31 Harmful Habits Married Couples Have That Lead to Divorce
Did you know that nearly 40% of marriages end in divorce? It’s a staggering number that highlights the importance of recognizing destructive habits before they take a toll on a relationship.
Understanding these habits isn’t just about avoiding divorce; it’s about nurturing a loving and lasting partnership. Let’s explore this with empathy and insight, and find hope in what we can change.
1. Comunicación deficiente
Communication is the backbone of any relationship, but poor communication can be a marriage’s worst enemy. Imagine two people speaking different languages; that’s what poor communication feels like. It can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and resentment, causing a rift between partners.
Take Sarah and John, for example. They thought they were discussing their future, but each was only hearing what they wanted. Sarah heard “stability,” while John heard “adventure.” Their conversations turned into arguments, filled with frustration and tears.
To avoid this, couples must learn the art of listening without interrupting and expressing thoughts clearly. Sometimes, it’s about asking the right questions or even saying nothing at all. Connecting through words should feel like a warm embrace, not a battlefield.
If you find your conversations turning cold or confusing, it might be time to seek help or practice new communication techniques. Remember, it’s never too late to learn to speak each other’s love language.
2. Falta de intimidad emocional
La intimidad emocional es lo que mantiene viva la chispa, lo que permite a las parejas conectar a un nivel más profundo. Cuando un matrimonio carece de esta intimidad, los miembros de la pareja pueden sentirse como meros compañeros de piso, coexistiendo pero sin vivir realmente juntos.
Think about Emily and Mike. They spent evenings in the same room but in different worlds, each glued to their screens. The laughter and shared dreams faded, replaced by silence and distance.
Para reavivar esta intimidad, las parejas deben dar prioridad al tiempo de calidad juntos. Puede ser algo tan sencillo como compartir una comida sin distracciones o entablar conversaciones significativas sobre esperanzas y temores. La clave es la vulnerabilidad, que permite a cada miembro de la pareja abrirse y compartir sus pensamientos más íntimos sin juzgarlos.
If you find yourself emotionally drifting from your partner, it’s time to reconnect, one small step at a time. Emotional intimacy isn’t built overnight, but with effort and love, it can flourish.
3. Darse por sentado
Darse por sentado is like slowly eroding the foundation of a house. It’s not always obvious until cracks start to appear. In a marriage, this habit can lead to feelings of being undervalued and unappreciated.
Te presento a Lisa y Tom. Tom trabajaba muchas horas, pensando que mantenía a la familia. Mientras tanto, Lisa hacía malabarismos con las responsabilidades domésticas, sintiéndose invisible y agotada. Ambos asumían que el otro comprendía sus esfuerzos, pero ninguno de los dos expresaba aprecio o gratitud.
Breaking this habit requires mindfulness and acknowledgment. Simple acts like a heartfelt thank you or surprise note can reignite the sense of appreciation. It’s about noticing the small things your partner does and making them feel cherished.
If you’re guilty of taking your partner for granted, it’s time to change the narrative. Being aware and vocal about what you value in your partner can transform your relationship, making it stronger and more fulfilling.
4. Conflictos financieros
Money talks, but it can also cause many arguments. Financial conflicts are a common source of tension in marriages, leading to stress and even separation. Different spending habits or conflicting financial goals can create a divide between partners.
Pensemos en Jane y Rob. Jane era ahorradora, mientras que a Rob le encantaba gastar. Sus discusiones sobre finanzas eran frecuentes, y a menudo ambos se sentían frustrados e incomprendidos.
To navigate these waters, it’s essential to have open discussions about financial goals and boundaries. Setting a budget together can ensure both partners are on the same page. Transparency and compromise are vital, allowing each partner to feel secure and respected in their financial decisions.
Si los desacuerdos financieros están tensando su matrimonio, den un paso atrás y reevalúen su enfoque del dinero. Trabajar juntos puede transformar el estrés financiero en éxito económico.
5. Falta de afecto físico
El afecto físico es una parte esencial de cualquier relación romántica. Su ausencia puede crear una sensación de distancia emocional y soledad. La falta de abrazos, besos o incluso cogerse de la mano puede hacer que la pareja se sienta poco querida y desconectada.
Imagina a Mark y Anna, que poco a poco dejaron de mostrarse afecto físico. Lo que antes era un toque de amor se convirtió en una rutina vacía de calidez o ternura. Su relación se parecía más a una fría relación de pareja que a un matrimonio amoroso.
