself? Maybe I’m just fed up with feeling lonely or need confirmation that I’m valuable?
Ninguna de estas cosas es razón suficiente para sumergirte en un enamoramiento sin sentido. Todo lo que hagas debes hacerlo con autenticidad.
It should align with your true needs. That doesn’t include a need for recognition by others but by you.
Observe the feelings that arise in you and try to see their origin. What do you really want from the interaction you’re insisting on? Is it something ego-based or completely selfless?
La clave es sentirse siempre satisfecho con uno mismo.
Whatever you do, do it with integrity – not because of someone else and not to impress. If we pretend to be something we’re not, failure is inevitable.
At one point you’ll be exhausted and all the make-believe will crumble before your eyes.
No person can keep up with the high expectation they put on themself when trying to be good enough for the person they’re crushing on.
The truth is you’re good enough already and if they don’t see it, there’s no point in being with them anyway.
3. Crear límites
“Whatever you are willing to put up with is exactly what you will have.“ – Anonymous
Feelings of love can make us do crazy things. You know, like overlooking your partner’s shortcomings, pretending they’re perfect, giving them the tastiest piece of the meal and whatnot.
Jokes aside, creating boundaries is an important topic. We don’t like to think about boundaries in a romantic relationship but the truth is – any kind of relationship needs boundaries. Especially if you don’t want to fall in love.
Don’t let their pretty face make you forget about your boundaries. Don’t let them play with you. Don’t let yourself forget what you want – and that’s to not fall in love.
Aprende a decir no a los demás y a ti mismo. No enamorarse tiene mucho que ver con la autodisciplina y con conocerse a uno mismo, y la autodisciplina tiene mucho que ver con eliminar las tentaciones y mantener tus decisiones.
4. Evita el contacto con tu enamorado
“All successes begin with self-discipline. It starts with you.” – Dwayne Johnson
Mute and unfollow them on social media (that means you don’t have to unfriend them) and stop exchanging text messages and calls. That’s the first step.
Seeing a person you don’t want to fall in love, especially in an Instagram post that is almost always the best possible looking version of them, isn’t going to get you far.
La gente se siente tentada por cosas aparentemente tangibles, como las fotos.
Other than that, of course, you should avoid them in real life, even if you’re in a situation where you see them often or daily (at the job, for example). Spending time with somebody is crucial in falling in love with them.
What do I mean by avoiding when they’re already at the same place as you? Avoid situations where there’s just two of you. Don’t have lunch together.
Don’t come up with ideas of how to interact with them. Focus on your work and keep yourself busy.
Don’t indulge in listening to songs or watching movies that make you think about them even more. Try not to glorify them but remember they’re human like everyone else.
Think of every trait you find fascinating about them from a different point of view and remind yourself why you don’t want to fall in love in the first place.
5. Aumenta la confianza en ti mismo
“Don’t compromise yourself – you’re all you have.” – John Grisham
La autoestima también influye mucho en nuestra forma de relacionarnos y de sentirnos con los demás. Para sentirte satisfecho contigo mismo, necesitas sentirte bien en tu propia piel. La soltería es el momento perfecto para ello.
Set goals for yourself and then start actively engaging in activities that lead you to your long term goals. Want to look a certain way? It’s possible.
Want to learn a new language? Take up the new hobby – now’s the time.
Llena tu tiempo libre de contenidos significativos y empezarás a sentirte autosuficiente. Puedes hacer por ti lo que crees que los demás pueden hacer por ti; solo tienes que ser decidido al respecto.
There are many ways to boost self-confidence but the best way is to try doing something you always found admirable. Build a healthy relationship with yourself and you won’t be dependent on other people and their attention or approval.
When you’re busy with something that truly interests you and fills you with the purpose it’s less likely that you will be distracted by falling in love.
6. Aprende a controlar tus emociones a través de la atención plena
“Without desire there is stillness, and the world settles by itself.“ – Lao Tzu
The feeling that’s present when it comes to being in love is needing. You need to be with the person, you need to hear from them and see them.
Todo tu mundo empieza a girar en torno a ellos. Invaden tus pensamientos porque siempre sientes algún tipo de anhelo por algo que supuestamente pueden darte.
¿Puede detectar a qué se debe? ¿Por qué su atención significa tanto para ti? ¿Por qué controla tus pensamientos?
That’s why you need to eliminate the need. To let go of need means to conquer oneself and the false feeling you need something or someone else to feel good on your own.
When you learn to let go of fantasies deeply rooted in your desire to get approval from other people you’ll instantly learn how to not fall in love.
