Si amas a alguien, libéralo

“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours; if they don’t, they never were. ” R. Bach

Estas palabras se hacen realidad cada vez que dos personas que son la una para la otra se encuentran en el momento equivocado.

I know a lot of people who don’t believe in wrong timings. I probably wouldn’t either if it hadn’t happened to me.

I was head over heels for somebody who just wasn’t ready for a real relationship—at least not the first time we dated.

Cuando le conocí, acababa de salir de una relación de 4 años y se había desatado un infierno en su interior. Era como si tuviera que compensar todos esos años en los que se había sentido atrapado en esa relación.

I knew that right from the start. I saw it, but I couldn’t help myself…I fell madly in love with him, and it was like nothing I’d ever experienced before.

Sus besos quedaron impresos en mi cuerpo. Su risa y todas las conversaciones que teníamos estimulaban mi cerebro.

En química entre nosotros era innegable. Era como una fuerza magnética que me acercaba a él. No importaba cómo se comportara o cómo me tratara, yo estaba pegada a él.

I kept looking through his fingers. I kept seeing the good and ignoring the bad. I made excuses for him without any need to hear the actual words “I’m sorry” from him.

All my rules didn’t count for much anymore. Before I knew it, I was in a casual relationship, hoping that one day, it would all change for the better.

I thought that day was just around the corner…and I couldn’t have been more wrong.

He wasn’t even close to being ready for a relationship—at least not an exclusive one and that was all I wanted. Someone entirely mine.

He left…

He took my heart with him…

My heart couldn’t even break properly. It was just emptiness inside of me that he alone could fulfill. I didn’t say a word.

I didn’t go after him. I didn’t beg. I just kept repeating to myself the old phrase I heard somewhere:

“If you love someone, set them free.”

I wasn’t an expert in love, but all I knew is that it should never be begged for. It should never be forced, and if it doesn’t flow naturally between two people, it is doomed.

Su marcha fue como una ducha fría que me despertó de un sueño. El dolor era tan real que me hizo ver que, a pesar de lo que sentía, merecía algo mejor y, lo que es más importante, que merecía un amor verdadero.

Getting through all that pain was excruciating. I think I wasn’t even aware of the true intensity of my feelings until I left.

They overwhelmed me. My world came crashing down. I couldn’t stop the tears. I couldn’t contain my thoughts.

There were so many times I wanted to pick up the phone and call him. There were so many days on which I wanted to “accidentally” bump into him in that small coffee shop he goes to before work.

Había tantas noches que quería mandarle un mensaje.

But the little voice echoing in my head, “ If you love someone, set them free.“ fue tan poderoso que me detuvo.

There was nothing I wouldn’t have done for him. There was nothing I wouldn’t have done to keep us together, but I just couldn’t transform him into someone who was ready to give me all of his love.

You see…there is no way in which you can force someone to love you. You aren’t supposed to beg for love. All you can do is give them the freedom to chose you.

That was all I wanted. For him to chose me. For him to be sure about me…sure about us. So I set him free, always hoping deep down that he would find his way back.

Ahora sólo quedaba cuidarme. Curar mis heridas. Llenar de amor propio el vacío que había en mi corazón.

That was exactly what I did. It took me a long while to stand on my own two feet again. I had to learn to smile again—really smile, not fake smile with all the pain hidden underneath.

Tuve que hacer las paces con el hecho de que ya no formaba parte de mi vida.

Cuando realmente seguí adelante con mi vida y el pensar en él dejó de dolerme, quiso volver de nuevo a mi vida.

I have to be honest here. My first instinct was to let him in, to pull him close and plead to the heavens that the same scenario wouldn’t happen again.

But I couldn’t. I couldn’t risk that numbness and emptiness coming back to me.

It was a great while, a lot of his efforts, long texts and explanations, until I let him in again. He was ready now. He wasn’t afraid.

El infierno en él se había convertido en cielo. Necesitaba encontrarse a sí mismo antes de volver a encontrarme a mí. Supongo que los dos estábamos un poco perdidos, él más que yo, pero sin embargo, el momento no era el adecuado entonces, y ahora es perfecto.

El tiempo que pasamos separados le hizo madurar. Le hizo convertirse en alguien que era emocionalmente estable lo que no ocurría antes.

He came back with a heartbeat I didn’t recognize, with a tenderness I never got from him before, with the humility of a man who knows he has done something wrong.

He knocked me of off my feet again, but he also brought the tranquility and safety I needed. I am happy now. Happier than I’ve ever been because he just added to a life I had already created for myself.

I don’t regret giving him a second chance. It was the best decision I ever made. And if you find yourself in a similar situation my advice is this:

Don’t rush into forgiving someone. Take your time, and see if they have really changed. Let them try to earn back your trust. If they don’t succeed, don’t take them back.

Not everyone deserves a second chance. All stories are different, and sometimes timing isn’t the major issue.

I got lucky I guess. The reasons for two people splitting vary, and there are things that you just can’t surpass.

Pero una vez que examiné más de cerca toda nuestra historia, me di cuenta de que nunca me había mentido. Siempre supe que era un desastre.

Nunca me había prometido nada. Simplemente me enamoré de él, sin importarme las señales de advertencia ni sus palabras.

I couldn’t—or I didn’t want to—help myself from falling for him. Just like I couldn’t ban him from my life when he came back.

I couldn’t say, “I don’t care anymore” when I missed him all along.

Supongo que a veces se necesita una segunda ronda para que el amor funcione.

Him coming back made me believe in miracles because when you think about it, “ If you love someone, set them free.“ es como provocar al destino.

It’s a test to see if the love you felt from someone is true and reciprocated.