O meu marido interpreta mal tudo o que eu digo: como resolver o problema?
Does this seem familiar to you: you ask your husband what he wants to eat for dinner, and before you know it, you’re at each other’s throats, shouting, crying, and fighting about something that has nothing to do with dinner?
Se cada conversa que tem com o seu marido tem a possibilidade de se transformar numa discussão e de vos irritar um ao outro, one of the biggest complaints you have about your marriage is probably something like, “My husband misinterprets everything I say.”
Porque é que ele o faz? Porque é que ele a faz sentir-se impotente e incompreendida? Há muitos problemas possíveis que podem estar por detrás deste comportamento, e alguns deles podem ser resolvidos se ambos se comprometerem a trabalhar no vosso casamento.
Here are 35 possible reasons why he does it, so let’s see what’s going on. When you figure out which of these applies to you, we’ll talk about what can be done.
Porque é que o meu marido interpreta mal tudo o que eu digo
If questions like “Why is it that my husband misinterprets everything I say?” or “Porque é que o meu marido vira tudo contra mim?” have been plaguing you, you probably already have some idea of why it might be happening. After all, ninguém o conhece melhor do que tu.
The difficulty in dealing with this depends on why he does it, but don’t rush to break up with him just yet. Algumas das causas dos seus problemas podem ser resolvidas com um pouco de trabalho, enquanto outras são sinais de alerta que revelam questões mais profundas.
Para descobrir qual destas razões é a mais semelhante à sua situação, preste atenção e pense bem como é o seu marido e como são as vossas discussões. Dependendo da resposta que encontrar, poderá ser capaz de a resolver com sucesso ou decidir que dar prioridade ao amor-próprio é a melhor opção para o seu bem-estar.
1. He doesn’t listen.
Sometimes it might seem that he’s listening, but if he always misinterprets your words, he’s not hearing what you’re saying. A common reason for this is that he’s probably espera pela sua vez de falar em vez de ouvir o que tem para dizer.
2. He’s insecure.
If he’s insecure about his shortcomings, he might be too focused on them. If os seus pensamentos estão sempre centrados naquilo em que se sente inseguro, he’s constantly waiting for comments or criticism about that, so he’s not paying attention to your actual words.
3. He’s overly sensitive.
Uma pessoa sensível fica rapidamente perturbado se considerar que algo que lhe foi dito é ofensivo ou desrespeitosoO que pode levar a reacções de confronto.
4. He’s emotionally immature.
Comportamentos como negar a sua participação na discussão, chamar nomes e culpá-lo por tudo podem indicar imaturidade emocional. Isto pode ser difícil para ele aceitar e, por conseguinte, difícil para si.
5. Ele tem problemas de autoestima.
Low self-esteem can cause a constant state of being on the lookout for criticism because he’s hyper-aware of all of his defeitos reais e imaginários, and he’s waiting for you to bring them up.
6. Sente-se vulnerável.
He starts arguments because he’s trying to draw the attention away from whatever he believes is making him vulnerable at that moment. To compensate for it, he attacks before it comes up.
7. He’s easily offended.
Quando o seu ego é frágil, a man becomes offended at the smallest slight. For example, if he thinks what you’re saying is even a little critical, he’ll misinterpret it as being much more than it is.
8. He’s projecting.
Whatever it is that he’s feeling, he’s projecting it onto you. He might not be aware of it at all and really believe that it’s you who is responsible for whatever it is that he considers a problem.
9. He’s lashing out because he has other problems.
He could be experiencing problems at work, mental health issues, or trouble with other people and feel like it’s safe to unload all his stress on you because you’ll forgive him. He doesn’t think about how it might affect you.
10. Ele sente-se pouco apreciado.
Quando he feels like you don’t value himSe o seu marido não se importar, vai interpretar tudo o que disser como um ataque pessoal. He’ll find a way to understand your words as criticism, even if it’s something completely innocent.
11. He’s self-righteous.
Because of his holier-than-thou attitude, he thinks that whatever he does is good, correct, and moral and can’t admit when he makes a mistake. When you talk to him, and he doesn’t like it, or it triggers something in him, he’ll never accept that it’s him who’s at fault.
