Aprender a amar de novo: 12 maneiras comprovadas de reabrir o seu coração
When you’ve been heartbroken and hurt in the past, learning to love again is the most difficult thing you can imagine yourself doing.
You’ve given up on the idea of ever finding your soulmate and you think that the only way to save yourself from another heartbreak is to shut your heart off completely and never put yourself out there.
Aprender a amar de novo is basically all about leaving your past and everything you’ve been through behind and trusting someone new not to make you go through the same pain all over again.
Parece corajoso, não é? Bem, de facto é.
No entanto, quando finalmente se encontra a pessoa certa, todo o esforço vale a pena.
You’re happy when you manage to tear down your walls and that you have the bravery to reopen your heart.
É mais fácil falar do que fazer, eu sei. No entanto, aqui está um guia passo a passo sobre como o fazer.
12 maneiras de aprender a amar novamente
1. Lembra-te de todos os benefícios do amor verdadeiro
Don’t get me wrong—there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. However, you don’t have to sentence yourself to a life of solitude just because you’ve been hurt in the past.
Yes, love can hurt you—there is no doubt about that. However, instead of constantly focusing on its bad sides, remember all the benefits of amor verdadeiro.
O amor faz-nos sentir seguros, melhora a nossa saúde mental e física e preenche o nosso coração.
Having a romantic partner doesn’t only mean having a lover—it is also about finding your best friend and forever person who will always stick by you, no matter what.
Yes, putting yourself out there is scary and anything but easy, especially if you’ve been through a lot.
Há sempre a possibilidade de voltar a ficar de coração partido, mas também há a possibilidade de encontrar finalmente alguém com quem partilhar a vida e alguém que o ajudará a apagar todas as suas cicatrizes.
Por isso, quando se olha para as coisas deste ponto de vista, acho que aprender a amar de novo vale mesmo a pena.
2. Corte os laços com o seu passado
O processo de reabrir o seu coração partido à possibilidade de um novo romance inclui curar e seguir em frente.
Por conseguinte, uma coisa destas não pode ser feita se ainda estivermos a remoer o nosso passado doloroso.
É exatamente por isso que o próximo passo é cortar todos os laços possíveis com o seu passado.
You see, there is no point whatsoever to pretend that you want to turn a new page of your life if deep down, you’re still hoping for your ex to return.
After all, you don’t have to necessarily love this person; it is more than enough for them to still exist in your mind in any possible way for you to be held back from moving on.
Forget about hating them, don’t waste your energy on resentment or grudges and don’t plot revenge against the one who’s done you harm. Instead, just do your best to let go.
Deixar ir of all the emotions you had or still have for this person, of all the could-have-beens and should-have-beens, let go of your memories and most importantly—get rid of your emotional baggage.
3. Concentrar-se na cura
Once you really decide to kick out your ex from your life, mind and heart, it’s time to invest all of your energy into a healthy cura processo.
You built some walls around you and you decided to shut off your broken heart—otherwise you wouldn’t have to learn to love again.
Portanto, é mais do que evidente que essa pessoa lhe causou alguns traumas que ainda carrega consigo.
E são estas as questões que deve resolver antes de dar um salto para o seu futuro.
Healing is not just about not loving your ex anymore and getting over your break-up—it is also about fully recovering from everything this person did to you.
I won’t lie to you—this will probably take time but that is the whole point.
Of course, you always have the option of doing everything the easy and the quick way—the option of sweeping everything you’re dealing with under the carpet and pretending that your baggage doesn’t exist.
Nevertheless, in this case, don’t hope for any long-term results. Sooner or later, your past demons will come to get you and you’re back to square one.
Por outro lado, se quer realmente seguir em frente de uma forma saudável, alimente o seu coração.
Liberte quaisquer emoções negativas que tenha e encontre a força para perdoar e deixar ir.
Firstly, forgive your ex for hurting you. Trust me—only when you do this will you be ready to get rid of the hold your past still has on you.
Depois disso, perdoe-se a si próprio por não saber mais. Seja gentil consigo mesmo e dê prioridade às suas próprias necessidades.
Remember that your relationship with yourself is most important so don’t forget about the importance of self-love and self-respect.
4. Stop thinking that you’re not meant to be loved
There is no point in learning to be in love after being hurt if you don’t expect to get some emotions back.
No entanto, isso não é possível se as suas experiências passadas ou o seu ex a fizeram pensar que you’re unlovable.
O facto de ter feito algumas escolhas erradas não é necessariamente um sinal de que nunca irá encontrar a pessoa certa.
Just because one or a few of your exes didn’t treat you the way you deserved, it doesn’t mean that everyone in your future will be the same.
