Está a enganar alguém? Como dizer e como parar

“I feel like I was unintentionally leading him on,” a friend of mine told me after a coworker confessed that he gostava dela de uma forma romântica. Ela lamentava ter magoado os sentimentos dele e sentia que devia pedir desculpa. Mas será que a culpa é mesmo dela?

If you’ve ever been led on, or if you’re wondering if someone is doing it to you right now, pode estar a sentir-se usado e magoado.

On the other hand, if you’ve ever been accused of leading someone on, and you didn’t mean to do it, it’s confusing and can make you feel ashamed and guilty.

You’ve come to the right place to find out why people do it, if you are doing it and how to stop, and how to recognize if it’s happening to you.

Qual é a definição de "Leading Someone On"?

"Para conduzir alguém, phrasal verb. To persuade someone to believe something that is untrue.” – Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary & Thesaurus

Synonyms include “to trick (someone) into believing” and “to mislead by lying.”

It’s clear from these definitions that this is a deliberate act. This means that there’s no such thing as leading someone on unintentionally.

Being led on means being deceived into expecting something by someone who has no intention of following through with it, and it isn’t limited only to romantic relationships.

Por exemplo, a sua entidade patronal pode estar a induzi-lo a sugerir a possibilidade de um aumento ou promoção, mas não tem qualquer intenção de o fazer acontecer.

Por outras palavras, alguém que conduzir alguém is aware that they’re doing it and realizes the consequences of their actions. If you’re the one doing it, you already know.

5 razões pelas quais as pessoas deixam alguém na mão

Even though it’s not always done out of a place of cruelty, being led on can feel that way to the person who’s experiencing it. Pode ter um efeito negativo na sua autoestima e levar a um desgosto.

Why would someone feign interest in another person and make them believe they will get together? If you don’t want someone, why pretend you do?

Muitas pessoas enganam os outros para obterem o que querem da relação existente.

As pessoas que conscientemente provocam alguém fazem-no normalmente por uma das seguintes razões, ou por uma combinação das mesmas:

1. Apreciam a atenção

Para algumas pessoas, a sensação de poder de ser apreciado é viciante. A adrenalina de serem desejados fá-los voltar para mais, even if they don’t want to go any further than bask in the attention they’ve been receiving.

They don’t stop to think about what it’s like for the other person. Receção cumprimentos and feeling attractive gives them a thrill and feeling of excitement that doesn’t take into account the other person’s emotions.

Pessoas assim podem saltar de pessoa em pessoa, à procura de mais e mais admiração e lisonja.

2. They’re insecure

Uma pessoa insegura podem estar a enganar alguém porque saber que alguém quer ter uma relação com eles dá-lhes validação.

Even if they aren’t actually interested in the person or a relationship with them, they feel accepted, so they keep them around to get as much of it as possible.

If they’re insecure about their worth or don’t know how else to feel approval, they take any chance to fill an emotional void, even if it means making false promises.

Este tipo de pessoa pode enganá-lo durante muito tempo, mantendo-o preso até encontrar a sua próxima fonte de validação.

3. They’re uncertain

Talvez tenham tido o vosso primeiro encontro e a pessoa tenha ido para casa sem saber se estava interessada. Isso levou a um longo período de reflexão para decidir se gostavam de si ou não.

All along, you’ve been waiting and hoping because you liked them from the first moment. What is a nuisance to them might be a very emotional experience for the person they’re leading on.

They might be confused, afraid of commitment, unsure whether they want a relationship at all, so they’ll keep you on standby or in a situação.

With this person, you can be sure that they’ll never pick you, and their hesitation is just a way to keep you in place until someone else comes along.

4. They’re stringing you along

They’re doing this to others, or they’re already in a relationship. While you’re thinking about a relationship with them, they’re thinking about the next person in line.

This person believes they have their pick, so they’re weighing their options and a enganar-vos. If you want exclusivity, you’ll probably never get it from someone like this.

Pode dizer-se que pessoas como esta são cobardes, com medo de tomar uma decisão. You shouldn’t care about someone who makes you a possibility instead of a priority.

5. Só querem sexo

Uma relação baseada no sexo tem de ser definida desde o início, caso contrário é muito provável que alguém se magoe. Pode ser puramente físico para eles e pode ser que já tenha sentimentos.

If it’s not an agreed-upon amigos com benefícios pode estar à espera que a sua relação evolua numa direção mais estável. Someone who is leading you on won’t tell you that they don’t have any intention of doing so.

Make your self-care a priority and walk away if you think they’re using you. Esperar que mudem de ideias só o vai prejudicar.

How Do You Tell If You’re Leading Someone On?

O contexto é importante quando se trata de relações. Algumas coisas podem ter mais do que um significado, consoante a situação.

If you believe that someone wants to have a relationship with you, yet you don’t feel the same, giving them even the smallest bit of attention might be considered leading them on.

If you don’t intend to get into the kind of relationship they want and continue doing things they might construe as interest, you’re leading them on.

