Come comunicare con gli uomini: 16 modi per avere una comunicazione migliore

Fin dall'inizio dei tempi, la comunicazione uomo-donna è stata un mistero.

Even though guys also try hard to understand girls, the truth is that women are usually the ones wondering how to communicate with men and doing their best to see inside a man’s brain.

How to be a better communicator? How to be understood and listened to? How to communicate with a man who can’t seem to have a mature conversation?

Well, you’ve come to the right place because you’re about to get all the answers you need. Here are 16 tips on how to communicate with men.

1. Comprendere che uomini e donne comunicano in modo diverso

Most women are wondering how to have better communication with a guy who clearly doesn’t want to have or is not capable of having an adult conversation which surpasses everyday small talk.

At first glance, it might appear to you that your boyfriend simply doesn’t have the communication skills needed for a mature relationship.

It seems that you’re a better communicator and that he doesn’t know how to or doesn’t want to maintain healthy and effective communication.

Well, that’s actually not true. In fact, most miscommunication between couples comes from the fact that a man’s brain functions differently from a woman’s.

I’m sure you’ve already heard about the saying that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

It means that sometimes we’re polar opposites and have little in common when it comes to certain things.

Prima di ogni altra cosa, bisogna mettere in chiaro una cosa: nella maggior parte dei casi, le ragazze e i ragazzi pensano in modo diverso, si comportano in modo diverso e quindi parlano in modo diverso.

Basically, you can’t expect your man to have the same communication skills and style as you.

For example, us women often talk just for the sake of talking. Yes, we build relationships through communication but there are also cases where our monologues don’t actually have a point.

D'altra parte, la maggior parte degli uomini pensa che la comunicazione senza uno scopo chiaro sia assolutamente inutile.

Also, they’re not as good at reading non-verbal signals as women. Men mostly have an extremely hard time figuring out segni del linguaggio del corpo.

Therefore, knowing all of this, you understand why it’s important to stop looking at things from just your point of view when you’re trying to communicate effectively with a guy.

Don’t make any assumptions and instead realize that this man standing in front of you has a different style of communication.

Get it that he probably won’t understand the things you think are implied and that you have to adapt to him in a certain way if you want to be heard.

2. Adattare gli stili di comunicazione

On the other hand, even though it was already stated that men and women communicate differently, it’s also true that you can’t generalize a person based on their sex.

Non tutti gli uomini hanno lo stesso stile di comunicazione. Secondo le ricerche, esistono quattro stili di comunicazione principali.

When someone has a passive communication style, they usually repress their emotions and even if they’re perfectly aware of them, they’re not likely to openly express them.

Queste persone fanno del loro meglio per evitare il dramma e il confronto, il che di solito le porta a non essere oneste riguardo ai loro sentimenti o alle loro opinioni.

Al contrario, c'è uno stile di comunicazione aggressivo.

People who communicate in this way usually speak loudly, to the extent that it appears like they’re ordering and demanding something from the other person.

C'è anche il passivo-aggressivo stile di comunicazione. Questo stile si basa sull'ignorare e sul trattamento del silenzio.

Basically, these people won’t directly tell you what’s bothering them.

Tuttavia, a differenza dei comunicatori passivi, i loro sentimenti sono molto chiari in altri modi, soprattutto attraverso i segnali del linguaggio del corpo.

Finally, those who have an assertive communication style will speak their mind but will always take other people’s needs into consideration.

Assertive communicators are empaths who don’t have trouble expressing themselves but don’t make the other person the bad guy even when they feel hurt by something they did.

Knowing all of this, now you see why it’s important to have compatible styles of communication with someone you’re talking to, especially if that someone is your romantic partner and the person you share your every day with.

Tuttavia, la verità è che siamo tutti diversi e che è probabile che voi e la vostra famiglia siate in grado di gestire il vostro lavoro. il tuo uomo entreranno nella vostra relazione con stili di comunicazione diversi o addirittura opposti.

In questo caso, è fondamentale adattare i propri stili e incontrarsi a metà strada.