Reintroducing physical affection doesn’t have to be grand gestures. Sometimes, a simple hug or holding hands can bridge the emotional gap. It’s about showing love through touch, reinforcing the bond that brought you together.
If your marriage lacks physical affection, start small. Touch more, laugh together, and don’t shy away from expressing love physically. Reconnect through simple, everyday gestures that can reignite the passion you once shared.
6. Crítica constante
While constructive feedback can be healthy, constant criticism can erode a marriage. It creates a hostile environment, leaving partners feeling attacked and unworthy.
Take Clara and Ben. Clara was never satisfied, always pointing out Ben’s flaws. Her constant criticism made Ben feel like he couldn’t do anything right, leading to tension and resentment.
It’s vital to replace criticism with empathy and understanding. Focus on the positives, and approach sensitive topics with kindness and patience. Communication should aim to uplift, not tear down.
If you notice a pattern of criticism in your marriage, it’s time to reassess how you express disappointment or concerns. Remember, your partner is human, deserving of love and respect. Embrace encouragement over criticism to build a healthier connection.
7. Expectativas poco realistas
Unrealistic expectations can set a marriage up for failure. When partners expect perfection, they’re bound to be disappointed. This can lead to dissatisfaction and a constant feeling of failure.
Pensemos en Amy y David, que se casaron con una idea perfecta de lo que debía ser su vida. Cuando llegó la realidad, se sintieron frustrados y desilusionados.
Revisiting expectations can bring a sense of balance. Embracing imperfection and acknowledging each other’s humanity allows for growth and understanding. Marriage is about partnership, not perfection.
Si te encuentras con expectativas poco realistas, tómate un momento para reflexionar sobre lo que realmente importa. Céntrate en los puntos fuertes y celebra el camino recorrido, en lugar de luchar por un ideal inalcanzable. Este cambio de mentalidad puede conducir a un matrimonio más pleno y feliz.
8. Guardar rencor
Holding grudges is like carrying a heavy burden, weighing down a marriage with unresolved resentment. It prevents healing and creates a barrier to genuine connection.
Tomemos el ejemplo de Rachel y Alex, que se aferraban a discusiones pasadas como si fueran trofeos. Su incapacidad para olvidar alimentó la tensión, dejando poco espacio para el perdón o el crecimiento.
Letting go of grudges requires a conscious effort to forgive and forget. It’s about prioritizing the relationship over past grievances, allowing love to prevail.
Si se aferra a los errores del pasado, piense en el impacto que puede tener en su matrimonio. Acepta el perdón como un camino hacia la sanación, creando espacio para que el amor florezca sin la sombra del resentimiento.
9. Infidelidad (emocional o física)
La infidelidad, ya sea emocional o física, puede destruir la confianza en un matrimonio. Crea heridas profundas difíciles de curar y provoca sentimientos de traición e inseguridad.
Consider Tom and Jane. Tom’s emotional affair left Jane feeling inadequate and heartbroken. She struggled to trust him again, questioning every interaction.
Rebuilding trust requires time, transparency, and commitment from both partners. It’s about facing the breach head-on and working together to rebuild what was broken.
Si la infidelidad ha afectado a su matrimonio, sepa que la curación es posible. Con paciencia, honestidad y orientación profesional, las parejas pueden navegar por este difícil terreno y salir fortalecidas.
10. Falta de aprecio
El aprecio es el pegamento que mantiene unido al matrimonio. Sin él, los cónyuges pueden sentirse ignorados, lo que provoca sentimientos de abandono y frustración.
Meet Laura and Sam. Sam seldom acknowledged Laura’s hard work, whether at home or professionally. Laura felt invisible, her efforts going unnoticed.
Expressing appreciation doesn’t have to be elaborate. Simple words of recognition or acts of kindness can make a significant impact. It’s about acknowledging the everyday contributions that make your life together meaningful.
If your marriage lacks appreciation, it’s time to change that dynamic. Start by noticing the little things and expressing gratitude openly. A simple “thank you” can go a long way in nurturing love and connection.
11. No dedicarse tiempo el uno al otro
El tiempo es un bien precioso en el matrimonio. No dedicarse tiempo el uno al otro puede provocar distanciamiento y desconexión, y hacer que los cónyuges se sientan como extraños.
Imagina a Tom y Lisa, siempre ocupados con el trabajo y las obligaciones sociales. Sus calendarios estaban llenos, pero sus corazones vacíos, anhelantes de conexión.
