Dovrei mandargli un messaggio o no? 10 regole d'oro: quando mandare un messaggio e quando aspettare

La famosa citazione di Shakespeare: ‘To be, or not to be, that is the question’ può essere applicata a quasi tutto ciò che ci preoccupa quotidianamente. Questa citazione dice così tanto, ma allo stesso tempo così poco.

It is the best example of something as beautifully complicated as a woman’s mind. Women have this tendency to weigh everything before taking action, and the same applies to texting.

Mandare o non mandare un messaggio, questo è il problema.

Dovrei mandargli un messaggio? Quante volte vi siete posti questa domanda? E quante volte avete avuto una risposta a questa fastidiosa domanda?

It is really hard to decide whether to text him or not (regardless of your status). He could be your crush, partner or some stranger you’ve never met before, and the pressure always remains the same.

Il dilemma degli sms è qualcosa che uccide tutta la gioia delle nuove relazioni, di quelle esistenti e di quelle potenziali.

I mean, if you don’t text him, you will never know the answer. And if you text him, perhaps you will not be satisfied with the answer.

Siete pronti a gestire la verità?

When it comes to texting, always think twice whether you’re ready to handle the potential harsh truth. You need to have in mind that not all guys are polite and open-minded as you might have thought.

There are some guys who will hurt your feelings by ignoring you (especially if they are not into you), while some of them will ignore you only because they enjoy playing a game called “being hard to get”.

Quindi, se decidete di mandargli un messaggio per primi, alcuni ragazzi non vi risponderanno mai solo perché amano la sensazione di essere desiderati da voi, che li rende superiori. E se vogliono conservare questo status, dovranno impedirsi di rispondervi.

I know it sounds sick, but it’s the world we live in. And that is why you need to be ready for every single possible outcome if you decide to text him.

Quali sono le sue motivazioni?

Un'altra cosa a cui dovete prestare attenzione sono le motivazioni che vi spingono a mandargli un messaggio.

Ti piace davvero quel ragazzo e i messaggi sono solo una scusa per avvicinarti a lui? Hai davvero qualcosa di cui parlare con lui?

Always think of your ulterior motives for texting, and you’ll find the right answer.

If you’re just texting him for no apparent reason, chances are that he will not text you back (especially if he doesn’t know you).

Ma se avete un motivo valido per mandargli un messaggio, allora non dovreste pensarci due volte a farlo.

You need to know that there’s a difference between having a valid reason and texting for no apparent reason.

The biggest difference is that if you have a valid reason, you’re simply trying to talk to him because the topic is relevant to you and to him, and it is not a waste of your time or time.

But, if you’re constantly finding excuses to text him, this behavior may turn into an obsession which is not healthy for your well-being.

Prima di pensare di mandargli un messaggio, chiedetevi sempre prima di tutto: Sono pronto a gestire la verità e quali sono le mie motivazioni? That way you’ll get closer to the right answer whether you should text him or not.

Also, pay attention to the following questions and rules regarding texting that will help you find the proper solution for a particular texting circumstance or a situation you’re in.

Devo mandargli un messaggio o no? 10 regole d'oro: quando mandare un messaggio e quando aspettare

Sei sempre tu a scrivergli per prima?

If you’re always the one texting him first and you’re wondering whether you should continue doing so, the answer is ‘No’.  Are you constantly asking yourself the same question: Why won’t he text me back? Then it’s time to re-evaluate your texting patterns.

Non dovreste mai sforzarvi troppo per qualcuno che non si è mai preoccupato di contattarvi per primo.

Chiedetevi perché lo state facendo e avrete la vostra risposta.

If you’re doing it just because you really like him even though you see that he doesn’t give a shit about you, you should not text him first.

If you’re doing it just because you’re afraid that he’ll never text you first if you’re not the one texting him first, you have a fear of being rejected, and it is a serious red flag that you should change something.

If you’re always the one who texts first and you’re always doubting whether you should do it or not, you will never be truly happy. 

If he’s your boyfriend, you should try talking to him about it, and demand some valid explanations or if he’s someone you’ve just met or a potential boyfriend, you should stop texting him right now because chances are that he’s already taking you for granted. So, don’t text him and he will text you. To be more exact, don’t text him first for the time being and things will change.

And if he doesn’t text you first even when you wait, you’ll know that his intentions were never serious or worthy of your time.

Ti ha mandato un messaggio prima?

If the guy texted you first, it is a perfect opportunity to respond. You don’t have to worry about this one. Simply reply, and wait for him to text you back.

Yet, the only thing you need to worry about is whether you like that guy or not? If you don’t like him, you don’t want to give him false hopes to think he has a chance with you.

Non bisogna mai forzarsi a fare le cose solo perché si vuole essere educati.

If you don’t like the guy, you can always choose to send a brief reply, and tell him that you don’t have time to text him.

And if respects you, he will immediately stop texting because you’ve told him politely that you’re not interested.