La vostra comunicazione non sarà mai sana o produttiva se voi avete, ad esempio, uno stile aggressivo, mentre lui è più una persona passiva.

In this case, you’ll do all the talking, he’ll pretend that he is agreeing with everything you say but will actually be repressing everything.

Ideally, it would be great if you both could adopt assertive communication styles. This way, you’ll be able to express yourself but you’ll avoid unnecessary fights while doing so.

Tuttavia, queste cose richiedono tempo e molto lavoro autonomo.

In the meantime, it will be enough to try and harmonize your communication styles in a manner where you’ll both feel equal to each other.

3. Cercare di guardare le cose dal suo punto di vista

Ogni relazione, compresa la vostra, è una strada a doppio senso. Ciò significa che entrambe le parti coinvolte hanno la loro parte di responsabilità.

Inoltre, questo significa che entrambi avete il diritto di parlare. Il diritto di esprimere la propria opinione e i propri sentimenti su una determinata questione.

Therefore, if you want to reach a conclusion and have better communication, you have to learn to look at things from your partner’s point of view.

The truth is that all of us think we’re always right. After all, we wouldn’t stand behind what we believed in if we thought it was wrong, would we?

Tuttavia, la verità è che ogni medaglia ha due facce.

So, even when you’re convinced that you’re the only right one and you want to blame your boyfriend or husband for something, take a step back and try looking at the world through his eyes.

Provate per un attimo a camminare per un miglio nei suoi panni. Come vede lui questa situazione? Come si sente?

Ma soprattutto: Cosa dovreste dire perché quest'uomo vi capisca davvero? Come dovreste comportarvi per far sì che lui arrivi in fondo alle vostre parole e, infine, che voi due raggiungiate un accordo?

4. Parlare con lui di persona

Negli appuntamenti moderni tutto è cambiato, anche le capacità di comunicazione. Sembra che tutto ruoti intorno agli sms, alle telefonate o ai social media.

When you want someone to get your message, you’ll probably post a status update or a quote dedicated to them, expecting them to understand what you’re trying to say.

Or you’ll just text them; after all, it’s much easier to write down everything that’s been bothering you than to say it face to face.

Quando si invia a qualcuno un messaggio di testoSi evita così il rischio di essere interrotti.

Avete tempo a sufficienza per tradurre le vostre emozioni in parole nel miglior modo possibile, potete controllare più volte tutto ciò che avete scritto e potete preparare il vostro saggio per giorni fino a ottenere la forma perfetta.

Inoltre, siete al sicuro dalla possibilità che il vostro nervosismo rovini tutto.

The other person won’t hear your voice shaking, you won’t get tongue-tied, they won’t see your palms sweating and you won’t start crying in the middle of making a point.

This is especially the case when it comes to some ‘difficult’ talks.

You won’t chicken out when you see the other person’s reaction to your words and you won’t give up in the middle of your speech and change your mind about whatever you wanted to say.

Sì, la verità è che parlare con qualcuno al telefono o mandargli un messaggio sembra essere più facile. Tuttavia, non è la strada da seguire nelle relazioni serie.

Naturalmente, potete scrivere al vostro ragazzo messaggi su cose irrilevanti e i vostri messaggi possono contenere chiacchiere.

Nevertheless, when you want to address an important topic, it’s always best to talk to him in person.

First of all, this way, you’ll show your strength and determination. You’ll show him that you’re not a coward who hides behind the screen of her phone.

Besides, when you’re talking face to face, there is no running away. There is no leaving one another’s text messages on read, turning off your phone or not answering.

Non dimenticate mai che siete adulti e che dovete comportarvi di conseguenza.

5. Essere rispettosi

Even when they don’t show it, all men have a fragile ego. The things they hate the most are being insulted, put down, or humiliated.

Questo vale soprattutto per la loro mascolinità. A tutti i ragazzi piace sentirsi abbastanza uomini per la propria donna e se si insulta la sua mascolinità, tutto il resto diventa vano.

