Romance en la universidad: 17 consejos para que funcione
¿Qué dicen los expertos en citas sobre las relaciones durante la universidad? ¿Pueden funcionar o están condenadas al fracaso?
¿Deberías comprometerte en algo serio durante tus estudios o es mejor que todo sea informal?
If you’re a college freshman, you already asked yourself these and many other questions regarding a love life at college. Well, you came to the right place because you’re about to get all the answers you need.
1. Don’t be miedo a la soltería
Así que, obviamente, este será un texto sobre cómo manejar el romance de la mejor manera si eres un estudiante universitario.
However, before we start with the actual tips regarding this topic, I want to give you the most important piece of advice: don’t be afraid to be single.
Por supuesto, esto se aplica a todos los periodos posibles de tu vida, pero es crucial en la universidad.
If you feel like you’re better off on your own, if you don’t find anyone you like well enough to date or have a relationship with or if you simply want to focus on other things besides your love life, that is perfectly okay.
Please, don’t fall under the pressure of your surroundings and think of yourself as a weirdo or an outcast just because you don’t have a college relationship and are not a part of any love story.
Don’t compare yourself to others and date just about anyone because you see couples all around you.
No, you won’t miss much if you remain single during your college years.
Yes, romances in college can become one of your most cherished memories in your adult life, but if it’s not meant to be, please don’t beat yourself up about it.
En lugar de eso, céntrate en ti mismo, en tus mejores amigos y familia, y disfruta de tu vida dentro y fuera del campus lo mejor que puedas.
2. You don’t have to find “the one”
If you’ve ever read college romance novels (such as “Game On” by Kristen Callihan or college romance books by other Amazon or Goodreads authors such as Colleen Hoover or Abbi Glines), in which the good girl falls in love with a rock star bad boy she met during her studies and eventually, the two of them end up together, despite all the obstacles, you probably romanticized the idea of finding everlasting love on campus.
The same goes with all other books about romance in college: they give you hope that this is the place where you’ll find your persona para siempre.
Well, let me tell you that romance books that take place in college and real life scenarios are not the same. In fact, during college, you don’t have to find “the one”.
You don’t have to be with the same person from your first until your last year in college.
On the other hand, you can have one college relationship throughout your entire studies, but this person doesn’t have to be someone you’ll spend the rest of your life with.
Yes, it is important for you to find a compatible partner, but don’t beat yourself up with thinking too far ahead in the future.
Deshazte de la presión de que toda relación en la que te metas tiene que funcionar y acabar en matrimonio.
On the contrary, the bitter truth is that most romances in college don’t last long after you both finish your studies.
I’m not saying that yours will fail as well, but this fact is definitely something you should have in mind before even starting anything.
Besides, be aware of the differences between men’s and women’s ideas of a college romance.
While most guys are looking forward to one night stands, women’s desires are usually centered around finding a long-term partner.
3. Utilice este tiempo para aprender
Obviously, you came to college to study and learn new things. You’re here to educate yourself academically and to make something out of yourself in the future.
Sin embargo, hay otro tipo de aprendizaje en el que también deberías participar.
En lugar de centrarte en intentar encontrar a tu alma gemela, deberías ver este momento como una oportunidad para aprender más sobre ti mismo y sobre tus posibles parejas.
¿Cuáles son los tipos de chicas o chicos con los que más te gusta salir? ¿Estás seguro al cien por cien de tu sexualidad o estás abierto a experimentar?
¿Te ves en una relación duradera o en un matrimonio en el futuro? ¿Eres capaz de tener relaciones esporádicas y aventuras ocasionales, o no es lo tuyo?
This is the period in which you’ll find out more about your dealbreakers, standards, sexual preferences, and the period in which you’ll get to know yourself in a completely new light—a period in which you’ll learn some tough lessons which will prove to be the most valuable ones in the future.
4. Conocer la diferencia entre amor y lujuria
Another important tip for college romances is to understand that there is a huge difference between the real deal and one night stands—a difference between sleeping with someone, dating them, being in a relationship and finally, being fully committed to them.
When you’re young and your hormones are going wild, it is incredibly easy to mistake the two things.
