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9 señales de advertencia de que eres una esposa persistente (y cómo dejar de serlo)
Una de las definiciones más comunes de fastidiar es “persistently annoying or finding fault with someone”...así que una esposa regañona sería una combinación de lo siguiente:
– How many times have I told you not to put your socks under the bed?
– Out of all the things on the grocery list, you forgot to buy the most important one!
– Why am I always the one who has to take care and think of everything?
– You’re not doing it right!
– You said you would wash the dishes!
The list of popular nagging phrases goes on and on… Does this sound familiar to you? If you fit the definition of a nagging wife, then I bet it does.
Or if your wife’s nagging has become one of your top problemas matrimonialesentonces seguro que sí.
Before diving deeper into the essence of married life and the signs of a nagging wife, first let’s look at why some people have the urge to nag. So, here’s a simple question with a not that simple answer:
¿Por qué (algunas) mujeres se enfadan?
No, nagging is not an inborn trait and it’s not something women WANT to do. And yes, both women and men can be naggers, so it’s not something that only relates to women.
Women don’t wake up in the morning and just decide that today they will play the role of an angry wife or a quarrelsome wife for the sake of driving their own husbands insane.
They don’t want to deal with constant nagging and it’s not something they enjoy (and sometimes they’re not even aware they’re doing it).
Al igual que sus maridos, quieren tener un matrimonio feliz, pero la falta de las dos cosas siguientes se lo pone difícil:
a) Falta de comunicación abierta
b) Falta de conversaciones sinceras.
Ahora, tengo el impulso de redefinir la definición de una esposa regañona a esto: “persistently annoying or finding fault with someone due to a lack of open and honest conversation”.
Healthy communication is the root of a healthy and happy marriage, and is something married couples forget about or don’t pay attention to.
If you’re a husband to a nagging wife, you probably think the following: Mi mujer me regaña porque quiere hacerme sentir menos digno e incapaz.
But, the truth is that your wife nags because she’s trying to tell you how she feels about certain things.
Por ejemplo, esta frase: ¿Por qué siempre soy yo la que tiene que ocuparse y pensar en todo? sonaría muy diferente si te lo dijera: I’m sorry, but I’m really tired of always being the one who has to think of everything. I wish you were more engaging and supportive.
Si cambiara el tono, la frase sonaría automáticamente más agradable y desprejuiciada.
Otra razón por la que las mujeres tienden a convertirse en regañonas es su necesidad de tener el control.
Esto se explica mejor a través del concepto de la relación padre-hijo. Así pues, una esposa regañona en esta situación sería el padre y su marido sería su hijo.
Just compare it with your childhood and you’ll understand it better. How many times did your mother or father tell you to take out the trash or make your bed?
Y cuando te olvidabas de hacerlo, te lo volvían a recordar, pero esta vez con tono de regaño y te sentías como si te estuvieran obligando a cumplir sus expectativas.
The same thing goes with a nagging wife – the only difference is the things she’s nagging about. Usually they are the little things like socks, dishes, and forgetfulness.
Entonces los maridos dicen a sus amigos algo como esto: Mi mujer no deja de regañarme por pasar demasiado tiempo contigo / beber demasiado / no ayudarla con las tareas domésticas.
Un matrimonio basado en la queja suele desembocar en terapia matrimonial, en la búsqueda de asesoramiento matrimonial por parte de profesionales o en el divorcio.
While there’s nothing wrong with seeking help from marriage counselors, a divorce is something you want to prevent if you still care about each other.
To help you with that, here is a list of signs you’re a nagging wife and how to stop being one!
9 Signs You’re A Nagging Wife And What You Can Do To Change
1. Pedir siempre algo más de una vez
Uno de los mayores signos de una esposa regañona es la necesidad de repetir las cosas no una, ni dos, sino varias veces.
When you ask your husband to do something and he doesn’t do it, you assume that he didn’t hear you the first time, so you repeat your request a few more times, just in case.
Cuanto más se lo repites, más le das la lata. Tu marido se confunde totalmente sobre la verdadera razón de tus constantes recordatorios.
He starts to feel like you don’t care whether he’s able to do it, if he has time, or if something else is bothering him. He becomes convinced that he’s not good enough and he never will be.
QUÉ HACER
En lugar de repetir peticiones, siempre es más sensato preguntar a tu marido cuál es exactamente el problema (si es que lo hay) y buscar juntos la manera de solucionarlo.