But, if he continues bombarding you with unnecessary texts even though he knows that you’re not interested, you have every right to tell him openly to stop texting you or you can choose to ignore his texts and consider blocking him.

Fate sempre attenzione quando riconoscete questo tipo di comportamento, perché potrebbe essere un potenziale psicopatico che si nutre della vostra attenzione.

This is the most dangerous situation you can experience regarding texting because if you don’t intervene, it can quickly escalate into something bigger.

Vedi anche: 12 motivi per cui non ti manda mai un messaggio per primo (ma risponde sempre quando glielo mandi)

Siete sotto l'effetto dell'alcol?

Alcohol and texting is a combination that should be avoided at any cost. When you’re under the influence of alcohol, it is hard for you to make reasonable decisions and to understand the thoughts that are running through your head.

So, if you’re under the influence of alcohol, you should never text him.

It doesn’t matter if he’s your partner, your ex or someone else because the potential damage of texting him when you’re drunk is the same in all situations.

When you’re drunk, you’re basically saying things that you are not able of saying when you’re sober, and that is the main reason why you should non mandargli mai un messaggio in quella situazione.

You don’t want to ruin things you’ve been building for years with someone just because of two or three extra drinks.

It is always better to turn off your phone or give it to someone else when you’re about to drink (so that you don’t feel tempted to text anyone). And if your thoughts are constantly burdening you, then you should think of talking to him about it instead of texting

Ha mai parlato con lui (di persona) prima d'ora?

If you’ve never talked to him before, you should not text him. Let me explain why.

If you’ve never talked to him in person, it means you don’t know the guy. And if you don’t know the guy, you have no idea whether he’s a commitment phobe, emotivamente non disponibile, uno psicopatico o qualcos'altro.

You can never be too cautious to whom you’re texting today because the world is full of unreliable people.

Another argument why you shouldn’t text him first is because he might think that you’re too shy or socially awkward to meet him in person.

You know the feeling when someone you’ve never heard about all of a sudden texts you? You think of him as a creep who doesn’t have the courage to approach you in person.

And that’s exactly what he’ll think of you. And if you really like him, you should think of other ways to establish contact with him.

Summarized, if you don’t know the guy, don’t text him first because it will save you nerves and time as well.

And life’s too short to spend it living in a delusion while texting someone whose personality might be totally opposite in the real world.

Si sta impegnando nella conversazione?

Ricordate la regola d'oro degli SMS: If he’s not making an effort in the conversation, you shouldn’t make an effort to text him.

It is as simple as that. If a guy is not interested in making an effort to have a quality conversation with you, he’s not worth your time. Period.

And how will you know whether he’s making an effort in the conversation?

You’ll know that he’s making an effort if he always responds within a decent amount of time (you don’t have to wait for hours for his reply), if his responses are full sentences (and not only one or two words), if he sends you emojis, etc.

If he does all of these things, it means he genuinely cares about you and the conversation you’re having. It means he wants you to know that he’s there for you, and he’ll do anything to make you feel comfortable when texting him.

It means he’s not egocentric, thinking only of himself and replying or texting you only when he needs you.

There’s a big difference between a selfish guy and selfless guy. A selfish guy will do anything to appease himself, whereas selfless guy will do anything to appease you.

Quante volte gli hai mandato messaggi oggi?

If you’ve already texted him and he didn’t reply to your text, don’t send another text.

If you’re wondering why, the answer is simple. If you send multiple texts to a guy who is simply not responding, he will think of you as desperate.

I know that there’s nothing worse than the feeling of anticipation whether he’s going to finally text you back or not, but, please, stop yourself from texting him again.

You’re a beautiful, confident woman, and you should never make him question your confidence and self respect.

Se il desiderio di mandargli un messaggio è molto forte, provate a occuparvi di altre cose per evitare di mandargli un messaggio.

You should never make him a priority if he’s treating you as an option. You’re not an option, and you’ll never be.

So, if he doesn’t text you back, turn off your phone if needed, and go enjoy your life without thinking of him.

Remember that your happiness is the first thing that you should be worrying about and not some guy who didn’t text you back.

Hai una relazione con lui?

If you’re in a relationship and you’re questioning whether you should text him or not, you need to ask yourself why is it so? Do you think that your partner has become reserved all of a sudden?

Or that there’s something wrong with him and because of that you’re afraid of texting him?

When you have doubts whether you should text someone with whom you’re in a relationship, this is a potential red flag that something needs to be changed.

Is he neglecting your needs lately and you would like him to notice you more? If that is the case, you’re probably scared that he has lost feelings for you, and you’re not sure if texting him is the right thing to do. You’re not sure if that will fix things or make them even worse.

Qualunque sia il motivo e se avete dei dubbi sulla vostra relazione, la scelta migliore è parlargli di persona invece di mandargli un messaggio.