You hook up with a friend of a friend at a party or you meet with someone from your dating app, and the next thing you know, you’re convinced that you’re desperately in love with them, that you will love them for the rest of your life, and that you would die if they left.
The truth is that this is nothing but your body deceiving you. You’re actually falling into a common trap many young people find themselves in: you’re confusing lust and love.
Pues bien, este es el momento en que aprenderá que estas dos cosas no son ni de lejos lo mismo, aunque tengan mucho en común.
You’ll learn that sharing strong chemistry and passion with someone doesn’t automatically mean that they’re your other half or someone you should waste all your college years on.
5. Cuidado con el sexo
Let’s be honest: this is the period of your life in which you’ll probably have the most interesting sex life; the period of trying out new things and learning about your own sexuality.
Even though I’m not judging any of these, I’m here to ask you to be careful.
Recuerda siempre utilizar protección, porque lo último que necesitas ahora es un embarazo no deseado o una ETS contraída de alguien con quien te acostaste por primera vez, que podría cambiar el curso de tu vida para siempre.
Also, I’m begging you not do anything you’re not ready for. Respect your body, and demand the same treatment from your partner(s).
You’re not old-fashioned or a prude if you see that you’re not emotionally capable for having one night stands, for not wanting to sleep with someone you texted on the dating app or if you need more time to sleep with someone for the first time than the rest of the people of your generation.
Also, if you’re a guy, you don’t have to try so hard to maintain a bad boy reputation if that is not something you want.
Besides, even if you choose to remain a virgin, that is also your choice. You shouldn’t be ashamed of it, and nobody is allowed to judge you for it.
Remember, this is your own body we’re talking about here.
Therefore, you’re the only one who is allowed to set boundaries, and nobody has the right to invade your personal space more than you let them.
Otra cosa importante es no permitir que nadie te utilice sólo para meterse en tus pantalones.
Don’t get me wrong— there is nothing wrong with sleeping with someone without any strings attached if that is what you both want.
Sin embargo, evitar ser un botín a alguien que te importa sólo para mezclarte con toda esta cultura del enganche.
En lugar de eso, ten la valentía de decirle al objeto de tu afecto que quieres más y que puede quedarse con todo el paquete, que incluye tu corazón, tu cuerpo y tu mente, o con nada.
Have in mind that in most cases, sex is more than sex, so be careful to whom you’re giving your body.
Even though you shouldn’t give a damn about what other people are saying, be careful about your reputation, and pay special attention to emotional consequences casual intercourse might leave on you.
6. Don’t fall under the pressure of the hook up culture
The same goes with all other concepts of modern dating: whatever you do, don’t fall under the pressures of your surroundings.
I know that everywhere you look, people are sleeping around, having ‘no strings attached’ relationships and not wanting to commit, but if that is not something you feel comfortable doing, don’t even think of forcing yourself into anything just so you don’t stand out.
Recuerda que el amor y la sinceridad nunca pasarán de moda, te digan lo que te digan.
You’re not weak or pathetic if you refuse to be a part of these practices and if you choose to be single until the right person comes along.
However, if you do enter a relationship, please don’t make it an on and off thing, based on mind games and mixed signals.
You don’t have to play hard to get or pretend that you don’t want to label things with your partner just because of these imaginary rules imposed by the conectar culture we’re all surrounded by.
7. It won’t be easy
I won’t lie to you—maintaining a healthy relationship is difficult when you’re a fully grown adult, let alone when you’re in college.
Tienes que encontrar el equilibrio entre tus clases, el tiempo para estudiar, el tiempo para tu familia y tu trabajo. mejores amigos de vuelta a casa y, lo más importante, tiempo para ti mismo.
Consequently, all of this might feel overwhelming at first, and there is a possibility that your relationship won’t be going as smoothly as you expected it would.
However, accept this as something completely normal, and don’t beat yourself up for every little failure.
Piénsalo bien y decide si merece la pena luchar por ello. ¿Estás realmente enamorado y tanto tú como tu pareja estáis dispuestos a hacer que las cosas funcionen?
If the answer is positive, go for it. On the other hand, if you don’t see this romance going anywhere, maybe it’s better to call it quits in time.
Don’t worry, you’re not a chicken for giving up. Instead, see this as a sign of your maturity and your ability to list your priorities the right way.
