What are the benefits, roles, and rules of a dominant and submissive relationship? What does dominant and submissive mean in a relationship?
A dominant-submissive relationship is a relationship where one partner is dominant and the other one submits to his/her partner. Both partners have their own roles.
When it comes to defining and understanding BDSM, people (especially those in vanilla relationships) generally link it with Cincuenta sombras de Grey y el equipo pervertido de Christian Grey, como esposas, cadenas, cuerdas... lo que se te ocurra.
PULSE AQUÍ to learn all there is to know about different kinds of relationship dynamics and how to satisfy both your partner and yourself.
Their fictitious BDSM relationship revolves around power dynamic, power play, and bondage and discipline. Christian Grey is evidently a male dominatrix (the dominant partner), whereas Anastasia Steele plays a papel sumiso.
Now, when we shift to reality, the first question that probably comes to mind is: ¿Existe realmente ese tipo de relación? ¿Cómo funciona?
Y esas preguntas no son tan difíciles de responder.
En primer lugar, existe y, al igual que en la película, se trata de un miembro de la pareja que domina al otro debido al poder que tiene en la relación.
When you look around, you can notice that in every relationship, there’s one partner who is more submissive and the other who is more dominant.
Even though women are mostly represented as those who fall for dominant, strong, and powerful men who are just waiting for a fragile and gentle woman to come their way, the roles can be reversed as well.
Men can have all kinds of different desires and if you want to learn how to please them without losing yourself or losing control there’s only one thing you can do – learn the secret Lenguaje del deseo.
De hecho, hoy en día, hay muchos hombres que se mueren por el tacto de una mujer caliente. dominatrix y esto se ha convertido en su mayor fantasía sexual.
Ahora que ya hemos cubierto los aspectos básicos, podemos proceder a explicarlo en detalle.
Además, si sigue leyendo, encontrará tipos de Relaciones Dom Subrasgos y funciones de los miembros de la pareja en una relación dominante y relación sumisay, por supuesto, las mejores reglas que hay que seguir (con algunos ejemplos). So, stay tuned!
See also: 10 pasos para convertirse en una esposa sumisa
¿Qué es una relación dominante y sumisa?
BDSM stands for and includes Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), and Sadism and Masochism / Sadomasochism (SM).
In the simplest words, a dominant-submissive relationship, aka dom/sub relationship or simply a d/s relationship, is basically a relationship where one partner is dominant (a sadist) and the other one submits to his/her partner (a masochist).
Both dominant and socios sumisos tienen sus propias funciones. El dominantey relación sumisa no es sólo sobre sexo, aunque la mayoría de la gente piense que sí. En realidad, la dominanterelación sumisa puede verse en todos los aspectos de la vida.El socio dominante protects, leads, and guides the submissive, while the submissive is a fragile servant who’s there to please their master.
It does sound bizarre to most of us, but in actuality, las relaciones funcionan de verdad this way; maybe even better than standard ones.
In this type of relationship, there are strict rules that partners must follow. They are not usually extreme, but they have to be respected in order for the relationship to work.
It doesn’t have to be a contract, like in the movie we were talking about before, but rather an open conversation about what each partner wants in the relationship and what the submissive is willing to do for their dominant partner.
In most scenarios, the limits of the submissive side of the relationship aren’t crossed. But for that to be true, the dominant one has to know exactly where those limits lie.
Recopilar información en las relaciones medias es muy importante, pero aquí es crucial.
La mejor manera de reunir información sobre su pareja sumisa es la comunicación honesta, haciendo preguntas y nunca faltando al respeto a sus límites.
One important thing to say is that the roles in a dominant-submissive relationship aren’t absolute.
They can be changed. For example, if a woman is the sub, she can give her partner a massage and please him in ways he commands, but the next day, they exchange roles and he has to do whatever she asks him to do that’s within his limits.
Este estilo de relación es en realidad un estilo de vida que la gente se toma muy en serio.
Estas parejas llevan una vida completamente normal que consiste simplemente en que dos personas viven para el placer del otro, lo que significa que sus relaciones no son realmente muy diferentes de las del resto de nosotros.
Si te lo estabas preguntando: ¡sí, estas relaciones funcionan de verdad!
