Como comunicar com os homens: 16 maneiras de comunicar melhor
Desde o início dos tempos, a comunicação entre homens e mulheres tem sido um mistério.
Even though guys also try hard to understand girls, the truth is that women are usually the ones wondering how to communicate with men and doing their best to see inside a man’s brain.
How to be a better communicator? How to be understood and listened to? How to communicate with a man who can’t seem to have a mature conversation?
Well, you’ve come to the right place because you’re about to get all the answers you need. Here are 16 tips on how to communicate with men.
1. Compreender que os homens e as mulheres comunicam de forma diferente
Most women are wondering how to have better communication with a guy who clearly doesn’t want to have or is not capable of having an adult conversation which surpasses everyday small talk.
At first glance, it might appear to you that your boyfriend simply doesn’t have the communication skills needed for a mature relationship.
It seems that you’re a better communicator and that he doesn’t know how to or doesn’t want to maintain healthy and effective communication.
Well, that’s actually not true. In fact, most miscommunication between couples comes from the fact that a man’s brain functions differently from a woman’s.
I’m sure you’ve already heard about the saying that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
It means that sometimes we’re polar opposites and have little in common when it comes to certain things.
Antes de mais, é preciso esclarecer uma coisa: na maioria dos casos, as raparigas e os rapazes pensam de forma diferente, comportam-se de forma diferente e, por conseguinte, também falam de forma diferente.
Basically, you can’t expect your man to have the same communication skills and style as you.
For example, us women often talk just for the sake of talking. Yes, we build relationships through communication but there are also cases where our monologues don’t actually have a point.
Por outro lado, a maioria dos homens pensa que a comunicação sem um objetivo claro é absolutamente inútil.
Also, they’re not as good at reading non-verbal signals as women. Men mostly have an extremely hard time figuring out sinais de linguagem corporal.
Therefore, knowing all of this, you understand why it’s important to stop looking at things from just your point of view when you’re trying to communicate effectively with a guy.
Don’t make any assumptions and instead realize that this man standing in front of you has a different style of communication.
Get it that he probably won’t understand the things you think are implied and that you have to adapt to him in a certain way if you want to be heard.
2. Ajustar os seus estilos de comunicação
On the other hand, even though it was already stated that men and women communicate differently, it’s also true that you can’t generalize a person based on their sex.
Nem todos os homens têm o mesmo estilo de comunicação. De acordo com a investigação, existem quatro estilos de comunicação principais.
When someone has a passive communication style, they usually repress their emotions and even if they’re perfectly aware of them, they’re not likely to openly express them.
Estas pessoas fazem o seu melhor para evitar dramas e confrontos, o que normalmente resulta no facto de não serem honestas sobre os seus sentimentos ou opiniões.
Pelo contrário, existe um estilo de comunicação agressivo.
People who communicate in this way usually speak loudly, to the extent that it appears like they’re ordering and demanding something from the other person.
Existe também o passivo-agressivo estilo de comunicação. Este estilo consiste em ignorar e dar o tratamento do silêncio.
Basically, these people won’t directly tell you what’s bothering them.
No entanto, ao contrário dos comunicadores passivos, eles deixam os seus sentimentos muito claros através de outras formas, especialmente através de sinais de linguagem corporal.
Finally, those who have an assertive communication style will speak their mind but will always take other people’s needs into consideration.
Assertive communicators are empaths who don’t have trouble expressing themselves but don’t make the other person the bad guy even when they feel hurt by something they did.
Knowing all of this, now you see why it’s important to have compatible styles of communication with someone you’re talking to, especially if that someone is your romantic partner and the person you share your every day with.
No entanto, a verdade é que somos todos pessoas diferentes e que é provável que você e o seu homem entrarão na vossa relação com estilos de comunicação diferentes ou mesmo opostos.
Nesse caso, é crucial adaptar os vossos estilos e chegar a meio caminho.
