When you’re in the middle of an argument with a narcissist, it can feel like reality is slipping through your fingers. That’s not an accident—it’s a calculated mess.
Narcissists don’t just argue — they manipulate, twist, and scramble everything to throw you off balance. Suddenly, you’re questioning your own memory, your emotions, even your sanity! And all while the real issue gets buried under a pile of confusion and emotional wreckage.
It’s infuriating! And it’s exhausting.
If you’ve been there, you know how deeply it shakes you. But here’s the thing: once you see their tactics for what they are, you can stop falling into their traps. You can stand your ground. This isn’t just about surviving their chaos—it’s about reclaiming your clarity, your confidence, and your voice.
1. Illuminazione a gas
Ever felt like your reality is being twisted? That’s gaslighting—a tactic narcissists love to use. It’s like emotional quicksand, where the more you struggle to understand, the deeper you sink.
They deny things they’ve blatantly done and it’s causing you to question your sanity. It’s not just frustrating, it’s soul-crushing. They’ll say things like, “You’re imagining things,” o “That never happened,” leaving you in a fog of confusion.
Recognizing is the first step. Hold onto your truth. Keep a journal of events to reaffirm your reality. Trust yourself, even when they try to pull the wool over your eyes. You’re not crazy, and you deserve clarity!
2. Projection
Picture this: they accuse you of the very things they’re guilty of. Projection is like a twisted mirror reflecting their flaws onto you. It’s their way of shirking responsibility and creating drama in the relationship. Ever been called selfish by someone who never shares? That’s projection in action.
This tactic is sly because it shifts the focus. Suddenly, you’re defending yourself against accusations instead of addressing their behavior. It’s exhausting and often leaves you questioning your own actions.
Maintain awareness of your own values and actions. When accusations fly, consider if they truly align with your behavior. More often than not, they don’t.
3. Triangulation
You know the feeling of being in a relationship that suddenly feels crowded? That’s what this is. A narcissist brings a third party into the mix to create conflict or stir drama. They might compare you unfavorably to someone else, or use another person’s opinion to validate their perspective.
Divide and conquer! This makes you feel isolated or ganged up on. It’s manipulative and often leaves you questioning your worth.
Don’t get caught in the web they weave. Instead, focus on direct communication and setting boundaries. Trust your instincts about what’s truly happening!
4. Silent Treatment
It’s not just ignoring someone. It’s a calculated move to maintain power and control. They leave you wondering what went wrong.
This tactic is about punishment. There’s nothing quite as chilling as the silent treatment. It’s emotional manipulation at its finest!
The key is not to chase after the silence. Recognize it for what it is—a power play. Give them space, but also set boundaries for respectful communication.
5. Victim Mindset
Ever notice how they always seem to be the victim, no matter the situation? This tactic is about shifting blame and evoking sympathy. They craft their narrative to appear as the wronged party. Tip: don’t question your actions. It wouldn’t do you any good.
This turns attention away from their behavior and makes you feel guilty for perceived transgressions. It’s a powerful distraction tool, really!. Try not to underestimate it.
Challenge the victim narrative by focusing on the facts. Don’t get drawn into their stories of woe. Maintain clarity about the situation and your role in it. Stand firm in your truth without being swayed by their tales of martyrdom.
6. Diversion
Oh, the art of changing the subject. A tactic designed to sidestep accountability and old as the world itself! Have you ever felt dizzy and frustrated after an argument because they seem to speak about everything except the real issue?
Yeah, I know. I’m mentally screaming at the top of my head just by thinking about it.
When they pull focus away from the problem, they avoid taking responsibility. It’s like trying to pin down smoke—infuriatingly elusive. You end up arguing about things that have little to do with the original issue.
Stay grounded in the conversation. Your voice deserves to be heard, and your concerns are valid.
7. Love Bombing
Remember those early days that felt like a whirlwind of affection and gifts? That’s love bombing—a tactic to gain control by overwhelming you with attention. It feels intoxicating! It’s like a fairytale come true which only makes their later behaviors more confounding.
This isn’t genuine love. Once they have you hooked, the dynamic shifts. It sets a false expectation.
How to recognize love bombing? By its intensity and speed. Real connections grow over time, not overnight.
8. Playing the Hero
Ever been with someone who always manages to look like the hero, even in their own mess? Real superheroes? Yeah, right! This is about them emerging as the savior.
It’s a clever manipulation. If they are the hero, who’s causing the chaos? It’s about control — to keep an image that draws admiration not scrutiny.
Look beyond the facade. Question the necessity of their “heroic” actions. Often, these situations are orchestrated or exaggerated. Don’t get swept away by appearances.
9. Colpa dei sensi di colpa
Guilt is a powerful lever, and narcissists know just how to pull it. They make you feel responsible for their feelings and actions and turn your kindness into a weapon against you.
They might say things like, “After all I’ve done for you,” skewing the narrative to make you feel in debt. It’s a tactic to control your actions and emotions. You end up in a cycle of endless apology.
Break free by recognizing guilt-tripping for what it is. Validate your own feelings and decisions. Remember, you’re not responsible for their happiness or choices.
10. Spostamento delle colpe
So you’re always wrong? I am too, according to some of my exfriends. They flip the script. And you are the scapegoat for their behavior. It’s frustrating! Constant defending instead of addressing the real issues.
This keeps them on the pedestal of innocence while you bear the burden of fault.
Don’t let them rewrite the narrative. Stay firm in your understanding of the situation. You’re not to blame for their choices, trust me!
11. Chaos Creation
Narcissists thrive in chaos! They create it to keep you off balance. Yeap, that’s right. When you are frazzled and unable to focus on the real issues at hand. Checked. Point for them.
They create drama from nothing, all to maintain control over the situation. Uhh, it’s exhausting just thinking about it.
Focus on what you can control and let go of the rest. Don’t get drawn into the storm they create. Your peace of mind is your power!