Not every dominant-submissive relationship is the same as the next, but at the end of the day, they are all very dynamic and open-minded.
These people can work very well together if they want the same things and share the same interest in BDSM.
Tipos de Relaciones Dom Sub
The biggest misconception about BDSM relationships is physical contact.
While a d/s relationship can be physical, this is not a prerequisite. Domination and submission, role play, and the like can be conducted digitally or over the phone as well.
Also, people in a d/s relationship can be romantically involved with one another (or not). Pueden tener una relación monógama, poliamorosa o abierta, y ser de cualquier sexo y sexualidad.
Another type of BDSM relationship is TPE (Total Power Exchange), aka a master/slave relationship. This means that partners in this kind of relationship take on their roles full-time.
Their entire relationship is built on the principle of dominant-submissive and they are constantly fulfilling their roles in everyday life.
And there are also those who only practice their roles during play scenes. Again, sex is not a prerequisite in BDSM relationships in order to be called so.
A d/s dinámico no tiene por qué limitarse únicamente a las actividades sexuales. Es más una cuestión de elección y preferencias personales.
Also, a d/s relationship – on the contrary to SM – is more about power than physical sensation.
Being in such a relationship brings dinámica de potencia to another level and that is why many partners prefer it.
Sex life is also based on power, and the fact that one partner is more dominant than the other brings equilibrium to sex life and relationship overalll.
So, we could say that choosing this kind of relationship is more like choosing a lifestyle.
Ventajas de la D/S Relaciones
Believe it or not, practicing kinky sex and being in a dom/sub relationship in general has many advantages when it comes to overall health and well-being.
Dr. Sandra LaMorgese (sexpert; professional dominatrix; fetishist; and holistic practitioner in mind, body, and spiritual holism) claims that BDSM can help couples create a stronger bond and feel at ease.
She explains in the following words: “En BDSM los clientes suelen experimentar una liberación de dopamina y serotonina, los neurotransmisores del bienestar del cerebro. Estas dos sustancias químicas se asocian a sentimientos de felicidad, tranquilidad, alegría, confianza en uno mismo, emociones... bienestary la motivación. Además, la liberación de la sustancia química vasopresina impulsa a las personas a sentirse unidas entre sí."
Así que, si aún tienes dudas sobre si deberías probar los encantos de d/s relaciónA continuación le presentamos algunas de sus ventajas, que pueden ayudarle a decidirse:
Physical contact between BDSM couples helps them express their sexuality and be present in the interaction instead of just following the same pattern (as is the case in vanilla relationships).
And this is what helps improve their mental health. People who practice BDSM are basically more open and more secure in relationships because this type of relationship requires trust and willingness to comply.
Además de la curación mental, también existe la curación física vinculada al poder del tacto.
La Dra. Sandra LaMorgese explica la curación física: "La piel es el órgano más grande del cuerpo, con millones de receptores justo debajo de la superficie; receptores que, cuando son estimulados por el tacto humano, pueden reducir nuestros niveles de cortisol. Cuando alguien toca nuestra piel, mediante masajes, juegos, abrazos, apretones de manos o sexo físico, empezamos a experimentar una curación fisiológica y física."
So, besides pleasure, BDSM can benefit both our mental and physical health, which is quite amazing.
Now that we know the definition of a dominant-submissive relationship and its types and benefits, it’s finally time to proceed with traits and roles of the dominant and submissive relationship and, of course, the rules of such a relationship with some examples (and consejos sobre relaciones).
Rasgos y funciones del Socio dominante
In order for you to better understand how all of this works, let me tell you some traits and roles of the dominant one in a dominant and submissive relationship.
Male doms are not easily spotted, because as I said before, many men love to be adored and worshipped in this way – some just love it a tiny bit more. He aquí algunos rasgos y funciones de los socio dominante:
Toma el control de todo
Espera que le complazcan
Es responsable
Prioriza sus propios deseos
Exige obediencia
¿Qué hace que una persona sea dominante?
People with dominant personalities are decisive, goal-oriented, and competitive. They express their feelings and gratefulness in an indirect, different way.
According to Sigmund Freud’s theory of personality, there are two factors that impact the way a person behaves:
Genética
Medio ambiente
Dominant people strongly believe in the Darwinian concept of “survival of the fittest”. They believe that anything can be achieved only if you have a strong will.
