Las reglas definitivas para volver con tu ex: Plan de 12 pasos
Rekindling an old flame can be very exciting. You love someone, everything’s going perfectly, yet somehow you still end up breaking up.
Sabes que les quieres. Sabes que te quieren. La única pregunta es: ¿podrás superar la causa de la ruptura?
Volver con un ex can be very enticing, but it’s also a process that needs to be taken seriously. So, tu ex quiere que vuelvas or… you want them back?
Lea nuestro increíble reglamento sobre los pasos que hay que dar y cómo asegurarse de que todo el proceso transcurre sin contratiempos.
Antes de volver a estar juntos
¿Por qué rompisteis? Piénsalo bien.
It’s time for some analysis. If you’re the type of person who loves to get into every little detail of who did what and why, this will be your favorite part.
Preguntas que debe hacerse:
– What was the reason for things between you not working out the first time around?
– Was there a fight? What was the fight about?
– How does the break connect to everything that was wrong in your relationship in the first place?
– Are the reasons for your breakup something you can get past?
– Did they cheat? Did you cheat? Can it be forgiven?
Piensa en todo lo que hizo tu pareja para que quisieras romper con ella, o todo lo que hiciste tú para que rompiera contigo.
Es el momento de ser crítico con su personalidad y su comportamiento, pero también, más que nunca, es el momento de hacer autocrítica.
Any relationship expert would tell you to stop putting all the blame on your partner, since that’s absolutely no way to actually build on your old relationship by getting back together.
Think hard about everything in your relationship that was circumstantial and could easily be changed by a little more effort on both sides, but also concentrate on mistakes you’ve both made that brought you to where you are right now.
¿Pueden hacerte feliz? ¿Puedes hacerles felices?
If you’re debating whether volver con un ex is the right decision for you, there’s one question you’ll absolutely need to answer.
Déjame retroceder un poco. Ustedes rompieron porque una persona lastimó a la otra, o ambos se lastimaron.
Por lo general, cuando la gente decide romper, puede ser una decisión súper precipitada tomada debido a todo el dolor que se siente en el momento, o puede ser algo bien pensado.
If you were contemplating breaking up for a long time before you actually did it, there’s much less chance your relationship can be recovered.
Why is this? This probably means there’s no way your partner can make you happy enough to continue your relationship (or, you can’t make them happy enough).
Si ha pasado algo y has tomado la decisión precipitada de poner fin a tu relación, there’s a good chance you are right to want to get your ex back.
Una vez pasada la tormenta, piensas con más claridad en todo lo que ocurría entre tu ex pareja y tú.
Preguntas que debe hacerse:
– Do you have anything more to give to them?
– Can they offer anything that makes you happy?
– Are they the one person you want?
– What is it that you want in a partner and in life?
– Can they be a part of that, the way they are?
– Are there things they need to fix before trying things for the second time?
Recupere la confianza
Chances are that the period from your breakup till now was filled with pain, mourning, questioning everything, listening to everyone’s relationship advice, and trying to move on – at least enough to make it look like you’re moving on.
Si quieres volver con tu ex de una forma sana y madura, tienes que pensar en tu propio bienestar. Ponte tú primero durante un tiempo; a ver qué pasa.
Work on yourself. Gain back the confidence you’ve lost by having a failed relationship, being cheated on, or whatever it is that went down between you and your ex.
Accepting everything that happened to be a part of life, and possibly just a small part of your otherwise amazing relationship (I’m guessing it was, otherwise why would you be thinking of going back) is a very good start.
Give your soul some pampering – it needs it to go on. Give your body some as well – it will surely help you feel confident.
Piensa en quién eres, sin nadie más en la foto. Date un poco de tiempo.
This is not a new relationship, it’s a chapter of the old one, so…
Discuta sus antiguos asuntos
Yup. It’s time to open some old wounds. Yes, you have to. Absolutely. Leaving your problems in the past, just hoping they won’t happen again, is hardly even a good choice.
Si tus problemas fueron tan grandes como para provocar una ruptura, significa que es absolutamente necesario hablar de ellos. Intenta darle a todo una nueva perspectiva, un par de ojos frescos.
Approach your issues from a completely different point of view – your partner’s. It would be amazing if they can do the same.
