Es hora de que deje tus tonterías

There it is. I finally feel like I’ve got to that point in my life where I can shout from the top of my lungs to everyone who bothers me, loud and clear: “FU!”

I’m finally at that stage where I simply don’t give a damn anymore.

I don’t QUIERO everyone to like me, I don’t NECESITA to be in charge of everything, I don’t NECESITA sufrir para llamar la atención.

I’m a grown-ass woman who is done with bulls**t.

Aquí es donde entras tú.

Since this piece was inspired by your bullying and your crazy little manipulations, I suggest you take a seat and get comfortable because I’ve just started to take out my frustrations which I’ve been collecting for years.

So yes… it’s going to be a long ride.

Casi siento lástima de mí mismo por no haberme dado cuenta de todo antes.

¿Por qué casi?

Well, the reason I’m NOT sorry is that I was fed so much bullshit that I ran out of places to store it, so it eventually started hitting me on the head with an intention to make me realize what an idiot I’ve been this whole time.

I know I would have never reached this blissful stage of complete enlightenment if I’d kept the BS from everyone deep inside, suffering in silence and coping with it when no one was looking.

That’s why I’m glad it happened anyway.

Ahora, al menos sé que lo di todo. Sé que lo intenté todo, pero nunca recibí ninguna respuesta positiva por tu parte.

Seguiste viviendo tu vida sin compromiso, como si estuvieras solo en ella.

Seguiste siendo egoísta a pesar de todas las advertencias que llegaron de un día para otro.

Now that I’ve become indifferent, it’s too late for you to fix things. There is no going back.

For the sake of this article and for the sake of people still storing frustrations inside themselves, I’m going to write as many fundamentally stupid things as I can remember and the mistakes you made which slowly drove me away from you.

I know it’s hard to face the truth but bear with me… it might do you good and help you become a better version of yourself… IT. JUST. MIGHT.

BS No. 1 – Your hidden self-loathing was not my problem

Over time, I realized that the problem wasn’t me and I shouldn’t take any more BS because I was in no way responsible for the problems coming our way (despite how hard you tried to manipulate me into thinking it WAS all my fault).

The problem was you… all along, it was you.

You hated yourself for the things you did or better said, for the things you didn’t do and you should have.

Tus remordimientos te cegaban y nunca podías superarlos. Necesitabas a alguien con quien desahogarte.

Yo era la fuente de energía viva más cercana a la que se podían apegar tus venenosas intenciones.

I’m aware of that now and I’m finally putting an end to it—something I should have done a long time ago.

BS No. 2 – You made me (in one word) MISERABLE

Sonreír se convirtió en algo que hacía en raras ocasiones. Esas arrugas de felicidad parecían desvanecerse a medida que pasaba más tiempo contigo.

Me, a girl who was always laughing and in good spirits… I became unrecognizable.

Había ocasiones en que sonreía, pero todos los que me conocían bien veían que lo hacía a la fuerza.

They all saw it—a big, fake smile to chase off curious snoopers dying to find out something new to gossip about.

En otras palabras, lentamente, me hiciste miserable. Me convertiste en una mujer cansada de la vida.

At the age of thirty, I was tired of life. Isn’t that just sad?

BS No. 3 – You lacked any form of support imaginable

Ahora incluso me pregunto si estabas celoso de mí. Quizá pensabas que yo había triunfado en la vida y tú te habías quedado atrás.

But if that is true and it most definitely is not, how could have I achieved the things you wanted instead of you? I could only help you get there. I couldn’t do it for you.

Y nunca tuviste los cojones de levantar el culo y hacer algo con tu vida.

Así que cuando lo logré, quisiste llevarte el mérito de mi trabajo. Querías ser la razón de mi éxito.

The truth is I’m successful BECAUSE I had to do it all by myself.

I never could rely on you for anything—from the smallest details to bigger commitments. I guess what I want to say to you now is… thank you.

BS No.4 – Your jealousy was too much to handle

It became an obsession, really. It wasn’t cute anymore. Instead, it became horrific.

Over time, I felt like I needed to dedicate my life to you only, leaving no room for anyone else—friends or what’s even worse, family.

How could a person be jealous of the other’s mother and their perfectly healthy relationship?

Bueno, lograste entrar en otra esfera de celos, cruzar otro nivel y tristemente, destruyó nuestra oportunidad de ser felices.

Perdiste todo el control y me desterraste de tu vida, para siempre.

BS No.5 – Poor you, you were always the victim

En serio, se hace viejo después de un tiempo. Sabía exactamente cuáles serían tus excusas y qué líneas usarías después de una pelea.

Me las sabía de memoria porque siempre era la misma historia de siempre.

You were never guilty, it was always someone else’s fault and you just happened to be there to take the blame.

It’s impossible to believe that you’re such a saint while everyone around you is faulty in a way.

It’s even more impossible to believe that everyone else is stupid and wrong, only your opinion matters and only you are right.

C’mon… seriously?! That is a load of BS listed as No. 5 on my list which I’ve put up for such a long time but even that trace of love I had for you, the familiarity and warmth I used to feel around you couldn’t justify your behavior and your claims.

Todo era demasiado.

BS No.6 – Your negativity drove me insane

It was impossible to ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’, as sung in ‘Monty Python’, with you by my side.

It was always about negativity. All you could talk about were some insane conspiracy theories in which every scenario ended up the same—we were all going to die horrible deaths.

You know what?! I don’t give a shit! I’m going to die anyway.

Así que, si Dios quería que yo muriera en una muerte horrible, caótica, como la del fin del mundo, ¡que así sea!

I didn’t want to live my life in fear and regret something that might just happen but which you had no proof that it actually would.

Tu negatividad me cambiaba cada día un poco más.

Esa gilipollez se ancló en el fondo de mi mente; a medida que se establecía en mi cerebro, empecé a tenerle miedo.

Empecé a creer que todas las cosas que dijiste iban a suceder.

BS No. 7 – You destroyed my hope of better days

Me refiero a días mejores contigo. A mitad de nuestra relación, aún tenía la esperanza de que vendrían días mejores.

Needless to say, I couldn’t have been more wrong. That hope slowly vanished as you showed absolutely no intention of changing.

Not just that you refused to change, you didn’t even notice that you had a problem. It was so much easier to blame me or anyone else.

Era mucho más fácil decir gilipolleces que ser un hombre, ponerse un par y poner la vida en orden.

There you go… This is what you got for what you served.