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How To Focus On Yourself Without Feeling Guilty (20 Simple Steps)

How To Focus On Yourself Without Feeling Guilty (20 Simple Steps)

Due to recent events in my life, I’ve realized the importance of learning how to focus on yourself.

Don’t get me wrong. Prioritizing mental health and self-love has always been a big goal of mine. You only have so much control of your life, so focusing on your wellness and inner peace is the least you can do.

Navigating these challenging times while working on self-improvement, preserving your self-esteem, being a ray of positivity, and getting enough sleep is a LOT.

Don’t beat yourself up if self-care hasn’t been at the forefront of your specific goals lately. But do ensure that you start taking self-reflection seriously and take time to figure out how to lead a better life.

Take it from me. For so long, I let life just happen. I wasn’t as proactive as I should’ve been, which resulted in suffering in silence and watching my life become insufferable. You never see these things coming.

I let shitty people get away with their BS, I never asked for help as I don’t like to burden people with my issues, and I never stood up for myself. Doing this created a real mess in my head (and life).

I’m not at fault for the bad stuff that happened (nor are you), but I’m definitely at fault for not doing anything about it.

Now, I’ve done a whole 180. I’ve changed my entire outlook and decided that it’s time to get out of my comfort zone.

It’s super easy to let negative thoughts overwhelm you and spend time feeling sorry for yourself. When life knocks you down, it doesn’t take prisoners. What else can you do other than wallow in misery, right?

A whole lot, it turns out.

Want to know how I slowly but surely started to turn my life around? I hope that your answer is yes because these simple tips on how to focus on yourself truly put things in perspective for me.

If you want to change your life, start small and work your way up. But first, answer me this:

• Have you recently been through a traumatic breakup, and you’re unsure how to regain your identity?

• Perhaps you’ve been in a long-term relationship for ages, and you’re starting to lose your sense of self?

• Or are you a people-pleaser who always puts others’ needs first, and you’re adamant to change your life?

Congrats on finally prioritizing your wellness. Not many people feel comfortable taking that (much-needed) step, but once they do, there’s no going back, which is something you’re about to see for yourself.

Learning how to focus on myself has been life-changing, and the thing is, it’s so simple. I promise your life will start changing from the ground up.

Focus on your own life instead of wondering what other people think of you. Get off social media, and relish REAL life. What else?

You’re going to have to keep reading to find that out.

See also: 13 Ways To Love Yourself After Breaking Free From A Toxic Relationship

A Guide On How To Focus On Yourself And Not Others

It’s normal to get wrapped up in work, errands, and life. Taking care of yourself may even seem self-indulgent at times. But the only way to achieve success is by starting from within, and this is how you do it:

Envision your ideal future self and live life from that point of view.

shot of a young designer envisioning and leaning on the wall holding a tablet and smiling

This is perhaps one of the easiest ways to motivate yourself to pursue what makes you happy.

Simply envision an older version of yourself and see what makes that person happy. Where do you see yourself in ten years? What are you doing? Who are you surrounded with?

These answers will help you clearly see what you need to do NOW if you want your future to look a certain way.

Practice self-love and be good to yourself.

woman working on vacation sitting beside the pool with food and laptop

What do YOU need? Not your family, friends, or colleagues. What are your needs right this very moment?

Are you happy? If not, what are you doing to change that? Things will never get better if you keep sitting there, ignoring your wants and needs.

Love and nurture yourself. Don’t let anyone shatter your self-esteem. If there’s anyone out there who doesn’t support your personal development journey, lose their number.

You don’t need anyone who’s actively counter-productive to your happiness. You know better than that.

Find your jump-off point and go from there.

beautiful smiling and pensive woman looking away outdoors

Career, personal life, bettering your relationships with family… Which area of your life needs the most work?

This will be the best jumping-off point that’ll clear your vision and set you in the right direction. You can’t change your life from the ground up overnight.

It takes time, patience, and perseverance. This is why I highly suggest focusing on one particular area of your life that you feel can be improved.

Once you’ve successfully managed that, you’ll feel more motivated to keep going – plus, it won’t feel like a chore.

Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone and try new things.

mature woman learning and taught by a teacher inside a room with an old man learning at the background

Nothing ever grows in the comfort zone. While it might feel reassuring and familiar, it’ll never allow you to push yourself.

Try new things. Do stuff that scares you. This is all about focusing on yourself, right? So, ask yourself what you truly want to do and where you want to be. Don’t be scared if the answers are daunting.

Taking risks is the surest way to reinvent yourself and see how fierce, capable, and resourceful you are. After all, you only have one life. Don’t you want to use it wisely?

See also: Be Strong Enough To Let Go Of Whatever Makes You Unhappy

Check-in with yourself often.

young calm woman standing near the sea and closing eyes

You want to know how to focus on yourself and not others, right? Well, regularly checking in with yourself is key.

Stop and just take a second to breathe. When it all becomes too much, press pause and allow yourself a little breather.

You’re not a robot, nor should you be at anyone’s beck and call 24/7.

You can be your own best friend or your own worst enemy. It’s up to you which one you choose.

