A minha mulher odeia-me: 10 razões para isso e como dar a volta à situação
Problemas no casamento are one thing but thinking to yourself: ‘My wife hates me,’ está num outro nível. Já paraste para pensar no que te trouxe até aqui?
Depois de tantos anos de casamento, things don’t just fall apart on their own. Casamentos felizes turn sour for a multitude of reasons and I’m about to break it down for you step by step.
O seu a mulher quer a man who’ll stick by her side no matter what. She wants a man who won’t mess with her autoestima e continuar a chamar-lhe irmão. There’s a certain line you just don’t cross.
I’m going to assume that you haven’t tried aconselhamento matrimonial yet? If that’s the case, you need to hear this even more than you think.
Passei pela minha própria situação com o meu ex-maridoÉ por isso que posso explicar-lho por experiência própria.
Se quiser fazer o seu esposa sentir amada de novo e voltar a ser uma daquelas pessoas felizmente casais casados, stick around. You’re gonna wanna hear this.
Ver também: A diferença entre paixoneta e amor: 22 distinções fundamentais
10 Ways You Lost Your Wife’s Love
1. You don’t spend enough time with her
E não, estar na mesma sala enquanto cada um de vós percorre redes sociais e ouve podcasts doesn’t count.
I’m talking about quality time together. I’m talking about taking her out dancing until the early hours of the morning.
Quando foi a última vez que dedicou tempo a fazê-la sentir-se especial? Quando foi a última vez que iniciou uma atividade conjunta? Problemas de relacionamento resultam do facto de um ou ambos os parceiros não se esforçarem.
Sabes como se diz sempre que o pequenas coisas mean the most? Well, they ain’t lying! It takes so little to make her happy.
Quando se deixa de tentar, ela começa a ficar ressentida e frustrada. E se se recusar a ir a terapia de casais quando ela o sugere, o que é suposto ela pensar?
In her mind, you just don’t care anymore. And bit by bit, she grows weary of that—hence the newfound budding hatred.
2. Deixas todas as decisões para ela
E sabes como é que isso a faz sentir? Como se ela tivesse que vestir as calças na relação. E deixa-me dizer-te, isso pode tornar-se desgastante.
Ela casou-se com um homem adulto, não com um rapaz imaturo, certo?
Por isso, quando se recusa a participar em decisões importantes, faz com que ela sinta que tem de carregar todo o fardo sozinha. Ela tem de estar sempre no comando, o que deixa muito pouco espaço para a espontaneidade e a diversão.
Eu sei que podes pensar para ti próprio: Mas Eu amo-a, that’s why I leave all the decisions up to her. I know she’ll make the right call.
But that’s just an excuse that lets you off the hook and burdens her more than she deserves.
Your wife is a woman first and foremost. She’s not your mother and it’s not her job to take care of you. Start acting like a man or your marriage will go down the drain.
A dada altura, as pessoas ficam demasiado cansadas de ter de estar constantemente no topo da sua vida. A sua mulher merece deixar o cabelo solto e que seja você a tomar conta das coisas, para variar.
3. You don’t stay true to your word
Ao fim de algum tempo, habituou-se tanto à ideia de a ter presente em todos os momentos, que começou a dar isso por garantido.
So what if you don’t keep your promises every now and again? So what if you disappoint her from time to time. She’s supposed to be okay with it because it’s her job, right?
I don’t think so! The moment you start thinking like that is the moment it all starts going to hell.
Tens de a tratar da mesma forma que trataste o primeira vez you met her. You have to put in the effort to stay true to your word, even when you don’t feel like it.
Unless you do, you’re going to make her feel like she’s just not worthy of your time.
And I know that’s not what you want! If you promise to take her out, then do it. If you promise to pick her up on the rainiest of days, get off your behind and do it!
Ela precisa de saber que pode contar consigo sempre! If she can’t, how do you expect her to stay?
