Las secuelas del maltrato emocional

Aunque usara palabras en lugar de puños, seguía siendo abuso.

Quizá nunca te pegó, pero sus palabras te dolieron más que cualquier bofetada en la cara o cualquier patada con la pierna. Y lo peor es que pensabas que iba a cambiar.

You thought that you were just having a crisis in your relationship and that after some time he would figure out how much he loved you. But you know what? He never did. You were never important to him and that’s why he abused you so much. For every problem that he had in his life, you were the guilty one.

Por cada bofetada que le daba la vida, tú eras el culpable. En todos sus momentos de dolor, tú estabas ahí para echarte la culpa.

Y tú, ciega de amor, aguantaste toda su mierda durante años.

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The day when you left him was the worst one of your life because he always told you that you wouldn’t make it unless he was there. He brainwashed you and all you could see in the mirror was just a shell of the girl you had been before.

I just want you to know that I can understand how you feel. Just like you, I’ve been there. Just like you, I gave second chances. And just like you, I ended up broken and in tears. It took me some time to recover from that abuse and to settle down. But I was no longer the same me. I could still love, but esta vez amé de otra manera. Y eso es algo por lo que tú también pasarás.

Vivirás constantemente en estado de alerta.

For a long time, you won’t be able to relax because you will think that every man who comes into your life will do you the same thing as your abuser. It will be hard to win you over and most of all it will be hard for you to trust people again. You will feel that something is wrong every time someone approaches you, so you will pull back.

Te preguntarás cómo te estás comportando.

While you were being emotionally abused, you had the constant feeling that your partner didn’t understand your actions or your words. That made you so confused but the truth was that he was telling you to do what he thought was right.

Nunca se ocupó de tus sentimientos y necesidades. Para él, no eras más que una muñeca y él era el maestro de las marionetas, controlándote a su antojo.

Now, after everything has finished, you will realize that people around you understand you perfectly well and that only one man couldn’t do that.

Sentirás que te pasa algo.

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Después de liberarte de tu maltratador, sentirás que estás demasiado dañada para volver a amar a alguien. Pero cuando pases algún tiempo con las personas a las que quieres, al final verás que no estás tan rota.

Por supuesto, tendrás magulladuras emocionales, pero todas las personas que han luchado las tienen. Al fin y al cabo, lo más importante es que seguiste en pie y que nunca te rendiste.

Te preguntarás qué ha fallado.

Cada víctima de un abuso emocional will think about the things that she was doing in the last relationship and how they affected it. You will sometimes ask yourself if things could have been better if you’d had a different defense mechanism.

You will think about things that you did or didn’t do and you will have a constant feeling that you could have done things better. Please, stop doing this because it wasn’t your fault. Not a second of your relationship with him was your problem because your abuser was guilty of everything.

Estarás ansioso y deprimido. Y hablando con franqueza, esto es algo por lo que pasan todas las víctimas de abuso emocional.

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En algún momento pensarás que estás loca, pero esa sensación se desvanecerá pronto. La única persona que estaba loca en esa relación era él. Así que mantente fuerte cuando atravieses este periodo de tu vida y ten en cuenta que por fin te has salvado de quien podría haberte arruinado.

Tendrás desconfianza en las relaciones futuras.

It is not that simple to give your heart to someone new, not knowing if he will hurt you like the man before him. That’s why you will look like someone who plays hard to get but inside, your world will be falling apart and you will crave the love that you need so much.

Este sentimiento es una batalla constante, pero en algún momento del camino verás que no todos los hombres son iguales.

Nada de tu proceso de curación será fácil.

The aftermath of emotional abuse is characterized by different behavior moods. One day you will be happy and cheerful and the next you will feel depressed and you won’t get out of bed. You will think that nobody will ever love you again because you are broken.

Tendrás un torrente de pensamientos negativos aquí y allá que dictarán tu vida. Sólo cuando pase algún tiempo verás que las cosas no están tan mal después de todo y que hay alguna esperanza para ti.

Desearás no ser tan sensible.

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After any trauma, a person will feel bad. Every single comment can hurt them because they are so sensitive. This will happen to you too. Sometimes, you won’t be able to react to the simplest situation and you will just run away from all those things that make you feel like that.

You will want to be alone because in that way people won’t be able to hurt you. I just want you to know that you should take all the time in the world to heal. If you don’t like going out, don’t do it. Do things that you feel comfortable with.

You were putting up with someone’s wishes for a hell of a long time and it is time to finally put yourself first.

I know that you are an amazing person who just met a guy who ruined your life. If you could have been amazing before, I am sure that you can bring your old spark back. I won’t lie to you and tell you that the healing process will be fast; it won’t.

You will need a lot of time for yourself to fight those nasty demons of yours. You will cry yourself to sleep every night until you see that after that you will feel much better. And when you least expect it, you will meet someone who will bring you faith in love again. You just need to be patient because good things don’t happen overnight.

¿Y tu abusador?

You will probably never forget him. After all, he was a part of your life for a long time but all that he did to you made you the person you are today—strong, independent and definitely not ready to settle for less than she deserves.

In the end, I ask you for one thing only—forgive him for all that he did to you. Not because he deserves that forgiveness but because you deserve peace.