Romance na faculdade: 17 dicas para fazer dar certo

O que é que os especialistas em encontros dizem sobre as relações durante a faculdade? Podem resultar ou estão condenados ao fracasso?

Deve envolver-se em algo sério durante os seus estudos ou é melhor manter tudo casual?

If you’re a college freshman, you already asked yourself these and many other questions regarding a love life at college. Well, you came to the right place because you’re about to get all the answers you need.

1. Don’t be medo de ser solteiro

Por isso, obviamente, este será um texto sobre como lidar com o romance da melhor forma se fores um estudante universitário.

However, before we start with the actual tips regarding this topic, I want to give you the most important piece of advice: don’t be afraid to be single.

É claro que isto se aplica a todos os períodos possíveis da sua vida, mas é crucial na universidade.

If you feel like you’re better off on your own, if you don’t find anyone you like well enough to date or have a relationship with or if you simply want to focus on other things besides your love life, that is perfectly okay.

Please, don’t fall under the pressure of your surroundings and think of yourself as a weirdo or an outcast just because you don’t have a college relationship and are not a part of any love story.

Don’t compare yourself to others and date just about anyone because you see couples all around you.

No, you won’t miss much if you remain single during your college years.

Yes, romances in college can become one of your most cherished memories in your adult life, but if it’s not meant to be, please don’t beat yourself up about it.

Em vez disso, concentre-se em si próprio, nos seus melhores amigos e na sua família e desfrute da sua vida dentro e fora do campus da melhor forma possível.

2. You don’t have to find “the one”

If you’ve ever read college romance novels (such as “Game On” by Kristen Callihan or college romance books by other Amazon or Goodreads authors such as Colleen Hoover or Abbi Glines), in which the good girl falls in love with a rock star bad boy she met during her studies and eventually, the two of them end up together, despite all the obstacles, you probably romanticized the idea of finding everlasting love on campus.

The same goes with all other books about romance in college: they give you hope that this is the place where you’ll find your pessoa para sempre.

Well, let me tell you that romance books that take place in college and real life scenarios are not the same. In fact, during college, you don’t have to find “the one”.

You don’t have to be with the same person from your first until your last year in college.

On the other hand, you can have one college relationship throughout your entire studies, but this person doesn’t have to be someone you’ll spend the rest of your life with.

Yes, it is important for you to find a compatible partner, but don’t beat yourself up with thinking too far ahead in the future.

Livre-se da pressão de que todas as relações em que se envolve têm de resultar e acabar em casamento.

On the contrary, the bitter truth is that most romances in college don’t last long after you both finish your studies.

I’m not saying that yours will fail as well, but this fact is definitely something you should have in mind before even starting anything.

Besides, be aware of the differences between men’s and women’s ideas of a college romance.

While most guys are looking forward to one night stands, women’s desires are usually centered around finding a long-term partner.

3. Utilizar este tempo para aprender

Obviously, you came to college to study and learn new things. You’re here to educate yourself academically and to make something out of yourself in the future.

No entanto, há um outro tipo de aprendizagem que também deve ser feito aqui.

Em vez de se concentrar na tentativa de encontrar a sua alma gémea, deve encarar este período como uma oportunidade para aprender mais sobre si próprio e sobre os seus potenciais parceiros.

Quais são os tipos de raparigas ou rapazes com quem mais gosta de sair? Tem cem por cento de certeza sobre a sua sexualidade ou está aberto a experiências?

Consegue ver-se numa relação duradoura ou num casamento no futuro? É capaz de se envolver em encontros aleatórios e namoros casuais ou isso não é do seu agrado?

This is the period in which you’ll find out more about your quebra de acordos, standards, sexual preferences, and the period in which you’ll get to know yourself in a completely new light—a period in which you’ll learn some tough lessons which will prove to be the most valuable ones in the future.

4. Saber a diferença entre amor e luxúria

Another important tip for college romances is to understand that there is a huge difference between the real deal and one night stands—a difference between sleeping with someone, dating them, being in a relationship and finally, being fully committed to them.

When you’re young and your hormones are going wild, it is incredibly easy to mistake the two things.