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4. Falta-lhe direção na vida
You used to be full of hopes and dreams. There were so many boxes you couldn’t wait to check but somehow, none of it ended up happening.
Casou-se, estabeleceu-se e, dia após dia, deixou de seguir os seus sonhos. Deixou de ter um rumo na vida, o que faz com que a sua esposa sentir como se ela tivesse de o carregar.
Clearly, this isn’t a pleasant feeling for either of you but making your esposa sentir like it’s her job to fulfill you isn’t fair.
Start taking charge of your life. Start doing something other than complaining and lounging around. You’re never going to reach your goals just sitting on your behind.
Your lack of passion makes your wife resent you more and more each day. She can’t be the only one taking care of your little family. Chip in and start doing your part.
Find your calling and start being proactive. Your wife needs to know that you can be a good role model for your kids one day. And now, it doesn’t seem like that’s the case at all.
5. Deixaste de tentar conquistá-la
Todos ser humano anseia por se sentir amada e perseguida. Independentemente do que ela lhe diga, confie em mim, ela quer que lhe mostre que se preocupa.
Ela quer ouvir essas três palavras o mais frequentemente possível e precisa de ser cortejada de vez em quando.
Don’t forget that marriage takes work every day of the week. You can’t just stop trying the moment you say, ”I do.” That’s when your journey starts and you should never take your foot off the pedal.
Leva-a a um encontro romântico! Comprar-lhe flores sem qualquer motivo. Deixe-lhe uma pequena nota de amor no casaco. Faça-a sentir-se especial.
É preciso tão pouco para pôr um sorriso genuíno no rosto dela. A sua falta de esforço está a começar a afectá-la muito, e é por isso que começou a sentir que a sua a mulher odeia tu.
Se quiser conselhos sobre relaçõesAqui está: Ame a sua mulher como a amou na fase da lua de mel e nunca deixe de lhe mostrar que se preocupa.
6. Pedes muito e dás pouco em troca
O casamento tem tudo a ver com reciprocidade, basta perguntar conselheiros matrimoniais. Se esperas algo da tua mulher, tens de ser capaz de lhe dar o mesmo e vice-versa.
It’s about giving and taking but never one more than the other.
Do you understand what I mean? My gut tells me that you’ve been taking a lot more than you’re ready to give. Does that sound familiar? Have you been taking advantage of your wife’s kindness lately?
Have you been expecting her to move mountains for you but when she asks you to do the dishes, you can’t be bothered? I’m sure I don’t have to keep going. You get the gist.
So if you’re wondering why she started hating you, this may have been one of the reasons. You don’t give as much as you’re ready to take.
Your wife deserves all the care, attention and time she gives you. Don’t ever think otherwise. Do nice things without expecting anything in return. Give her 80% when she can’t give more than 20%.
That’s what marriage is. Balancing each other out without ever expecting to get something back.
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7. You’re too flirtatious with other women
A woman needs her man to have eyes for her and only her. No, you can’t be all over other girls’ behinds and expect to get away with it. Why? Because it’s disrespectful to the woman you married.
Pense nisso desta forma. Como se sentiria se a sua mulher estivesse sempre a atirar-se àquela empregada de bar boazona? Como se sentiria se a visse a olhar luxuriosamente para um estranho qualquer?
Not too good, right? Well, that’s exactly how she feels when you stare at every hot girl when you’re out for coffee.
To you, it might be just innocent staring. But to her, it’s a sign that she’s not worthy of your attention.
Como é que podes esperar que ela não se importe com isso? Como é que podes esperar desrespeitá-la assim em público e não a fazer sentir-se mal?
Focus your attention on your wife and stop making her feel invisible. Otherwise, she’s going to make herself scarce!
8. Espera que ela seja uma esposa que fica em casa
Esta é possivelmente uma das piores coisas que um homem pode esperar de uma mulher. Deixem-me educar-vos muito rapidamente.
First, she’s a woman with needs, interests and hobbies. Her sole purpose on this earth isn’t to provide you with love, food and care. She’s going to be a good wife but she’s also going to do things that make ela feliz.
