Abuso silencioso is something that people don’t know so much about. When you mention abuse, you immediately get the image of a man threatening a woman while she is screaming and running away from him.

That is not all. In fact, that is just the tip of the iceberg. Another kind of abuse, which in my opinion is much worse, is the silent one. And even if he doesn’t use his fists, it is still abuse.

With this kind of abuse, you are getting broken, but others can’t see how. They can only see you becoming a shell of the woman you once were. But no matter how much they try, they can’t figure out how you were being abused.

Because there are no scars on your body. They can’t see any. But there are surely some deep scars on your soul which only you know about. There is that constant feeling of fear of acting differently than your abuser wants. Because if you do that, you will be punished.

And he won’t feel any remorse for doing that. And if you want to know more about this sad topic, here are some of the most common signs of silent abuse.

1. Ele dá-te o tratamento do silêncio

Haverá algo pior do que receber o tratamento de silêncio da pessoa está loucamente apaixonado por?

Even if this doesn’t include yelling or chamar pelo nome, it still hurts. Maybe it hurts even more than any slap to the face or a broken bone. Silent treatment means that the other side doesn’t want to talk to you. It means that they are not interested in what you have to say.
You can sit next to them the whole day, but they won’t even look at you nor talk to you.

Tentarão punir-te desta forma porque sabem o quanto gostas de falar com eles. E ao não se entregarem a ti, pensam que te estão a mostrar o que significa realmente sofrer. Estão a tentar mudar-te, para te poderem controlar facilmente.

If you notice this kind of abuse, immediately do something about it. The best thing would be to stay away from your abuser, so he doesn’t have any effect on you.

2. He will be all moody blaming you for things you didn’t do

Se estiver numa relação com um homem que muda de humor mais vezes do que come, pode ter a certeza de que está a lidar com um abusador.

If he behaves in an ugly way to you, asking you to say you are sorry for something you didn’t do, it is a sign he is silently abusing you. He is brainwashing you, trying to convince you that you did something that hurt him.

And because he feels so badly about it, he wants you to act all sweet and nice toward him, so he would feel better. A man like this is someone you will never be able to please, so you better leave him while you still can. Don’t let him capture you in his web of lies.

Don’t let him control you. You are capable of thinking with your own head. You surely don’t need someone who will do that instead of you.

3. Ele magoa-te e depois chama-te sensível demais

You know that he is hurting you deliberately. He wants you to feel like shit, and he will do anything to prove he is right. And when you say that it is enough and that you won’t stand that kind of treatment anymore, he calls you a crybaby.

Dir-lhe-á que é demasiado sensível e que nunca conseguirá compreender o que ele lhe está a dizer. Vai tentar armar-se em bonzinho, mas vai pôr as culpas todas em si.

In a situation like this, the best thing you can do is to pack your things and leave him. He will be shocked when you do that because he thought that you are not strong enough to leave him. But he didn’t give you another option.

4. Ele faz-te sentir que tu é que és a louca

One of the most common types of emotional abuse is actually gaslighting. Your abuser convinces you that you just imagined everything and that he doesn’t want to hurt you.

Diz que é tudo coisa da sua cabeça e que está a ver problemas onde eles não existem. E, no meio de toda esta confusão, ele está todo calmo, frio e controlado, usando a sua vozinha para lhe dizer que está errada. Ele comporta-se como se fosses uma criança pequena e como se só quisesse o melhor para ti.

Isto é algo que todos os abusadores silenciosos fazem porque querem convencer as suas vítimas de que são eles os loucos. Se vir um sinal como este, corra o mais depressa possível porque está a lidar com um homem com um distúrbio de personalidade.

5. Tem medo de ser você mesmo à frente dele

Every single move, every sentence, every look—it all has to be done so your abuser could be happy.

If not, he will make your life a living hell. He will make you feel bad about yourself, and when he finishes with his monologue in which he will blame you for all the things you haven’t done, he will feel happy.

Não só porque vai fazer o que ele quer, mas porque ele teve a oportunidade de o dizer em voz alta. Os abusadores gostam de se ouvir a si próprios destroying other people’s lives. Gostam de ver como cada palavra o afecta e como sofre cada vez mais.

But they like to see you breaking and crying in front of them the most because then they know they’ve reached their goal. They broke your spirit. You are not the same person anymore. And you won’t be until you leave them and save yourself from them.

6. Tem medo de o confrontar porque acha que ele lhe pode bater

If you feel that you can’t confront your abuser no matter what he says to you because you are afraid he might hit you, it is about time to get out of that relationship.

You will never be happy with a man like that, and deep down, you know that as well. You don’t deserve to shiver in front of someone. When he lifts your hand, you don’t know if he wants to hug you or hit you. When he kisses you, you don’t feel comfortable, and you do it just because he wants it.

No woman deserves that kind of treatment. Because that is not love, it is fear. And fear doesn’t belong to a love relationship. You deserve someone who will listen to you, even if he doesn’t agree with what you have to say.

You deserve someone who doesn’t want to change you but who loves all of you—no matter how time changes you.