12. He understands but doesn’t want to deal with it.
If you’re talking to him about something he doesn’t want to handle, he’ll pretend that he’s misunderstood you because that’s easier than taking responsibility. Quando ele adquire o hábito de evitar, pode tornar-se muito difícil para ele parar.
13. He’s convinced he’s right.
O seu marido interpreta mal as suas palavras quando estas entram em conflito com as suas opiniões ou ideias. Ele pode causar problemas até mesmo por causa de algo pequeno, such as asking him to do a chore that he doesn’t want to do and thinks he shouldn’t.
14. He can’t admit that he’s wrong.
He refuses to ever admit that his actions or beliefs might be anything less than perfect. Even if he knows that you’re right, he’ll never own up to it and accept that he made a mistake porque ele valoriza o seu ego mais do que tudo.
15. Ele foi educado a pensar que um homem tem sempre razão.
If he was brought up to hold sexist beliefs, he’ll never accept that there’s a possibility of him not being right. A man like that acredita firmemente que tudo o que diz deve ser ouvido e aceite sem ser questionado and that a woman’s opinions don’t matter.
16. Beneficia-o.
Talvez ele ouça e compreenda muito bem o que diz, mas prefers to pretend that he doesn’t because he gets something from it, such as when he doesn’t want to do something you ask him to or wants to get a certain reaction from you.
17. Sente-se no direito.
Se o seu marido feels like it’s his right to have only his opinions valued, his whole thought process might be directed in that way. For example, you might be talking to him about something you believe is a problem, and he won’t accept that it’s a problem because he doesn’t think it is.
18. Ele gosta de discutir.
Alguns homens alimentam-se simplesmente da negatividade e da adrenalina das discussões, e ele pode estar a provocá-las de propósito. He doesn’t care at all about what you’re talking about or reaching a solution, as long as you’re arguing.
19. Ele não tem empatia.
He can’t see your point of view because he’s incapable of understanding how you feel. A man who has no empathy can’t understand that things aren’t only about him, and for this reason, he can’t take other people’s feelings seriously.
20. Ele quer controlar-te.
Quer ele consiga ver a sua perspetiva ou não, se ele quer controlar-te, he’ll use whatever means necessary to get what he wants. A man like this doesn’t even care about being right, only about how he can get you to do what he wants.
21. He’s gaslighting you.
If you’re tormented daily and can’t stop questioning yourself thinking, “Is it that my husband turns everything around and makes me seem crazy, or am I really going crazy?” deve estar atento a signs that he’s gaslighting you.
22. Ele quer fazer-te sentir culpado.
If he wants to punish you for something or achieve some goal, even when he knows what you’re saying, he’ll pretend he doesn’t. He’ll try to turn things around on you to make you feel guilty. It’s a devious manipulation technique that is emotionally abusive and can have long-term consequences.
23. He’s a narcissist.
Muitas das coisas mencionadas até agora podem apontar para o facto de ele ser um narcisista. If you’re feeling trapped in a toxic relationship and like you don’t know what to do, you might be a victim of abuso emocional narcisista.
24. You’re indirect.
Alguns homens são literais e can’t understand subtler methods of communication. Se juntarmos a isto o facto de as mulheres serem muitas vezes ensinadas a não serem directas porque parecem controladoras, temos uma receita para a falta de comunicação.
25. A sua abordagem provoca-o.
How you talk to him can be a trigger for him to stop listening and start arguing. If he thinks you sound like you’re accusing him or criticizing him, he might get angry and close off. It doesn’t matter if you weren’t doing it in the first place.
26. Fica frustrado e aumenta o nível das coisas.
If he’s slow to respond or tends to ignore you, it’s natural that you might become frustrated. Isto pode fazer com que entenda o silêncio dele como um desacordo e piorar as coisas ao iniciar uma luta em vez de esperar que ele lhe mostre a sua verdadeira reação.