Spend time with your nearest and dearest.

beautiful old couple with their daughter sitting and using digital tab while talking

I cannot stress enough how important it is to spend time with your family. They are the only ones who can help center you and encourage self-growth the way you deserve.

Recently, I’ve been going through some difficult stuff, so I decided to visit my family. Sort of like an extended stay to find my inner peace again.

You wouldn’t believe how therapeutic this has been for me and my mental health. Being surrounded by your loved ones, as well as forgoing social media for a bit, works wonders for your mind.

Never underestimate the healing power of a loved one. Their mere presence makes all the difference, which is as astonishing as it’s needed.

Have you tried journaling?

woman writing on her journal on a wooden table with phone and coffee on the table in cropped image

In terms of working toward your specific goals, keeping a journal will keep you on a steady course and motivate you.

How? Simple. Writing your goals down will give you a sense of accountability, and you’ll be less inclined to go off course, as it’ll become somewhat of a habit.

Journaling is the surest way to assess your progress and stay afloat when experiencing a roadblock.

I know, I know, it may appear so third-grade, right? But let me assure you, it’s anything but. It’s the best way to reflect on your journey, stay true to your dreams, and see where you stand.

If more people resorted to this simple strategy, the world would be a much less messed-up place, don’t you think?

See also: When Is Cutting People Off Necessary? ( + 7 Tips To Do It)

Learning How To Focus On Yourself After A Breakup

Breakups are the worst. The time spent together, butterflies in your stomach, sweet messages, and having your person – gone. Just like that. How do you ever get better? These might help.

Grieving takes time; don’t rush the process.

sad woman thoughtful leaning on the railings on blurry background

You can’t expect to feel better overnight. Just like with any other loss, losing the one you love takes a lot of getting used to.

You are suddenly forced to find a new routine and make peace with the fact that you just lost your go-to.

Who will listen to you cry at 2 AM now? Who will hold your hand as you receive bad news from work?

Yeah. Breakups suck. So, don’t rush the healing process. Take as much time as you need, and don’t beat yourself up. You’ll find your joy again. You always do.

Feel your feelings but don’t let them consume you.

woman breathing fresh air outdoors wearing denim jacket in close up image

Finding the right balance is a challenge; I’ll give you that.

You can’t deny yourself to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling, but at the same time, how do you not let it consume you?

I can’t say what exactly will work for you, but I can say what worked for me. Usually, I let myself cry for a bit while listening to Coldplay (no judging).

But the moment I start feeling out of breath, and negative thoughts come creeping into my head, I just decide to shake it off.

I call up my sister or mom, or I walk my dog. The fresh air helps put things in perspective, and I start feeling like myself again. The key is to take action in a timely manner.

There’s no point in crying over spilled milk (this is not your fault).

beautiful woman thoughtful wearing thick sweater standing in the forest during cold season

It happened. It’s over. And guess what? It wasn’t entirely your fault. It takes two to tango. No matter what your toxic partner implies, you’re not the sole reason for the break-up.

It’s one thing to be in touch with your emotions, but it’s a whole other thing to keep blaming yourself with no purpose. It’s not like you woke up one day and decided to fall out of love (or vice versa).

There’s a whole culmination of events that precedes such a decision. Things build-up over time, and one day, it happens.

No one person is to blame (with exceptions, of course). Don’t cry over spilled milk. Life goes on, and there’s so much life left for you to experience. This breakup doesn’t define the rest of your life.

Cut all contact with the source of your hurt.

pensive woman on the phone looking away sad and sitting inside the house

Yup, I’m telling you to follow the no contact rule. That’s the fastest way to heal. While I do believe that staying friends with your ex is possible, it takes time to get to that place.

You’re nowhere near ready for that. Distance yourself from the one who caused you pain and delete their number.

Being near your ex right now will only prolong your suffering and make it impossible to focus on yourself. It isn’t healthy, it’ll prevent you from moving on, and you’ll most likely end up in bed together.

I don’t even have to explain how excruciating having to begin the healing process all over again would be, do I?

See also: No Contact Rule: The Power Of Silence After A Break-Up

Choose to see this as a blessing in disguise.

woman sitting on stairs of the sidewalk smiling wearing white dress

Right now, it seems like the end of the world, but soon, you’ll see this for what it is – a blessing in disguise.

Clearly, you were in a dysfunctional relationship; otherwise, you would still be together. There’s a reason you broke up, right?

That reason will become more and more clear as time goes on. When you start finding yourself again, you’ll see how much better things are and how much happier you feel.

If you’re still not in that place, I promise, that day will come, and so much weight will be lifted off your shoulders.

Find new hobbies and focus on your goals.

pensive woman on vacation sitting in the railings of a beach house wearing white fashionable dress and sunglasses

First and foremost, make more time for the people you love most. Secondly, pursue new hobbies that’ll help you feel better about yourself, and lastly, start making plans for your future.

Travel to a new place. Go on an adventure with your best friends. Apply for that job you’ve been eyeing for ages. Listen to podcasts that’ll help you on your new journey.

Yeah, you were with your ex for a few years. But what are those three years compared to the life you have ahead of you?

