Ecco come liberarsi di uno psicopatico narcisista

Mi sono ritrovata in un circolo vizioso senza fine. Venivo ferita giorno dopo giorno e non potevo farci nulla. Ho lottato e ho cercato di affrontarlo, ma la situazione non faceva che peggiorare.

Poiché il mio stato emotivo si stava deteriorando e il mio livello di stress era più alto, lui era più felice.

I narcisisti traggono energia dalle loro vittime quando sono nei loro stati più vulnerabili. La vostra infelicità e agonia sono ciò che li tiene in vita. Sono come parassiti che si nutrono di altri organismi senza fare nulla in cambio.

That’s what I was—a source of emotional food. My every tear and anxiety attack made him stronger.

Doubting in myself and thinking I’m not good enough pushed his ego sky high. That was all he needed from me.

Even when I dumped him, I couldn’t get rid of him. He had some kind of power over me. He knew how to emotionally hook me and bring me back every time I tried to escape.

He would turn on his irresistible charm, his goodie face and I thought he had changed. I thought he finally understood that he was acting like a piece of shit. But, psychopaths don’t work that way and I didn’t know that, so I foolishly tried to understand him.

Quelle erano solo una delle sue numerose bugie per ottenere ciò che voleva, per usarmi finché non fosse rimasto nulla di me da usare.

Non esiste un modo semplice per Liberarsi da una relazione narcisistica. Come forse già sapete, quando volevate andarvene, o se ve ne siete andati davvero, la vostra dipendenza dai narcotici ha preso il sopravvento.

You knew that you needed a dose of him. You couldn’t just go on and live your life without him in it because he made sure that you missed him. He knew exactly how to manipulate you into staying.

He wasn’t such an idiot all the time. There were times when you loved him so much—when he appeared to be something completely different than what he really was.

Ma, ovviamente, era tutta una bugia. E il problema è apparso perché vi siete aggrappati a questa bugia e avete sperato che potesse essere vera.

In segreto don’t want to let go because you hope it’s not too late to turn things around. You still hope there is something good in him and you can take it out and change him.

Sperate che possa essere davvero premuroso e amorevole. Sperate che possa fare di voi la sua priorità, ma la verità è che pensa solo a se stesso.

Deep down inside, he is a poor little insecure boy who turned into a monster to hide his vulnerabilities and his shortcomings. And you’re his victim, his tool to feel good about himself.

But listen, when you find yourself struggling with whether you’ve made a good decision for leaving him or when you find yourself under his pressure of wanting you back, just remember that you are not in love with him but in something he finge to be, something that doesn’t exist.

I know it’s not easy to just walk away—especially if you’ve lived with him, have children with him or you have to keep seeing him because he is your boss—or pretty much anyone you can’t avoid in your life.

Correlato: 18 segnali d'allarme di un fidanzato dispotico

Tutti gli altri dicono che nessun contatto è il modo più efficace per liberarsi definitivamente di un narcisista.

But what happens when you don’t have that option? What happens when there are things that force you to keep seeing him and prolonging your pain? Then you use the Gray Rock method.

Che cos'è il metodo Gray Rock?

The whole point is to really become a gray rock. A rock that is so boring and unattractive that no one would look at it twice. Using the grey rock method, you’ll become completely unattractive for him to interact with.

Il vostro ex violento perderà interesse per voi e alla fine vi lascerà in pace.

Look at it this way. Imagine him being a small boy and small boys want toys to play with—only a narc doesn’t want toys because his toys are people.

Gioca con le persone e con i loro sentimenti e questo ha gravi conseguenze.

In a narc’s eyes, you are the same as the toy. He knows he can do whatever he wants with you because he has the control. He can create scenarios he likes and make you dance to the music he plays. Narcs are in complete control over you.

Perché questo metodo funziona?

Vuole giocare con voi e se diventate noiosi e poco attraenti da guardare, perderà interesse, come fanno i ragazzi con i giocattoli.