If you don’t do that, your husband will only be able to think about the two following things:
Proverbios 21: 9 “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.”
Proverbios 27:15 “A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day.”
It’s important to pay attention to the real reason why your husband hasn’t done something yet or why he refuses to do it.
Is it because he doesn’t have time or is it because he’s not sure how to do it? It could also be laziness or forgetfulness.
Whatever it is, nagging won’t help. What will help is dealing with the problem and trying to find an adequate solution for it.
2. Utilizar afirmaciones que provoquen culpabilización y acusación
¿Recuerdas esas populares frases de esposa regañona que mencionábamos al principio? Bueno, esos son ejemplos perfectos de declaraciones que desencadenan la culpa y la acusación.
Declaraciones como ¡Nunca lavas los platos! o ¡Siempre dejas los calcetines debajo de la cama! se llenan de acusaciones y la palabra clave es USTED.
When you begin your sentences with ’you’, you are directly criticizing and attacking your husband. Why is that bad?
Because if you do that, he won’t focus on the real problem of washing the dishes, but instead he’ll think about attacking him. He will feel rejected and resentful.
QUÉ HACER
En lugar de utilizar sentencias que activen culpar a and accusation or deciding to take things into your own hands, it’s important to redefine your questions.
En lugar de acusarle de no fregar nunca los platos, intente decírselo: I’d like you to wash the dishes.
Es una forma educada y amable de decir lo que esperas de tu marido.
Al decirle esto, le estás haciendo saber que te gustaría que hiciera algo en lugar de limitarte a criticarle por no hacerlo.
Uno de los mayores errores que cometen muchas mujeres es pensar que sus maridos leerán entre líneas cuando les dicen cosas como: ¡Nunca lavas los platos!
Even though this is a wife’s subtle attempt to motivate him to wash the dishes, he will not see it the same way.
He will see it as something offensive and not productive. That’s why it is important to rephrase questions and think about the type of message you want to send to him.
3. Sentirse indefenso
People often think that their criticizing or nagging is justified because they’re doing it primarily because they’re worried about their partner.
Por ejemplo, si su marido es un fumador activo y a usted le gustaría que dejara de fumar.
So, you remind him of that every day even though it’s evident he’s not going to quit anytime soon. That is when you start feeling helpless and start nagging even more.
Y cuando tu marido te pregunte qué es lo que te molesta y por qué actúas así, le dices algo así como: It doesn’t matter.
QUÉ HACER
First and foremost, you need to understand that you can’t change someone who is not willing to change themselves.
Tienes que aprender a aceptar las cosas que no puedes cambiar, porque ésa es la esencia de la democracia. verdadera felicidad.
You could nag your husband for the rest of your life about something, but if he himself hasn’t decided to stop doing it or to improve things, there’s nothing you can do about it.
You could continue nagging, but by doing that you’ll make things even worse.
Whenever you’re feeling helpless about something you want to change (even though you know you can’t), always remind yourself that the only person who can do it is THEM (in this context – HIM).
(Y a veces seguir adelante es inevitable).
Véase también: 12 señales de una mujer controladora
4. Tener el fuerte impulso de controlar todo lo que le rodea
Esta es similar a la anterior.
Many spouses turn into control freaks (both men and women) and observe their partner’s every move, write down their every flaw, lack of effort, motivation and so on.
They get this strong urge to control everything around them because if they’re not in control, they feel helpless and like a passive character in marriage.
QUÉ HACER
Realize that you can’t control everything around you – the only thing you can is yourself.
De hecho, el impulso controlador surge de un profundo deseo de cambiar uno mismo y no las cosas o las personas que le rodean.
Whenever you’re nagging about something, ask yourself if it’s really what bothers you or if it is something else; something that is deeply rooted within you.
Perhaps you’re not satisfied with your career or your appearance, or maybe you’re having difficulties with your family.
All those things can be triggers to nagging behaviour and that’s why you need to pay close attention to them.
5. Sentirse como un padre para su pareja
La igualdad es algo que a menudo se pasa por alto en el matrimonio y las relaciones, y siempre hay ese miembro de la pareja que domina más.
En este caso, la esposa regañona desempeña el papel de un padre para su marido.
Este papel incluye controlar, dominar, regañar y seguir todos sus movimientos.
Un matrimonio o una relación no pueden funcionar así porque uno de los miembros de la pareja siempre se sentirá menos digno y menos capaz que el otro.