This Is How To Focus On Yourself In A Relationship

Being in a healthy relationship is awesome. But sometimes, your individuality gets lost in the ‘coupledom.’ You focus less on your needs and more on the relationship needs.

This begs the question: How do you avoid losing yourself when part of a couple? Here’s how:

Regularly spend quality time with yourself.

woman sitting with her feet up on a sofa relaxing with a book and coffee

Carve out some ‘me time’ as much as you can. It’s not selfish, self-indulgent, or embarrassing – quite the contrary.

It’s essential to spend time alone with yourself and your thoughts, as it’s the only way to see how you feel and whether you’re happy.

Being alone doesn’t mean being lonely. You can have a fantastic group of people who love you and still relish ‘me time.’

Connect with your pre-relationship friends.

four attractive young women in their night gowns sitting in the bed and drinking cocktails

Remember those friends you were so close with before you got together with your partner? Hit them up, especially if it’s been a while. Genuine friends are so precious.

While it’s somewhat expected to be focused on your relationship while it’s in the beginning stages, after a while, things should go back to how they were.

Call up your pre-relationship friends, reconnect, and don’t neglect them anymore. These are the people you’ll always come back to when life knocks you down.

See also: 20 Beautiful Signs That You’ve Found A True Soulmate Friendship

Have a hobby that’s just your own.

woman dancing freestyle alone inside a dance studio

Have something that’s just your own. Whether it’s dancing, karate, joining a choir, or cooking, as long as it’s something you’ll do for yourself, it works.

While being in a relationship is amazing and fulfilling, it’s also important to stay true to who you are. Follow your passions and do stuff that makes your heart happy.

Not only will this help you be your happiest self, but it’ll also make you a much better partner to your significant other.

Find some time to exercise.

young woman exercising on mat while watching video on laptop at home

Not only is exercise healthy in the sense that it can reduce the risk of developing many diseases, but it’s also a fantastic way to let off steam when you need it most.

Have I mentioned that it’s also guaranteed to improve the quality of your life?

I understand that life can get insanely crazy, and it’s hard to carve out enough time to go to the gym. That’s what Youtube is for!

Find workout videos that work for YOU, and do your thing right from the comfort of your living room.

Don’t let your goals get lost by living your ‘couple goals.’

dreamy woman with diary sitting on a couch inside livingroom and looking away

While there’s a whole list of ‘couple goals‘ that I’m sure you and your bae check off the list, it’s also important to not let your own goals disappear from sight.

Just because you’re in a happy, fulfilled relationship, doesn’t mean your ambition and drive stopped being important.

Keep pursuing your dreams. Don’t settle for just being content. Reach for the stars and do what you need to achieve complete personal fulfillment. It’s not that crazy, you know?

You deserve it, and it’ll only make your relationship that much stronger. Your needs are just as important as your partner’s. Remember that, and you’re golden.

See also: Top 12 Damn Good Reasons Why A Private Life Is A Happy Life

Communicate your needs and wants with your partner.

couple talking heart to heart inside the livingroom sitting in one couch

Wondering how to focus on yourself in a relationship but remain mindful of your partner and their needs? COMMUNICATE.

If you’re not happy about something, speak your mind. If you’re hurt by their actions, express your dissatisfaction. If you don’t, it’ll keep eating away at you bit by bit.

Communication is a necessary tool that makes or breaks a relationship. Being able to communicate effectively is one of the most important life skills.

It has the power to create an insurmountable wedge between you or bring you closer together than ever.

And sometimes, you just need to let your hair down.

smiling woman in picnic at the park having a good time holding wine

If your life has been a mess, or if you’ve been too preoccupied with your partner’s needs, it’s time to let loose.

Call up your crew and paint the town red. Go on a night out, have a fantastic night in, or go for an impromptu adventure. Whatever floats your boat!

Learning how to focus on yourself in a relationship is all about doing stuff you did back when you were single. What made you happy then probably makes you happy now.

You’ve just neglected your needs for a bit. That’s okay, though. It’s never too late to do more stuff that makes you happy. There’s no time like the present!

See also: 30 Day Self Love Challenge: Become The Best Version Of Yourself

Happiness is a choice.

happy woman at the beach

By now, you must’ve realized how vital it is to learn how to focus on yourself. Just do whatever makes your heart sing!

If you don’t like the people you hang out with, change your social circle. If you’ve started to lose yourself in your relationship, do all the fun things you enjoyed while you were still single.

Oh, and if you’re still reeling from your bad breakup (all the while blaming yourself for how it unfolded), STOP. As heartbreaking as it is, breakups happen, and life goes on.

It’s going to suck for a while, but it doesn’t mean that you should let it consume you.

I know that wallowing in misery is the easiest thing to do. But getting back up, choosing to do something about it, and allowing yourself to feel happy again takes guts.

Decide today that you’re going to grab life by the horns and do whatever the heck you want. Who can tell you otherwise?

You create your path to happiness – if you can believe it, you can most definitely achieve it. And if I didn’t convince you, perhaps Abe Lincoln will:

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

See also: When You Start Believing In Yourself, These 7 Things Will Happen

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