Pertanto, la regola numero uno per una comunicazione sana con il proprio fidanzato o marito è il rispetto.

Trust me—you won’t go anywhere if you show him that you don’t respect him as a person or as your partner.

Per quanto pensiate che abbia torto, non dovrebbe esistere l'insulto.

Don’t try to ruin his self-esteem and increase le sue insicurezze. Even when you disagree with him, don’t devalue his opinion.

Don’t question his intelligence or wit. This is especially important when you’re communicating in front of others.

Of course, respecting your man doesn’t have to include you nodding your head and agreeing with everything he has to say just not to hurt his feelings.

Becoming a better communicator doesn’t include you being a persona che piace just to boost your guy’s ego.

In realtà, avete il pieno diritto di richiamarlo sulle sue azioni o di dirgli che si sbaglia. Tuttavia, la chiave sta nel modo in cui lo fate.

6. Utilizzare affermazioni positive

If you’re wondering how to communicate with men, the important thing is not to be negative while trying to make a point. Instead, try using positive statements while talking to your guy.

Cosa sono le affermazioni positive e come si differenziano da quelle negative?

Well, for example, let’s say that you want to tell your partner that you’re bothered by the amount of time you two spend together.

You feel emotionally neglected and think that he isn’t giving you enough of his attention.

Your first impulse will probably be to attack him. It’s to tell him that everyone and everything seems to be more important than you and to accuse him of not loving you enough.

È qui che vi sbagliate. Ognuna di queste frasi è un'affermazione negativa e ha il potenziale per trasformarsi in una lotta inutile, invece di darvi quello che volete.

Therefore, it’s time to change your ways of communicating. Instead of telling your partner any of the things mentioned above, try using a different approach.

Per esempio, ditegli quanto ti manca e che vi piacerebbe passare più tempo con lui. Proponete un'attività che vada bene per entrambi.

Also, tell him that you’re aware of all the good things he does for your relationship. State that you’re not criticizing him and that you’re only looking for ways to improve things between you two.

7. Scegliere il luogo e il momento giusto

When you’re trying to figure out how to communicate with men and become a better communicator, two more important aspects are the time and place of your talks.

Don’t start some important topics while you two are in a crowded place or with friends. First and foremost, you can’t hear each other properly this way, let alone have healthy communication.

Don’t do it while he’s busy and in the middle of something. This way, your man won’t be able to give you his full attention and completely focus on your discussion.

When it comes to choosing the place for your communication, make sure it’s somewhere where you both feel safe and comfortable. If you two live together, the best place is your home.

On the other hand, if you’re dating and still haven’t moved in together, try choosing a neutral place.

Don’t do the talking in your home because he might feel like you could kick him out if things get nasty and don’t do it in his either because that is his space and you’ll feel like you’re being rude for calling him out on something in his own home.

Inoltre, entrambi i vostri bioritmi sono importanti. Alcune persone sono nervose quando si alzano, quindi non è il caso di iniziare un discorso serio prima di aver bevuto il primo caffè del mattino.

On the other hand, some don’t function well at night after a long day so if you’re one of those couples, avoid discussions before bedtime.

8. Attenzione al tono di voce

Molte persone alzano la voce nel tentativo di esprimere un concetto. Nella maggior parte dei casi, non siamo nemmeno consapevoli di farlo e siamo convinti che il nostro tono sia del tutto normale.

Questo tipo di reazione è del tutto naturale.

You want to be heard and understood so desperately that you subconsciously start raising the tone of your voice in order for the other person to really get what you’re trying to tell them.

However, this approach will bring you more bad than good. Your partner will feel that you’re attacking him and he won’t listen to your point.

Instead, he’ll only hear you yelling at him and disregard the bottom line of what you’re trying to tell him.

Consequently, he’ll feel the need to defend himself and you two will just end up fighting, without reaching any kind of conclusion.

On the other hand, you shouldn’t be too quiet either. This way, you’ll just appear as being too scared to speak your mind and to say what you want.

Instead, do your best to find the perfect balance while choosing the right words. Be certain about what you’re saying without shouting and screaming.

