Cuando mi propia sombra dejó de caminar a mi lado, ese fue el día en que me di cuenta de que tu oscuridad, de la que yo había formado parte, se estaba apoderando de mí. Me sentí como una planta muriéndose. Por dentro, me estaba muriendo por la falta de iluminación que tú no habías proyectado. Me estaba marchitando y me sentía incontrolable. No podía soportar ni un momento más estar rodeada de un extraño que residía en mi propio cuerpo. Lo más doloroso era que mi familia no comprendía en qué persona me estaba convirtiendo y yo tampoco. Fue entonces cuando decidí recuperar mi dignidad y ponerme en pie, por muy temblorosa que estuviera. Necesitaba recuperar la persona que una vez fui, sin ti.

The feeling of that day was glorious. I felt like a queen. I felt like myself again…

I know in the beginning it’s natural to recognize the pain that brought us to this very moment. It’s natural to spend time, thought and energy on those horrible things that were not only said but done. I do believe there is a certain amount of tiempo que necesitamos para sanar pero al pasar demasiado tiempo reviviendo el horror, ignoramos el verdadero trabajo que hay que hacer. Ese verdadero trabajo es centrarnos en nosotros mismos. El verdadero trabajo es aprender a ser la persona que una vez fuiste sin ese veneno en tu vida. El verdadero trabajo es darte cuenta de lo que quieres en la vida y darte cuenta de que eres mucho más que una persona que te hizo sentir así.

That very moment you realize you deserve love and respect is the very moment you are set free and are no longer shackled by his chains. That’s the very moment when you are no longer the victim but the victor.

I found solace in writing about how I felt. I also saw a pattern when I wrote down what had occurred in the past and what I wanted for the future for me. I no longer wanted him to break me. I no longer wanted a place for him in my heart. No longer was I going to focus on the demons of his past and what he had done. I took what I learned and created my own self-guide to becoming the person I was once before him…

Agradece las lecciones que aprendiste de él

Creo que las personas entran en nuestra vida por una razón concreta, y cada una de ellas tiene causas y resultados específicos. Algunas se quedan. Otras se van. Creo que su llegada a mi vida fue la lección más dura I’ve ever had to learn but one thing for certain is I’m forever grateful for this. I went through hell but I do believe without him weakening me to almost nothing I would have never seen my full potential that I deserved to show myself. I would have never seen what a truly strong woman I am and I would have never met my expectation of becoming the woman I wanted to be. For that, I am grateful. I learned a very important lesson from all of this madness and this was that happiness is something that comes from within, happiness is not something you should allow someone to take hostage of and happiness should be shared but never taken advantage of.

Ser paciente y amable con uno mismo

I know this may seem impossible after dating someone who’s a grandiose narcissist. So stop yelling at yourself about the past and remember what’s done is done. You cannot change the past but only move forward. You are allowed to grieve, you are allowed to cry, you are allowed to get mad. It is so important that you understand that the same kindness that you give to others you have to give to yourself. I had found I had to distance myself from my friends and family because I felt so pressured to just get over someone so quickly. You cannot lose sight of being patient with yourself. I know it’s frustrating every waking moment as you feel as if all your energy is going to someone else but remember that wounds take time to heal.

Liberarse del pasado y perdonar

I know it will take a while to forgive the person who destroyed you but in order to move forward with your life, it’s best to put the past behind you. I had to remind myself that I should always shower people with kindness no matter if that action cannot be shown to myself in return. Once you realize you are a much better person, you are able to focus on what your future holds. Remember that although this was not your fault, it is always important to forgive, because if we hold onto some part of the bitterness, we only become the person he wanted us to be. You are much stronger than that.

Reconectar con lo que uno es

I spent many nights alone by myself. Thinking about my past before I had met him. Thinking about the person I once was. Thinking about how to get back to that person that not only my friends and family craved but I also desired. I found comfort in being alone, because this helped me put my thoughts together. I’m not saying stay at home and shut everyone out because everyone is different. However, what helped me get back to myself was remembering the things that brought joy into my life. I loved to write, I loved to dance, going out for drinks with my friends, and making the decisions I wanted to make, but I have never felt so free and unbound by anyone as when I was out running alone. I remembered that those things made me who I am and those things brought happiness to myself.

Marcarse objetivos

I always had goals in all aspects of life; work, friends, and family. But the hardest one was for myself. It took me speaking to my sister about this. She said to me, “What does Annie really want?” I knew what I wanted but I didn’t know how to get there. I knew I wanted to make a list but every list I had always created was based solely on another person. Doesn’t seem like much of a goal does it? I took myself back to what made myself happy, learning that I needed to set exceptions for myself and myself only. I chose to complete an Ironman. To start a charity that gives back to others because my heart yearns the feeling of giving back to others. And to write to help others who have never felt as lost as I have. To stop looking for the perfect husband and focus on the goals I wanted to accomplish, because the only person I know who can help me accomplish these are myself. That within itself is the best feeling anyone can have.

Don’t let his darkness consume you, let his darkness be the very beginning of your realization. You are a queen. You are a force to be reckoned with. Choose your own destiny and give yourself your own strength. You are the only one who can heal your broken heart. Tú eres el único que puede crear felicidad en tu interior.