While the toys are brand new and while they have some attraction, the ‘boys’ will play with them because they get something back—satisfaction—and as long as they keep getting satisfaction, they will keep playing. But, when the toy becomes old and worn down, they will toss it because they get nothing in return.

That’s why by using this method, you’re turning yourself into a boring, unattractive, plain old toy he doesn’t want to play with anymore. You become this gray rock that shows no feelings whatsoever.

E dove non ci sono emozioni, non ci sono narcisisti che le prosciughino.

He wants all the attention he can get from you and once you become cold and indifferent and deny him that attention, love and affection, he will stop playing with you because he can’t get anything from the game; he benefits nothing.

Come utilizzare il metodo Gray Rock?

Don’t create chaos or drama.

Narcissists feed off of chaos and drama. They will provoke you just to get that state because when you’re an emotional wreck, they are the happiest they can be. To avoid this, try to talk about superficial things.

Talk about how you’ve washed your car or how you had to run some errands. Talk about everything that sounds boring and unexciting, anything that won’t give them a reason to create drama.

Don’t talk about your personal life.

Don’t talk about anything that has something to do with you or your accomplishments. It will give them material to suck your energy dry and turn your happiness into misery.

Narcisisti are known to be jealous of anything they don’t have and you do.

So, don’t give them a chance to be jealous. Stay quiet and if he tries to talk about your life, steer the conversation in another direction. Smoothly avoid answering the question.

Don’t react to his provocations.

Cercherà di suscitare in voi qualsiasi tipo di emozione, di solito solo quelle negative. Vi provocherà e cercherà di infastidirvi.

But, whatever he does, you have to deny him seeing any reaction from you. It’s hard to stay indifferent—especially when something makes you sad or hurt—but keep in mind that’s exactly what he wants. He wants to see emotion, so he can use it.

Don’t ask him questions.

Hanno un bisogno pazzesco di attenzioni costanti; sono veri e propri cercatori di attenzioni. Quando si permette loro di ottenere ciò che vogliono, non c'è modo di fermarli.

So, when you meet with your narcissist, don’t ever ask him anything about his life. If you do, it will give him a chance to rub his accomplishments (real or fake) right into your face.

He will use the situation and turn it around to make you feel worthless because he is doing so great and in his eyes, you’re a complete failure.

Don’t ever mention the past.

They want you to relive those bad moments again (and again) because each time, it will provoke sadness and fear, and you’re risking opening old wounds which have barely healed.

But, if this happens and it probably will, the best thing you can do it to accept responsibility for the end of your relationship (even if you don’t since it wasn’t your fault).

Se cercate di negare che la colpa è vostra perché la vostra relazione è finita, lui vi attaccherà e vi urlerà contro, provocando ancora una volta in voi sentimenti negativi di cui si nutrirà.

It’s not easy to gray rock someone because they bring you to the point where you want to scream at them and practically strangle them. They provoke you and bring out the worst in you.

Ma in queste situazioni, se si vuole una soluzione a lungo termine, bisogna far finta di niente.

Devi essere poco interessante come una roccia grigia e, se tutto va bene, lui ti lascerà di nuovo e troverà un'altra. vittima da utilizzare.

Il lato negativo del metodo della roccia grigia

Don’t use it when you can non contattare. The grey rock method is reserved only for situations when you absolutely have to see him—you can’t avoid it no matter what you do.

Don’t use it if you still have feelings for him and you actually don’t want to cut off every contact with him.

Ricordate però che avere contatti non necessari con un narcisista può mettervi in pericolo e permettergli di attirarvi nuovamente nella sua trappola.

Non importa quanto pensiate di essere forti, questo è un gioco in cui lui vincerà ogni singola volta.

Another dangerous thing that can happen if you use the Gray Rock method is that you can go numb and appear emotionless with people with whom you don’t want to act in that way.

Questo metodo può consumarvi e potete facilmente dimenticare dove tracciare il limite.

The bottom line is, don’t be a new shiny toy he craves to play with, be a boring and unattractive rock he will just pass by.