Try hard to remain as calm as possible and don’t raise your tone of voice. Don’t lose your patience and don’t let this conversation turn into a yelling competition.

9. Far sì che si concentri

Le donne sono multitasking per nascita. Al contrario, questa non è una qualità che la maggior parte degli uomini possiede e questo è anche uno dei problemi più comuni nella comunicazione uomo-donna.

Therefore, it’s crucial for your guy to be completely concentrated on what you’re saying. If you want to have a successful conversation, you simply have to find a way to get him to focus on it.

Ciò significa che dovete liberarvi di tutte le possibili distrazioni. Ditegli che volete parlargli di qualcosa di importante e chiedete la sua completa attenzione.

Assicuratevi di mantenere contatto visivo e che le espressioni facciali mostrino la vostra serietà.

Don’t look away while you two are talking and don’t turn your conversation into background noise while you’re busy making lunch or doing something else.

I know that sometimes you don’t want to make a big deal about the things you want to say so you just casually mention them and expect your partner to listen to you and understand what you are trying to tell him.

However, I’ll have to burst your bubble and tell you that this is not likely to happen.

Se si vuole che lui prenderti sul serioDovete essere sicuri di avere la sua piena attenzione e che si stia concentrando sulla vostra conversazione.

10. Essere concreti e diretti

Here is the tough part—whenever you’re communicating with men, you have to be concrete and direct.

Dovete verbalizzare le vostre emozioni e i vostri pensieri in modo dettagliato se volete essere compresi nel modo giusto.

The truth which most women fail to accept is that men don’t take hints.

They don’t understand mixed signals, have zero capacity for reading between the lines and, most importantly, they’re not mind readers.

Therefore, if you expect your partner to know that he’s been doing something wrong just because it is clear and logical for you, think again.

Se vi aspettate che si renda conto che he’s been hurting you with a certain behavior without you pointing out his mistake, you’ll be disappointed.

Se vi aspettate che cambi facendo la passiva-aggressiva o dandogli la trattamento silenzioso, trust me that you’ll be waiting for ages but nothing will happen.

If you want him to magically know how you feel and what you think, you’ll get nowhere.

All of this means just one thing—when it comes to men, there is no beating around the bush. Instead, if you expect success, explain to your guy in detail everything you want to say.

11. Raggiungere la parità

Come abbiamo già detto, una relazione è una strada a doppio senso.

Among other things, that also means that you’re both equal partners and that one person should never be dominant over the other when it comes to open communication and problem solving, among other things.

Questo è particolarmente importante quando si tratta di comunicazione, se volete che sia sana. Entrambi avete lo stesso diritto di parlare, di avere un'opinione e di provare quello che volete.

So, please, make sure you don’t fall into a trap many women sadly get themselves into. Don’t act like your partner is a little child.

You’re non sua madre or his teacher and you’re not there to parent him.

You’re not there to show him how to live his life or teach him anything so there is absolutely no need to use a condescending tone or any words which will make him feel inferior.

Of course, this goes both ways as well. Don’t allow him to treat you like he is above you either.

Remember that you can’t have healthy communication as long as one of you is afraid of the other in any way. I’m not talking about the possibility of actual abuso di qualsiasi tipo qui.

I’m talking about the fact that you’re, for example, scared of your boyfriend’s reaction if you tell him something he doesn’t agree with or if you avoid going against the grain just not to provoke an argument or you even think that he might leave you if you tell him something he doesn’t like.

In questo scenario, non si può mai essere onesti o aperti con l'altro. Naturalmente, questo porta molta insoddisfazione e problemi in futuro.

12. Essere il più veloce possibile

When you were told to tell your partner how you feel and what you think in detail, it doesn’t mean that your conversations should last an entire day.

In detail means being specific but it doesn’t have to include long conversations.

È stato infatti scientificamente provato che gli uomini hanno una capacità di attenzione inferiore a quella delle donne.

Your partner is no exception so it is likely that he’ll lose focus after some time and that he’ll just remain physically present in the room, without actually listening to you.