A vossa comunicação nunca será saudável ou produtiva se tiver, por exemplo, um estilo agressivo, enquanto ele é uma pessoa mais passiva.
In this case, you’ll do all the talking, he’ll pretend that he is agreeing with everything you say but will actually be repressing everything.
Ideally, it would be great if you both could adopt assertive communication styles. This way, you’ll be able to express yourself but you’ll avoid unnecessary fights while doing so.
No entanto, estas coisas requerem tempo e muito trabalho pessoal.
In the meantime, it will be enough to try and harmonize your communication styles in a manner where you’ll both feel equal to each other.
3. Tentar ver as coisas da perspetiva dele
Todas as relações, incluindo a sua, são uma via de dois sentidos. Isso significa que ambas as partes envolvidas têm a sua quota-parte de responsabilidade.
Além disso, isto significa que ambos têm o direito de falar. O direito de ter a vossa opinião e sentimentos sobre um determinado assunto.
Therefore, if you want to reach a conclusion and have better communication, you have to learn to look at things from your partner’s point of view.
The truth is that all of us think we’re always right. After all, we wouldn’t stand behind what we believed in if we thought it was wrong, would we?
No entanto, a verdade é que também existem duas faces de cada moeda.
So, even when you’re convinced that you’re the only right one and you want to blame your boyfriend or husband for something, take a step back and try looking at the world through his eyes.
Por um momento, tentem pôr-se no lugar dele. Como é que ele vê toda esta situação? Como é que ele se sente?
E o mais importante: O que deve dizer para que este homem a compreenda realmente? Como deve agir para que ele compreenda as suas palavras e para que cheguem finalmente a um acordo?
4. Falar com ele pessoalmente
Nos encontros modernos, tudo mudou, incluindo as capacidades de comunicação. Parece que tudo gira em torno de mensagens de texto, chamadas telefónicas ou redes sociais.
When you want someone to get your message, you’ll probably post a status update or a quote dedicated to them, expecting them to understand what you’re trying to say.
Or you’ll just text them; after all, it’s much easier to write down everything that’s been bothering you than to say it face to face.
Quando envia a alguém um mensagem de textoevita o risco de ser interrompido.
Tem tempo suficiente para exprimir as suas emoções da melhor forma possível, pode verificar tudo o que escreveu várias vezes e pode preparar o seu ensaio durante dias até obter a forma perfeita.
Além disso, está a salvo da possibilidade de o seu nervosismo estragar tudo.
The other person won’t hear your voice shaking, you won’t get tongue-tied, they won’t see your palms sweating and you won’t start crying in the middle of making a point.
This is especially the case when it comes to some ‘difficult’ talks.
You won’t chicken out when you see the other person’s reaction to your words and you won’t give up in the middle of your speech and change your mind about whatever you wanted to say.
Sim, a verdade é que falar com alguém pelo telefone ou enviar-lhe uma mensagem de texto parece ser mais fácil. No entanto, não é o caminho a seguir numa relação séria.
Claro que pode enviar mensagens de texto ao seu namorado sobre coisas irrelevantes e as suas mensagens podem conter conversa fiada.
Nevertheless, when you want to address an important topic, it’s always best to talk to him in person.
First of all, this way, you’ll show your strength and determination. You’ll show him that you’re not a coward who hides behind the screen of her phone.
Besides, when you’re talking face to face, there is no running away. There is no leaving one another’s text messages on read, turning off your phone or not answering.
Nunca se esqueçam que são adultos e que devem comportar-se em conformidade.
5. Ser respeitoso
Even when they don’t show it, all men have a fragile ego. The things they hate the most are being insulted, put down, or humiliated.
Isto aplica-se especialmente à sua masculinidade. Todos os homens gostam de sentir que são suficientemente homens para as suas mulheres e, se insultar a sua masculinidade, tudo o resto se torna em vão.
Por conseguinte, a regra número um para uma comunicação saudável com o seu namorado ou marido é o respeito.
Trust me—you won’t go anywhere if you show him that you don’t respect him as a person or as your partner.
