Por fin me di cuenta de que nunca íbamos a ser más que "algo".

It took me a while to take off my rose-colored glasses and look at him without any prejudice. At first, I let other things cloud my judgment and I was led to believe that we were heading toward something that could possibly be the greatest thing in our lives. I thought it was love and that I’d got my person for life. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.

He was never gonna be my person for life. We were never gonna be anything more than just ‘una cosa’.

Cuando la gente me preguntaba por él, no tenía otra respuesta que decirles que éramos una cosa. But what does that even mean? What the hell does, “Yeah, we’re a thing,” mean? It means that we’re in each other lives and that we’re more than friends, but that we’re still undefined. It’s like you’re trapped in limbo, you’re somewhere between life and death, and there are no clear signs you’ll get anywhere away from that.

Tardé un tiempo en darme cuenta de que no se comprometía conmigo, ni entonces ni nunca.

Deseaba tanto el compromiso que no vi las señales de que estaba no está listo para comprometerse. Honestly, I’m no longer sure whether the problem was in his inability to commit or if it was more his unwillingness. Either way, I figured I was waiting to get something from him he never intended to give me. He was never ready to give himself completely to our ‘relationship’, he was never ready to cross others off his list, he was never willing to make it just about the two of us.

Sus esfuerzos, su tiempo, su corazón nunca me pertenecieron, nunca fui su prioridad.

Tardé un tiempo en darme cuenta de lo estúpida que era.

Creía que era su pasado lo que le había hecho emocionalmente no disponible. Estaba convencida de que, debido a su pasado, tenía que esforzarme un poco más para conquistarle. Pero cuanto más lo intentaba, más me daba cuenta de que lo hacía en vano.

Hay otras personas que tuvieron una infancia dura o padres divorciados o una pareja infiel o problemas de confianza. Esas personas merecen que alguien se esfuerce por ellas tanto como yo me esforcé por él, porque están dispuestas a trabajar en sus problemas. ¿Y él? Bueno, él era todo excusas.

See, if other people had someone to try for them as much as I was trying for him, they’d take it eagerly. But he just took it for granted and jugó conmigo. Me hizo creer que íbamos hacia algo más grande, cuando en realidad éramos algo indefinido y nada más que eso. Nunca íbamos a ser nada más que eso.

Well, I’m finally ready to see the things the way they truly are. He just doesn’t want me. It’s not me. I’m not the one. And I’m not sure any other will ever be seen as worthy of him since I, who gave him all of me and went the extra mile more than any sane person would, was not enough.

Be that as it may, he’s no longer my problem. Nothing that happens to him is my problem anymore. Because I gave my best and it didn’t work out. And regardless of how much it broke me, with everything I went through, I still, from the bottom of my heart, wish him all the best and the best of luck in his life.

It became clear to me that I was just wasting my time, my efforts, my love and everything else I could give to a man who couldn’t be moved. But I learned a lesson.

You know how they say when you give all your love and your trust to someone, you either get a person for life or a lesson in life? Well, he was my life’s lesson. You can’t fix a man who doesn’t think there is something wrong with him. It took me a while to get that.