Dominant people are also relatively controlling and impatient. Also, they are perfectly aware of their insecurities and weaknesses but they often refuse to show it to other people.
Other personality traits associated with dominance are criticism and fault finding. A dominant person can be your partner, your sibling, your spouse, your boss, your friend, etc.
Dominant people are usually dominant in all aspects of their life (including sex life). If you don’t know how to deal with such a partner, your relationship might become toxic.
Rasgos y funciones del Socio sumiso
While the dom is all about being in control, the sub enjoys being controlled and loves to please their partner in every way possible.
This doesn’t just include in the bedroom, but in fact every aspect of life in which they can fulfill the needs of their dominant.
The important thing to realize is that the submissive isn’t forced to do anything they don’t want to do. Their behavior can take many forms including ‘baby girl’, ‘pet’, and similar but they are not a “slave”. Their desire is simply to please their partner.
The traits and roles of the submissive include:
Preparados para satisfacer los deseos y necesidades de su pareja
Acepta ser controlado
antepone las necesidades de su pareja a todo lo demás
Muestra un deseo de complacer al dominante
¿Qué significa ser dominado en una relación?
Generally, to be dominated in a relationship means to be in a relationship that is not based on reciprocity or compromise. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that a dom/sub relationship is toxic. It can be seen both as healthy or toxic.
Dominant partners are often seen as being selfish and self-absorbed regarding the psychological, emotional, and physical needs of the other person.
People with dominant personality types often possess a sense of superiority and they have problems establishing a reciprocal relationship with others.
If both partners agree with their roles in a dominant-submissive relationship and they openly communicate about what they want, then we’re talking about a healthy dom-sub relationship.
If one partner feels neglected in one way or another, then we’re talking about a toxic type of dom-sub relationship.
¿Cómo saber si alguien intenta dominarte?
A veces las personas dominantes no están dispuestas a comprometerse y quieren tener el control de todo en una relación. La mayor señal de alarma de que están intentando dominarte en todos los aspectos de tu vida es su comportamiento controlador y manipulador.
Aquí tienes otras señales de alarma que indican que estás en una situación insana. relación dom/sub:
Te hacen sentir que todo es culpa tuya
Criticarte todo el tiempo
Exigen más y dan menos
No pueden comunicarse abiertamente o conectar contigo
Si te sientes atrapado y temeroso todo el tiempo, estas son las mayores indicadores de una relación malsana. In that case, don’t shy away from letting your partner know how you feel and/or seeking professional help.
To avoid ending up in a toxic dominant and submissive relationship, here are essential rules to follow.
Tipos de relaciones Dom Sub
The biggest misconception about BDSM relationships is physical contact. While a d/s relationship can be physical, this is not a prerequisite. Domination and submission, role play, and the like can be conducted digitally or over the phone as well.
Also, people in a d/s relationship can be romantically involved with one another (or not). They can be in a monogamous, polyamorous, or open relationship, and of any gender and sexuality.
Another type of BDSM relationship is TPE (Total Power Exchange), aka a master/slave relationship. This means that partners in this kind of relationship take on their roles full-time. Their entire relationship is built on the principle of dominant-submissive and they are constantly fulfilling their roles in everyday life.
And there are also those who only practice their roles during play scenes. Again, sex is not a prerequisite in BDSM relationships in order to be called so. A d/s dynamic doesn’t have to be limited to sexual activities only. It is more a matter of choice and personal preferences.
Also, a d/s relationship – on the contrary to SM – is more about power than physical sensation. Being in such a relationship brings power dynamic to another level and that is why many partners prefer it.
Sex life is also based on power, and the fact that one partner is more dominant than the other brings equilibrium to sex life and relationship overalll. So, we could say that choosing this kind of relationship is more like choosing a lifestyle.
Los beneficios de las relaciones D/S
Believe it or not, practicing kinky sex and being in a dom/sub relationship in general has many advantages when it comes to overall health and well-being. Dr. Sandra LaMorgese (sexpert; professional dominatrix; fetishist; and holistic practitioner in mind, body, and spiritual holism) claims that BDSM can help couples create a stronger bond and feel at ease.
