Las 10 señales de que no estás preparado para una relación en este momento

Encontrar el amor y ser realmente listo abordar una relación seria son dos cosas completamente distintas.

La vida tiene formas misteriosas de lanzarte bolas curvas en los peores momentos posibles y hacerte sufrir un inmenso desamor justo cuando pensabas que estabas en una relación estable y sana .

I’m sure that after your last relationship you swore to yourself that next time, it se ser diferente. No más relaciones malsanas, y no más conformarse con la gente equivocada.

You’ll no longer date complete losers, and your new relationship will be a complete shift from all your previous, toxic ones.

You won’t be oblivious to all the red flags and warning signs , and your senses will be in full-on detect mode.

Y una vez más, te has engañado a ti mismo. 

You didn’t dedicate enough time to your healing, and you jumped into a new relationship , hoping you’d finally found your true love .

Pero lo que ocurrió fue que sustituiste tu relación anterior por un nuevo error.

Your self-esteem took a severe hit and now you’re wondering if you’re ready to date ever again.

How is one supposed to stumble upon a decent, kind person who’s mature enough to handle a relación comprometida y seguir siendo leal hasta el final en los tiempos que corren?

¿Cómo se supone que encontrar el amor en un mundo donde los ligues y los valores superficiales triunfan sobre la amabilidad y el respeto? 

Lasting love isn’t built on great looks and a hot body.

Una relación de éxito está formada por dos personas adultas y maduras que tienen las cosas claras y están preparadas y dispuestas a solucionar sus problemas cuando las cosas se ponen feas.

You can’t expect to have a great relationship if all you ever do is replace one bad mistake with another and refuse to own up to this troubling pattern. And unfortunately for you, that’s the kind of people you’re familiar with ( los que no te convienen ).

Véase también: 8 problemas de las relaciones a distancia (y cómo hacer que funcionen)

How To Be Sure You’re Ready?

This dating game has become torture, and maybe, for now, you’re just not ready for a relationship—not when all you ever do is reminisce about your past relationships instead of focusing on yourself and what you actually necesita ahora mismo.

Not when you’re still unsure what a real relationship even is, as you’ve never experienced such a thing if you’re being honest with yourself.

Conoces a un chico estupendo (o a una chica estupenda) y lo dejas ir en cuanto empieza a ser real.

Your last significant other (the one you just ended things with) insinuated that maybe you’re just not relationship material , and that shook you to your core.

¿Podrían tener razón? ¿Simplemente eres incapaz de formarte una relación duradera ?

One thing I can tell you is that if you feel like you’re not ready for a relationship right now, you’re probably right.

And guess what? That’s a mature, brave and genuine thing to be able to say.

No mucha gente lo admite, pero a veces es necesario hacer una pausa y descubrirse a uno mismo antes de entregar el corazón en bandeja de plata.

Sometimes, you need to get your ducks in order before you invest in someone who’ll inevitably prove to you that you’re, in fact, no está preparado para una relación—at least not right now.

And that’s okay. That’s a sign of a person who’s ready to take control of their life; a person who’s unwilling to keep going from one stranger to another, hoping to find something that right now feels so evasive.

A serious relationship isn’t something that just magically pops up in your life.

Hacen falta dos individuos fuertes para construirlo juntos y luego perseverar para que no se desmorone.

If a healthy relationship is your end goal, be sure that you’re in the right frame of mind for finding it and then nurturing it.

You either need to get rid of your savior complex (when you’re perpetually trying to fix or save your partner from themselves) or heal your soul from the previous relationship that has left a bitter taste in your mouth.

But one thing is for sure. You’re going to end up thanking yourself later for taking the time to find yourself ahora .

We’ve all been there. We’ve all reached a point in our life where we questioned everything and doubted ourselves more than we probably should.

That’s all part of becoming the person you’re supposed to be.

Nobody has it all figured out. And if it doesn’t feel right, then give yourself a breather and think about why this might be happening in the first place.

Heartbreak sucks, but it can point you in the right direction when you’re finally ready to see what you truly need.

If at this very moment, you can relate to these 10 signs, then you’re simply not ready for a relationship right now, and you shouldn’t force it until you work on your issues.

Véase también: ¿Debo decirle que me gusta? 7 razones por las que deberías hacerlo (y cómo)

You’re still dwelling on your previous relationship

You just find it inexplicably difficult to let go of your last love. You’re rehashing every little thing that happened, and you’re trying to make sense of it all.

¿Cómo pasaste dos años de tu vida con alguien que al final te causó tanto desamor?

And moreover—how the fuck do you still want them back after everything that went on between you two?

It’s a mystery you just aren’t equipped to handle, but one thing’s for sure. You’re still living in the past while your present is desperately trying to pull you to the right side.

¿Vas a superar alguna vez a tu ex? ¿Podrás decir alguna vez Te quiero a otra persona y decirlo en serio?

Whenever you feel like you’re starting to get the hang of this whole love thing, it just blows up in your face.

And now, you’re less ready than you’ve ever been to enter a new relationship because your self-esteem is at an all-time low.

