Si Le Echas De Menos Y Sabes Que No Deberías, Lee Esto
Aún le echo de menos, aún deambula por el fondo de mi mente como un huésped no invitado y no puedo evitarlo. Está bien cuando estoy despierta.
It’s easier during the day but when the night comes, when I’m left to the mercy of my own thoughts before I go to sleep, he pops in and there is no way I can ahuyentarlo.
There is no way to shut my mind down and find that small part of peace without him that I’m craving so badly.
So many times I’ve seen a complete stranger on the street and the color of his shirt reminded me of the color of his eyes.
El olor de un extraño inocente me devuelve a los días en que éramos felices. Todo eso me hace pensar. Todo eso me hace añorar el pasado.
I’m occupying my days just to forget him.
I’m doing all things possible just to not remember his face, his smell, his walk or his talk. I’m doing everything just to not miss him because I know I shouldn’t.
I know I shouldn’t but somehow I can’t not.
And it doesn’t make any sense really. I should hate him. I should hate the very thought of him, his presence, his everything.
Y, sin embargo, siempre está ahí, en el fondo de mi mente, esperando a que derribe mis muros y le deje entrar en mis pensamientos.
No one really gets it. No one knows how I feel. I just can’t let anyone know. After everything he’s done to me, I have no right to le echo de menosSólo un loco haría eso y yo lo hago. Así que mantengo la boca cerrada y me duele solo.
Tengo que guardármelo para mí. Tengo que quedarme callada y pasar por este dolor de ya no tenerlo todo para mí.
I know it’s hard now to let go of him. I know that nothing ever goes away overnight but I don’t get just one thing.
The rational part of me keeps yelling to forget about him. It keeps reminding me what horrible things he did to me. It keeps telling me that he never changed, even after so many chances given and that this time it wouldn’t be any different.
But the emotional part of me, the ‘insane’ part, keeps bringing him back. It keeps showing flashes of his smiling face. It keeps provoking empathy and craves him back, although it shouldn’t.
La verdad es que sólo recuerdo las cosas buenas.
Recuerdo cómo me hacía reír tanto que me dolía el estómago. Recuerdo cómo se ponía en ridículo solo para arrancarme una pequeña sonrisa.
Recuerdo todas las locuras que hacíamos juntos, lo felices que éramos sin una sola preocupación en el mundo.
Creíamos que el amor era así de sencillo. Había problemas y decidimos ignorarlos. Hicimos como si no pasara nada hasta que volvieron a surgir y una vez fue demasiado.
Todas las cosas que escondíamos bajo la alfombra volvieron y nos golpearon en la cara. No había vuelta atrás.
Un día lo tenía, y al siguiente, era un completo extraño. Se había ido.
And I can’t force myself to forget him. I can’t stop missing him. And I know I should.
Underneath it all, I know that he doesn’t deserve to be missed. I know that I’m a complete idiot for being stuck in those happy memories we had together. I know that I’m the only one.
Mientras me revuelvo en la cama por la noche intentando apartarle de mis pensamientos, sé que duerme perfectamente quieto.
I know that he doesn’t miss me and that he doesn’t think about me.
Then, I’m angry at myself. I’m angry because I’m stuck on him and he let me go a long time ago.
He was the one who called it quits on us. He was the one who didn’t want to fight anymore.
I wanted us to work but he didn’t care enough to try.
I kept giving him the time and space to turn things around but he didn’t see it that way. I guess I was just something casual he ran into along the way and I thought we would last much longer.
Me equivoqué.
But you know what I’ve learned?
I’d rather miss him the way I remember him. I’d rather miss the good sides of him.
So, I know it’s for the best because I know that I would be miserable if we had stayed together.
So I’d rather miss him than be with him.
