Explicación de la diferencia entre amor incondicional y condicional
Amor incondicional frente a amor condicional
What’s the difference between amor condicional y amor incondicional?
Amor incondicional, as the term suggests, is love without limitation. It’s the tipo de amor that’s all accepting and unchanging.
Algunos argumentarían que llamarlo incondicional is redundant because all love should be unconditional, otherwise it’s not love.
Por otro lado, condicional el amor es algo opuesto en sí mismo porque sugiere tanto – amor, que debe aceptar a cada uno tal como es, y condiciona – cosas que hay que cumplir para ser aceptado.
The explanation sounds pretty clear, so where’s the problem?
En problema es la complejidad del ser humano. El misterio de sus sentimientos – especialmente love. The inexplicable experience of its depth that can’t be just reduced to a few words.
Bajo el nombre de amor se esconden tantas experiencias y sentimientos que a menudo nos preguntamos: Qué es el amor?
Algunos dicen que el amor es pasión y that it should be wild and full of chemistry, make us shiver and willing to die for the person we love. Others say it’s platonic, refrained from physical touch, and lives only in the mind.
Algunos dicen que podemos experimentar el amor por nosotros mismos a través de autoaceptación y sentirse completo, mientras que otros insisten en que amor verdadero sólo es posible en tándem o a través de otros.
Yo diría simplemente que el amor es un sentimiento intenso de afecto profundo que puede crecer en muchas direcciones.
Who’s right and who’s wrong? Let’s explore some more before we settle for one answer.
Amor condicional: ¿Somos ególatras o víctimas?
“Pride must die in you, or nothing of heaven can live in you.” – Andrew Murray
Llegamos a esta vida sin ser conscientes de nosotros mismos, de los demás y de todo lo que nos rodea. Las primeras personas que conocemos son nuestros padres y familiares.
Nuestros padres ya tienen sus personalidades únicas, lo que significa que tienen ciertas expectativas, sueños, esperanzas y formas de ver la realidad.
Immediately after we’re born, we’re being shaped by their personal beliefs. In other words, we’re somehow destined to fit into something we yet know nothing about.
Still, the love between a mother and a newborn baby is the purest and strongest love there is because it doesn’t require anything from the baby. Nevertheless, that love still has limits and changes as the baby grows up.
I don’t want to sound dark, but think about situations where people rejected babies born with some kind of physical or mental defect.
They didn’t want them because they didn’t fit into their category of normal, or they weren’t ready to invest the amount of time and care that the baby needed.
Por otro lado, hay personas que considerarían al mismo niño una bendición y un maestro disfrazado.
Before you start blaming your parents for loving you conditionally, understand that it’s not their fault, because they went through the same thing of having to meet the expectations of their parents and other people, and so on.
I’m not saying that all parents impose strict rules on their children, but that there certainly are rules we’re expected to respect in order to gain praise and approval, which translates into love.
And – you guessed it – that’s a condition. And that’s how we learn from a young age that fitting a role can give us the approval and love we need, and we expect other people to do the same.
Esto ocurre en nuestra adolescencia, cuando queremos desesperadamente ser guays y aceptados por nuestros compañeros. También empezamos a poner normas a los demás y queremos que nuestras necesidades se satisfagan como es debido.
During teenhood, this behavior is often very dramatic and we’re noticeably more demanding.
Más tarde, en la edad adulta, empezamos a aprender poco a poco a disfrutar de las cosas de la vida de forma más auténtica.
However, for some (or should I say many?) people’s esto-para-eso principles stay the same; they just become more aware of what’s appropriate to do and say.
In other words, many people get stuck in either thinking that conditional love is the only way to go, or they don’t even know they’re loving conditionally.
Los amores condicionados proceden del ego. Lo que quiero decir con esto es que viene del deseo de moldear las cosas según nosotros mismos, ya que vemos las cosas sólo a través de cómo nos benefician us.
Las personas que aman condicionalmente hacen a los demás responsables de sus expectativas para que se ganen su afecto.
That sounds wrong, isn’t it? Yes, but we all do it sometimes.
We want others to act in a specific way and when they don’t, we get angry. In those moments, the line between love and hate seems extremely thin.
That’s exactly what conditional love is. It’s the small space where love ends and hate begins, and it goes back and forth depending on our mood and demands.
It doesn’t come from respect for others, but our own entitlement.
I’m right, you’re wrong. I can do this, you can’t. You should/shouldn’t do that if you want this. You have to do this in order to have that.
It’s full of shoulds y lo que hay que hacery crea sentimientos perpetuos de culpa y decepción, que no son precisamente buenos cimientos para una vida sana. relación sana.
De hecho, cuando se hace demasiado hincapié en este tipo de comportamiento, indica que un persona es un narcisista.
Trying to control others is wrong. Limiting freedom is an attack on someone’s value as a human being. We’re not and never will be the authority in someone’s life. If we try, then it’s clear we’re into power play and not love.
