É assim que te vais livrar de um psicopata narcisista

Dei por mim num ciclo interminável. Estava a ser magoada dia após dia e não conseguia fazer nada. Lutei e tentei confrontá-lo, mas a situação só piorava.

Como o meu estado emocional se estava a deteriorar e o meu nível de stress era mais elevado, ele estava mais feliz.

Os narcisistas retiram energia das suas vítimas quando estas se encontram nos seus estados mais vulneráveis. A sua miséria e agonia são o que os mantém vivos. Eles são como parasitas que se alimentam de outros organismos e não fazem nada em troca.

That’s what I was—a source of emotional food. My every tear and anxiety attack made him stronger.

Doubting in myself and thinking I’m not good enough pushed his ego sky high. That was all he needed from me.

Even when I dumped him, I couldn’t get rid of him. He had some kind of power over me. He knew how to emotionally hook me and bring me back every time I tried to escape.

He would turn on his irresistible charm, his goodie face and I thought he had changed. I thought he finally understood that he was acting like a piece of shit. But, psychopaths don’t work that way and I didn’t know that, so I foolishly tried to understand him.

Essas eram apenas uma das suas numerosas mentiras para conseguir o que queria, para me usar até não restar nada de mim para usar.

Não existe uma forma fácil de libertar-se de uma relação narcísica. Como já deve saber, quando quis sair, ou se realmente saiu, a sua toxicodependência entrou em ação.

You knew that you needed a dose of him. You couldn’t just go on and live your life without him in it because he made sure that you missed him. He knew exactly how to manipulate you into staying.

He wasn’t such an idiot all the time. There were times when you loved him so much—when he appeared to be something completely different than what he really was.

Mas, claro, tudo isso era uma mentira. E o problema surgiu porque te agarraste a essa mentira e esperaste que pudesse ser verdade.

Secretamente don’t want to let go because you hope it’s not too late to turn things around. You still hope there is something good in him and you can take it out and change him.

Esperas que ele possa ser realmente atencioso e carinhoso. Esperas que ele te faça a prioridade dele, mas a verdade é que ele só se preocupa com ele próprio.

Deep down inside, he is a poor little insecure boy who turned into a monster to hide his vulnerabilities and his shortcomings. And you’re his victim, his tool to feel good about himself.

But listen, when you find yourself struggling with whether you’ve made a good decision for leaving him or when you find yourself under his pressure of wanting you back, just remember that you are not in love with him but in something he finge to be, something that doesn’t exist.

I know it’s not easy to just walk away—especially if you’ve lived with him, have children with him or you have to keep seeing him because he is your boss—or pretty much anyone you can’t avoid in your life.

Relacionadas: 18 sinais de alerta de um namorado controlador

Todos os outros dizem que nenhum contacto é a forma mais eficaz de se livrar de um narcisista para sempre.

But what happens when you don’t have that option? What happens when there are things that force you to keep seeing him and prolonging your pain? Then you use the Gray Rock method.

O que é o método Gray Rock?

The whole point is to really become a gray rock. A rock that is so boring and unattractive that no one would look at it twice. Using the grey rock method, you’ll become completely unattractive for him to interact with.

O seu ex abusivo perderá o interesse em si e acabará por a deixar em paz.

Look at it this way. Imagine him being a small boy and small boys want toys to play with—only a narc doesn’t want toys because his toys are people.

Ele brinca com as pessoas e com os seus sentimentos, e isso tem consequências graves.

In a narc’s eyes, you are the same as the toy. He knows he can do whatever he wants with you because he has the control. He can create scenarios he likes and make you dance to the music he plays. Narcs are in complete control over you.

Porque é que este método funciona?

Ele quer brincar consigo e, se se tornar aborrecida e pouco atraente, perderá o interesse, como os rapazes fazem com os brinquedos.

While the toys are brand new and while they have some attraction, the ‘boys’ will play with them because they get something back—satisfaction—and as long as they keep getting satisfaction, they will keep playing. But, when the toy becomes old and worn down, they will toss it because they get nothing in return.

That’s why by using this method, you’re turning yourself into a boring, unattractive, plain old toy he doesn’t want to play with anymore. You become this gray rock that shows no feelings whatsoever.

E onde não há emoções, não há narcisistas para as drenar.

He wants all the attention he can get from you and once you become cold and indifferent and deny him that attention, love and affection, he will stop playing with you because he can’t get anything from the game; he benefits nothing.

Como utilizar o método Gray Rock?

Don’t create chaos or drama.

Narcissists feed off of chaos and drama. They will provoke you just to get that state because when you’re an emotional wreck, they are the happiest they can be. To avoid this, try to talk about superficial things.

Talk about how you’ve washed your car or how you had to run some errands. Talk about everything that sounds boring and unexciting, anything that won’t give them a reason to create drama.

Don’t talk about your personal life.

Don’t talk about anything that has something to do with you or your accomplishments. It will give them material to suck your energy dry and turn your happiness into misery.

Narcisistas are known to be jealous of anything they don’t have and you do.

So, don’t give them a chance to be jealous. Stay quiet and if he tries to talk about your life, steer the conversation in another direction. Smoothly avoid answering the question.

Don’t react to his provocations.

Ele tentará provocar qualquer tipo de emoção em si, normalmente apenas as negativas. Ele provoca-o e tenta irritá-lo.

But, whatever he does, you have to deny him seeing any reaction from you. It’s hard to stay indifferent—especially when something makes you sad or hurt—but keep in mind that’s exactly what he wants. He wants to see emotion, so he can use it.

Don’t ask him questions.

Têm esta necessidade louca de atenção constante; são verdadeiros que procuram atenção. Quando lhes damos o que querem, não há forma de os parar.

So, when you meet with your narcissist, don’t ever ask him anything about his life. If you do, it will give him a chance to rub his accomplishments (real or fake) right into your face.

He will use the situation and turn it around to make you feel worthless because he is doing so great and in his eyes, you’re a complete failure.

Don’t ever mention the past.

They want you to relive those bad moments again (and again) because each time, it will provoke sadness and fear, and you’re risking opening old wounds which have barely healed.

But, if this happens and it probably will, the best thing you can do it to accept responsibility for the end of your relationship (even if you don’t since it wasn’t your fault).

Se tentar negar que a culpa é sua porque a relação acabou, ele atacá-la-á e gritará consigo, o que provocará novamente sentimentos negativos em si, dos quais ele se alimentará.

It’s not easy to gray rock someone because they bring you to the point where you want to scream at them and practically strangle them. They provoke you and bring out the worst in you.

Mas nestas situações, se quisermos uma solução a longo prazo, temos de fingir que nada nos afecta.

Tem de ser tão desinteressante como uma rocha cinzenta e, com sorte, ele deixá-la-á novamente e encontrará outra vítima para utilizar.

A desvantagem do método da pedra cinzenta

Don’t use it when you can não entrar em contacto. The grey rock method is reserved only for situations when you absolutely have to see him—you can’t avoid it no matter what you do.

Don’t use it if you still have feelings for him and you actually don’t want to cut off every contact with him.

No entanto, lembre-se de que manter um contacto desnecessário com um narcisista pode colocá-lo em perigo e permitir que ele o atraia de novo para a sua armadilha.

Por muito forte que te julgues, este é um jogo em que ele vai ganhar sempre.

Another dangerous thing that can happen if you use the Gray Rock method is that you can go numb and appear emotionless with people with whom you don’t want to act in that way.

Este método pode consumi-lo e pode facilmente esquecer-se de onde traçar a linha.

The bottom line is, don’t be a new shiny toy he craves to play with, be a boring and unattractive rock he will just pass by.