27. You make a big deal when it’s not.
Algumas coisas podem ser muito importantes para si e não significar nada para ele. Quando têm formas diferentes de ver os problemas, podem ficar zangados porque he doesn’t understand the importance of something that matters to you.
28. Espera que ele cometa um erro.
Se a experiência lhe ensinou que he’ll misinterpret your words or blame you for things, you start expecting it every time. Even at times when he’s not doing it, if you’re waiting for any hint of disagreement, it’ll eventually end in just that.
29. Julga-o.
Sentir-se julgado por si pode torná-lo defensivo e emotivo. If he believes that you’re judging his behavior, reactions, or feelings, he might not know how to respond and act when something you disagree on comes up.
30. Luta-se para ganhar.
Uma discussão acesa pode ser saudável, mas if either of you is looking to win at fights, you’re damaging your relationship. If you’re using your arguments as weapons against each other instead of a tool to deal with issues, you might have a problem.
31. You don’t know how to communicate.
Sentir que têm de andar com cascas de ovos à volta um do outro ou que começam brigas do nada pode significar que you don’t know how to communicate with each other. Quando nenhum dos dois sabe como falar um com o outro, mesmo as suas melhores intenções podem ser mal interpretadas.
32. You’re both stubborn.
Not wanting to give in because you’re both stubborn can make you regret your actions. If you’re stonewalling each other or resorting to the silent treatment just because you won’t let the other person be right, you’re causing damage to your relationship for the sake of pride.
33. You’re not discussing the same thing.
Sometimes you’re talking about two completely different things and don’t know it. For example, you might be talking about something that’s been bothering you, and he’s focused on a specific situation, so he disagrees.
34. You’re unwilling to compromise.
When you’re both convinced that your way is the only way, encontrar um compromisso pode ser impossível. If you’re unwilling to make space for each other in your thought process, arguments are inevitable.
35. Há questões mais importantes.
Sometimes the real issue has nothing to do with what you’re arguing about. Pode haver ressentimentos, raiva, ciúmes, insegurança e outros sentimentos ou questões que estejam a causar problemas na vossa relação.
Ver também: 12 benefícios que a feminização do meu marido nos trouxe
Posso resolver a minha relação com o meu marido?
A resposta a esta pergunta resume-se a três coisas: há má vontade por detrás da forma como ele age, dos vossos sentimentos um pelo outro e da disponibilidade de ambos para trabalharem no vosso casamento?
If you can say with certainty, “My husband misinterprets everything I say because he wants to hurt me,” then you’re better off without him. If he hurts you but genuinely regrets it or wasn’t aware of what he was doing, then there is hope if you’re both willing to make an effort for your marriage.
1. Trabalhar as suas capacidades de comunicação.
Quando aprender a comunicar eficazmente, you’ll be able to use those skills to improve all your relationships for the rest of your life. It will take time, many tries, and lots of willingness to work on it, but este é o primeiro passo que ambos devem dar se quiserem melhorar a vossa relação.
2. Comunicar com clareza.
Don’t expect him to read your mind and don’t assume anything, and this goes for him as well. Seja muito claro nas suas palavras e demonstre sempre boa fé. If both of you focus on understanding the other person instead of proving a point, you’ll be much more successful in communicating.
3. Escutem-se uns aos outros.
Praticar a escuta ativa and try to do your best to understand each other. Some techniques include paying attention, asking questions when you don’t understand something, and providing feedback to check if you understood what the other person was trying to say.
4. Seja específico.
Being vague about what it is you’re talking about can easily cause misunderstandings. Escolha cuidadosamente as suas palavras, and don’t leave space for ambiguity to make sure that the other person knows exactly what you’re trying to say.
5. Don’t blame each other.
Quando se culpa o outro, fica-se na defensiva e não se quer explicar. Se der por si a fazer isso, afaste-se e tente novamente. Por exemplo, don’t say, “You make me feel ~.” Instead, say, “I feel ~.” Isso faz com que a outra pessoa se sinta menos pressionada e permite-lhe falar sem medo.