Esto vale para todos los pequeños (y no tan pequeños) comentarios que oímos a lo largo de nuestra vida. Entonces, ¿cuáles son las pistas del amor condicional en los ejemplos de la vida cotidiana?
“I know my parents love me, but they started treating me better since I got the job they approve of.”
”My parents/partners would scream at me when I’d do something like accidentally break a plate.”
“I know my parents love me, but they punish me when I get a bad grade.”
“If I wanted to marry someone outside of my race or religion, my parents would criticize or even disown me.”
“If you gain too much weight, I won’t be attracted to you.”
“If you keep going out with your friends without me, I’m going to leave you.”
Este tipo de ultimátums tienen un efecto terrible en el salud mental y bienestar de una persona.
También se hacen aún más evidentes y graves en un relación romántica, especialmente tras el periodo inicial de enamorarse y el efecto de gafas de color de rosa se desvanece.
Amor romántico es un catalizador porque, a diferencia de la familia tipo de amorEn este caso, elegimos a alguien en función de nuestras preferencias y expectativas.
Not only that, but at the beginning of the relationship, both parties usually try to behave way more perfect and conformant, which isn’t sustainable in the long run.
That’s exactly why lots of unaddressed issues come up between lovers. At the beginning of the relationship, we’re trying to be everything the other wants – and the other person loves that – but once we stop, problems start.
A relación comprometida requiere mucho trabajo y mucha honestidad.
Para aceptarse completamente, dos personas necesitan verse a sí mismas como mejores amigos y cuídate of each other’s needs without taking advantage.
A relación amorosa está llena de comprensión y constante autoexamen.
En lugar de poner ultimátums, los amantes deberían animarse mutuamente a trabajar en su crecimiento personal and boost each other’s sense of authenticity and autoestima.
Amor incondicional: ¿Amor divino o acuerdo de codependencia?
“Amar y ser amado incondicionalmente significa dar un salto de fe.” – Andrea Miller
Amor incondicional is the ultimate goal in life. It’s the closest thing we can fathom when it comes to grasping the meaning behind our life and existence.
Amar incondicionalmente significa aceptar plenamente a los demás, y eso incluye errores, desacuerdos, opciones vitales y opiniones diferentes.
Amor incondicional es un decisión consciente expresar siempre amabilidad, comprensión y respeto a las personas que queremos.
There’s even a concept in psychology called Mirada positiva incondicional que promueve una actitud de completa aceptación y amor, y se utiliza en terapia.
It’s based on acceptance and always seeing others as inherently human and inherently lovable despite their surface behavior.
Love doesn’t have to be earned or proven, as we love the person because of who they are and not what they do or say.
It adapts itself to the needs of others, it can be uncomfortable because it always challenges you, and it’s shown to the people who don’t expect it.
Dejar ir of our expectations, letting the other person be who they are and do the best they can do in the given moment – these are acts of amor incondicional.
Everyone has a different learning curve and maturity levels are not the same for every person. There’s no point in making someone see the things the way you see them.
Entonces, ¿cómo practicamos este tipo de amor en la vida cotidiana?
En primer lugar, debemos asegurarnos de práctica amor propio. Sin amor propio y conociendo a los nuestros autoestima, we can’t go far.
Conocer nuestro autoestima, necesitamos vernos a nosotros mismos desde un punto de vista objetivo pero compasivo. En otras palabras, necesitamos amarnos incondicionalmente para poder amar a los demás de la misma manera.
With that being said, let’s not fool ourselves thinking autoaceptación is an easy thing to practice. It’s the hardest thing of all.
Escaping your own learned behaviors and toxic and self-deprecating mental patterns has to be the most exhausting thing there is, but it’s possible.
Secondly, we need to understand yet let go of harmful, outdated cultural norms and “right” behaviors, and see things for what they are behind the society-inflicted guilt and shame.
For example, a child having a tantrum in a public place shouldn’t be embarrassing because it’s normal and can happen to every child.
Having physical flaws doesn’t make anyone less worthy. Not being religious doesn’t make a person less good. I could go on.
Thirdly, we shouldn’t feel pressured to be perfect all the time, but we definitely should always admit our mistakes and apologize for them sincerely.
Attaining perfect love is a process full of learning, but it’s always worth it in the end.
Aparte de eso, siempre debemos esforzarnos por reconocer el lenguaje amoroso de la otra persona.
It’s not enough to just say or observe things, we must act and be of help to our seres queridos de manera que les beneficie personalmente.
Algunas personas prefieren las palabras de afirmación a los regalos, mientras que otras aprecian el tiempo de calidad, los actos de servicio o el contacto físico.
But, what if we run into a codependent person who takes advantage of our love? Doesn’t all of this mean that less conscientious people can take advantage of us?
No, y por la sencilla razón que mencioné antes – if we love others unconditionally, that’s only because we love ourselves first.
When we truly love ourselves, we are being authentic and don’t cross our personal boundaries, as we know to respect ourselves and see the true intentions of other people.