She’s going to go out with her best friends and have a wild night on the town. She’s going to take up a hobby she loves and dedicate a chunk of time to maintaining her saúde mental.
She’s going to do whatever the hell she wants, without letting anyone tell her she can’t. That includes you.
So think really hard about the way you treat her. Do you let her have her freedom or do you think we’re still in the discriminatory 1950s?
9. You don’t treat her family with respect
Your wife’s family (her mom, dad, siblings, etc.) is sacred. They are her rock and you should always keep that in mind.
I understand that in-laws can be tricky but that shouldn’t mean you stop trying. If you love your wife, you should make sure to extend that love to her family and closest friends too.
Seja o homem mais forte e telefone-lhes primeiro. Convide-os para almoçar e faça um esforço para criar uma relação mais profunda com eles.
You don’t have to see them every single day but making an effort every now and again shouldn’t be too hard.
The best way to show her you love her is by ensuring a loving relationship with her loved ones. You don’t have to be as thick as thieves; just close enough so that you can sit down for a meal and have a pleasant time.
I can tell you from experience that having your spouse and your family on the outs is extremely difficult so if there’s a possibility of a better relationship with them, seize it.
10. Dás prioridade aos teus amigos em vez dela
Don’t get me wrong; maintaining a close relationship with your friends is an admirable thing! Especially as you get older. It becomes so difficult to remain close to the people you cherish.
However, while it’s nice that you still put your friends first after all this time, don’t you think your wife deserves the same?
She’s your partner through life. She’s the one who listens to your worries and problems. She’s the one holding your hand as you’re struggling.
She’s the one waking up next to you each morning. So it should go without saying that she deserves to be at the very top of your list.
This doesn’t mean you should stop caring about your friends in no way, shape or form. All I’m trying to say is to make some room for your wife! She deserves your time more than anyone.
After all, you’re a grown-up. You should be able to have your priorities straight. She deserves que muito.
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10 passos para reconquistar o amor dela
Don’t worry, there’s hope for you yet. Being here means that you’re ready to put in the effort and show your wife there’s a reason she chose you. So here’s how you’ll do it.
1. Pára de a deitar abaixo
Life is full of roadblocks and inconveniences. No matter how well it’s going for you, there will always be something to complain about.
This includes both life in general and married life. One day, you’ll be having a bad day and you’ll let your stress and anxiety get the better of you and react really poorly.
Mas o que se passa é que temos sempre a possibilidade de escolher a forma como deixamos que as coisas nos afectem.
Pode respirar fundo e aperceber-se da insignificância deste facto. pequena coisa is in the great scheme of things and just shrug it off. Or you can choose to react the way your instincts dictate and affect your wife’s mood as well.
Nothing can be perfect all the time. Things won’t always be exactly the way you want them to be every single day of the week.
But life is about finding ways to see a glimmer of hope in a negative situation. It’s about finding little joys amidst a turbulent situation.
Your wife deserves a man who won’t constantly bring her down. She needs a man who will lift her spirits and show her there’s always something to look forward to.
A man who won’t knock her down if things don’t always go to plan.
Podes ser esse homem?
2. Estar presente para a levantar quando ela cair
A modern woman is all about self-confidence and power. She knows how to get what she wants and she doesn’t need a man to help her get there.
But the thing is, just because she doesn’t necessidade a man, doesn’t mean she doesn’t querer um! Vê a diferença?
The key is to show her how proud you are of her perseverance and ability to make things happen for herself. But at the same time, you need to let her know that it’s okay to lean on you as well.
This doesn’t mean you think she can’t do it. This simply provides her with a safety blanket for when things become too challenging.
Be the wind beneath her wings and push her forward when she wants to give up. Give her a word of encouragement when she’s at the end of her strength.
Just because she’s a badass boss does not mean she doesn’t want a man by her side. Let her know you’ve got her back through good days and bad but don’t sempre se interpuserem no caminho da realização dos seus sonhos.