She explains in the following words: ” En BDSM los clientes suelen experimentar una liberación de dopamina y serotonina, los neurotransmisores del bienestar del cerebro. Estas dos sustancias químicas se asocian a sentimientos de felicidad, tranquilidad, alegría, confianza en uno mismo, emociones... bienestary la motivación. Además, la liberación de la sustancia química vasopresina impulsa a las personas a sentirse unidas entre sí. ”
So, if you’re still having doubts whether you should try the charms of d/s relationship, here are some of its benefits that may help you decide:
Physical contact between BDSM couples helps them express their sexuality and be present in the interaction instead of just following the same pattern (as is the case in vanilla relationships).
And this is what helps improve their mental health. People who practice BDSM are basically more open and more secure in relationships because this type of relationship requires trust and willingness to comply.
Apart from mental healing, there is also physical healing linked to the power of touch. Dr. Sandra LaMorgese explains physical healing: "La piel es el órgano más grande del cuerpo, con millones de receptores justo debajo de la superficie; receptores que, cuando son estimulados por el tacto humano, pueden reducir nuestros niveles de cortisol. Cuando alguien toca nuestra piel, mediante masajes, juegos, abrazos, apretones de manos o sexo físico, empezamos a experimentar una curación fisiológica y física."
Así que, además del placer, el BDSM puede beneficiar tanto a nuestra salud mental como física, lo cual es bastante sorprendente. Ahora que conocemos la definición de una relación dominante-sumisa y sus tipos y beneficios, por fin ha llegado el momento de continuar con los rasgos y roles del dominante y el sumiso y, por supuesto, las reglas de una relación de este tipo con algunos ejemplos.
Rasgos y funciones del dominante
In order for you to better understand how all of this works, let me tell you some traits and roles of the dominant one in this type of relationship. Male doms are not easily spotted, because as I said before, many men love to be adored and worshipped in this way – some just love it a tiny bit more.
1. Takes control over everything
2. Expects to be pleased
3. Is responsible
4. Prioritizes their own desires
5. Demands obedience
Rasgos y funciones de la sumisa
While the dom is all about being in control, the sub enjoys being controlled and loves to please their partner in every way possible. This doesn’t just include in the bedroom, but in fact every aspect of life in which they can fulfill the needs of their dominant.
The important thing to realize is that the submissive isn’t forced to do anything they don’t want to do. They are not a slave; their desire is simply to please their partner. The traits and roles of the submissive include:
1. Prepared to please their partner’s wants and needs
2. Accepts being controlled
3. Puts the needs of their partner above everything else
4. Shows a desire to please the dominant
10 reglas en una relación dominante-sumisa
Como se ha mencionado anteriormente, se trata de un tipo de relación específica en la que hay que establecer unas normas para que todo funcione correctamente y para que cada parte de la relación obtenga lo que necesita para ser feliz.
Just to be clear, there are no set rules across the board, because these rules are created by the principles of both sides of the relationship, so that both know what to comply with, what to avoid, and how to enforce the rules.
If you want to engage in this type of relationship without having had any previous experience, then be careful and open-minded to all the rules that are about to come about in order to get the most out of it.
Apertura de miras
Como ya hemos dicho, en este tipo de relaciones es fundamental mantener la mente abierta. En toda relación, hay que tener la mente abierta sobre los valores y perspectivas of your partner, but more so in this particular one. Why?
Well, because, in dominant-submissive relationships, even though the doms are the ones who executes the commands, it doesn’t mean that they can’t learn something from the subs. It all depends on the experience you both have, as well as the willingness to learn from each other and work together. This is a dual effort and you have to work together to make it pleasant.
Also, you need to be open-minded to try out new things that you might not have liked or considered before. Maybe this time and the way he does it is actually different? Who knows? Give it a try and see what happens, as long as it’s not going to hurt you too much (unless you want it to).
Empatía
I know that it sounds weird, but even though your submissive partner loves to be dominated, it doesn’t mean that they don’t see your human side. Your partner wants to fall in love with your human side, too; the one who knows how to have mercy and the one who is willing to bend the rules and give lighter punishments.