Provided you don’t suspect that someone is interested in you, the following are not signs of leading someone on:

- Ser gentil

• Communicating often

- Enjoys someone’s company and hanging out

- Abertura e partilhar detalhes sobre si próprio

- Mostrar interesse por ele como pessoa

• Giving them help and support

Se acha que eles podem querer um determinado tipo de relação, a primeira coisa que deve fazer é falar com eles. A forma mais fácil de saber como se sentem é perguntar-lhes e dizer-lhes qual é a sua posição.

If the other person is interested in you the way you aren’t interested in them, everything that could be interpreted as intimate might lead them on.

Em caso de dúvida, pergunte a si próprio se o faria com os seus outros amigos.

Coisas que podem ser sinais de estar a enganar alguém que gosta de si:

- Namoro

- Acariciar

• Dates

- Beijar

• Making promises

Put it this way, if you know they’re into you, and you give them hope when you don’t plan on changing your mind, you’re leading them on.

Como lidar com o facto de ser enganado e deixar de o fazer aos outros

Now that we’ve learned why people do it and how to know if you’re doing it to someone else, let’s take a look at the ways it can happen.

As we mentioned, it all depends on the context and intentions – whether you know if someone is interested in you and if you’re interested in them.

These conditions allow for three possible situations: you intentionally leading someone on, realizing that a friend has developed feelings, and someone you thought of as a friend showing that they’ve wanted something else the whole time.

1. You’ve been intentionally leading someone on

Feelings that aren’t reciprocated can lead to pain, but having false hope feels even worse. Pode fazer com que uma pessoa se sinta usada e devastada.

Enganar alguém é egoísta. Knowing you’ll never love them back and keeping them hooked shows a lack of concern for their feelings and well-being.

You’re probably aware that you’re doing it and want to stop, or you wouldn’t care to look it up. Where do you go from here?

- Fazer as pazes. Be honest and kind. Apologize and be genuine. Tell them you’re sorry for your actions and hurting them.

If you’re not sure about them, or you’re mantendo-os como opção, deixá-los ir imediatamente. You are well aware that you’ll never come to love them, so stop wasting their time.

Prepara-te para que te odeiem. This isn’t about you right now – it’s about them. Be conscious of the fact that you’ve knowingly caused them pain.

- Trabalhe em si próprio. Think about why you pretended to care when you know how they felt and that you didn’t feel the same.

If you’re insecure and looking for external validation in the form of love from someone you don’t feel the same for, you might first need to work on yourself.

Se anseiam por atenção, focus on self-love until you feel like you’re happy with yourself.

2. Um amigo desenvolveu uma paixoneta

Normalmente, quando uma pessoa sente que a sua um amigo pode gostar deles a little more than they like them, they start to wonder if they’ve been leading them on. A lot of times, you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, so you’re not sure how to deal with it.

You might be feeling guilty and wondering, “If they do have feelings for me, do the things I do seem like I’m leading them on?”

You can’t force yourself to be attracted to someone and vice versa. Um bom amigo que o aprecie compreenderá isso.

- Limpar o ar. Trata-se de uma situação delicada e é assim que deve ser abordada. Ser muito compassivo mas assertivo. Clearly let them know that you don’t see yourself in a romantic relationship with them.
Deixe-os escolher o que fazer e dê-lhes todo o tempo e espaço de que necessitam.

- Don’t be hard on yourself. Quem está a ser genuinamente amigável e não está a fazer jogos não tem nada que pedir desculpa.
Being gentle while letting your friend know you don’t feel the same way is one thing – taking responsibility for something that isn’t your fault is another.

You can enjoy someone’s company without being attracted to them. The other person might develop a crush if they feel attracted to you and if you’re friendly.

3. Fingiram ser amigos

It’s normal to like someone without them knowing. There can be a lot of reasons someone won’t come out and make their feelings known.

However, it becomes suspicious when the only reason for any kindness throughout your relationship is hope that it will butter you up and you’ll get together.

Let’s put it this way: if someone is deliberately giving you the wrong impression that they want to be friends while they’re after something else, it’s you who’s being led on.

Pode até ser o caso de alguém que se diz um homem simpático mas na verdade só finge ser simpático para o manipular para uma relação.

Some red flags that the person isn’t actually your friend but that they have false pretenses are:

- “Friendzone.” Using this word to describe your relationship shows that their friendship was fake and that they don’t value your company, only what they think they can get from you.

- Direito. If they’re talking about what they have “invested” into you (feelings, time, money), they’re expecting something in exchange. By thinking of your relationship as if it were a transaction, they’re showing their intentions.

- Recusa em aceitar a rejeição. If they’re not able to accept that you’re not interested and keep trying to get you to change your mind, they’re clearly showing that they don’t care about your feelings.

Such people feel entitled and put the blame on others when their expectations aren’t met. They expect payback for their politeness, feigned care, and friendliness. You don’t owe anyone your heart and your body.

It’s always best to keep a person like this out of your life. Seja firme e proteja-se.

Conclusão

The term “leading someone on” is often used to explain why someone’s romantic feelings aren’t being reciprocated despite expectations. Depending on what those expectations are based on, they might be right, or they might have the wrong impression.

Believing that someone who’s continuously flirting with you and hinting at romantic interest is planning to accept your feelings is different from misinterpreting someone’s friendliness.

Not leading someone on is all about intention and responsibility. If you think they like you, and your actions might make them like you more, talk to them if you’re not interested.