So che mi è stato chiesto di avere pazienza, ma ho bisogno del vostro aiuto

I’m feeling anxious again, Father. I know I shouldn’t be. I know there’s no need. I know you want me to have faith in you and I do, but if I’m being honest, I’m not okay. I don’t know. I guess just the feeling of being stuck here in my current position is getting a bit weary and frustrating.

However, I thank you God. Thank you for the position that I’m in right now. Thank you for making me sit and wait. So che questi tempi duri stanno producendo perseveranza, costruendo il mio carattere, rafforzando la mia fede in te e dotandomi di ciò di cui ho bisogno per il mio futuro.

Even though it feels as if I’ve been waiting for a long time, I know that what you have for me is worth waiting for. I just need to have patience and know that everything will work out in the end.

I’m not who or where I want to be at the moment and that’s okay. I know I’m exactly where I need to be. It’s a process. I know you’re working on me, and I know I still have a lot of growing to do and more lessons to learn.

But Jesus, I must admit, this ongoing mental battle that I’m facing, these emotions that are getting the best of me is a daily struggle. I know you’ve given me all the weapons I need to fight, but still, I need your help.

I tend to isolate myself from people. I have some days when I just want to sleep, so I won’t have to get up and face the day. When I’m awake, the thoughts in my mind never stop going, and I allow the worries of this world to weigh me down.

I’m constantly looking in every direction to see where my blessing is gonna come from. I’m waiting for you to show up with this evacuation plan to get me out of this place.

Voglio solo stare da solo con te, ma ogni volta che mi trovo da solo in silenzio, sento il nemico forte e chiaro che cerca di entrare nella mia testa. Ho bisogno di sentire la tua voce, Padre.

Ho bisogno di andare più in alto; voglio essere in alto con Te, non in un tipo di sballo da droga, ma in un tipo di sballo in cui tutto ciò che sento è gioia e pace in Te. Il tipo di sballo in cui nessuna negatività, nessun nemico, nessun tipo di male può raggiungermi.

I need you to capture my mind, Father, place your words deep inside my heart, get them stuck in my mind. Replace my thoughts with your thoughts. There are times when I know I need to pray, but no words come out. Lately, it’s been a lot of “God..I…never mind.”

I need you take my hand, so I can walk with you. I’m sorry I keep turning away from you.

Lately, I’ve been confused. Trying to fight off these lies of insecurities, the lies of anxieties that come from not having answers.

I want to love myself, but I don’t want my focus to be on myself. I want to love myself the way you love me, but I don’t want to fall into the self-seeking trap.

I’m trying to stay humble, but I can’t tell the difference between me having confidence or having pride. Aren’t I called to be strong and courageous? But what if I’m not doing it the right way. I’m contradicting myself.

I’m second guessing everything I do. I can’t depend on myself. I don’t want to get in the way of Your will, Father; Not my will for my life but Yours. I don’t want to do what I think is best for me because in the past, every time I did what I wanted to do or what I thought was best, I ended up down the wrong path.

Some won’t understand this, but Lord, we need your help. We need you to save us from ourselves and from this corrupt world. We need guidance. We need your Love.

I admit, I can’t live without you. Whenever I don’t hear your voice, I panic, but really, you’re just telling me to wait…be still and have faith in you.

I’m trying God. I’m trying to fight this fight and running this race the best way I know how.

I won’t move until I hear you say go, but while I’m being still and waiting, Father, I need you to keep me covered. Help me not to wander off or get distracted and pulled in by this world.

Picture this— you’re out in the woods with a group of other soldiers and you have the captain in front leading and guiding the way. The captain is giving out signs of when to go, stop, run, and even fight so as you follow, you’re constantly looking for the leader to give you directions. You’ve been doing this for some time now. There’s a destination point but there’s still some ways to go.

In the meantime, you may get tired and weary, but that’s okay because you have the leader there going before you. That is until you get impatient, look away or you stop paying attention. Then what? You get thrown off course. You may get lost; you get worried, and you get scared.

What do you do? You can’t do this on your own. You must find the leader and look unto Him to show you the way out to safety. There’s a purpose in all of this. A plan.

I need your guidance. I’m sorry, come save me again.

di Shanequa Fleming