Empathy is the keyword when it comes to creating a successful BDSM relationship. For example, if your partner doesn’t agree with something, you as the dominant one shouldn’t force them to do something they’re not comfortable with. Remember that this is not a part of your role. You should always be ready to show empathy when your partner expects it – this shouldn’t be negotiable.
Confíe en
The only way to be trusted is to show trustworthiness first. You have to show your partner that you can be trusted to respect the rules and not cross the line. Even though it’s expected from the sub to play the part of a servant, it’s also expected from the dom to act as a worthy leader.
No woman in this day and age will go on her knees for someone who doesn’t deserve it! That’s why it’s very important to build trust between the two of you. You have to trust your partner that he won’t strike you too hard when he’s punishing you and that he won’t go all out when it comes to flogging you.
Imagine if a grown man would hit you as hard as he could, just because you trusted him and you let him do it? Well, it’s not a dominant-submissive relationship anymore, but una abusiva.
Menores expectativas
No puedes esperar que tu pareja cumpla todas tus locas fantasías. Tienes que rebaje sus expectativas to match the willingness of your partner. In any other way, the relationship simply won’t work.
For example, if you are a dominant, don’t expect your partner to get undressed every time you come home from work or to always call you Master. Just imagine if you came home from work with a friend and your wife was sitting on the floor in front of the door completely naked. It shouldn’t be about embarrassing your partner! And also, if she doesn’t want to call you Master at a certain moment, then you probably haven’t deserved the title at all.
Also, if you’re a submissive, don’t expect your partner to praise you every time you do a good job; know that he can do things on his own, which means that he won’t always need you to do things for him. I know that you are there to please him, but remember that you’re not there to do everything for him. You are his partner, not a slave.
Comunicación sincera
La comunicación es la clave in this type of relationship, as in every other. You have to gather information about each other in order to actually see if you’re compatible for a d/s relationship. You have to talk about health, boundaries, sex needs, and your previous experience in this type of relationship.
Women especially want to have their minds read, but it’s not that easy. Unless you verbalize what you want and don’t want, it remains in your head.
For example, if you’re the dominant one and you want to push the limits a bit, then you have to sit down with your partner and talk everything through in detail so you know if it’s appropriate or not. If you refuse to talk about your wants and needs, then the relationship is doomed to fail without a doubt.
You want this relationship experience to be a positive one, don’t you? If yes, invest in your communication and show your partner that they can be heard at any given time, because you will dedicate the time and energy needed to meet their needs.
Utiliza una palabra segura
When you’ve decided that you want to start this type of relationship, make sure to establish a safe word. Because of the fact that BDSM can get a bit dangerous in-between the sheets, make sure to have a safe word that your sub will say so you know that they need to stop.
Don’t use any word that you would usually use in a sexual scenario. Use a word that’s unusual and that lets the dominant know that everything is not OK.
You can also establish words that show you’re either OK or that they need to stop right away or you’ll get seriously hurt. Many people use the green/yellow/red system here. Green means “go ahead,” yellow is “proceed but with caution,” and red is a simple and clear “STOP!” The dominant partner has to obey the safe word in order for the relationship to proceed in a healthy manner.
Salud
The dominant-submissive relationship requires both partners to be mentally and physically healthy. This involves good sleeping habits, a minimal intake of alcohol, a nutritious diet, and a stress-free lifestyle.
If your sub isn’t able to meet your needs because of health problems, then don’t force yourself on them. Rather, invest in their well-being and let them take as much time as needed in order to regain their strength, then you can continue your relationship as before.
You have to respect each other’s comfort zones and if you do experiment, don’t do it without the consent of the other. There are more important things in life than sex, so if you see that your partner simply can’t continue to please you, then stop. No merece la pena.
Disfrute de
Why are you doing all of this? To enjoy yourself, right? You both do it in order to have some fun and to enjoy your relationship on a whole new level. That’s why you have to respect each other, because otherwise you won’t get what you are searching for.
Remember that it’s not about punishing someone or doing everything that’s needed in order to please someone just because it’s easier that way. Look for the joyful part in it and don’t forget why you started all of this in the first place: to get the most out of your relationship.
Don’t push each other’s limits just so you can punish them for doing something you aren’t a fan of. Look at their face and see if they’re enjoying it. If not, stop.
