Como é que o tipo que eu rejeitei acabou por ser o meu par perfeito

A few years back, I was dating this man whom I initially really liked and had a surprisingly good feeling about… but for various reasons, I ended up breaking it off too soon.

Na minha cabeça, sempre tive uma ideia de como deveria ser o meu homem ideal e, apesar de sentir uma ligação emocional with him and had developed deep feelings towards him, I didn’t feel he checked every single box of my ‘’perfect’’ man, so I foolishly jumped the gun with him.

Mas, com o tempo, apercebi-me de que não existe uma combinação perfeita.

We all hype this up in our heads so much, and picture this fairytale relationship in which things just click on every level, and we both just know that this is ‘it’ while riding off into the sunset with nothing but happiness and bliss on our faces.

In reality, that’s not quite how it happens.

No mundo real, as coisas são confusas e nada está isento de problemas. E foi esta constatação que me ajudou a perceber o erro que tinha cometido com o meu então ex.

See, I’m a self-proclaimed introvert, and my ideal day consists of spending the day on my couch, watching Real Housewives, eating all the potato chips I can get my hands on, and having my girls over for a girly, catch-up session.

When I’m in a relationship, I really like to stay in, watch a movie, and end the night snuggling on my sofa in the arms of o homem que eu amo. Sure, I’m okay with an occasional night out, but I’m not a big fan of staying out late, so I often clashed with my boyfriend in this department.

He’s really big on hanging out with friends, going out every weekend, and staying out quite late. There’s really nothing wrong with that… it’s just that I’m his polar opposite, so my unwillingness to meet him hallway contributed to our eventual break-up.

In addition to that, he was never the ‘’cheesy’’ type, one who would tell me ‘’Eu amo-te’’ a lot, while embracing me with his loving hands, making me feel all loved up and safe.. and I quietly resented that.

I’m a real cheeseball, what can I say… I love to be told that I’m loved, and I really enjoy cuddling and engaging in romantic, late-night pillow-talk.

O meu namorado nunca foi do género de fazer isso, e apesar de eu saber que ele me amava e me tratava como um homem de verdade should, I couldn’t bear being with someone so different to what I expected.

Estava tão perdida na minha cabeça, com os meus ideais românticos mas tolos e os meus gestos românticos rebuscados, que acabei por estragar uma coisa perfeitamente boa para mim.

Ele era tudo o que um homem de verdade deveria ser. Tratava-me como uma igual e não como uma princesa a precisar de um cavaleiro branco. Ele sabia que eu tinha as minhas aspirações na vida, e respeitava-me e admirava-me por isso, apoiando-me sempre e sendo o meu líder de claque.

I always felt his support and love. Sure, he wasn’t the most vocal person when it came to expressing it with words, but honestly, if the guy shows up every time you need him and never leaves you hanging, what is there to doubt?

In addition to that, he would always be straight with me. He never felt the need to lie to me, thinking I couldn’t handle it. If I asked him if my ass looked too big in my new jeans, he would straight up dish it to me.

If I did something wrong without necessarily being aware of it, he would call me on it. And honestly, I love that. If he felt he could be completely honest and transparent with me, knowing I’d never love him less for it, he was the real deal, right?

That’s what we all aspire to! A guy with balls, who loves us with his whole heart, but who isn’t afraid of being his true self and saying it how it is. And at the time, this was completely lost on me.

I’d get offended when he was too honest. I’d resent him not telling me he loved me all the time, even though he showed it every single day with his actions.

I hated his need to always go out, spend so much time with friends, and try to get me to join in. I just felt we weren’t right for each other, and I ended it, even though it killed me.

After the break-up… I started dating again. Not one guy could match up to my expectations. Not one guy was the perfect thing that I believed I could find. And what was the most surprising thing to me, not one guy was ele.

During that little break, I had a lot of time to think. To think about what it is that we as women really want in a man, and how far we’re willing to go and miss out on in order to have all of our needs met.

Percebi que, no meu ex, eu tinha tudo o que precisava num homem. Compreendi finalmente que seria uma loucura perder esta relação fantástica por causa da minha teimosia e da minha falta de vontade de ceder nas coisas mais simples.

And that’s when my life started to change for the better.

Depois de refletir cuidadosamente sobre o assunto, acabei por lhe perguntar se ainda queria dar-nos uma oportunidade. Expliquei-lhe que era uma tolice da minha parte esperar que ele mudasse, quando ele já era um ser humano e um parceiro fantástico.

I was really emotional and hopeful that he would see the potential in us, and luckily… he did. He beamed with happiness to hear those words from me as he had never stopped loving me. I cried… and hugged him so tightly.

When you feel it in your bones that the man beside you is the man you’re supposed to be with, it’s not that hard meeting him halfway. After all, compromise is the key to any long-lasting relationship.

Nobody is perfect, and you will never find somebody who will check all of your boxes and fit your profile. That’s not life; that’s fantasy.

Real life is finding a guy who is imperfectly perfect, but loving the shit out of him anyway. You can’t change a man, but you CAN change your presumptions, and boy am I glad I changed mine.