You hook up with a friend of a friend at a party or you meet with someone from your dating app, and the next thing you know, you’re convinced that you’re desperately in love with them, that you will love them for the rest of your life, and that you would die if they left.

The truth is that this is nothing but your body deceiving you. You’re actually falling into a common trap many young people find themselves in: you’re confusing lust and love.

Bem, este é o momento em que vai aprender que estas duas coisas não são de todo iguais, apesar de terem muito em comum.

You’ll learn that sharing strong chemistry and passion with someone doesn’t automatically mean that they’re your other half or someone you should waste all your college years on.

5. Ter cuidado com o sexo

Let’s be honest: this is the period of your life in which you’ll probably have the most interesting sex life; the period of trying out new things and learning about your own sexuality.

Even though I’m not judging any of these, I’m here to ask you to be careful.

Lembre-se sempre de usar proteção porque a última coisa de que precisa agora é uma gravidez indesejada ou uma DST que apanhou de alguém com quem dormiu pela primeira vez, o que pode mudar o curso da sua vida para sempre.

Also, I’m begging you not do anything you’re not ready for. Respect your body, and demand the same treatment from your partner(s).

You’re not old-fashioned or a prude if you see that you’re not emotionally capable for having one night stands, for not wanting to sleep with someone you texted on the dating app or if you need more time to sleep with someone for the first time than the rest of the people of your generation.

Also, if you’re a guy, you don’t have to try so hard to maintain a bad boy reputation if that is not something you want.

Besides, even if you choose to remain a virgin, that is also your choice. You shouldn’t be ashamed of it, and nobody is allowed to judge you for it.

Remember, this is your own body we’re talking about here.

Therefore, you’re the only one who is allowed to set boundaries, and nobody has the right to invade your personal space more than you let them.

Outra coisa importante é não permitir que ninguém se sirva de si só para se apoderar das suas calças.

Don’t get me wrong— there is nothing wrong with sleeping with someone without any strings attached if that is what you both want.

No entanto, evitar ser um engate a alguém de quem gostamos só para nos misturarmos com toda esta cultura de engate.

Em vez disso, seja suficientemente corajoso para dizer ao objeto do seu afeto que quer mais e que ele pode receber o pacote completo, que inclui o seu coração, corpo e mente, ou nada.

Have in mind that in most cases, sex is more than sex, so be careful to whom you’re giving your body.

Even though you shouldn’t give a damn about what other people are saying, be careful about your reputation, and pay special attention to emotional consequences casual intercourse might leave on you.

6. Don’t fall under the pressure of the hook up culture

The same goes with all other concepts of modern dating: whatever you do, don’t fall under the pressures of your surroundings.

I know that everywhere you look, people are sleeping around, having ‘no strings attached’ relationships and not wanting to commit, but if that is not something you feel comfortable doing, don’t even think of forcing yourself into anything just so you don’t stand out.

Lembre-se que o amor e a honestidade nunca passarão de moda, independentemente do que alguém lhe possa dizer.

You’re not weak or pathetic if you refuse to be a part of these practices and if you choose to be single until the right person comes along.

However, if you do enter a relationship, please don’t make it an on and off thing, based on mind games and mixed signals.

You don’t have to play hard to get or pretend that you don’t want to label things with your partner just because of these imaginary rules imposed by the engatar culture we’re all surrounded by.

7. It won’t be easy

I won’t lie to you—maintaining a healthy relationship is difficult when you’re a fully grown adult, let alone when you’re in college.

É preciso equilibrar as aulas, o tempo de estudo, o tempo para a família e melhores amigos e, acima de tudo, tempo para si próprio.

Consequently, all of this might feel overwhelming at first, and there is a possibility that your relationship won’t be going as smoothly as you expected it would.

However, accept this as something completely normal, and don’t beat yourself up for every little failure.

Pense bem nas coisas e decida se vale a pena lutar por isto. Estão realmente apaixonados e estão ambos prontos para fazer com que as coisas funcionem?

If the answer is positive, go for it. On the other hand, if you don’t see this romance going anywhere, maybe it’s better to call it quits in time.

Don’t worry, you’re not a chicken for giving up. Instead, see this as a sign of your maturity and your ability to list your priorities the right way.