Por muito que se ache que ele está errado, não deve haver insultos.
Don’t try to ruin his self-esteem and increase as suas inseguranças. Even when you disagree with him, don’t devalue his opinion.
Don’t question his intelligence or wit. This is especially important when you’re communicating in front of others.
Of course, respecting your man doesn’t have to include you nodding your head and agreeing with everything he has to say just not to hurt his feelings.
Becoming a better communicator doesn’t include you being a agradar às pessoas just to boost your guy’s ego.
De facto, tem todo o direito de lhe chamar a atenção para as suas acções ou de lhe dizer que ele está errado. No entanto, a chave está na forma como o faz.
6. Utilizar afirmações positivas
If you’re wondering how to communicate with men, the important thing is not to be negative while trying to make a point. Instead, try using positive statements while talking to your guy.
O que são afirmações positivas e em que é que diferem das negativas?
Well, for example, let’s say that you want to tell your partner that you’re bothered by the amount of time you two spend together.
You feel emotionally neglected and think that he isn’t giving you enough of his attention.
Your first impulse will probably be to attack him. It’s to tell him that everyone and everything seems to be more important than you and to accuse him of not loving you enough.
É aqui que se engana. Cada uma destas frases é uma afirmação negativa e tem o potencial de se transformar numa luta desnecessária, em vez de lhe dar o que pretende.
Therefore, it’s time to change your ways of communicating. Instead of telling your partner any of the things mentioned above, try using a different approach.
Por exemplo, diga-lhe quanto tem saudades dele e que gostaria de passar mais tempo com ele. Proponha uma atividade que vos agrade a ambos.
Also, tell him that you’re aware of all the good things he does for your relationship. State that you’re not criticizing him and that you’re only looking for ways to improve things between you two.
7. Escolher o local e a hora certos
When you’re trying to figure out how to communicate with men and become a better communicator, two more important aspects are the time and place of your talks.
Don’t start some important topics while you two are in a crowded place or with friends. First and foremost, you can’t hear each other properly this way, let alone have healthy communication.
Don’t do it while he’s busy and in the middle of something. This way, your man won’t be able to give you his full attention and completely focus on your discussion.
When it comes to choosing the place for your communication, make sure it’s somewhere where you both feel safe and comfortable. If you two live together, the best place is your home.
On the other hand, if you’re dating and still haven’t moved in together, try choosing a neutral place.
Don’t do the talking in your home because he might feel like you could kick him out if things get nasty and don’t do it in his either because that is his space and you’ll feel like you’re being rude for calling him out on something in his own home.
Além disso, o biorritmo de ambos é importante. Algumas pessoas são rabugentas quando se levantam, por isso, talvez não queira iniciar um assunto sério antes de tomar o seu primeiro café da manhã.
On the other hand, some don’t function well at night after a long day so if you’re one of those couples, avoid discussions before bedtime.
8. Cuidado com o tom de voz
Muitas pessoas levantam a voz para tentar marcar uma posição. Na maioria dos casos, nem sequer temos consciência de que o estamos a fazer e estamos convencidos de que o nosso tom é completamente normal.
Este tipo de reação é completamente natural.
You want to be heard and understood so desperately that you subconsciously start raising the tone of your voice in order for the other person to really get what you’re trying to tell them.
However, this approach will bring you more bad than good. Your partner will feel that you’re attacking him and he won’t listen to your point.
Instead, he’ll only hear you yelling at him and disregard the bottom line of what you’re trying to tell him.
Consequently, he’ll feel the need to defend himself and you two will just end up fighting, without reaching any kind of conclusion.
On the other hand, you shouldn’t be too quiet either. This way, you’ll just appear as being too scared to speak your mind and to say what you want.
Instead, do your best to find the perfect balance while choosing the right words. Be certain about what you’re saying without shouting and screaming.
Try hard to remain as calm as possible and don’t raise your tone of voice. Don’t lose your patience and don’t let this conversation turn into a yelling competition.