Prioritizing time together is essential. Whether it’s a date night or a simple walk, spending quality time reinforces the bond and keeps the relationship fresh.
If you find your marriage lacking in quality time, it’s time to take action. Create space in your schedule for each other and cherish those moments. Your relationship deserves your time and attention, and it can flourish with just a little effort.
12. Permitir que la familia o los amigos interfieran
La familia y los amigos pueden ser una fuente de apoyo, pero permitir que interfieran en el matrimonio puede crear tensiones. Pueden sentirse como una invasión de la intimidad, lo que provoca conflictos y malentendidos.
Take the example of Mike and Sarah. Sarah’s mother often criticized Mike, leading to tension between the couple. Mike felt alienated, and Sarah was torn between her husband and family.
Setting boundaries is key to maintaining harmony. It’s about protecting your marriage from external influences, ensuring that your relationship remains the top priority.
If family or friends are meddling in your marriage, it’s time to set clear boundaries. Communicate openly with your partner and those involved, reinforcing your commitment to each other.
13. Abuso de sustancias/adicciones
El abuso de sustancias o las adicciones pueden tener un profundo impacto en un matrimonio. Crean estrés, problemas de confianza y confusión emocional, y a menudo conducen a la separación.
Consider Alex and Mia, whose marriage was strained by Alex’s alcohol addiction. Mia felt helpless and alone, struggling to cope with the chaos.
Addressing addiction requires professional help and a supportive environment. It’s about facing the issue together and finding the courage to seek change.
Si la adicción está afectando a su matrimonio, sepa que hay apoyo disponible. Pedir ayuda puede ser el primer paso para sanar y reconstruir su relación.
14. Descuidar el crecimiento personal
El crecimiento personal es vital en un matrimonio, ya que permite a los cónyuges evolucionar juntos. Descuidar la superación personal puede conducir al estancamiento y la insatisfacción.
Imagina a Lisa y Mark, que dejaron de perseguir sus intereses y sueños. Se volvieron complacientes y perdieron la chispa que una vez definió su relación.
Encouraging personal growth means supporting each other’s passions and goals. It’s about celebrating individuality while nurturing your shared journey.
If you feel stuck in your marriage, it’s time to focus on personal growth. Pursue hobbies, learn new skills, and encourage your partner to do the same. Growth can bring a fresh perspective and renewed energy to your relationship.
15. Evitar la resolución de conflictos
Avoiding conflict resolution is like sweeping dirt under the rug, only to trip over it later. It can lead to unresolved issues and resentment, slowly eroding the foundation of a marriage.
Tom y Emily evitaban hablar de sus desacuerdos. Sus problemas tácitos se convirtieron en una montaña que ensombreció su amor.
Learning to address conflicts constructively is essential. It’s about open communication, empathy, and finding solutions together. Conflict should be a stepping stone, not a stumbling block.
If unresolved conflicts are haunting your marriage, it’s time to confront them head-on. Create a safe space for dialogue and work together to find resolution. Your relationship can grow stronger through understanding and compromise.
16. Falta de objetivos o visión compartidos
Los objetivos y la visión compartidos proporcionan dirección y propósito al matrimonio. Sin ellos, la pareja puede distanciarse, sentirse desalineada y desconectada.
Take Sarah and Dave, who realized they were heading in different directions. Their life goals no longer matched, leading to feelings of confusion and detachment.
Aligning goals requires open communication and compromise. It’s about finding common ground and building a future together, one step at a time.
If you feel disconnected from your partner, it’s time to revisit your shared vision. Discuss your dreams and aspirations, and find ways to align them. Together, you can create a fulfilling and meaningful life.
17. Uso excesivo de las redes sociales/problemas de privacidad
El uso excesivo de las redes sociales puede crear problemas de privacidad y distanciamiento emocional en el matrimonio. Puede llevar a la comparación, los celos y la falta de conexión genuina.
Pensemos en Emily y Jake, que pasaban más tiempo navegando por sus redes sociales que hablando entre ellos. Sus vidas virtuales eclipsaban su conexión real, lo que les provocaba sentimientos de aislamiento.
Creating boundaries with social media use can help maintain focus on your relationship. It’s about prioritizing face-to-face interaction and being present in the moment.
If social media is creeping into your marriage, it’s time to set limits. Put down the phone and look at each other. Real connection can’t be replaced by likes and comments.
18. Stonewalling (Tratamiento silencioso)
Las evasivas o el silencio pueden crear una barrera emocional entre la pareja. Deja asuntos sin resolver y sentimientos sin expresar, lo que provoca frustración y distanciamiento.