Paciencia
You don’t have to run around commanding your partner every step of the way. Start it as with every other standard relationship. Understand each other, communicate, and be gentle. Don’t rush anything. Have patience and your partner will thank you afterwards.
In order to create a comfortable atmosphere for the submissive to relax more, the dominant has to be gentle and caring. I know that it’s not in your nature if you’re the dominant one, but your la relación durará longer if you put in that extra effort and really do have patience with your partner.
All of your fantasies can’t come true at the same time. Have patience as the dominant or the submissive. Don’t just rush your partner into doing things right away, but have faith that they will loosen up with time. It’s very important to not forget that you are both human beings who have to take their time in order to get the most out of their position.
Siga las normas
If you have established rules at the beginning of the relationship, then be sure to fulfill them. Don’t pipe up to your dom out of nowhere, telling him that you didn’t want to do something. If you have established certain rules, be sure to stick to them.
This is how you cree confianza en su relación and it’s how you know that you are both getting something out of it. You’re not being taken advantage of and your partner respects all the rules. That why you should, too.
Follow all the rules that you have agreed on and if you really want to change something you’ve already talked about, then make sure to let your partner know beforehand instead of telling him right before or in the middle of sex.
Ejemplos de normas sumisas a seguir
Como puede que seas principiante en el mundo de una relación dominante-sumisa, voy a darte algunos ejemplos e ideas de reglas sumisas a seguir. No es nada del otro mundo, simplemente algo de inspiración y visión sobre este tipo de relaciones.
Azotes
Los azotes no siempre tienen que ser un castigo. A veces sirve para que el sumiso sepa que se reconoce su trabajo. Pero los azotes deben ser tan fuertes como los dos acordéis. En este caso, es muy importante utilizar la palabra de seguridad si es necesario.
No llevarás bragas en casa
Una regla simple y eficaz. El dominante sabe que tiene el poder, mientras que el sumiso no se ve perjudicado por ello.
Proporcionarás sexo a la orden
Para que el dominante sienta realmente su poder, se necesitan normas como éstas. La pareja sumisa tiene que complacer a su dominante en cualquier momento del día.
Pide permiso antes de correrte
No necesita explicación.
Recuerda a quién perteneces
El sumiso no debe tener ninguna otra pareja sexual mientras esté en este tipo de relación. Al ser monógamo, hace saber al dominante que tiene todo el control y que no tiene que luchar por nada. El sumiso debe saber a quién pertenece para que el dominante nunca cuestione su lealtad.
Enorgullece al Maestro
De nuevo, la sumisa no tiene por qué llamar Amo al dominante a menos que se lo merezca. Pero hacer que su amo se sienta orgulloso tiene un significado más profundo. No se trata sólo de satisfacer sus necesidades físicas, sino también de hacer que se sienta orgulloso de ti en todos los aspectos de tu vida. Esto mejorará tanto su salud física como mental porque sentirá sensaciones de logro, confianza y el vínculo definitivo.
Yo hablo, tú obedeces
Whatever the dominant says he wants, he gets. But, you shouldn’t really be strict when it comes to this one. It is okay not to obey something you really don’t feel comfortable with.
And that is why it is good to inform your partner about some things that you’re not okay with so that they don’t insist on it during the action. It’s all about agreement and your performance in accordance with it.
Reflexiones finales
I know that most of these things might sound confusing and perhaps even scary, but believe me, they can be very romantic and pleasant for both sides of the relationship. Don’t get scared off by BDSM porn, because it is too brutal and unrealistic.
A true dominant-submissive relationship is respect and care, and every woman wants that in her relationship. The only difference here is that there are strict rules established that you have to follow in order to keep both parties happy and satisfied (just like in 50 sombras de Grey).
When you do it for the first time, it will probably be different than you expected, but with time it will get better and better. So, if you give it a try, you may just fall in love with this type of lifestyle.
Maybe you are the dominant one and you will find your submissive whom lo harás hacer feliz and who will do anything to please your every need.
These relationships can be better than the majority of vanilla relationships people think of as normal and functioning.So don’t worry! Even if you merely want to explore a bit, just make sure to let your partner know that when you’re establishing the rules of the relationship.
