Como concentrar-se em si mesmo sem se sentir culpado (20 passos simples)

Due to recent events in my life, I’ve realized the importance of learning how to focus on yourself.

Don’t get me wrong. Prioritizing saúde mental e o amor-próprio sempre foi um grande objetivo meu. Não temos muito controlo sobre a nossa vida, por isso, concentrarmo-nos no nosso bem-estar e na paz interior é o mínimo que podemos fazer.

Navegar nestes tempos difíceis e, ao mesmo tempo, trabalhar no auto-aperfeiçoamento, preservar a autoestima, ser um raio de positividade e dormir o suficiente é MUITO.

Don’t beat yourself up if self-care hasn’t been at the forefront of your specific goals lately. But do ensure that you start taking self-reflection seriously and take time to figure out how to lead a better life.

Take it from me. For so long, I let life just happen. I wasn’t as proactive as I should’ve been, which resulted in suffering in silence and watching my life become insufferable. Nunca se prevêem estas coisas.

I let shitty people get away with their BS, I never asked for help as I don’t like to burden people with my issues, and I never stood up for myself. Doing this created a real mess in my head (and life).

I’m not at fault for the bad stuff that happened (nor are you), but I’m definitely at fault for not doing anything about it.

Now, I’ve done a whole 180. I’ve changed my entire outlook and decided that it’s time to get out of my comfort zone.

It’s super easy to let negative thoughts overwhelm you and spend time feeling sorry for yourself. When life knocks you down, it doesn’t take prisoners. What else can you do other than wallow in misery, right?

Muito, ao que parece.

Quer saber como é que, lenta mas seguramente, comecei a dar a volta à minha vida? Espero que a sua resposta seja sim, porque estas dicas simples sobre como se concentrar em si próprio puseram verdadeiramente as coisas em perspetiva para mim.

Se quer mudar a sua vida, comece com pouco e vá subindo. Mas primeiro, responde-me a isto:

• Have you recently been through a traumatic breakup, and you’re unsure how to regain your identity?

• Perhaps you’ve been in a long-term relationship for ages, and you’re starting to lose your sense of self?

• Or are you a people-pleaser who always puts others’ needs first, and you’re adamant to change your life?

Congrats on finally prioritizing your wellness. Not many people feel comfortable taking that (much-needed) step, but once they do, there’s no going back, which is something you’re about to see for yourself.

Learning how to focus on myself has been life-changing, and the thing is, it’s so simple. I promise your life will start changing from the ground up.

Concentre-se na sua própria vida em vez de se preocupar com o que os outros pensam de si. Saia das redes sociais e desfrute da vida REAL. Que mais?

You’re going to have to keep reading to find that out.

Ver também: 13 maneiras de amar a si mesmo depois de se libertar de um relacionamento tóxico

Um guia sobre como se concentrar em si mesmo e não nos outros

It’s normal to get wrapped up in work, errands, and life. Taking care of yourself may even seem self-indulgent at times. But the only way to achieve success is by starting from within, and this is how you do it:

Visualize o seu futuro eu ideal e viva a vida desse ponto de vista.

Esta é talvez uma das formas mais fáceis de se motivar a perseguir o que o faz feliz.

Basta imaginar uma versão mais velha de si próprio e ver o que faz essa pessoa feliz. Onde é que se vê daqui a dez anos? O que está a fazer? Com quem está rodeado?

Estas respostas ajudá-lo-ão a ver claramente o que precisa de fazer AGORA se quiser que o seu futuro seja de uma determinada forma.

Pratique o amor-próprio e seja bom para si próprio.

Do que é que VOCÊ precisa? Não da sua família, amigos ou colegas. Quais são as suas necessidades neste preciso momento?

É feliz? Se não, o que está a fazer para mudar isso? As coisas nunca vão melhorar se continuar sentado, ignorando os seus desejos e necessidades.

Love and nurture yourself. Don’t let anyone shatter your self-esteem. If there’s anyone out there who doesn’t support your personal development journey, lose their number.