Demand that he tell you what’s on his mind because that is the only healthy way of dealing with relationship issues.

Ha avuto una discussione con il suo ragazzo?

Arguments are really tricky when it comes to relationships. When an argument finishes, you can never know what the other person is thinking, and it is really frustrating when you’re not sure exactly what to do in that situation.

Should you text him or wait for him to text you first? Should you forget everything that happened and tell him how much you love him and that you don’t want to fight anymore? Should you text him, or, not?

If you had an argument with your boyfriend and now you’re not sure whether you should text him or wait for him to text you back, the best solution is to think of the reason why you wanted to text him in the first place.

Is it because you want to tell him to fuck off or you want to apologize for something you’ve said to him? If you only want to show him your rage, you should never text him. But, if you feel that you should apologize, feel free to text him if that will make you feel better.

Volete condividere con lui qualcosa di divertente?

If you’ve found something funny that reminded you of him and now you don’t know whether you should share it with him, you have the green light to do it. Guys love humor.

It is something that is deeply rooted within their beings, and it’s simply how they function.

If you see a funny picture, video or something else, you should not hesitate to send it to him because it will make his day. And who doesn’t like to laugh?

Una donna con senso dell'umorismo è automaticamente dieci volte più attraente.

Se capite quali sono i tipi di battute che preferisce, dovreste fargli capire che voi due avete alcune cose in comune.

Ma il problema sorge se si esagera. Non è mai una buona idea sommergerlo di migliaia di immagini, video o altro di divertente, perché se si esagera non sarà più divertente.

Instead, he will think that you’re trying too hard to entertain him which is not that sexy.

Quando si tratta di inviare queste cose bisogna sempre essere discreti, perché il più è sempre il meno.

If you try too hard to send ten videos every single day only to make him laugh, he will know that you’ve been searching for them in order to send them to him. And it will seem like you have no business other than keeping him entertained.

Hai appena avuto un primo appuntamento con lui?

I primi appuntamenti sono sempre pieni di speranze e allo stesso tempo di potenziali delusioni.

E gli sms giocano un ruolo importante in questo senso. L'eterna domanda che assilla ogni singola donna dopo un primo appuntamento è: Dovrei mandargli un messaggio?

And the answer depends on the type of guy you’re dating. Has he treated you like a real gentleman? If he did, chances are that he’s going to text you first, and you just need to wait a little bit more.

Real gentlemen never forget to text the woman they are interested in. So, if he had a good time with you and if you’re sure of his gentlemanly manners, be sure that he will text you sooner or later.

But, if the guy you’ve dated has treated you poorly (no gentlemanly manners at all) and he didn’t care about your feelings, you should never even think of texting him. And if he does text you, think of an excuse to keep him away from you.

Non dovreste mai accettare nulla di meno di quanto meritate e dovreste sempre lasciargli un po' di spazio per mandarvi un messaggio prima.

And if he doesn’t, you can consider texting him instead, but only if you’re sure that the guy is right for you.

And you’ll know it if you observe his body language and the way he treats you in person. Our body language reveals more than our words, and you would be surprised what you can discover if you only observe his behavior.

State pensando di mandare un messaggio al vostro ex?

The answer is ‘No’. Don’t even think about texting your ex because it will only bring you more problems than happiness. Always remind yourself that there’s a reason why he is ex and not a current boyfriend.

Texting your ex is like walking on the minefield of your past, and if you don’t have a specific reason for doing so, don’t do it. It is okay if you still have feelings for him because that is completely normal.

Datevi un po' di tempo per dimenticarlo e per lasciar andare il vostro passato. E se l'impulso di mandargli un messaggio persiste, pensate di parlargli di persona. Non usate mai gli sms per esprimere le vostre emozioni o per estorcergli informazioni.

Instead, focus on the present and devote yourself to the people who love you and who need you. You are not your past, and there’s no need to suffer the agony of not knowing whether you should text your ex or not.

Yet, if he texts you, don’t immediately show him how much you’re thrilled because of it (even if you are). Act like you don’t really care about it, and if he is still persistent, then think of giving him a second chance. But, only if he proves you that he’s making a real effort to win you again.

If you’re still not sure, trust your gut!

If you’re still not sure whether you should text him or not, listen to your inner voice that will tell you what is the right thing to do. Always trust your intuition because it is something you shouldn’t take for granted.

If you hear that little voice inside you, telling you that you should text him, then text him! But, if you feel like it’s not a really good idea, then better not. You can also ask your friends for their opinions on this.

Also know that if you’re constantly overly anxious about texting him, maybe that means that the problem lies in you. If you’re an introvert, chances are that you’ll find texting and talking to him really stressful.

If that is the case, you should consider meditating, exercising or something similar to get rid of the anxiety and find the courage to text him (if you think it’s the right thing to do).

Whatever you do, just don’t let the anxiety rule your mind. After all, ‘If you don’t try, you’ll never know’.