9. Faz com que ele se concentre
As mulheres nascem para ser multitarefas. Pelo contrário, esta não é uma qualidade que a maioria dos homens possua e esse é também um dos problemas mais comuns na comunicação entre homens e mulheres.
Therefore, it’s crucial for your guy to be completely concentrated on what you’re saying. If you want to have a successful conversation, you simply have to find a way to get him to focus on it.
Isto significa que deve livrar-se de todas as distracções possíveis. Diga-lhe que quer falar com ele sobre algo importante e peça-lhe toda a sua atenção.
Certifique-se de que mantém contacto visual e que as suas expressões faciais demonstram a sua seriedade.
Don’t look away while you two are talking and don’t turn your conversation into background noise while you’re busy making lunch or doing something else.
I know that sometimes you don’t want to make a big deal about the things you want to say so you just casually mention them and expect your partner to listen to you and understand what you are trying to tell him.
However, I’ll have to burst your bubble and tell you that this is not likely to happen.
Se queres que ele levar-vos a sérioPara isso, tem de se certificar de que tem toda a atenção dele e que ele está concentrado na conversa.
10. Ser concreto e direto
Here is the tough part—whenever you’re communicating with men, you have to be concrete and direct.
Tem de verbalizar as suas emoções e pensamentos em pormenor se quiser ser compreendido da forma correcta.
The truth which most women fail to accept is that men don’t take hints.
They don’t understand mixed signals, have zero capacity for reading between the lines and, most importantly, they’re not mind readers.
Therefore, if you expect your partner to know that he’s been doing something wrong just because it is clear and logical for you, think again.
Se esperas que ele perceba isso he’s been hurting you with a certain behavior without you pointing out his mistake, you’ll be disappointed.
Se espera que ele mude por ser passivo-agressivo ou por lhe dar a tratamento silencioso, trust me that you’ll be waiting for ages but nothing will happen.
If you want him to magically know how you feel and what you think, you’ll get nowhere.
All of this means just one thing—when it comes to men, there is no beating around the bush. Instead, if you expect success, explain to your guy in detail everything you want to say.
11. Alcançar a igualdade
Como já dissemos, uma relação é uma via de dois sentidos.
Among other things, that also means that you’re both equal partners and that one person should never be dominant over the other when it comes to open communication and problem solving, among other things.
Isto é especialmente importante quando se trata de comunicação, se quisermos que esta seja saudável. Ambos têm o mesmo direito de falar, de ter uma opinião e de sentir o que quiserem.
So, please, make sure you don’t fall into a trap many women sadly get themselves into. Don’t act like your partner is a little child.
You’re não a sua mãe or his teacher and you’re not there to parent him.
You’re not there to show him how to live his life or teach him anything so there is absolutely no need to use a condescending tone or any words which will make him feel inferior.
Of course, this goes both ways as well. Don’t allow him to treat you like he is above you either.
Remember that you can’t have healthy communication as long as one of you is afraid of the other in any way. I’m not talking about the possibility of actual abuso de qualquer tipo aqui.
I’m talking about the fact that you’re, for example, scared of your boyfriend’s reaction if you tell him something he doesn’t agree with or if you avoid going against the grain just not to provoke an argument or you even think that he might leave you if you tell him something he doesn’t like.
Neste cenário, nunca se pode ser honesto ou aberto com a pessoa amada. Naturalmente, isto traz muita insatisfação e problemas para o futuro.
12. Ser tão rápido quanto possível
When you were told to tell your partner how you feel and what you think in detail, it doesn’t mean that your conversations should last an entire day.
In detail means being specific but it doesn’t have to include long conversations.
De facto, está cientificamente provado que os homens têm uma capacidade de atenção mais curta do que as mulheres.
Your partner is no exception so it is likely that he’ll lose focus after some time and that he’ll just remain physically present in the room, without actually listening to you.