3. Trabalhar os maus hábitos que a incomodam
We all have bad habits and it’s impossible to expect anyone to just snap out of it and change for another person. But what you pode fazer é tentar.
If there are currently a few things your wife resents, try to change them if they’re affecting your marriage so deeply.
Isto pode referir-se à sua preguiça, à sua falta de consideração ou ao facto de a tomar como garantida. Faça a sua escolha e trabalhe ativamente para melhorar a sua atitude.
It’s not that difficult to be the kind of man your wife believed she was marrying. Simply be the guy she fell in love with all those years ago.
You cannot keep doing (or not doing) things that you know aren’t right and wonder why your a mulher odeia tu.
She hates you because of your lack of will to be better. She hates you because you can’t be bothered to take out the trash while she has a million things on her plate.
Pare de se queixar e de arranjar desculpas para ser um mau marido. O seu a mulher quer an equal partner who won’t make her life more challenging than it already is.
I don’t think she’s asking for much, do you?
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4. Be a masculine man (but don’t reduce her role in the process)
There’s been a lot of talk about female empowerment, equality and independence in the last few years. And rightfully so.
Durante muito tempo, as mulheres foram reduzidas a uma posição inferior à dos homens e, silenciosamente, enfrentaram muitas adversidades e muitas injustiças devido ao seu género.
It’s about time we took matters into our own hands and did something about it. There’s a long way to go but things are finally starting to look up.
Dito isto, espero que compreendam que não estou de modo algum a encorajá-los a agir como o homem sempre capaz que só precisa de uma mulher para cuidar dele e tomar conta da casa.
What I’m referring to is bringing out that masculine energy that makes her feel like a desirable woman. Be a man in a way where you show her how incredibly lucky you feel to be with her.
Leve as coisas para o quarto e mostre-lhe tudo o que lhe quer fazer. Por uma vez, deixe-a abdicar do controlo e dê-lhe prazer da forma que ela merece.
A woman needs to feel sexy and wanted. Just don’t cross a line in the process and you’re good to go.
5. Encontrar formas únicas de a surpreender
What’s a better way to show her you’re still the man she fell for than surprising her with the things she loves most?
Show her you know her better than she thinks and try to read her mind. No, I don’t mean actually read it, just try to think of something that’ll instantly put a smile on her face. Especially on a bad day!
Isto pode ser tão simples como oferecer-lhe uma caixa de chocolates que ela adora, comprar-lhe o mais belo ramo das suas rosas vermelhas preferidas ou organizar um fim de semana na sua estância preferida!
This is the way to a woman’s heart. Little surprises mean so much! Allow her to see that there’s still hope for your marriage—and then some.
Ela só precisa de passar tempo de qualidade consigo para trazer de volta a faísca que perdeu algures pelo caminho. Tome a iniciativa e seja esse homem.
Don’t give up on her. Chase her, pursue her and love her every single day of the week. Be relentless and I promise you she’ll ease up on you in no time.
6. Ir a aconselhamento matrimonial se a sua mulher lho pedir
Se a sua mulher insiste em que vá para terapia de casais, that means that she still wants to fight for you; don’t you see that?
Ela quer claramente resolver os vossos problemas e fazer os ajustes necessários para salvar o vosso casamento. Tudo o que precisa de fazer é encontrar-se com ela a meio caminho.
Segure-lhe a mão quando entrar no gabinete e ouça realmente o que o seu terapeuta tem para lhe dizer. Escuta, casamentos felizes don’t just happen and stay that way without effort on both parts.
É preciso regar diariamente a relação para que ela se desenvolva.
Thinking: ‘A minha mulher odeia-me,’ then just shrugging it off isn’t going to help anyone. But do you know what will? Effort, commitment and persistence.
Yes, you’ve hit a bump in the road but you can overcome it. Simply open your mind enough to see how easy it can be to make a positive change.