Well, in order to avoid this, it’s important not to make tiring speeches. Instead, be as quick as possible and get to the point.

Cut to the chase. Don’t make long introductions and conclusions and just speak about what’s important. Instead, split this conversation into a few shorter ones.

On the other hand, if you see that he has stopped listening but you still haven’t finished or you haven’t reached a conclusion, end the conversation.

Non ha senso fare monologhi senza alcun feedback.

So che volete concludere subito il lavoro, ma credetemi, questo avrà un effetto migliore a lungo termine sulla vostra relazione.

13. Be honest about your feelings…

La base di ogni relazione sana è una comunicazione aperta e la base di ogni comunicazione efficace è l'onestà.

You can’t expect to achieve anything or to reach your goals if you lie to or deceive the person you’re talking to.

Therefore, you simply must be one hundred percent honest about your feelings and thoughts when communicating with your guy and this can’t be stressed enough.

Prima di tutto, dovete essere onesti con voi stessi. Dovete avere la capacità di riconoscere le vostre emozioni, di accettarle e infine di valutarle prima di presentarle all'altro.

However, remember that feelings are always subjective. Therefore, you’re not the judge of any conversation.

You have the right to say how things make you feel and how certain events look from your point of view. However, this doesn’t mean that your side of the story is the only real one.

Finally, please don’t be ashamed of your emotions. They don’t make you weak and you won’t appear desperate if you acknowledge them.

Invece, essere onesti sui propri sentimenti e difenderli è un segno di maturità. Essere vulnerabile è segno di un'incredibile forza interiore non molti lo hanno fatto.

14. … but don’t be a drama queen

Nevertheless, it’s crucial not to behave like a drama queen while you’re trying to argue or just communicate with your forever person.

Don’t be a spoiled brat and stop thinking that the earth revolves around you because guess what? It’s not.

In fact, don’t even talk to your partner unless you calm yourself down first. Sometimes it’s better to cool down and let time be your ally before saying or doing some things you might regret later on.

Pertanto, se il vostro partner ha fatto qualcosa che vi ha ferito ma sapete che ti senti troppo ferito now to talk to him calmly, leave this topic for tomorrow. Sleep it off and don’t react impulsively.

There is no point in making a big fuss about everything. Men don’t like arguing and will mostly react negatively to constant drama, fights and scandals.

15. Don’t be accusatory

Whether we like to admit this or not, every couple fights. Arguments and miscommunication are a part of all relationships and there don’t exist two people who never had the slightest disagreement.

Pertanto, sembra che i litigi occasionali facciano parte della comunicazione. Tutti vorremmo evitarli, ma si tratta di aspettative irrealistiche.

However, arguments don’t have to be bad for a relationship. In fact, they can actually help you on your path toward healthier communication.

Vedete, la cosa più importante consigli sulle relazioni here is to understand this: You two are not fighting with each other, you’re fighting against the problem you’re dealing with.

At least, that’s how things should be; you two should work together toward problem solving.

Therefore, there is absolutely no point in engaging in different blame games. You’ll get nowhere if you keep on accusing each other and trying to put the blame on one person only.

Take over your share of the responsibility, be open about everything that’s been bothering you and work united toward a solution.

16. Evitare le ipotesi

If you’re trying to figure out how to communicate with men in the best way possible, one of the things you have to do is get rid of all possible assumptions you might have.

Don’t make conclusions on your own and don’t create different scenarios in your head, which probably have nothing to do with reality and are only based on fragments of truth.

Here is what I’m talking about; if, for example, you suspect that your Il fidanzato è infedele, affrontarlo.

Don’t spend days or weeks imagining different scenarios and reaching your own conclusion before even discussing things with him.

Sì, questo esempio può sembrare troppo brutale, ma il concetto di fondo è più o meno lo stesso in tutte le situazioni.

Se avete delle domande da porre al vostro fidanzato o al vostro coniuge, lui è l'unico che può darvi le risposte di cui avete bisogno.