7. Háblalo con tus amigos
“One good conversation can shift the direction of change forever.“ – Linda Lambert
Purposely ask your friends for a reality check! Your loved ones often know you well enough and love you enough to give you an objective and useful piece of advice. You’ve got nothing to lose.
Talking with someone else about something that’s consuming you can be very productive. Friends are friends for a reason. A good friend won’t sugarcoat anything.
Además, pasar tiempo con tus mejores amigos y familiares puede distraerte de tu enamoramiento y recordarte otras cosas importantes de la vida.
8. Prestar atención a las señales de alarma
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.“ – Maya AngelouThis one is important.
Caring for your mental health means recognizing red flags on time. It doesn’t matter how much of a nice guy or girl they seem if you notice the following things you should step aside:
They don’t start any form of interaction with you. They don’t start a conversation and they don’t make any kind of physical contact.
They seem distracted all the time and don’t pay attention to what you’re saying. Now, these things mean they’re simply not into you.
But if you notice they’re inconsiderate of other people, have inappropriate or offensive jokes, or a weird sense of entitlement, then that means they’re just not that much of a good person anyway. Why would you want that?
9. Trabaja en tus objetivos personales
“If you don’t know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.” – Lawrence J. Peter
Setting goals is very important in the process of self-discipline. Shifting your focus from something unattainable to yourself and attainable means you’re doing yourself a big favor.
¿Por qué es tan importante fijarse objetivos y trabajar en ellos? La primera razón es que los objetivos te ayudan a centrarte.
Tener concentración nos da una percepción más clara y nos ayuda a resolver problemas y a tomar decisiones, lo que a la larga nos ayuda en nuestra situación.
Los objetivos te dan motivación y con la motivación alcanzamos la grandeza.
10. Recuerda tus relaciones fallidas
“Being single is definitely better than being with the wrong person.” – Hassan Choughari
I don’t want to upset you but think about it: Do you remember your last relationship?
And I’m not talking about the primera cita, I’m talking about how it ended. I bet it wasn’t fun. It could’ve easily been the worst period of your life.
Antes de fantasear con nuevas relaciones, rebobina todas tus relaciones pasadas y sus finales. Las relaciones románticas no son ninguna broma.
A successful love life requires a lot of energy, time, and dedication and you’re never sure if it’s going to actually work out in the end or not.
In a sense, it’s like putting your life at stake. It’s gambling. Of course, some people are worth it, but if you know you don’t want to fall in love, motivate yourself by reminding yourself of the potential impending doom that comes after a failed relationship.
It may be a little dark, but it’s very efficient.
Qué hacer si aun así acabas enamorándote
“The mystery of life isn’t a problem to solve, but a reality to experience.“ – Frank Herbert
If you still end up falling in love, then there’s not much you can do about it. You’ll need to accept that some things are not meant to be.
You need to recognize that pain you’re feeling is normal and allow yourself time to heal and sort out your emotions.
Sometimes, things aren’t in our control no matter how hard we try. If love is unrequited or impossible, the truth is you’re better off without it.
Don’t give up on yourself. Challenge your unhelpful thoughts and think of everything as a learning experience that will pass.
Casi todas las personas sufren algún desengaño amoroso a lo largo de su vida.
It’s important to realize that things don’t always go the way we imagine they will go and that we can’t control another person’s feelings or actions.
Be patient with yourself and soon you will find yourself ready to move on. Once you’re ready to move on, you’ll know it within your heart.
Todo en la vida es pasajero y los sentimientos también. Pueden evolucionar y cambiar, pero no permanecerán igual.
To finish off this lengthy advice on how to not fall in love, I want to say that deep down inside everybody knows what they’re supposed to do when it comes to situations like this.
Por desgracia, rara vez quieren escuchar esa vocecita de la razón en el fondo de su mente y, en su lugar, optan por sufrir.
That human tendency maybe relieves the basic human need to always choose and seek love, even when we think we don’t want it.
Regardless of current knowledge of the physical and chemical reasons behind love and attraction – love remains a subject of mystery.
If you fall in love, even if it’s unrequited – be happy that you’re able to feel deeply. At the end of the day, people’s lives are always about feelings. That’s just how we are. Don’t blame yourself for being what you are.
Feelings are normal and we shouldn’t want to change ourselves to fit somebody else’s picture of success and an acceptable life.
Don’t let yourself live with resentment and don’t let society (or anyone else) dictate your worth as a human being. Emotional or not, you have every right to be as you are and express yourself fully.
Recuerda que la autoaceptación es siempre el primer paso para alcanzar cualquier objetivo en la vida, incluido el de ser más auténtico y, por lo tanto, estar más de acuerdo con tus verdaderos sentimientos, deseos y necesidades que, finalmente, te conducirán a la persona con la que estás destinado a estar.
