El dolor te mostrará el verdadero significado del amor

Sé que suena inquietante, pero la verdad es que el dolor te mostrará el verdadero significado del amor. Hace un año, tras una ruptura, me miré al espejo e intenté encontrar algo positivo en mi estado actual. Me sentía desgraciada, rota e indigna de amor.

¿Qué clase de persona hace eso? ¿Qué clase de persona te hace sentir menos importante o menos digno de amor? Tú. Tú fuiste el culpable de mi actual estado de miseria.

I didn’t want to go out for months. I only went over all of it again and again. It was so hard to go through all of those painful moments and find something that would answer my question:

¿Por qué yo?

¿Qué hice para merecer un trato tan inhumano por tu parte? ¿Por qué merecía sufrir?

Maybe if I had treated you like shit, you would have treated me right. I guess I will never know. And I don’t even want to know it anymore.

Respiré hondo, seguí los siguientes pasos y empecé a resolver el rompecabezas.

PASO 1:

Repetí varias veces en voz alta: If I hadn’t been in love, I wouldn’t have been hurt! As simple as that. If I was to know that this would happen, I certainly wouldn’t have been with you.

But, I didn’t know. So, I cannot blame myself for what happened to me. It is not my fault or anyone else’s. It is just so.

Pero, ¿cómo puedo estar segura de que, después de todo, era amor? ¿Y si sólo era una especie de prueba que hay que superar para ser recompensado con algo más grande?

After all, you cannot appreciate the good if you didn’t taste the bad. Maybe being hurt has more meanings than just one.

I wouldn’t mind if there are more meanings to it. I just want to be sure that all of this I’m going through is not for nothing.

PASO 2:

Repetí la siguiente conclusión lógica: If I hadn’t been hurt, I wouldn’t be in pain. I mean, what kind of a conclusion is this? Of course if I hadn’t been hurt, I wouldn’t be in pain.

But, why do I have to be in pain? Why can’t I just be hurt and not go through all of that process of being in constant pain where I cannot eat, sleep nor live like a normal human being?

But what if being in pain is a process that I have to go through so that I can be prepared for something greater to come? It’s really hard to believe such thing, but I’ll give it a chance. What could I lose anyway?

I’ve already lost myself, and pain is the only thing that is reminding me of being human.

Necesito aprender a trabajar con dolor, a caminar con dolor y a dormir con dolor.

I guess when the time comes, I’ll be ready. I’ll be ready for anything.

PASO 3:

Me sobresalté un momento y traté de encontrar mi siguiente afirmación: If I weren’t in pain, I wouldn’t…Pero, ¿qué? ¿De qué me puede servir el dolor? Entonces me di cuenta, y estalló como una burbuja:

If I weren’t in pain, I wouldn’t appreciate not being in pain!

If I weren’t in pain, I wouldn’t realize what a shitty person you were!

If I weren’t in pain, I wouldn’t realize the true meaning of love.

Ahora todo tenía sentido para mí. El verdadero amor está hecho de respeto, compromiso y entrega desinteresada.

It is made of everything I haven’t experienced yet!

I’m no longer mad at you. I thank you for that.

Te agradezco que me hayas hecho darme cuenta de que estaba enamorada de un significado retorcido del amor. Pero ahora que conozco su verdadero significado, nunca me conformaré con otra cosa.