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7. Mostrar uma abundância de força emocional
Understand that your wife doesn’t have to stay with you if she’s not happy. We’re no longer living in times where getting a divorce is shameful. It’s no longer a taboo to move on from a marriage.
Today, a woman will do whatever she pleases without conforming to anyone’s needs so be mindful of that as you go on.
As mulheres sentem-se profundamente atraídas por homens com autoestimaA força emocional é também uma das características da força de vontade, um sentido de determinação profundamente enraizado e uma vontade de sucesso.
Being able to differentiate between things that deserve your attention and those that don’t is hot. Being self-confident but never too cocky is extremely desirable.
Demonstrar ambição e perseguir os seus sonhos, independentemente dos obstáculos com que se depara, é mais do que admirável.
Your wife needs a man who can check these boxes. A man who doesn’t get discouraged at the first sight of trouble.
Don’t explode with anger and insecurities when things don’t go your way. Be an emotionally strong man she can always depend on.
8. Sugerir passatempos que possam fazer em casal
Pensas que o teu a mulher odeia tu, certo? Sabes qual é a maneira mais fácil de fazer com que ela volte a gostar de ti? Fazer coisas juntos! Mas não coisas que tu mas sim algo que possam desfrutar como casal.
Think about your wife’s preferences. What does she enjoy most? When you get to the bottom of that, let it inspire you to develop new, mutual goals!
If life’s circumstances have affected you in a way that means you have grown apart over time, this could be your way to reconnect.
Find new things you want to achieve together and make sure it’s something that will result in both of you feeling happy, excited and positive.
This will allow you to gain more insight into your wife’s psyche and see what it is that truly makes her heart beat.
If you genuinely care enough to salvage your marriage, you won’t take this lightly. This could be the turning point for your marriage. All you need to do is show her that you’re committed to being the man she fell for.
9. Faz o que ela te pede sem te queixares
I’m going to take a wild guess here and assume that your wife takes care of most of the household chores. Am I right?
Já te ocorreu que aparecer para ela (sem que ela tenha de te implorar) te dá pontos de casamento? (Chocante, eu sei.)
Clear the table after you’re done with your meal. Wash the dishes before she gets to tell you to do it. Take out the trash. Pick up your clothes from the dry cleaner’s.
All of these things make her life substantially easier and you literally don’t have to do anything but just lend her a hand. Don’t complain when she asks you to do any of these things. Better yet—beat her to it!
Não posso começar a explicar o quanto significa quando um homem faz isto pequenas coisas. É realmente muito importante para o vosso casamento.
As you know, a marital union doesn’t end just like that. It takes a while for things to fall apart and your inability to see this in time could result in divorce.
Don’t let it get this far and take care of your wife and your marriage and be an equal partner to her.
10. Mostrar-lhe amor nos dias bons e nos dias maus
She won’t always be so easy to love. There will be days when all she’ll want to do is curl up in bed and be by herself.
Don’t let her feel alone during her times of need. Recognize when she’s not feeling like herself and be there for her. Tell her what she needs to hear, offer to do her chores or make her a hot meal.
Be the good husband she needs you to be. Tell her that you love her when she’s being difficult to love. Be kind to her when she’s being unkind to herself.
Realize that when she’s lashing out at you, it could be a reflection of her own issues that she’s not sharing. And tell her it’s okay. We all struggle but we all deserve to be loved regardless!
The secret to a good marriage is being there for your partner even when they’re pushing you away. Loving them even when they don’t love themselves.
A marriage is about balancing each other out and being there just like you promised the day you said, ”I do.”
Put an end to thoughts like: ‘My wife hates me,’ and start acting in a way that will allow her to see you’re still the man of her dreams.
If you really care as much as you think you do, you won’t take this lightly.
Persiga-a, ame-a e tenha olhos só para ela. No final do dia, tudo o que ela realmente quer é saber que ainda se importa.
“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, every day. You and me… every day.” – Nicholas Sparks
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