8. Don’t rush things
La mayoría de los expertos en citas coinciden en una cosa cuando se trata de una relación romántica en la universidad: tómate las cosas con calma.
Don’t jump into a new relationship the moment you arrive on campus, and give yourself time to adapt.
En realidad, muchas personas cometen el mismo error: durante su primer año, se encuentran en un entorno desconocido y buscan a alguien que les reconforte, que se convierta en su persona y su zona segura.
So, they start dating the first person they run into, in hopes of regaining the sense of familiarity they’ve lost since they left home.
Well, let me tell you that this is a mistake. Before even taking romance into consideration, first and foremost, you have to find your own path and figure out how to get by without anyone’s help.
Acostúmbrate a nuevas asignaturas, materiales y profesores. Mira a tu alrededor, encuentra tus intereses. Conoce a nuevos amigos, recupérate de la nostalgia y, sólo entonces, comprueba si hay gente con la que puedas salir.
9. Dé prioridad a su educación
I don’t care if you think you’ve found the love of your life and how crazy you are about your boyfriend/ girlfriend.
No hay absolutamente ninguna justificación que te permita olvidar por qué viniste a la universidad en primer lugar.
And that is to learn new things, to make new opportunities, and to become the person you’re destined to be.
Sí, has oído bien. Por mucho que ir a la universidad sea una valiosa experiencia social, tu educación siempre es lo primero.
Por lo tanto, si tienes exámenes o un trabajo pendiente, tu relación sentimental tendrá que resentirse. No puedes permitir bajo ningún concepto que esas mariposas en el estómago interfieran en tu objetivo final.
Sí, dormir junto a tu ser querido y no ir a unas cuantas conferencias es increíble, pero ese momento de alegría es temporal y pasará.
Sin embargo, este tipo de comportamiento irresponsable puede tener graves consecuencias en tus estudios, por lo que debes ponerle fin en el momento en que veas que se produce.
10. Don’t expect too much from your high school romance
Muchos estudiantes universitarios de primer año espere continuar su relación con su novia del instituto incluso cuando van a la universidad.
While I’m not claiming that each one of these romances is doomed to fail, it is better not to get your hopes up when it comes to long-distance college romances.
En primer lugar, la mayoría de la gente se reinventa cuando acaba el instituto.
Te conviertes en una persona completamente diferente en poco tiempo y, antes de que te des cuenta, ya no tienes nada en común con alguien que significaba el mundo para ti.
I won’t lie to you—accepting this is quite difficult and painful.
However, sometimes it’s better to face the harsh truth and end things when they stop working instead of wasting more years on something that clearly has no future.
11. Avoid dating someone you can’t go no contact with after the breakup
Otra de las reglas de oro para un romance universitario es no salir con alguien con quien tengas varias clases o con quien vivas en el mismo edificio del campus.
Yes, spending this much time together sounds like a dream come true in the beginning when it’s all roses and rainbows.
Sin embargo, más adelante, es probable que este tipo de acuerdo cause problemas en tu relación.
En primer lugar, es terreno fértil para que uno de los dos se vuelva posesivo fanáticos del control because you’re in a position to literally follow your partner’s every move.
Besides, you two are accidentally dragged into a situation you didn’t sign up for. You have practically lived together since day one, and you are definitely not ready for such a serious relationship.
Otra desventaja de salir con alguien demasiado cercano es la mayor posibilidad de que ambos os canséis el uno del otro.
Pasáis demasiado tiempo juntos, desatendéis a los demás y, antes de que os deis cuenta, os hartáis el uno del otro.
Además, esto hace que las cosas sean mucho más incómodas si rompéis.
You’ll have a hard time getting over this person if you’re sentenced to keep on seeing them every day, and you can’t go full ningún contactoaunque quieras.
Por lo tanto, lo mejor sería que encontraras a alguien fuera del campus.
A person who is near enough so you could see each other when you want but with whom you don’t share a dorm.
12. Don’t forget about other people
La universidad no es sólo para encontrar el amor. También se trata de formar para toda la vida, amistades leales.
Se trata de conocer gente nueva de culturas, visiones del mundo y orígenes diferentes que pueden enseñarte mucho y construirte como persona.