QUÉ HACER
A nagging wife needs to absorb the fact that she’s not a parent to her partner and she’ll never be (and she’s not supposed to be).
If you feel like a parent to your partner, then there’s something more going on here.
Perhaps your personalities are completely different and you’re the one who is more grown-up and responsible, whereas your husband is less mature and therefore less dominant.
It’s important to understand that some people need more time to mature and treating them like a child won’t help. It will only vuélvelos locos.
6. Hacer que su pareja se sienta rechazada o resentida
La insistencia constante puede una pareja se sienta rechazada and resentful. It’s when they decide to withdraw to their man cave (in this particular case) and they no longer seem present.
They withdraw because they can’t stand constantly being criticized for something and never praised.
Y cuando se alejan, las mujeres suelen seguir regañándoles por ser ignorantes y no querer cooperar y trabajar sobre sí mismos.
QUÉ HACER
Preste atención a cuántas veces al día o a la semana regaña a su pareja. Es literalmente cada cinco minutos o cada pocas horas?
En lugar de centrarte sólo en tus sentimientos, concéntrate en pensar en cómo afectará a largo plazo a tu relación este fastidio. ¿Es posible vivir feliz en un ambiente tan tóxico?
Como puede ver, era una pregunta retórica.
Pregúntate cómo te sientes al hacer que tu pareja se sienta rechazada y resentida.
Is it something you want to improve and change? If yes, then it’s high time you replaced nagging with an open and honest conversation.
7. Centrarse sólo en su pareja
Being only focused on your partner results in constant bickering about trivial things, or worrying about whether he’s going to forget your aniversario de boda even though you’ve mentioned it thousand times so far.
Todo ello se traduce en el regaño definitivo.
QUÉ HACER
When you’re only focused on your partner, you fail to see your own quirks and flaws.
Lord knows, no one is perfect. Because of that, we shouldn’t demand the impossible from our partners; we shouldn’t nag if we’re not ready to receive the same treatment in return.
Both partners should primarily focus on themselves so that they don’t get tempted into being the dominant one.
When you’re focused on yourself instead of only on your partner, you will distract yourself from potential nagging.
En otras palabras, carecerás de material molesto (lo cual es estupendo, ¿verdad?).
8. Falta de intimidad
Nagging is a serious libido killer and if you can’t remember the last time you and your partner were truly intimate, then you know whom you should blame for it.
Constantly reminding your partner that they’re not doing something right will result in discontent and a huge gap between the two of you.
Ya no habrá besos y abrazos cariñosos porque los regaños han acabado literalmente con todo eso.
Sí.
QUÉ HACER
Well, stop nagging and you’ll improve your intimacy! I know that it’s easier said than done, but the first step is being willing to stop nagging (especially about trivial things).
Empieza por abrazar y besar a tu pareja al levantarte por la mañana, porque lo más probable es que no encuentres nada por lo que regañarte tan temprano.
Joking aside, try to shower your husband with warmth and comforting words from time to time, so that he sees you care about him and your “nagging personality” is not the real you.
The real you is the woman who loves and cares about her husband and who wants the best for him. Let him know that and you’ll significantly improve your intimacy.
9. Falta de confianza y respeto hacia su pareja
Has your husband done something bad to you or hurt you one way or another so that you don’t trust him anymore?
Have you lost respect for him because he didn’t treat you the way you deserve?
If yes, nagging won’t help you with that either. Constantly demanding to know your partner’s whereabouts or nagging him about other things will only show how insecure you are.
A la larga, tú y tu pareja os sentiréis aún más desgraciados.
QUÉ HACER
If you have difficulties trusting your partner, then think about the reasons why. Focus on finding the root of your nagging and you’ll fix the problem.
Háblalo con tu marido y dile cómo te sientes. Cuando no hay una conversación abierta y honesta, también hay una falta de confianza y respeto.
Once you improve the way you communicate with each other, you’ll also improve your marriage!
Reflexiones finales
Aprender a dejar de ser una esposa gruñona no es algo que se pueda dominar de la noche a la mañana. Es un proceso que requiere mucha paciencia, comprensión y algo más de paciencia.
What’s important is that you’re aware of the problem and you’re willing to work on it. And remember: Se necesitan dos para que un matrimonio funcione.
Véase también: 17 señales de un matrimonio infeliz (y cómo solucionarlo)