O maior erro que se pode cometer é deixar que o passado influencie e acabe por destruir o futuro.
Por isso, por favor, mudem a vossa mentalidade e tenham alguma esperança de que vos esperam coisas e pessoas boas.
Most importantly—start loving yourself more.
After all, you can’t expect to get any high-quality romantic love until you give yourself the self-love you deserve and you can’t expect others to see you as lovable unless you do so first.
5. Reconsiderar os seus padrões de relacionamento
Even though you have to get rid of your belief that you’re not meant to be loved, you still have to take responsibility for the biggest mistakes and the poor choices you made regarding your love life.
After all, all those wrong people weren’t magically sent to you—you were the one who picked them and the one who stayed in your unhealthy relationships.
Antes de mais, é necessário identificar o seu padrões de relacionamento tóxicos which brought you to this entire mess and then decide that you’ll never repeat them again.
Tem tendência para estar com o mesmo tipo de parceiros românticos que claramente não são adequados para si?
Mantém-se em relações que estão condenadas ao fracasso porque se tornaram a sua zona de conforto ou por medo de estar sozinho?
Concentre-se numa introspeção e tente descobrir o que está a fazer de errado.
Otherwise, you can’t expect to ever find a loving relationship, change your dating habits and improve your chances of having a happy love life the next time you put yourself out there.
6. Determinar os seus padrões de relacionamento
After you’re done with resolving your past issues, it’s time to dedicate yourself to the present and the future.
The fact is that you can’t fall happily in love unless you realize what or who you want.
Nobody is telling you that you shouldn’t follow your heart when it comes to finding a loving relationship but you have to turn on your brain while doing so as well.
That is why it’s crucial for you to set up some padrões de relacionamento. O que é que procura?
Quais são as coisas que espera obter do seu parceiro? Qual é o tipo de comportamento que nunca toleraria?
This doesn’t only apply to serious relationships—you need to determine your most important dating deal-breakers as well.
Quais são os traços de personalidade e as características que o levam a descartar alguém imediatamente, sem lhe dar uma segunda oportunidade?
Don’t worry—you’re not too picky for thinking like this; you’re just protecting yourself from making mistakes as much as you can.
7. Volte a pôr-se em ação
Now that you have it all figured out, it’s time for some concrete action, the time to put yourself de volta à piscina dos encontros.
You’re ready to reopen your heart and it’s the perfect moment to try and find someone to help you finish this process.
I’m not saying that you should go around pulling people by their sleeve and asking them to be your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Para começar, bastará baixar a guarda e abrir-se à possibilidade de namorar.
You can install dating apps or go speed dating, where you’ll meet a bunch of singles who possibly went through the things you’re going through right now.
Se o seu melhor amigo lhe sugerir um encontro às cegas com alguém de quem ele acha que pode gostar, pelo menos considere essa opção antes de a recusar de imediato.
Namoriscar, dar o primeiro passo quando se sente atraído por alguém ou dar o seu número àquele rapaz ou rapariga que se aproxima de si e começa a atirar-se a si.
After all, what’s the worst thing that can happen?
A person doesn’t have to knock you off your feet for you to give them a chance; just have fun and see where it goes.
After all, I’m sure you’re pretty rusty and you could use some practice.
8. Don’t jump from one relationship to another
However, this doesn’t mean that you should be jumping from one relationship to another in the search of the right person because that can bring you more bad than good.
Quando se envereda pelas práticas modernas de namoro, é fácil ser arrastado para um círculo interminável de quase relações, encontros de uma noite, acordos do tipo "amigos com benefícios" e outros tipos de relacionamentos situacionais.
However, you are already vulnerable enough and you don’t need any more emotional damage.
Remember—just because you decided to let your guard down, it doesn’t mean you should let just about anyone in your heart.
It is one thing if you give people a chance to get to know you and to show you why they’re worthy of your attention but it is completely different if you open up to just anyone who crosses your path.
9. Fazer as coisas com calma
When you’re learning to apaixonar-se de novo after you’ve finished a serious long-term relationship which left you with a serious heartache, it is quite easy to fall into the common trap of wanting to continue where you left off.
Bem, deixe-me dizer-lhe que este é um dos maiores erros que pode cometer quando está a tentar encontrar uma nova relação amorosa.
At first, you have these high and thick walls around your heart and you don’t let anyone cross them.
No entanto, quando se baixar a guarda, volta rapidamente aos seus velhos hábitos.
You’re used to being in a committed, intense relationship so now you simply don’t know how to function when you’re just starting something new.
Por isso, tenta-se saltar a parte introdutória e passar imediatamente o romance para o nível seguinte, sem sequer se ter consciência disso.