Tomemos el ejemplo de María y Carl, que recurrían al silencio durante las discusiones. Sus palabras tácitas construían un muro que bloqueaba cualquier posibilidad de entendimiento o resolución.
Breaking down this wall requires vulnerability and open communication. It’s about expressing emotions honestly and actively listening to each other.
If stonewalling is a pattern in your marriage, it’s time to break the silence. Engage in honest dialogue and work together to dismantle the barriers. Your relationship deserves open and heartfelt communication.
19. Ser excesivamente defensivo
Estar a la defensiva puede dificultar la comunicación sincera y crear un ambiente hostil. Impide a la pareja expresar sus sentimientos, lo que provoca malentendidos y conflictos.
Consider Lucy and Jack. Lucy’s defensiveness made Jack feel like he couldn’t share his thoughts without walking on eggshells. It created tension and confusion in their relationship.
Cultivating a non-defensive approach requires empathy and openness. It’s about understanding each other’s perspectives and creating a safe space for dialogue.
If defensiveness is affecting your marriage, it’s time to approach conversations with an open heart. Listen actively and respond with kindness, allowing for genuine connection and understanding.
20. Falta de apoyo en tiempos difíciles
El apoyo en los momentos difíciles es esencial para un matrimonio fuerte. Sin él, los cónyuges pueden sentirse aislados y solos, lo que lleva a la desconexión emocional.
Take the example of Jane and Tom. When Tom lost his job, Jane’s lack of empathy left him feeling unsupported and vulnerable. Their partnership felt strained, lacking the solidarity they once had.
Being supportive means being present and empathetic during challenging times. It’s about lending an ear, offering comfort, and standing by each other.
If your marriage lacks support during tough times, it’s time to step up. Show your partner they’re not alone, and face challenges together. Strengthen your bond by being a pillar of support and love.
21. Dismissing Each Other’s Feelings
Dismissing each other’s feelings can create a chasm in a marriage. It leaves partners feeling unheard and invalidated, leading to emotional disconnection.
Consider Emily and Tom, where Tom often brushed off Emily’s concerns. Emily felt neglected and unimportant, struggling to express her emotions.
Creating a validating environment requires empathy and active listening. It’s about acknowledging each other’s emotions and providing understanding and support.
If you find yourself dismissing your partner’s feelings, it’s time to change. Listen with an open heart and validate their emotions, fostering a deeper connection filled with empathy and love.
22. Guardar secretos o mentir
Guardar secretos o mentir puede minar la confianza en un matrimonio. Crea una barrera de engaño que genera sospechas e inseguridad.
Take the example of Sam and Laura. Laura discovered Sam’s hidden financial troubles, leaving her feeling betrayed and uncertain.
Building trust requires honesty and openness. It’s about facing the truth together and being transparent in your communication.
If secrets are lurking in your marriage, it’s time to come clean. Embrace honesty and create a foundation built on trust and understanding. Your relationship deserves the truth, no matter how difficult it may be.
23. Ignorar los lenguajes del amor
Los lenguajes del amor son la clave para entender cómo expresa y recibe amor su pareja. Ignorarlos puede hacer que se pierdan conexiones y necesidades insatisfechas, causando frustración y soledad.
Te presento a Lisa y Tom. A Tom le encantaban los regalos, mientras que Lisa ansiaba pasar tiempo de calidad. La incompatibilidad de sus lenguajes del amor provocó malentendidos y decepciones.
Understanding and embracing love languages can transform a marriage. It’s about recognizing how your partner feels loved and making an effort to meet those needs.
If love languages are missing in your marriage, it’s time to learn them. Discover what makes your partner feel cherished and embrace those gestures. Love is a language that needs to be spoken fluently.
24. Negar el afecto como castigo
Withholding affection as punishment can create emotional distance and resentment in a marriage. It turns love into a weapon, leaving partners feeling unloved and disconnected.
Consider Claire and Mike, where Claire used affection to control Mike’s behavior. It left Mike feeling trapped and unworthy, damaging their bond.
Breaking this cycle requires understanding and compassion. It’s about expressing love unconditionally, without strings attached.
If you find affection being used as a weapon in your marriage, it’s time to change. Embrace love as a healing force and express it freely, nurturing a relationship filled with warmth and connection.
25. Comparación del socio con otros
Comparar a su pareja con los demás puede generar insatisfacción e inseguridad en el matrimonio. Crea estándares poco realistas, que conducen a sentimientos de inadecuación y celos.