6. Sejam pacientes uns com os outros.
Pode levar algum tempo para que o seu marido aprenda a mudar a forma como se relaciona consigo e pode levar algum tempo para que você aprenda a falar com ele. Desde que ambos se preocupem com o vosso casamento e queiram melhorá-lo, as coisas podem resolver-se. Tenham paciência enquanto ambos aprendem a fazê-lo.
7. Tentem compreender-se mutuamente.
Truly try to put yourself in one another’s shoes. Try to understand why you’re doing the things you do, and give each other the benefit of the doubt. Becoming each other’s best friend and being compassionate can make a real difference.
8. You don’t always have to be right.
Would you rather have a happy marriage or always be right? If either of you chooses the second answer, there’s a problem. If your marriage is the priority, then the both of you have to learn to swallow your egos and try to see the other person’s point of view.
9. Apresentar argumentos construtivos.
Os especialistas em relacionamentos falam frequentemente sobre o facto de as discussões serem necessárias nos relacionamentos, mas o que é que isso significa? It means that when you argue, you shouldn’t be trying to come out on top and prove that you’re right. Em vez disso, as discussões devem ser uma forma de expressar opiniões diferentes e de aprender a aceitá-las e a chegar a compromissos.
10. Don’t threaten each other.
Threatening each other with leaving can make you do it in the heat of the moment. It’s not the only kind of threat that creates problems, though. Any time you try to make your partner afraid of doing something by holding something over their head, you damage your relationship.
11. Evitar ser acusador.
Don’t bring up something that happened yesterday, last week, or in high school when you’re talking about whatever is bothering you at the moment. Don’t accuse each other of things that might be only in your head. Approach every conversation with openness and willingness to understand.
12. Cuidado com o tom.
Don’t yell, scream, or use foul language when you disagree with each other. Don’t be sarcastic or mean. Don’t use words you know trigger each other. All of this só o deixará mais zangado e menos propenso a procurar um compromisso.
13. Don’t get frustrated when you disagree.
While you’re working on solving your problems, there will come a time when you’ll disagree. Unless you let yourself and your husband make mistakes and understand that they will happen, you can get frustrated to the point of giving up.
14. Try to see each other’s perspectives.
Trying to understand your partner’s feelings and see their point of view is of the utmost importance. Stop looking at things from your own perspective and tentar perceber o ponto de vista da outra pessoa para vos aproximar.
15. Accept each other’s differences.
Nas relações humanas, existem opiniões, ideias e sentimentos diferentes. Para além de alguns valores fundamentais, you don’t have to agree on everything to be happily married – you only have to accept each other’s differences.
16. Take a break if you’re too upset.
Learn how to stop things when you see that your argument is about to escalate. Agree beforehand what to do when you notice that you’re on the way to saying or doing something that will hurt each other and parar até se acalmar.
17. Don’t punish each other.
Don’t be passive-aggressive or give each other the silent treatment to make the other person regret what they’ve done. These things only make things worse in the long run.
18. Perdoarmo-nos uns aos outros.
When you do make a mistake, don’t let it turn into a grudge. Perdoem uns aos outros tudo o que pudereme dar uma oportunidade aos outros de fazerem melhor.
19. Resolver os problemas subjacentes.
If there are any issues on either side, from mental health to past issues in your relationship, that might be causing problems now, try to handle them. You’ll feel better if you both do your best to face things head-on and approach your marriage as a work in progress.
20. Procurar ajuda profissional.
Nenhuma destas soluções é fácil. Se os seus problemas são profundos, consultar um conselheiro profissional pode ajudar imenso. Um conselheiro matrimonial pode ajudar-vos a ver os verdadeiros problemas e ensinar-vos a comunicar. Tudo o que precisam é de vontade de trabalhar no vosso casamento.
Para terminar
Do your arguments with your husband start over small things and leave you both feeling angry, frustrated, and sorry? Are you constantly wondering, “What’s the reason that my husband misinterprets everything I say?” and trying to talk to him about it, only to cause more arguing?
I hope I’ve helped you find the answer to these questions. If you’ve figured out which one applies to your relationship and you want to work on it, I hope you’ll put my advice on how to deal with it to good use.