8. Don’t rush things

A maioria dos especialistas em conselhos sobre encontros concordam numa coisa quando se trata de uma relação romântica na faculdade: ir devagar.

Don’t jump into a new relationship the moment you arrive on campus, and give yourself time to adapt.

Na verdade, muitas pessoas cometem o mesmo erro: durante o seu primeiro ano, encontram-se num ambiente desconhecido e procuram alguém que as conforte, que se torne a sua pessoa e a sua zona de segurança.

So, they start dating the first person they run into, in hopes of regaining the sense of familiarity they’ve lost since they left home.

Well, let me tell you that this is a mistake. Before even taking romance into consideration, first and foremost, you have to find your own path and figure out how to get by without anyone’s help.

Habitua-te a novas matérias, materiais e professores. Procurem à vossa volta, descubram os vossos interesses. Conhece novos melhores amigos, recupera das saudades de casa e, só depois, verifica se há pessoas com quem possas sair à tua volta.

9. Coloca a tua educação em primeiro lugar

I don’t care if you think you’ve found the love of your life and how crazy you are about your boyfriend/ girlfriend.

Não há qualquer justificação que permita esquecer a razão pela qual se veio para a universidade.

And that is to learn new things, to make new opportunities, and to become the person you’re destined to be.

Sim, ouviste bem. Por muito que ir para a universidade seja uma experiência social valiosa, a tua educação está sempre em primeiro lugar.

Por isso, se tiveres exames ou um trabalho para entregar, a tua relação amorosa terá de sofrer. Não pode, em circunstância alguma, permitir que estas borboletas no estômago interfiram com o seu objetivo final.

Sim, dormir ao lado da pessoa amada e não ir a algumas palestras é fantástico, mas esse momento de alegria é temporário e vai passar.

No entanto, este tipo de comportamento irresponsável pode ter consequências graves para os seus estudos, pelo que deve ser interrompido logo que o veja acontecer.

10. Don’t expect too much from your high school romance

Muitos caloiros universitários esperar continuar a sua relação com a namorada do liceu mesmo quando vão para a universidade.

While I’m not claiming that each one of these romances is doomed to fail, it is better not to get your hopes up when it comes to long-distance college romances.

Em primeiro lugar, a maioria das pessoas reinventa-se quando sai do liceu.

Tornamo-nos uma pessoa completamente diferente num instante e, quando damos por isso, já não temos nada em comum com alguém que significava o mundo para nós.

I won’t lie to you—accepting this is quite difficult and painful.

However, sometimes it’s better to face the harsh truth and end things when they stop working instead of wasting more years on something that clearly has no future.

11. Avoid dating someone you can’t go no contact with after the breakup

Outra das regras de ouro para um romance universitário é não namorar com alguém com quem tenha várias aulas ou com quem viva no mesmo edifício do campus.

Yes, spending this much time together sounds like a dream come true in the beginning when it’s all roses and rainbows.

No entanto, mais tarde, este tipo de acordo é suscetível de causar problemas na vossa relação.

Antes de mais, é um terreno fértil para que um dos dois se torne possessivo maníacos do controlo because you’re in a position to literally follow your partner’s every move.

Besides, you two are accidentally dragged into a situation you didn’t sign up for. You have practically lived together since day one, and you are definitely not ready for such a serious relationship.

Outra desvantagem de namorar com alguém que é demasiado próximo de si é a maior possibilidade de se cansarem um do outro.

Passam demasiado tempo juntos, ignoram as outras pessoas e, quando dão por isso, estão fartos um do outro.

Além disso, isto torna as coisas muito mais embaraçosas se vocês se separarem.

You’ll have a hard time getting over this person if you’re sentenced to keep on seeing them every day, and you can’t go full nenhum contactoMesmo que queiras.

Por isso, seria melhor encontrar alguém fora do campus.

A person who is near enough so you could see each other when you want but with whom you don’t share a dorm.

12. Don’t forget about other people

A faculdade não é apenas uma questão de encontrar um romance. É também sobre a formação de uma vida inteira, amizades leais.

Trata-se de conhecer novas pessoas de diferentes culturas, visões do mundo e origens que nos podem ensinar muito e construir-nos como pessoas.

So, please, don’t miss out on these valuable experiences just because you’re in love.

