10 consigli se vi siete innamorate di un uomo emotivamente non disponibile

After so many broken hearts, I swore to myself that I would never fall for a guy who wasn’t going to love me to the fullest.

Ho cercato di curarli, di guarirli quando mi hanno detto che avrei potuto aiutarli solo se fossi rimasto.

Questo mi ha portato a essere distrutta da tutti quegli uomini emotivamente non disponibili e violenti.

But one of them, he did the best job when it comes to breaking someone’s heart.

Ci siamo conosciuti a una festa. Era ubriaco e ha iniziato a raccontarmi di come la sua ragazza lo avesse tradito con uno stronzo che lui chiamava amico. Così, li ha persi entrambi.

Sapevo cosa stava passando e ho cercato di confortarlo, ma lui voleva che facessi una passeggiata con lui.

Tenete conto che era molto ubriaco e molto onesto su tutto.

He told me how he wasn’t sure if he could ever love again. “Why should I? It’s only a waste of time!” he was yelling at the top of his lungs and asked me afterwards if I was thinking the same thing.

This is the point where I started telling him how love is an amazing thing and that the only problem was that he didn’t find the right woman to be in love with.

She didn’t appreciate him, but if he continued searching, he would eventually stumble upon a wonderful partner who will be more than happy to have him in his life.

He looked me dead serious in the eyes and came a bit closer to me. My heart started racing and I couldn’t breathe. What was he going to do?!

Non dimenticherò mai il modo in cui mi sorrideva e mi toccava la guancia con tanta delicatezza. Era quasi un sogno.

Ha continuato a parlare di come pensa che trovare quella persona potrebbe essere davvero facile ora. E mi ha baciato.

Questa notte è stata più che meravigliosa. L'abbiamo passata insieme e al mattino è stato molto gentile con me, dicendomi che non si era mai innamorato di una persona così velocemente.

He made us coffee and we continued talking about the party and our little conversation. That’s when we decided to go on a proper date!

He was continuously telling me how he wasn’t sure se voleva una relazione.

He didn’t think that it was something he could do now, although it had been awhile since he broke up with his last girlfriend.

But I didn’t want to rush it. He seemed so nice, loving and caring. Inoltre, volevo sentirmi necessario.

He was constantly telling me how he needed someone who’d be there for him and fix him. I wanted to be that someone!

From time to time, I would ask him to define our relationship. But at the word ‘relationship’, he’d start panicking and wouldn’t even want to talk to me for hours afterward.

Con il passare del tempo, vidi che i muri intorno a lui si ergevano ancora di più. Iniziai a chiedermi chi fosse l'uomo di cui mi ero innamorata.

He would smile at girls in bars just so they could come up to him. I was sitting next to him, listening to all those times he told them that I was only a friend. Well, it’s the truth.

Era una di quelle persone che preferivano essere amici con benefici piuttosto che avere una relazione seria.

Una mattina la mia amica mi ha scritto che lo aveva visto su un incontri e che ha persino cercato di flirtare con lei. L'ho cercato ed era lì.

His picture—there was no doubt about it and the caption said something like “single and ready to mingle”.

When I confronted him about this, he told me that it was none of my business and that I shouldn’t be putting my nose in his life.

He told me everything he could just to make me realise that he didn’t love me. I wasn’t his ‘someone’. “Why would I fall for someone like you?!” Ha fatto male. Molto.

I’d like to say that I walked out of his life right after this fight, but I didn’t. I stayed. For too long. I stayed to watch him flirt and make out with other girls, never realising how much he hurt me.

He was always avoiding the topic of our relationship and that’s when I realised that he truly was emotivamente non disponibile.

I should’ve seen it at the beginning. If your partner is emotionally unavailable, there’s nothing much you can do but run! Pack your stuff and run! I’ve learned it the hard way.

You might have fallen in love with him so it’s not that easy to let go. That’s why I’m giving you 10 little tips on how to survive an emotionally unavailable man:

1. Mettere al primo posto i propri sentimenti

Siate consapevoli dei sentimenti che provate in quel momento. Se in un certo momento vi sentite feriti e vulnerabili, prendetevi una pausa per sentirvi di nuovo bene.

Se questo significa lasciarlo e scappare, fatelo! Piangerai di meno, te lo assicuro.

2. Conoscerlo meglio

C'è una piccola possibilità che ci sia una speranza per lui. Potrebbe cambiare. Fate tutte le domande che volete senza avere paura delle sue risposte.

Be confident and make him talk to you. If he avoids your questions constantly, it’s just a sign that it’s not worth trying.

3. You can’t heal him if he doesn’t want to be healed

As much as you’d want to, you can’t fix him. L'ho imparato a mie spese.

Being emotionally unavailable means that the person shuts down their emotions and you can’t even come close to him.

4. Don’t apologize for your feelings

Credo davvero che essere in grado di esprimere i propri sentimenti e mostrare vulnerabilità sia un vero segno di forza.

You don’t have to apologize for it! Express them in all the ways you need in order to feel at peace!

5. Digli subito cosa vuoi

Tell him at the beginning what you want from the relationship and that you’re not ready to settle for anything less than what you want because you deserve it.

If I’d known this, I would’ve saved myself all the time and energy that was wasted.

6. Essere felici e indipendenti

If you’re not depending on him, you might as well just leave when you realise that he’s emotionally unavailable and there’s no fixing it.

I was very dependent and that made me unhappy. I didn’t have my own personality because I let him define me. Biggest mistake I ever made!

7. Siate pazienti (per ora)

Maybe he’s willing to change and he might tell you that he his but that he needs time.Give him the time he needs but know that you can’t wait forever.

8. Prestare attenzione alle sue azioni, non alle sue parole

Le sue azioni potrebbero non corrispondere alle sue parole. Le sue parole possono essere gentili e promettenti, ma le sue azioni mostrano un abuso emotivo.

He might tell you that he’s trying to change but he still cheats on you? Well, why are you waiting? Why are you still with him?

9. You aren’t a failure if you didn’t manage to make it work

Ho davvero lottato con questo problema. Pensavo che se lo avessi amato abbastanza e avessi avuto abbastanza pazienza, sarebbe andato tutto bene. Emotivamente non disponibile o meno.

I loved him. It’s the only thing that mattered to me. So, I thought that we could work things out and be a happy couple.

But no. He didn’t let me past the walls he built up around his heart and it’s fine. It’s not my fault.

10. Amare se stessi

This one is very simple, if you love yourself enough, you won’t ever let anyone have a higher priority rather than yourself.

You’ll appreciate your life in a way that you won’t want to waste your time and energy on someone who’s not worthy of it!