Discute las cosas prestando toda la atención posible a cómo se habrá sentido tu pareja durante todo lo que ambos habéis pasado.
If by the end of this process you can say you understand what went wrong and find a new way to deal with your issues, AMAZING, you’re almost ready.
If you still can’t in any way understand what the hell happened and why they acted the way they did, you might start considering not getting back with them.
If you’re trying to be a part of a healthy relationship, it’s necessary to resolve your old issues before you go on to anything new.
Escucha a tu instinto
Los consejos sobre relaciones que funcionan para una persona pueden no funcionar para usted. Aunque cada relación sigue unos patrones, todas son únicas a su manera.
Tú y tu pareja sois seres humanos únicos, con vuestras propias personalidades, deseos y necesidades.
Sometimes, your own gut feeling is so much more valuable than whatever anyone has to say. Listen to what it’s telling you.
Everything might seem to be going perfectly on your relationship’s path to recovery, but you might be having that little voice in your head telling you to rethink what you’re doing.
On the other hand, there might be more issues between you two than some would think to be resolvable, yet there’s still something inside of you telling you it’ll all be okay.
Make sure, though, that the little voice in your head it’s not just you missing your former partner speaking.
Estar dispuesto a perdonar
Si estás entrando en un proceso de volver con un ex, tienes que ser consciente de que habrá que perdonar.
If you know in your heart that you can’t forgive your partner for whatever it is they did to you, don’t even bother starting.
No hay duda de que hubo cosas que no funcionaron la última vez, así que querrás empezar esta vez con una pizarra emocional limpia. Si decides perdonar a tu pareja, asegúrate de hacerlo.
Don’t rehash the past whenever you argue about anything, mentioning it often or blaming them for something you’ve decided to forgive.
And if you’re the one who made things fall apart, forgive yourself. It’s necessary to do this to be able to start over – or better said, continue your old relationship.
After you’ve started to resolve some old issues
Tómate las cosas con calma
You might feel like simply continuing where you left off, but it’s so much wiser to take things slow.
Even though you’ve already been through many steps of the relationship, it would benefit you to go through them again, as if you were experiencing them for the first time.
Start by dating each other and talking about basic things. You may even want to hold off being intimate for a while. If you lived together before your breakup, you shouldn’t simply go back to that.
Take a few steps back and go slowly. See where your new experience takes you. Don’t rush things. You need time to accept all that’s unfolding and do it without making any more rash decisions.
Hablar de cosas que pasaron cuando estabais separados
This step is important for two reasons. The first one is that it’s important to be honest with your partner.
Just because something happened when you weren’t together, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t know about it.
If you dated someone or had any kind of relationship, best you share this with them. You don’t want to try to rebuild your relationship based on lies or misconceptions.
If you don’t mention something like this, your partner will probably assume nothing like that happened. It’s especially kind to be honest if they ask you.
La otra razón por la que este paso es importante es que quieres que tu pareja te vea tal y como eres sin ella.
Let’s be honest, taking your partner for granted is a huge part of relationships.
Dar a conocer a tu pareja lo que haces cuando no estás con ella le recordará quién eras cuando te conoció y todo lo que le gustaba de ti desde el principio.
Hablad de por qué queréis volver a estar juntos
Habla honestamente con tu pareja sobre qué es lo que te hace querer volver a estar juntos.
Opening up about your emotions and sharing all the things you love so much about each other that you’re willing to look past the mistakes will be a great start for you both.
Si decides darle otra oportunidad
Prepárate para recibir comentarios negativos de tus seres queridos
You probably went on and on, or at least shared a bit about your breakup to your friends and family. Don’t be surprised if they don’t approve of you getting back together with your ex.
In their mind, your ex-boyfriend is probably someone who hurt you real bad and got you into a state they never want to see you again in. They’re scared for you and only want what’s best.
Don’t respond negatively to their caring thoughts and comments.
Si tu mejor amiga tiene algo que decir sobre la situación, escúchala y ten en cuenta todo lo que te diga, porque no sólo es objetiva, sino que también tiene en cuenta tus intereses.
Recuerda, sigues con la misma persona
This person you’re getting together with is still the very same person you broke up with.