Take the example of Sarah and John, where Sarah often compared John to her friend’s husband. John felt unappreciated, struggling to meet impossible expectations.
Focusing on your partner’s unique qualities can foster appreciation and love. It’s about recognizing the strengths and values that define your relationship.
If comparisons are creeping into your marriage, it’s time to celebrate what makes your relationship special. Embrace your partner’s individuality and cherish the love you share. Your marriage is uniquely yours, filled with potential and beauty.
26. El resentimiento se acumula con el tiempo
El resentimiento puede acumularse con el tiempo, creando una barrera para la conexión y la comprensión en el matrimonio. Lleva a la amargura y a la distancia emocional, erosionando el amor que una vez floreció.
Tom y Lisa dejaron que pequeños agravios se convirtieran en un profundo resentimiento. Sus frustraciones tácitas se convirtieron en un muro que bloqueaba cualquier posibilidad de reconciliación.
Releasing resentment requires open communication and forgiveness. It’s about addressing grievances before they grow into insurmountable obstacles.
If resentment is weighing down your marriage, it’s time to let go. Embrace forgiveness and work together to heal old wounds. Your relationship deserves a fresh start and a renewed sense of love and understanding.
27. Negarse a buscar ayuda cuando se necesita
Negarse a buscar ayuda cuando es necesario puede impedir la curación y el crecimiento del matrimonio. Deja los problemas sin resolver, creando un ciclo de disfunción y dolor.
Tomemos el ejemplo de Emily y Jack, que se resistieron a la terapia a pesar de sus continuos conflictos. Su negativa a buscar ayuda les dejó estancados, repitiendo las mismas discusiones.
Seeking professional guidance can provide new insights and solutions. It’s about being open to change and embracing the support available.
If your marriage is struggling, it’s time to reach out for help. Counseling or therapy can offer a fresh perspective and tools to rebuild your relationship. Embrace the journey of healing together, knowing that support is available when you need it most.
28. Overprioritizing Work and Career
While ambition and success are admirable, overprioritizing work can cause serious strain on a marriage. When one or both partners are constantly absorbed in their careers, emotional and physical availability suffers, leaving the relationship running on empty.
Think of Rachel and James. James poured all his energy into building his business, often coming home late and mentally drained. Rachel felt like an afterthought, their conversations reduced to logistics and to-do lists.
Balancing career and marriage requires intentional effort. It’s about setting boundaries, carving out uninterrupted time together, and making your partner feel seen and valued, no matter how busy life gets.
If work is taking center stage in your life, it might be time to reassess your priorities. Your marriage deserves as much dedication and attention as your career. Invest in both, and you’ll find fulfillment in all areas of life.
29. Losing the Friendship in the Relationship
At the heart of every strong marriage is a deep, enduring friendship. Losing that friendship can make the relationship feel hollow, turning love into mere obligation.
Take Mia and Chris. They once laughed over inside jokes and shared their wildest dreams. But as life got busier, their friendship faded, replaced by routines and responsibilities. The joy of companionship was quietly lost.
Rebuilding friendship in a marriage starts with simple acts—sharing stories, being silly, supporting each other’s passions, and spending time just for fun. It’s about remembering why you liked each other before you loved each other.
If your marriage feels more like a business arrangement than a bond, bring back the friendship. Reignite the connection through shared experiences and mutual curiosity. A strong friendship can carry your marriage through anything.
30. Overly Competitive Attitude
A bit of friendly competition can be fun, but when it becomes a constant battle for superiority, it can harm a marriage.
In relationships where one partner always seeks to “win,” disagreements become struggles rather than opportunities for growth.
The constant need to outdo each other can create an environment of rivalry instead of partnership. Over time, this can erode trust and mutual respect.
Couples need to remember that marriage is a team effort, not a competition. Empathy and understanding should replace the urge to compete. Working together strengthens the bond.
31. Neglecting Shared Interests
Shared interests often bring couples together, providing a common ground to build their relationship. However, neglecting these can lead to emotional distance.
When partners stop engaging in activities they once enjoyed together, it can signify deeper issues.
As lives get busier, maintaining shared hobbies can become less of a priority, leading to isolation within the relationship.
Rekindling these interests can reignite passion and connection. It’s essential to set aside time regularly to enjoy each other’s company in mutually loved activities. Keeping shared interests alive helps maintain a sense of unity and joy.