Don’t put all of your time and energy on this one person and forget about the others.

This goes for your family and friends back home, as well. Don’t disregard your previous life completely because of your special someone.

Besides, what will you do if you two break up? I’ll tell you what will happen: you’ll end up all alone, without anyone to talk to, and you’ll regret spending your entire college time only with them.

13. Find someone who won’t hold you back

The worst thing you can do to yourself is having a partner who doesn’t support your dreams, goals, and ambitions.

It is spending years next to someone who holds you back and convinces you that you won’t succeed at anything you set your mind to.

Em vez disso, encontre alguém que o inspire a tornar-se o a melhor versão possível de si próprio e que será o vento para as suas asas em todas as situações.

Someone who will push you forward, who won’t be intimidated by your successes, and who will be there to help you get back up whenever you fall.

Procure um namorado ou namorada ambicioso(a), que tenha objectivos futuros rigorosos e que saiba o que quer da vida.

Someone who will be both your study and romantic partner, and someone who won’t take your energy off your dreams.

14. Don’t waste time on a relationship which doesn’t make you happy

A romantic relationship shouldn’t be the only source of your happiness—there is no doubt about that. However, it shouldn’t make you miserable either.

You see, life is difficult enough on its own. Therefore, you shouldn’t spend the best years of your life sad, crying over someone who doesn’t deserve you.

Sim, o verdadeiro amor precisa de luta for, and healthy relationships aren’t built overnight.

Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you should strain every nerve just to preserve a romance which obviously isn’t meant to be.

A vida vai atirar-lhe tijolos e pedras no futuro, e este é provavelmente o último período em que pode estar despreocupado.

Este é o período em que deve aproveitar cada momento, sem todos os problemas de adulto que todos os dias lhe trazem.

Então, precisa mesmo de alguém que lhe estrague toda esta experiência? Acho que não.

15. Determinar o seu próprio nível de empenhamento

When you’re involved in any type of college relationship, you’re allowed to set your own rules and agree with your partner regarding your levels of commitment.

You two are the ones who need to determine whether it’s okay to see other people or you’re exclusive, whether you’ll try and plan a future together, and so on.

Façam o que fizerem, certifiquem-se de que ninguém limita a vossa liberdade.

This might be challenging to achieve because it is natural that you can’t behave the same when you’re taken and single, but on the other hand, you don’t want to spend all your Saturday nights in front of the TV with your partner during your entire college experience.

Also, please be careful about the promises you’re making.

Mesmo que agora tenhas a certeza de que a pessoa ao teu lado é a tua alma gémea e que os dois vão acabar juntos, a verdade é que muita coisa vai mudar durante e sobretudo depois da faculdade.

Na verdade, a pessoa que é enquanto caloiro na faculdade e a pessoa em que se torna no último ano de finalista serão provavelmente duas pessoas completamente diferentes.

So, don’t give any false hopes, and don’t promise them marriage or a long-term relationship if that is something you can’t give.

Don’t commit above your possibilities, and be honest about your intentions.

16. Estar preparado para o fracasso

Basicamente, nenhum de nós entraria numa relação se tivesse a capacidade de saber quando e como ela vai acabar.

Em vez disso, quando nos apaixonamos, esperamos que o nosso romance dure para sempre e o fim é a última coisa em que pensamos.

Even though I don’t want you to sentence your relationship to failure, you also have to be fully aware that something like that is highly likely.

You’re in a sensitive life period, your emotions change at the speed of light, and you’re in the process of becoming the person you should be.

Por isso, talvez você e o seu parceiro ainda não estejam preparados para uma relação madura. E tem de estar consciente desse facto.

Therefore, even if your relationship fails, don’t see it as the end of the world. Instead, observe it as a chance for a fresh start.

17. Passar o tempo a desfrutar da vida universitária

Most importantly—please, have fun. Your college experience should be one of the most interesting periods of your life, and whatever you do, please enjoy every day of your college life to the fullest.

Okay, I’m not saying you should engage in risky sexual behavior or drink too much, but don’t be scared of trying new things.

Step out of your comfort zone, and don’t miss out on this precious experience just because you were too focused on one person only because if you do, I assure you that you’ll regret that decision forever.