When my husband suggested it would be best if I stayed at home raising our kids until they started school, I immediately agreed. At that time I thought why not, staying at home with the kids would be great. Also, I had a rough time at work and a career break seemed like the perfect idea.
Almost all of my friends did the same when they got kids and all I could hear was “It’s the best thing to do when your kids are infants or toddlers.” or “You’ll get to watch them grow and witness all of their milestones.”
Overall enthusiasm did not prepare me for the stark reality – being a stay-at-home mom is an uphill battle.
And in my experience, these are the 7 downsides of being a stay-at-home mom:
1. “I realized SAHM is a full-time job”
Be aware – it’s not only playing, hugging, and kissing little noses and fingers. Besides babysitting, it also includes housekeeping, cooking, cleaning, getting the groceries, driving them to the doctors, and managing general home and family needs.
At least it did for me, but be more clever and make a plan to split all the household chores between you and your hubby.
2. "I felt lonely and isolated”
Lack of social interaction carries weight and influences your mood. Being with the kids all the time, unable to have a proper adult talk except with your husband, can make you feel lonely.
Days will revolve around satisfying kids’ needs and there will be no room for any other activity. You’ll lose touch with your friends and family, and when you recall occasional chats you enjoyed in the office it will seem like a completely different life.
So, go meet your best friend at least twice a month. Don’t make excuses, hubby can replace you for an hour.
3. “Being SO tired I was easily irritated and would often lose my temper”
Hectic days make you feel drained and overwhelmed, and you may startle easily. Also, you might get angry and shout at your kids.
After the emotional storm, you feel bad and helpless, without the idea of how to handle the burden and make it all work. Feeling trapped is also very common among stay-at-home moms. Sometimes we don’t leave the house for days!
Try to stay calm, and remember to breathe!
4. “I was incapable to ask for help”
I usually feel rattled when I’m under the time pressure and there’s a lot to do. I rush myself, become more nervous, and then I drop things, damage the door, or scratch the car.
No matter how many things I do, there’s always more. It’s a never-ending cycle, and you never catch a break.
Many women fail to notice that it’s all too much and they need to ask for help. Ask your hubby to give you a hand with the household duties! I know he has a full-time job, but so do you. After 5 pm all duties must be shared between the two of you.
5. “I was stuck in the routine loop”
You feel as if you’re in an endless routine loop that gets repeated over and over again. Every day feels the same, often you’re not sure if it’s Wednesday or Thursday.
You keep feeding the kids, changing diapers, washing clothes, ironing, cleaning the dishes, picking up toys, etc. Of course it’s exhausting. As if you’re a rat in a wheel.
So hack the routine and take the kids for lunch outside. Or take them on a picnic!
6. “My days were tedious and dull”
The repetitive nature of your daily schedule makes you feel dull sometimes. Everlasting hard work leaves you feeling depressed and your life seems senseless. You lose motivation and forget to take care of yourself.
Remember, mommy needs a break sometimes! Ask your husband to watch the kids while you go out. A simple walk can do wonders!
7. “I felt worthless without a ‘real’ job”
While your career is on hold, even though you’re very busy with childcare, you still see yourself as unemployed. This can give you a feeling of worthlessness, can have a serious impact on your self-esteem, and may evoke anxiety.
That’s why I keep repeating – SAHM is a real job, more difficult than the one you’re being paid for. Give yourself credit and make sure to thrive in your new “tenure”!
After all, I’m glad I’ve spent a few years being a stay-at-home mom, but I wish I was prepared for all the drawbacks of this role. It would be much easier for me if my friends had shared this useful advice. So please take notes!