Si tu chico hace estas 10 cosas, es un adicto al sexo

I won’t be the one who will tell you that it is wrong to stay with a adicto al sexo and try to solve the problems. I also won’t try to open your eyes and show you what you are missing while he is leading you on. I won’t because you already know that—just like I knew it while I was living with a man like that.

I just want to tell you my story so you could see that you are not alone and that no matter how you feel now, things can get better. They have to—if you care, of course.

Estaba casada con un adicto al sexo y cada día de mi vida con él, sentía que no era suficiente. No importaba cuántas cosas hiciera para complacerle, nunca era suficiente. Constantemente buscaba otra forma de divertirme.

Su ordenador estaba lleno de porno duro, páginas de citas y un montón de mensajes guarros que intercambiaba con mujeres que tenían el mismo apetito sexual que él. Y lo peor es que yo sabía todo eso, pero pensaba que era solo una fase y que cambiaría.

Pensé que cambiaría por mí y por nuestros hijos.

Pero nunca lo hizo. Se alimentaba viendo porno, flirteando con mujeres incluso delante de mí y masturbándose siempre que tenía tiempo. Todas estas cosas le alimentaban con dopamina y se sentía mejor por ello. Tal vez esa era su manera de sacudirse el estrés y de superar el hecho de que tenía baja autoestima.

But he couldn’t even make an effort for us.

He did all that just to please himself and he didn’t think of me at any moment. For him, I was just a body he could have when he would get horny. I was there to satisfy his sick needs so he would feel powerful again. And no matter how much I tried, I never could leave him.

Al principio me quedé porque pensé que no era tan grave y que cambiaría, pero se negó a hacerlo. Decía que necesitaba el sexo tanto como el aire en los pulmones. Y cada vez que decía eso... romperme el corazón because I wasn’t the woman who could satisfy all his needs.

He didn’t care if he was hurting me and breaking my heart.

He wanted me to do things that I don’t want to talk about, but all of them were extremely hurtful to me. Once, I told him that I don’t want to do that.

Me dijo que si no le iba a dar lo que necesitaba, lo encontraría en otro sitio. Me sentía como una mierda, como si no fuera lo suficientemente buena y como si no valiera la pena.

Entonces me di cuenta de que el objetivo del amor no es sentirse como una mierda.

When you are in love, you will do everything to make your partner feel good. You won’t hurt her and ask her to act like a slut just to satisfy your sick needs.

When you are in love you don’t fuck hard, but you make love. Because making love is full of feelings that make you feel special and getting fucked can’t provide you with that.

Verás, puedes tener relaciones sexuales con cualquiera, pero sólo puedes hacer el amor con la persona amada. Y hay una gran diferencia.

Too bad that love wasn’t the main priority for my ex.

He just wanted to get laid to feel better. He didn’t choose—he would hit on other girls in front of me while I was sitting in front of him looking at him and asking why he was doing all that to me. And every time I wanted my voice to be heard, he would manipulate me by saying that it was all in my head and that he loves me.

Y de nuevo, caía en su red de mentiras, pensando que estaba exagerando.

So I would keep living my shitty life with a shitty husband who didn’t know how to keep his dick inside his pants. He was a serious sex addict, but he never wanted to admit that. And all my conversations with him about getting help were in vain because he couldn’t and didn’t want to get rid of the most important thing in his life.

Todas las señales de su infidelidad gritaban a mi alrededor, pero, de algún modo, me negaba a verlas. Tal vez puedan ayudarte a escapar a tiempo y evitar el dolor por el que yo pasé.

1. Estaba escondiendo su teléfono

Cada vez que quería coger su teléfono para ver la hora o algo, saltaba desde la otra parte de la casa para decirme la respuesta él solo. Era muy sensible a que yo tocara sus cosas personales.

2. Nunca se conectó a ninguna de sus cuentas

Teníamos un PC compartido. Todas mis cuentas eran gratuitas pero él siempre cerraba la sesión de sus cuentas aunque sólo fuera al baño. Sólo puedo imaginar qué tipo de cosas sucias que tenía allí.

3. He couldn’t explain the lack of money

We were spending more money than usual, but we didn’t have all the things that we needed. And every time I would ask him about money, he would say that we spent it but that we forget where and I shouldn’t make a fuss about that.

4. Se masturbaba todo el tiempo

Lo peor fue tener sexo con él y pensar que di 100% de mí para complacerlo y mientras tenía la bendita sonrisa en la cara, tratar de abrazar con él, ya empezaría a masturbarse en la cama a mi lado.

5. Mentía todo el tiempo

Whenever he would say that he was somewhere, I knew that he was lying to me and that he was probably with another woman in bed. He would come home smelling like booze and cheap women’s perfume, and drunk and smelly like that, he would want to have sex with me.

6. Siempre quiso ser el dominante en la cama

I must admit that he was a really good-looking man, but that wasn’t enough. He always had to be the dominant one in bed because that was turning him on. His sex craziness and even higher sex drive transformed him into a sex addict and he couldn’t even do anything to prevent that.

7. Coqueteaba con todo el mundo

I couldn’t go to anywhere with him and feel good in my own skin. He would ruin every night out, every date and every friends’ gathering. He was hitting on my best friend while I wasn’t there and basically on every woman who was close to him.

8. Era manipulador

The worst thing he did to me was that he tried to convince me that I am just overreacting and that it is all in my head. But I wasn’t crazy. I knew what I saw. I knew him better than any person in his life and I could see when he was lying.

9. Me hacía sentir incómoda en la cama

Whenever I was in bed with him, it was like I was in a competition. I didn’t get to enjoy myself, but he made me feel like I had to go the extra mile to make him feel good.

Every time we would finish, I would feel like a piece of shit because of his ugly comments—telling me that I should do some things better kept echoing in my head and because of that I lost my self-esteem.

10. Siempre me trataba con recelo

He was the one who cheated, the one who couldn’t get rid of his addiction, but he blamed me for everything. Just because he was in his ‘sex world’, he thought that I was cheating on him and that I have many men in my life besides him.

And whatever I would say, he wouldn’t change his mind and kept torturing me by telling me that I was just a slut and that I am not a good example for our kids. He wanted to put all the blame on me and no matter what I would say, I was never right to him.

Esas son sólo algunas de las cosas que mi ex me hizo y el resto es algo que estoy tratando de olvidar. Su mal comportamiento hacia mí me dejó con baja autoestima, preguntándome si soy lo suficientemente buena y si alguna vez atraeré a un hombre que realmente me ame y me respete.

Even though we are not together anymore, he still has an impact on me. Every time I meet a new man, I am trying to find red flags that he might be sex addict as well. And that’s why every new relationship ends sooner than it actually begins.

At times, I think that I should have done something to get away from him before. Yet, that is the easiest thing is to say. In reality, it takes a lot of courage to do—to leave him, especially if you are financially dependent on him.

On the other hand, I didn’t want my kids to go through all that mockery of their dad being represented in that way. I just know that I put up with his crap for a long time, but I finally decided to break free from him and stop living in a hell he made just for me.

Now, after so many years, I have been able to regain my self-esteem and to be the old me again. Now, I can see that the problem was with him and that I didn’t want to see that. In fact, I was defending him for some reason. Maybe it was easier for me to neglect all my problems than to confront them. But I did and that was the best decision of my life.

Ahora soy una mujer feliz y él es el el mismo pedazo de mierda. Supongo que algunas cosas nunca cambian.