We can’t expect a relationship to be something mystical, perfect, and out of this world. No matter how hard we try, we’re still human and human relationships are based on benefit. There’s nothing wrong with that.
The bottom line is: We’re here for other people because we’re social beings. Our meaning is validated through the happiness we feel and give others.
What’s important is to recognize and give what we can give gracefully without making it a condition.
Amor incondicional can’t be an excuse for unhealthy behavior and toxicity.
A person will never deliberately exhaust themselves in situations that don’t show any signs of progress. The thing is – we can always try to help and understand, but we can’t decide for another person.
Porque la idea de amor incondicional includes the concept of free will that’s been talked about since the beginning of time.
The idea of free will is godly, and that’s exactly why this kind of el amor es divino.
Ejemplos de amor incondicional en la vida cotidiana a los que todos podemos aspirar
Permitir la vulnerabilidad y la comprensión cuando se trata de temas delicados, en lugar de aprovecharse y utilizarlo contra la otra persona.
Tener una profunda empatía – la capacidad de comprender o sentir lo que otra persona está experimentando.
Después de una pelea, el objetivo es encontrar una solución y entenderse, no hacerse daño.
No tener miedo a ser avergonzado antes de admitir sentimientos sobre algo.
Capacidad de perdonar a otra persona en todo momento.
No probarte a ti mismo todo el tiempo, ya que sabes que tu seres queridos understand where you’re coming from, and even if they don’t, they try to.
Your partner’s selflessness inspires your own, and vice versa. You feel safe and cared for, and want to give back the same.
There’s no withholding affection; you show and receive affection in a natural flow.
Hacer cosas sin esperar nada a cambio.
No tener miedo a ser uno mismo por completo y dejar que los demás hagan lo mismo.
Inspirar a las personas para que sean la mejor versión de sí mismas y vean todo su potencial.
Celebrar sinceramente los éxitos de otras personas y sentirse feliz de formar parte de su trayectoria vital.
Dejar que los demás pasen por el dolor que necesitan experimentar, pero estar ahí para ellos.
Decir siempre la verdad – no importa lo incómodo que sea.
Accepting people even when they’re not their best selves.
Sentir satisfacción sólo por amar.
Sentirse satisfecho con lo que se tiene y agradecido por seres queridos en tu vida.
Feeling free to pursue things you’re interested in and passionate about, and letting others do the same.
Buscar soluciones sanas y no guardar rencor.
No se trata de ser pasivo-agresivo, sino de abordar los problemas de inmediato.
Respetar a otra persona, incluso cuando no se está de acuerdo con ella; mantener una discusión en lugar de pelearse.
A relación sana es una prioridad.
Hacer un esfuerzo adicional cuando alguien está pasando por un mal momento.
No tomarse el mal humor y los rechazos ocasionales como algo personal porque sabes que no tienen nada que ver contigo.
Sentirse orgulloso de los logros de los demás – pequeños y grandes.
Letting other people enjoy the things they love, even if we’re not part of it.
Sentir gratitud por la vida, por ti mismo y por las personas que te rodean.
¿Es realmente posible el amor incondicional?
“‘Do’ is a word of infinite actions.” – Norina Luciano
It’s understandable that highly idealistic ideas are regarded as impossible by some people. Everyone can understand the idea’s nobility, but it leaves them suspicious when it comes to real life.
Why? Because people are imperfect by default and everybody knows that. There aren’t many examples of such love in the life of an average man.
We all know how difficult it is to accept the things we don’t understand and always be kind.
Many of us try but end up disappointed when the idea doesn’t match reality. However, it is possible, and striving for that kind of love will transform our lives in many ways.
Insisting on mutual love, open and honest communication, and giving support will result in a love that’s powerful and immune to everything that’s happening outside of it.
Maybe we will never attain perfect love – or at least something we consider perfect love – but the goal is to ditch the pointless limitations and enjoy life and people as they are in reality: imperfect.
Amor incondicional is the war on perfection. Nothing in nature is perfect, yet it still remains wonderful and miraculous. It’s the same with human emotions.
Perfection, as we imagine it in our head, is an illusion, but when things are done in love, that’s the closest to perfection we can get.
That’s why I encourage you to always practice love and compassion, wherever you go. Life’s full of surprises and hidden roads of fate that can lead you to places you never imagined.
Todo lo que tienes que hacer es ser fiel a ti mismo y respetar tu corazón como guía.
Don’t worry if you sometimes fail. Every person battles with and for authenticity – a battle caused by social conditioning and choosing fear over love.
Don’t give up on ideals just because someone said they’re unattainable. Believe in your own experience and push your own abilities.
Because there’s no one like you. Never was and never will be. You truly don’t know what you’re capable of until you try.
Mantén la mente clara, el corazón abierto y, hagas lo que hagas en la vida, acuérdate de hacerlo:
Haz todas las cosas con amor.
