Okay, let’s talk about first dates. They can be nerve-wracking for sure! You spend hours choosing your outfit hoping this would be just the beginning of your numerous dates together and you never know what to expect.
That’s kind of the fun of it. The less fun experience is texting a friend “Get me out of here!” in the middle of the date. Oh, I’ve done that for sure.
I met this one guy on social media a few years ago. He seemed cool so we went out to grab a drink.
He worked for the government and a couple of minutes into our date he told me he had done a complete background check on me! He basically knew my address and all my private information. But that wasn’t even the worst part.
He desperately wanted to hold my hand even when I wasn’t comfortable with it and if that wasn’t awkward enough he decided it was a good time to make a video call with his family! He wanted me to talk to them when I barely even knew him.
By that point, I knew I needed to run away so I said I wanted to go home. But my disastrous date didn’t end there. He tried to kiss me multiple times even though I explicitly said no! Safe to say I’ve never been on a worse date! I never texted him back after this.
So yeah, I have a lot of experience with first-date red flags. Let me give you some signs that should make you look for the closest exit when things go south on a date!
1. Never heard of boundaries
As I said, this was a major turn-off for me. If they’re too touchy when you’re not comfortable with it, just imagine what could happen after the first date! Oh no, no, definitely cut all ties with them!
This is beyond disrespectful in so many ways. By not respecting your boundaries they are basically telling you they don’t care about you, so why would anyone want a second date with them?
It’s not only about physical boundaries, but emotional ones too! Maybe they are asking inappropriate questions, want to find out something you’re not comfortable with sharing or are being pushy in any way. No matter the context, it’s always rude and disrespectful!
2. Everything’s about them
I love talkative people, but there’s always a limit. A date shouldn’t be like an interview where they’re listing all their achievements and qualities hoping you would hire them as your partner.
Conversation should always be a two-way street. If you never get a chance to share anything about yourself, find someone who wants to listen to you and not only themselves!
I was once on a date and halfway through it, I thought I somehow mistakenly got to a TedTalk! He just couldn’t stop yapping about every detail of his life!
From childhood traumas, and high school experiences to his ex-lovers, he talked about it all! This man used our date as a therapy session!
3. Obsessed with their ex
I don’t know what’s worse: when they’re obsessed with their ex or can’t stop bashing them. This might be at the same level of red flags!
In ogni caso, it’s always a good sign they’re not over them and definitely not ready to move on. And you don’t need someone who’ll waste your time while still thinking about their ex. Even if they trash talk about them, I wouldn’t trust it too much. No breakup is completely the fault of one person.
The man I went on a date with talked about his ex for a good portion of the time! And no, he didn’t say one bad thing about her. Instead, he talked about how they’re good friends, still see each other, and even showed me pictures of her! So yeah, complete failure of a date.
4. Not present and bored
It’s not good when they only talk about themselves or their ex but not engaging in the conversation at all also isn’t ideal!
You need someone who’s interested to get to know you better. If he seems bored or distracted with anything, he’s not invested or serious about you.
Imagine someone can’t be present and engaged on a first date where everyone wants to leave a good impression! Honey, don’t expect him to change and do better in the future.
I remember when my friend talked about her date and said he was more interested in his phone than her! Apparently, there was a big basketball match and he kept checking the score and didn’t even listen to her. Trust me, you don’t need someone like this!
5. Rude to the waiter
I always thought the way someone treats others, especially service staff, gives you everything you need to know about them.
Always know that being rude and disrespectful to people providing you with any service is a huge sign they have an inflated ego and think they’re superior. I don’t know about you, but this is such a turn-off for me!
Try paying attention to these small details because they can show you how he’ll treat you and others later on. If he’s kind and genuine he’ll also treat others with respect, so don’t fall for what he says if his actions don’t support his words!
6. Love-bombing you
Be careful with this one because it might trick you into thinking they’re really into you. Sometimes it’s easy to fall for sweet words and compliments but nice gestures aren’t always honest.
If they shower you with attention and it feels overwhelming and fake, it probably is! It takes time to develop a real deep connection and it can’t happen quickly over the first date.
I know it feels nice when someone tells you everything you want to hear but love-bombing is always flattering at the beginning. Later on, when you realize this was only a tactic to control and manipulate you, you’ll regret trusting them so much.
7. Moving on too quickly
Pushing for commitment almost always goes hand in hand with love-bombing. First, they convince you they already love you and then tell you you’re special and how you’re destined to be together.
First dates should be about getting to know each other and not planning your future. No one is rushing with commitment for no reason. They shouldn’t talk about moving in together or meeting family the first time they meet you!
It’s not always because they want to trap you in a relationship and control you, sometimes it’s just a lazy attempt to hop into bed with you! So stay aware of these manipulators!
Always watch out for these signs because one date might not be enough to make important decisions about your future together but it’s definitely all you need to see if they’re good or not.
If you don’t feel comfortable at any moment or your gut tells you something ain’t right, don’t try to rationalize it – just run!