You don’t need anyone who’s actively counter-productive to your happiness. You know better than that.

Encontre o seu ponto de partida e parta daí.

Career, personal life, bettering your relationships with family… Which area of your life needs the most work?

This will be the best jumping-off point that’ll clear your vision and set you in the right direction. You can’t change your life from the ground up overnight.

É preciso tempo, paciência e perseverança. É por isso que sugiro vivamente que se concentre numa área específica da sua vida que sinta que pode ser melhorada.

Once you’ve successfully managed that, you’ll feel more motivated to keep going – plus, it won’t feel like a chore.

Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone and try new things.

Nothing ever grows in the comfort zone. While it might feel reassuring and familiar, it’ll never allow you to push yourself.

Try new things. Do stuff that scares you. This is all about focusing on yourself, right? So, ask yourself what you truly want to do and where you want to be. Don’t be scared if the answers are daunting.

Correr riscos é a forma mais segura de se reinventar e de ver como é forte, capaz e engenhoso. After all, you only have one life. Don’t you want to use it wisely?

Ver também: Seja forte o suficiente para deixar de lado tudo o que o faz infeliz

Verifique-se a si próprio com frequência.

Quer saber como se concentrar em si próprio e não nos outros, certo? Bem, é fundamental falar regularmente consigo próprio.

Pare e tire um segundo para respirar. Quando tudo se tornar demasiado pesado, faça uma pausa e permita-se respirar um pouco.

You’re not a robot, nor should you be at anyone’s beck and call 24/7.

You can be your own best friend or your own worst enemy. It’s up to you which one you choose.

Passar tempo com os mais próximos e queridos.

Nunca é demais salientar a importância de passar tempo com a família. Eles são os únicos que podem ajudar a centrar-se em si e encorajar o seu crescimento pessoal da forma que merece.

Recently, I’ve been going through some difficult stuff, so I decided to visit my family. Sort of like an extended stay to find my inner peace again.

You wouldn’t believe how therapeutic this has been for me and my mental health. Estar rodeado pelos seus entes queridos, bem como renunciar a redes sociais por um bocado, faz maravilhas à mente.

Never underestimate the healing power of a loved one. Their mere presence makes all the difference, which is as astonishing as it’s needed.

Já tentaste escrever um diário?

Em termos de trabalho para atingir os seus objectivos específicos, manter um diário irá mantê-lo num rumo firme e motivá-lo.

Como? Simples. Writing your goals down will give you a sense of accountability, and you’ll be less inclined to go off course, as it’ll become somewhat of a habit.

O registo em diário é a forma mais segura de avaliar o seu progresso e de se manter à tona quando se depara com um obstáculo.

I know, I know, it may appear so third-grade, right? But let me assure you, it’s anything but. It’s the best way to reflect on your journey, stay true to your dreams, and see where you stand.

If more people resorted to this simple strategy, the world would be a much less messed-up place, don’t you think?

Ver também: Quando é que é necessário cortar o contacto com as pessoas? ( + 7 dicas para o fazer)

Aprender a concentrar-se em si mesmo depois de uma separação

Breakups are the worst. The time spent together, butterflies in your stomach, sweet messages, and having your person – gone. Just like that. How do you ever get better? These might help.

Grieving takes time; don’t rush the process.

You can’t expect to feel better overnight. Just like with any other loss, losing the one you love takes a lot of getting used to.

De repente, vê-se obrigado a encontrar uma nova rotina e a aceitar o facto de ter acabado de perder o seu "go-to".

Quem é que te vai ouvir chorar às duas da manhã? Quem é que te vai segurar a mão quando receberes más notícias do trabalho?

Yeah. Breakups suck. So, don’t rush the processo de cura. Take as much time as you need, and don’t beat yourself up. You’ll find your joy again. You always do.

Feel your feelings but don’t let them consume you.

Finding the right balance is a challenge; I’ll give you that.

You can’t deny yourself to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling, but at the same time, how do you not let it consume you?