You’re chasing misery instead of happiness

If nobody has said this to you yet, let me be the first one. You’re just too busy being miserable to actually try and make a change in your life.

You’ve gotten so used to this jaded person you’ve become that you’ve stopped making an effort to get your joy back.

It’s so much easier being perpetually angry and resenting yourself and everyone around you for your inability to find what you’re looking for than taking matters into your own hands and putting an end to this misery.

So far—no such luck. You live in your little bubble of sadness, and you’re not letting anyone in.

Why? Because you’re afraid that they might actually push you to become better and get your shit together.

And you’re just not ready for that. Being sad is easy. Feeling sorry for yourself is almost second nature.

But making an effort and deciding to find reasons to hold your head high—now that’s a mission you’re just not ready to embark on.

For as long as that’s your state of mind, you know you’re not ready for a relationship.

Be ready to embrace joy and find that spark in your life. End this miserable chapter, and decide it’s time to move on from it!

Tú eres el único que puede cambiar tu mentalidad. Revienta esa triste burbuja y ven al mundo real.

There’s actual happiness here. When you’re ready to embrace it, you’ll start being ready to share it with someone special.

Temes que te juzguen

What will your crew think about this new person you’ve started seeing? What will your peers think of them, and how accepted will your new squeeze be?

Those are all the questions running through your mind as you’re giving way too much power to people who don’t deserve it.

You want to get the hottest date. You want to be seen with someone so hot that both genders are instantly jealous of you. It’s a sad reality, but it’s just how things are.

What everyone else thinks is far more important than how this person makes you feel and if they’re relationship material in the first place.

This dating game has become impossible to win, and that’s why you secretly prefer being alone right now because that way, you at least don’t have to worry about being with someone your friends won’t approve of.

But there’s one thing you should ask yourself. Who is the person in this relationship—you or the rest of the world?

And when you answer that question, it’ll become clear whose opinion is the only one that truly matters.

Véase también: ¿Sexo entre amigos? Los 10 mayores secretos que nadie te contará

Su listón está demasiado alto

You’re not ready for a relationship if you’ve set the bar so high that almost nobody can measure up.

Have you ever stopped and asked yourself how many amazing people you’ve let go simply because they didn’t check all of your unattainable boxes?

Finding love isn’t about finding a flawless human being.

It’s about finding somebody whose imperfections go perfectly with yours and navigating this thing called life together in the same direction, toward a joint future.

That’s the only way you’ll ever have a chance of making it work with another person.

For as long as you keep setting standards way too high and putting everyone you come across into boxes that don’t allow them to ever be good enough for you, you’ll never be ready for a relationship.

Let go of your high expectations, and give people a chance. You never know—the person you thought was así que que no sea tu tipo podría acabar siendo la única persona que te entienda de verdad.

Impaciencia es tu segundo nombre

Sometimes, you’re your own worst enemy.

I know too many people who expect the almost impossible, and when that doesn’t pan out, they’d rather just be swallowed into the ground than give it a chance for things to work out.

You know what I’m talking about here. If you’re not married by a certain age and with no kids within a few years—you’re a failure.

Y eso es lo más dañino que puedes hacerte a ti mismo. ¡Dale tiempo! ¡El amor puede encontrarte en el momento más peculiar!

Just because you’re still single at 30, doesn’t mean you won’t find the love of your life before your next birthday!

El tiempo es tu amigo, no your enemy. Let it do its thing. When it’s supposed to happen, it’ll happen.

You’ll never be mentally ready for a relationship while you’re giving yourself ultimatums.

That’s every relationship’s worst nightmare. It’s an organic process that you can’t rush.

Either it’s there or it isn’t. But things will happen when and how they’re supposed to happen.

Relax your mind and give yourself a break. You’ll be ready for a relationship when you finally realize that love is not a competition, and you’re in no rush.

You’re too hard on yourself

It’s tough to admit this, but you don’t see yourself as a catch anymore.

You don’t think you’re good enough and whenever you’re out with your crew, you can’t imagine anyone hitting on you as you’re clearly the least attractive person of the bunch.

Your own mind is playing tricks on you by convincing you that you’re less worthy than everyone around you.

Your mindset is anything but ready for a relationship because with that attitude, you’re not being kind to yourself.

¿Cómo se supone que debes ser amable con tu pareja?

How do you expect to make another person happy if you can’t make usted mismo happy? That’s right—it’s a mission impossible.

Por eso tienes que dar un giro de 180 grados. Cambia de perspectiva. Mírate al espejo y decide encontrar al menos tres cosas que te gusten de ti mismo.

Acepta tus defectos. Acepta tus rarezas.

Deal with your tough exterior, and work on becoming kinder, softer and more accepting of yourself. That’s the only way to a serious, healthy relationship .

Sigues gravitando hacia el mismo tipo de persona

When you become accustomed to being around a certain type of person, it subliminally becomes a habit to keep going for the same type every time you enter the dating pool. And that’s what’s stopping you from finding true love .

¿Cómo vas a encontrar a tu alma gemela si sigues buscando al mismo tipo de persona?