Isto não é invulgar e acontece à maioria das pessoas na sua situação. No entanto, não é o caminho a seguir.
What you should do is let go of expectations. Try your best to take things slowly and don’t rush anything.
Em vez de planear o dia do seu casamento e dar nomes aos seus filhos imaginários logo no primeiro encontro com alguém de quem gosta, vá passo a passo e aproveite o momento.
Don’t obsess about the potential and instead enjoy the present moment.
10. Don’t engage in overthinking
O teu coração foi esmagado em milhões de pedaços por alguém a quem pensavas que podias confiar a tua vida e que estavas convencido que nunca te abandonaria, por isso, naturalmente, perdeste a fé no amor e nas pessoas em geral.
Tudo isto provocou-lhe ansiedade e um problema de excesso de pensamento.
You now can’t help but to always expect the worst case scenario.
You don’t trust people and especially not your potential romantic partners.
Instead of going with the flow and enjoying the moment, you constantly stress out by examining their every move, dissecting their every text message and every word that comes out of their mouth, looking for something that doesn’t add up and something that can serve you as proof of their dishonesty.
Even when everything is going perfectly smoothly, you can’t rest.
You’re overwhelmed with doubt and you wonder if this person you have by your side is too good to be true.
Estão prestes a deixar-te pendurado? Andam a falar com outros nas tuas costas?
Será que vais acabar sozinho e com uma dor no coração mais uma vez?
Well, the truth is that you’re obsessing with all of this out of irrational fear.
You’re actually subconsciously preparing yourself for the worst scenario, convinced that the failure of your relationship will hurt less if you expect it to happen.
Sounds logical in your head, I know. However, it’s time to put a stop to this practice because pensar demais não lhe trará nada para além de mais stress e muitas dores de cabeça.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying that you should turn off your thoughts completely but there is no need to do this either.
Remember that you can never protect yourself 100% from what’s meant to happen, so there is no point in all of this overthinking either.
11. Confie no seu instinto
A melhor maneira de encontrar um equilíbrio entre ser demasiado cuidadoso e demasiado imprudente é confiar nos seus instintos.
Sempre que ficar paranoico, pergunte a si próprio se é o seu medo a falar ou se é o seu instinto a tentar enviar-lhe uma mensagem.
A verdade é que, se sentirmos que algo não está bem, na maioria dos casos, é porque está mesmo.
Aplique isto também ao permitir que novas pessoas entrem na sua vida e no seu coração.
You’ll often find yourself in a situation where you meet someone who is perfect on paper but you simply don’t like them and you get a bad vibe from them.
If this happens, you’re allowed to walk away and continue searching.
12. Abre o teu coração ao amor
Finalmente, abre o teu coração ao amor quando a vês chegar até ti.
I know you don’t believe me now but one of these days, your match made in heaven will cross your path.
No, they probably won’t be perfect, but neither are you. However, you’ll know that they’re the one.
And when that happens, please don’t slam the door right in their face.
Don’t let your fears and your past demons take over and chase the opportunity of a lifetime away from you.
Instead, just go for it and believe me when I tell you that soon enough, you’ll see that learning to love again was worthy.
Para terminar, eis alguns dos a letra de uma canção adequada to put on your playlist, which can help you see that you’re not alone in fighting this battle:
Mat Kearney- Aprendendo a amar novamente letras
Your poker face ain’t fooling nobody, nobody here
We’ve all felt the flame and shed those same tears
Conduzir para casa para um inferno de um homem só, ainda a contar anos, ainda a contar anos
Hey brother we’re all learning to love again
‘Cause that was the real you running through the fields of gold wide open
Estar em sítios que nenhuma fotografia contém
Esse era o verdadeiro tu, janelas abertas, podíamos sentir o cheiro dos campos de hortelã a chorar
Singing with the radio to a song we can’t name
That was the real you saying, “Maybe I’m not too young to be a cowboy.”
Hey brother, we’re all learning to love again
Fazer a cama nesse dia num chão estrangeiro entre paredes estrangeiras
Thinking ’bout the words you’d say to a phone that never calls
Feel the weight of your father’s ring and all those dreams, and all those dreams singing
E eu conheço-te como conheço o meu reflexo
Walking on the water ‘cross an ocean of desire
Toda a gente que conheço está à procura de proteção
Trying to pull down your hometown ‘cross a telephone wire
‘Cross a telephone wire
‘Cause that was the real you standing there in the shape of your body
Fear don’t know no love when we’re all the same
Era o verdadeiro tu a olhar para trás, para o outro lado da água
Lágrimas caindo como chuva, gotas ondulando contra a vergonha
Era o verdadeiro tu a cantar Aleluia, olhando para um barril
Hey brother, we’re all learning to love again