Do not fantasize about them changing and don’t get to thinking they will be completely different just because they got a second chance.
Yes, you’ve discussed your old issues and you’ve forgiven them for the way they’ve hurt you, and they’ve done the same for you, but they still aren’t a whole new changed person.
If your only hope lies in your partner changing their personality or behavior, you’re on the completely wrong track here.
If you can accept – and not only accept but love that you are with the very same guy, good for you. You have a chance of making things work.
Haz todo lo posible por no seguir viejos patrones tóxicos
It’s rarely one bad thing that makes for a breakup of a relationship; it’s usually many little things building up on top of each other or causing each other.
This time around, you have to make sure you don’t find yourselves in the exact same position you were right before your breakup.
Try to do things differently and also try to respond differently to the things your partner does. You can’t do things exactly the same way you did them before and expect the outcome to be different.
Fíjate unos objetivos para tu nueva relación y cúmplelos esta vez.
5 terrible “getting back with an ex” mistakes you should avoid at all costs
Enviar mensajes de texto y llamar demasiado
¿Debes llamar o enviar un mensaje a tu ex? There’s basically nothing worse you can do than constantly call, text, or contact your ex on social media.
They need time to get away from it all, just like you do. This definitely won’t help your ”getting back with an ex” mission.
If you want to make them think about you and improve the way they treat you in order to be back together, try the ”no contact” rule.
Don’t contact them for at least a month after the breakup, unless there’s something really important to discuss (for instance, if you have kids together.)
Suplicándoles una segunda oportunidad
No matter how much you love or miss your ex, do not get yourself into a situation that you’re begging for a second chance. Their pity is not your friend.
You want your partner to see you as this amazing woman who’s worth a second chance, not a pathetic, needy girl begging for their love.
Raise your head high. The person who you’d need to beg to love you is not the one you should be with. Give them time and show them you can most definitely live your life without them.
Dejar que te pisoteen
Tienes que dejar que tu ex novio te vea como una mujer feroz y fuerte que puede hacer lo que quiera por sí misma.
Do not think that letting him do whatever he wants – humiliating you or using you in any way – will get you where you want to be.
If you’re the one who made a mistake or cheated and that’s why he left you, let him know that you understand his pain and would be happy if he found it in himself to forgive you.
Still, don’t let him walk all over you to show him you’re sorry for what happened.
Obsesionarse con su ex y su relación anterior
Keep it cool. Do not obsess over your whole relationship and especially don’t let him or other people think of you as a nutjob, who is not only crazy about him but probably a little crazy as it is.
Ten un poco de respeto por ti misma. Demuéstrate a ti misma, a él y a todos los demás que tienes una vida aparte de tu (pasada) relación.
La parte más importante de este proceso es no publicar ningún post patético en las redes sociales sobre tu ex o sobre cómo le echas de menos.
Insultar o intentar herir intencionadamente a tu ex
Puede que te enfades mucho o que simplemente quieras hacer daño a tu ex para hacerle sentir mal o a ti misma como si tuvieras poder.
Name-calling and offending him won’t help you. Try to always keep your calm and openly share your opinions and emotions.
Also, if you thought of talking about all the boys you’ve been with since you two have broken up ( be this true or not) to make him jealous, think again.
Sólo te hará parecer desesperado. Y a nadie le gusta estar desesperado.
Sin embargo, hay algunos aspectos que rompen el trato: Nuestro consejo más sincero
Hay algunas situaciones en las que nunca deberías plantearte volver con un ex.
Por ejemplo, si tuvisteis una relación a distancia en la que ninguno de los dos podía moverse para estar juntos y estar lejos era obviamente un problema, ¿por qué volver a esto?
Your one problem is there to stay, so there’s no point in trying to make the relationship work.
Also, if your partner had some kind of mental health issue, mental illness, or an addiction he didn’t want to deal with by going to therapy or taking his meds, don’t go back.
There’s nothing good waiting for you there, no matter how much you may love him.
Also, if you had just an awful toxic relationship with your ex – one with emotional, verbal, or even physical abuse – don’t think anything will change.
Someone who was never good to you never will be. Bullies don’t change, ever. Run away from this as far as possible and never ever think of going back.