So, please, don’t miss out on these valuable experiences just because you’re in love.
Don’t put all of your time and energy on this one person and forget about the others.
This goes for your family and friends back home, as well. Don’t disregard your previous life completely because of your special someone.
Besides, what will you do if you two break up? I’ll tell you what will happen: you’ll end up all alone, without anyone to talk to, and you’ll regret spending your entire college time only with them.
13. Find someone who won’t hold you back
The worst thing you can do to yourself is having a partner who doesn’t support your dreams, goals, and ambitions.
It is spending years next to someone who holds you back and convinces you that you won’t succeed at anything you set your mind to.
En su lugar, busca a alguien que te inspire para convertirte en el la mejor versión posible de ti mismo y que será el viento de tus alas en todas las situaciones.
Someone who will push you forward, who won’t be intimidated by your successes, and who will be there to help you get back up whenever you fall.
Búscate un novio o una novia ambiciosos que tengan metas de futuro estrictas y que sepan lo que quieren de la vida.
Someone who will be both your study and romantic partner, and someone who won’t take your energy off your dreams.
14. Don’t waste time on a relationship which doesn’t make you happy
A romantic relationship shouldn’t be the only source of your happiness—there is no doubt about that. However, it shouldn’t make you miserable either.
You see, life is difficult enough on its own. Therefore, you shouldn’t spend the best years of your life sad, crying over someone who doesn’t deserve you.
Sí, el verdadero amor necesita lucha for, and healthy relationships aren’t built overnight.
Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you should strain every nerve just to preserve a romance which obviously isn’t meant to be.
La vida te lanzará ladrillos y piedras en el futuro, y este es probablemente el último periodo en el que puedes despreocuparte.
Este es el periodo en el que debes disfrutar de cada momento, sin todos los problemas adultos que conlleva el día a día.
Entonces, ¿realmente necesitas a alguien que te arruine toda esta experiencia? Yo creo que no.
15. Determine su propio nivel de compromiso
When you’re involved in any type of college relationship, you’re allowed to set your own rules and agree with your partner regarding your levels of commitment.
You two are the ones who need to determine whether it’s okay to see other people or you’re exclusive, whether you’ll try and plan a future together, and so on.
Hagas lo que hagas, asegúrate de que nadie limite tu libertad.
This might be challenging to achieve because it is natural that you can’t behave the same when you’re taken and single, but on the other hand, you don’t want to spend all your Saturday nights in front of the TV with your partner during your entire college experience.
Also, please be careful about the promises you’re making.
Aunque ahora tengas la certeza de que la persona que está a tu lado es tu alma gemela y que acabaréis juntos, lo cierto es que muchas cosas cambiarán durante y, sobre todo, después de la universidad.
En realidad, la persona que eres en tu primer año de universidad y la persona en la que te conviertes en tu último año como estudiante de último curso serán probablemente dos personas completamente diferentes.
So, don’t give any false hopes, and don’t promise them marriage or a long-term relationship if that is something you can’t give.
Don’t commit above your possibilities, and be honest about your intentions.
16. Estar preparado para el fracaso
Básicamente, ninguno de nosotros iniciaría una relación si tuviera la posibilidad de saber cuándo y cómo terminará.
En cambio, cuando uno se enamora, espera que su romance dure para siempre, y el final es lo último en lo que piensa.
Even though I don’t want you to sentence your relationship to failure, you also have to be fully aware that something like that is highly likely.
You’re in a sensitive life period, your emotions change at the speed of light, and you’re in the process of becoming the person you should be.
Puede que tanto tú como tu pareja aún no estéis preparados para una relación madura. Y tenéis que ser conscientes de ello.
Therefore, even if your relationship fails, don’t see it as the end of the world. Instead, observe it as a chance for a fresh start.
17. Dedicar tiempo a disfrutar de la vida universitaria
Most importantly—please, have fun. Your college experience should be one of the most interesting periods of your life, and whatever you do, please enjoy every day of your college life to the fullest.
Okay, I’m not saying you should engage in risky sexual behavior or drink too much, but don’t be scared of trying new things.
Step out of your comfort zone, and don’t miss out on this precious experience just because you were too focused on one person only because if you do, I assure you that you’ll regret that decision forever.