I can’t say what exactly will work for you, but I can say what worked for me. Usually, I let myself cry for a bit while listening to Coldplay (no judging).

Mas no momento em que começo a sentir-me sem fôlego, e os pensamentos negativos surgem na minha cabeça, decido simplesmente esquecer isso.

Telefono à minha irmã ou à minha mãe, ou vou passear o meu cão. O ar fresco ajuda a pôr as coisas em perspetiva e começo a sentir-me de novo eu próprio. O segredo é agir atempadamente.

There’s no point in crying over spilled milk (this is not your fault).

It happened. It’s over. And guess what? It wasn’t entirely your fault. It takes two to tango. No matter what your toxic partner implies, you’re not the sole reason for the break-up.

It’s one thing to be in touch with your emotions, but it’s a whole other thing to keep blaming yourself with no purpose. It’s not like you woke up one day and decided to fall out of love (or vice versa).

There’s a whole culmination of events that precedes such a decision. Things build-up over time, and one day, it happens.

No one person is to blame (with exceptions, of course). Don’t cry over spilled milk. Life goes on, and there’s so much life left for you to experience. This breakup doesn’t define the rest of your life.

Corte todo o contacto com a fonte da sua dor.

Yup, I’m telling you to seguir a regra do não contacto. That’s the fastest way to heal. While I do believe that staying amigos do teu ex é possível, mas leva tempo a chegar a esse ponto.

You’re nowhere near ready for that. Distance yourself from the one who caused you pain and delete their number.

Estar perto do seu ex neste momento só vai prolongar o seu sofrimento e tornar impossível concentrar-se em si próprio. It isn’t healthy, it’ll prevent you from moving on, and you’ll most likely end up in bed together.

I don’t even have to explain how excruciating having to begin the healing process all over again would be, do I?

Ver também: Regra de não contacto: O poder do silêncio após uma separação

Opte por ver isto como uma bênção disfarçada.

Right now, it seems like the end of the world, but soon, you’ll see this for what it is – a blessing in disguise.

É evidente que estava numa relação disfuncional; otherwise, you would still be together. There’s a reason you broke up, right?

That reason will become more and more clear as time goes on. When you start finding yourself again, you’ll see how much better things are and how much happier you feel.

If you’re still not in that place, I promise, that day will come, and so much weight will be lifted off your shoulders.

Encontre novos passatempos e concentre-se nos seus objectivos.

First and foremost, make more time for the people you love most. Secondly, pursue new hobbies that’ll help you feel better about yourself, and lastly, start making plans for your future.

Viajar para um novo lugar. Partir à aventura com os teus melhores amigos. Apply for that job you’ve been eyeing for ages. Listen to podcasts that’ll help you on your new journey.

Sim, estiveste com o teu ex durante alguns anos. Mas o que são esses três anos comparados com a vida que tens pela frente?

Isto é como se concentrar em si mesmo numa relação

Being in a healthy relationship is awesome. But sometimes, your individuality gets lost in the ‘coupledom.’ You focus less on your needs and more on the necessidades de relacionamento.

This begs the question: How do you avoid losing yourself when part of a couple? Here’s how:

Passe regularmente tempo de qualidade consigo próprio.

Carve out some ‘me time’ as much as you can. It’s not selfish, self-indulgent, or embarrassing – quite the contrary.

It’s essential to spend time alone with yourself and your thoughts, as it’s the only way to see how you feel and whether you’re happy.

Being alone doesn’t mean being lonely. You can have a fantastic group of people who love you and still relish ‘me time.’

Ligue-se aos seus amigos anteriores à relação.

Remember those friends you were so close with before you got together with your partner? Hit them up, especially if it’s been a while. Genuine friends are so precious.

While it’s somewhat expected to be focused on your relationship while it’s in the beginning stages, after a while, things should go back to how they were.

Call up your pre-relationship friends, reconnect, and don’t neglect them anymore. These are the people you’ll always come back to when life knocks you down.

Ver também: 20 belos sinais de que encontraste uma verdadeira amizade de alma gémea

Have a hobby that’s just your own.