Well, in order to avoid this, it’s important not to make tiring speeches. Instead, be as quick as possible and get to the point.
Cut to the chase. Don’t make long introductions and conclusions and just speak about what’s important. Instead, split this conversation into a few shorter ones.
On the other hand, if you see that he has stopped listening but you still haven’t finished or you haven’t reached a conclusion, end the conversation.
Não faz sentido ter monólogos sem qualquer feedback.
Eu sei que quer fazer o trabalho imediatamente, mas acredite que isso terá um efeito melhor a longo prazo na vossa relação.
13. Be honest about your feelings…
A base de cada relação saudável é uma comunicação aberta e a base de toda a comunicação eficaz é a honestidade.
You can’t expect to achieve anything or to reach your goals if you lie to or deceive the person you’re talking to.
Therefore, you simply must be one hundred percent honest about your feelings and thoughts when communicating with your guy and this can’t be stressed enough.
Antes de mais, é preciso ser honesto consigo próprio. Tem de ter a capacidade de reconhecer as suas emoções, de as aceitar e, finalmente, de as avaliar antes de as apresentar à sua cara-metade.
However, remember that feelings are always subjective. Therefore, you’re not the judge of any conversation.
You have the right to say how things make you feel and how certain events look from your point of view. However, this doesn’t mean that your side of the story is the only real one.
Finally, please don’t be ashamed of your emotions. They don’t make you weak and you won’t appear desperate if you acknowledge them.
Em vez disso, ser honesto sobre os seus sentimentos e defendê-los é um sinal de maturidade. Ser vulnerável é um sinal de uma incrível força interior não são muitos os que o fizeram.
14. … but don’t be a drama queen
Nevertheless, it’s crucial not to behave like a drama queen while you’re trying to argue or just communicate with your forever person.
Don’t be a spoiled brat and stop thinking that the earth revolves around you because guess what? It’s not.
In fact, don’t even talk to your partner unless you calm yourself down first. Sometimes it’s better to cool down and let time be your ally before saying or doing some things you might regret later on.
Por conseguinte, se o seu parceiro fez algo que o magoou, mas sabe que sente-se demasiado magoado now to talk to him calmly, leave this topic for tomorrow. Sleep it off and don’t react impulsively.
There is no point in making a big fuss about everything. Men don’t like arguing and will mostly react negatively to constant drama, fights and scandals.
15. Don’t be accusatory
Whether we like to admit this or not, every couple fights. Arguments and miscommunication are a part of all relationships and there don’t exist two people who never had the slightest disagreement.
Por conseguinte, parece que as brigas ocasionais fazem parte da comunicação. Todos nós gostaríamos de as evitar, mas essas são expectativas irrealistas.
However, arguments don’t have to be bad for a relationship. In fact, they can actually help you on your path toward healthier communication.
Como vêem, o mais importante conselhos sobre relações here is to understand this: You two are not fighting with each other, you’re fighting against the problem you’re dealing with.
At least, that’s how things should be; you two should work together toward problem solving.
Therefore, there is absolutely no point in engaging in different blame games. You’ll get nowhere if you keep on accusing each other and trying to put the blame on one person only.
Take over your share of the responsibility, be open about everything that’s been bothering you and work united toward a solution.
16. Evitar pressupostos
If you’re trying to figure out how to communicate with men in the best way possible, one of the things you have to do is get rid of all possible assumptions you might have.
Don’t make conclusions on your own and don’t create different scenarios in your head, which probably have nothing to do with reality and are only based on fragments of truth.
Here is what I’m talking about; if, for example, you suspect that your o namorado está a ser infielconfrontá-lo sobre o assunto.
Don’t spend days or weeks imagining different scenarios and reaching your own conclusion before even discussing things with him.
Sim, este exemplo pode parecer demasiado brutal, mas o resultado final é praticamente o mesmo em todas as situações.
Se tem alguma pergunta a fazer ao seu namorado ou cônjuge, ele é o único que lhe pode dar as respostas de que necessita.
