Para o tipo que me bateu até à morte emocional

Caro “Savior”,

Who would have thought I will be thanking you after all you have done to me? Isn’t life full of surprises? One moment you are dying inside and the other one you are finally free—you are the happiest person alive.

Well, my dear, thank you for giving me the gift of freedom. Thank you for giving me the gift of life. Thank you for making me realize I’m much more than I thought.

Obrigado por me teres espancado até à morte emocional. Só então eu poderia ter nascido de novo. Só então, quando não tinha mais nada a perder, é que me apercebi do que estava a perder.

Thank you for making me see that I need a man by my side—not you, not a dirty little cockroach, but um homem de verdade.

Thank you for making me realize I can’t sink much lower from where I am now. I’ve hit rock bottom. That fall beat some sense back to me. That hit in the head was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Pela primeira vez, aquele jorro de sangue não foi em vão. Pela primeira vez, cair inconsciente era um sonho bonito e não um pesadelo.

Todas as vezes antes disso, quando me fazias cair inconsciente, eu sonhava contigo. Nunca quis acordar porque sabia que ia acordar ao teu lado. Porque eu sabia que o meu pesadelo nunca iria acabar.

Desta vez foi diferente. Desta vez eu queria acordar e lutar. E foi o que fiz.

I fought with everything I’ve got. I thought that I didn’t have it in me anymore.

Durante um breve período de tempo, tirou-mo—along with my pride, self-respect, self-worth and independence.

I thought I was nothing without you. I was scared of living my life without you. I thought you were the one who’s going to help me.

Nunca pensei que fosses tu que me estivesses a prender.

Every second I spent with you was like trying to swim in a deep and vast cold ocean with no help on the horizon. I swam and I swam, but something was pulling me down—it was you.

Não mais. Aquela noite horrível foi a noite em que finalmente me libertei das tuas garras. De repente, vi a margem e consegui nadar até terra.

It all began with a simple question that night. A question that turned into an explosion. You were yelling—that was nothing new. I got used to your sharp notes when you screamed at me. It was like I was listening to the most beautiful notes anyone ever wrote.

Then, it got rough. You’ve pulled me down onto the floor like I was a piece of nothing. You dragged me by my hair with your fists full of it. Your cold heartless hands were wrapped around my neck.

I was begging for you to kill me. No, you didn’t. You kept me hanging on a thin line between death and life. Just to make me suffer.

A última coisa de que me lembro é de uma pancada fria e forte na minha cabeça. E foi isso. Pensei que estava finalmente morto. Mas em vez disso, tive um sonho.

The most beautiful dream. The dream that finally set me free. The dream that said: “Get it together!”

Obrigado por isso. Obrigado por ter ido um pouco mais longe do que queria.

Esse pequeno passo extra que deste significou o mundo para mim.

Libertou-me.

Com os melhores cumprimentos,

O seu ex-amante