Have something that’s just your own. Whether it’s dancing, karate, joining a choir, or cooking, as long as it’s something you’ll do for yourself, it works.

While being in a relationship is amazing and fulfilling, it’s also important to stay true to who you are. Follow your passions and do stuff that makes your heart happy.

Not only will this help you be your happiest self, but it’ll also make you a much better partner to your significant other.

Arranjar tempo para fazer exercício.

Not only is exercise healthy in the sense that it can reduce the risk of developing many diseases, but it’s also a fantastic way to let off steam when you need it most.

Have I mentioned that it’s also guaranteed to improve the quality of your life?

I understand that life can get insanely crazy, and it’s hard to carve out enough time to go to the gym. That’s what Youtube is for!

Encontre vídeos de treino que funcionem para SI e faça o seu exercício no conforto da sua sala de estar.

Don’t let your goals get lost by living your ‘couple goals.’

While there’s a whole list of ‘alguns objectivos‘ that I’m sure you and your bae check off the list, it’s also important to not let your own goals disappear from sight.

Just because you’re in a happy, fulfilled relationship, doesn’t mean your ambition and drive stopped being important.

Keep pursuing your dreams. Don’t settle for just being content. Reach for the stars and do what you need to achieve complete personal fulfillment. It’s not that crazy, you know?

You deserve it, and it’ll only make your relationship that much stronger. Your needs are just as important as your partner’s. Remember that, and you’re golden.

Ver também: As 12 melhores razões pelas quais uma vida privada é uma vida feliz

Comunique as suas necessidades e desejos ao seu parceiro.

Quer saber como se concentrar em si próprio numa relação, mas sem perder de vista o seu parceiro e as suas necessidades? COMUNICAR.

If you’re not happy about something, speak your mind. If you’re hurt by their actions, express your dissatisfaction. If you don’t, it’ll keep eating away at you bit by bit.

A comunicação é uma ferramenta necessária que faz ou desfaz uma relação. Ser capaz de comunicar eficazmente é uma das competências mais importantes para a vida.

Tem o poder de criar uma barreira intransponível entre vós ou de vos aproximar mais do que nunca.

E, por vezes, é preciso deixar o cabelo solto.

If your life has been a mess, or if you’ve been too preoccupied with your partner’s needs, it’s time to let loose.

Chame a sua equipa e pinte a cidade de vermelho. Saia à noite, passe uma noite fantástica em casa ou parta para uma aventura improvisada. O que quer que seja que o faça flutuar!

Aprender a concentrar-se em si próprio numa relação tem tudo a ver com fazer coisas que fazia quando era solteiro. O que o fez feliz então, provavelmente, agora faz-te feliz.

You’ve just neglected your needs for a bit. That’s okay, though. It’s never too late to do more stuff that makes you happy. There’s no time like the present!

Ver também: Desafio do amor-próprio de 30 dias: Torne-se a melhor versão de si mesmo

A felicidade é uma escolha.

By now, you must’ve realized how vital it is to learn how to focus on yourself. Just do whatever makes your heart sing!

If you don’t like the people you hang out with, change your social circle. If you’ve started to lose yourself in your relationship, do all the fun things you enjoyed while you were ainda solteiro.

Oh, and if you’re still reeling from your bad breakup (all the while blaming yourself for how it unfolded), STOP. As heartbreaking as it is, breakups happen, and life goes on.

It’s going to suck for a while, but it doesn’t mean that you should let it consume you.

Eu sei que chafurdar na miséria é a coisa mais fácil de fazer. Mas levantarmo-nos, decidirmos fazer alguma coisa para resolver o problema e permitirmo-nos sentir felizes novamente requer coragem.

Decide today that you’re going to grab life by the horns and do whatever the heck you want. Who can tell you otherwise?

You create your path to happiness – if you can believe it, you can most definitely achieve it. And if I didn’t convince you, perhaps Abe Lincoln will:

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Ver também: Quando começares a acreditar em ti próprio, estas 7 coisas vão acontecer