This all comes down to the fact that you believe that’s what you deserve.

This type of person who’s clearly not good for you is all you know, so you can’t imagine deserving someone better.

It’s easier that way. You know your way around this specific behavior, and it becomes second nature to keep coming back for it. And then you wonder why you’re not ready for a relationship.

It’s obvious! You’re not giving yourself a chance to experience a real, happy union.

You keep ignoring the red flags and denying what you know deep down (that it’s doomed from the start), hoping it ends up differently this time.

Pero nunca lo hará mientras sigas negándote a reconocer tus propios métodos de autosabotaje. ¡Busca a alguien mejor y mejor recibirás!

Véase también: 7 señales de una esposa distante emocionalmente y por qué se volvió así

Necesitas una pareja para sentirte realizado

Déjame decirte algo: una pareja romántica no es la encargada de hacer que te sientas realizado.

They’re here to make you feel comfortable no matter how you feel (sad, happy, anxious, angry… etc.). If you don’t feel whole on your own, don’t expect anyone to fill that void—that’s your job.

You’re not comfortable being alone, and you necesita un socio para cambiar eso. ¿Pero adivina qué?

That’s not going to happen because nobody is in charge of your inner happiness but you!

Make yourself happy. Find that thing that makes you feel alive, and reinvent yourself if that’s what it takes.

Ahonda en tu alma y encuentra la forma de salir de la rutina.

Only after figuring out why you’ve been feeling so empty and distant will you find a way to change that and take your love life into your own hands.

You’re not ready for a relationship because you’re too scared to face your inner demons. But the sooner you do—the greater your chances of finding that happiness you’ve been dreaming of.

You’ve got a savior complex

Algunas personas desarrollan un complejo de salvador debido a una necesidad saciante de drama en su vida. En lugar de buscar a una persona cuyo corazón esté a la altura del tuyo, sigues buscando un proyecto que necesite arreglo. Y sigues encontrándolos.

You need drama because you can’t function differently.

You’re so used to things being chaotic and needing fixing that you’ve turned something as pure as love into something complex and draining.

Deja de intentar salvar a la gente y empieza a salvarte a ti mismo.

A lasting love will never thrive if based on a need for constant saving and fixing. People aren’t perfect, but it’s also not your job to make them so.

You might think that this is what you need, but it’s far from it. You’ll end up inviting trouble into your life, and one day, you’ll simply realize you’ve bitten off more than you can chew.

You’ll find yourself a true project. But is that really what you want?

Of course, it isn’t. You’re just scared to admit it because you don’t feel you deserve a person who can stand on their own two feet.

But you do. You may not be ready for a real, intimate, committed relationship yet, but when you start changing your ways, you’ll start getting much closer to that goal.

You keep trying to accommodate everyone’s needs

You know this to be the case when you notice your behavior changing depending on who you’re with.

You can never be your true self because you don’t think that person will be good enough for a potential partner.

So you change how you dress, talk, and behave in ways that accommodate the needs of the person you’re with.

You’re ignoring the red flags that are so clear, and you keep going against yourself to make someone else accept you.

Pero lo que tienes que hacer aquí es reconocer las señales de advertencia , y dejar de comprometerte para hacer feliz a otra persona.

Pregúntate cuándo fue la última vez que estuviste contento contigo mismo.

¿Cuándo fue la última vez que hiciste algo porque era lo que usted ¿Quería?

If you find that the answer is not for a long time, then you’ve got a real problem.

Not only are you not ready for a relationship, but you’re in serious need of making yourself happy with who you son , as opposed to who you think you’re supuestamente ¡Sé!

What you are doing is emotionally unhealthy and draining. You’ll never do right by yourself if you keep trying to please others.

Be who you are and don’t try to hide that person. When you accept yourself fully and completely, the other people will do that too!

Véase también: Esconderse del mundo: 5 formas de hacerlo y cómo ser visto

When You Know You’re Ready…

• You stop comparing the past with your present, and you’re focused on what the future might bring. You’ve made peace with how your last relationship ended, and you’re healed from that heartbreak . Yes, it’ll take time to be fully recuperated, but you’re taking all the right steps.

You don’t care what your friends, colleagues, and irrelevant people might say. You’re in this thing because usted want to be with that person, and nobody can tell you otherwise. You’re the one who knows them, and everything else is just white noise.

You stop rushing love and no longer put impossible limitations on yourself. When it happens, you’ll embrace it whole-heartedly. But if you’re still single at 30, you’ll be just as happy because you’d rather be happy and alone than with someone who’s only ok .

You’re completely happy with who you are as a person. You love your flaws and you don’t judge yourself for gaining those 10 extra pounds. You know you’re only human, and as cliche as it may sound, it’s what’s on the inside that truly matters.

You don’t need anyone to save you, and you’re open to dating people outside your comfort zone. So far, your type has brought you no luck, so it’s time to test the waters and explore what else is out there. And frankly, you’re kind of excited to find someone you’d never imagine being with! It just might end up being that one thing missing from your life.