Así es como te librarás de un psicópata narcisista... para siempre

Me encontraba en un ciclo interminable. Me hacía daño día tras día y no podía hacer nada al respecto. Luché e intenté enfrentarme a él, pero la cosa no hacía más que empeorar.

Como mi estado emocional se deterioraba y mi nivel de estrés era mayor, él estaba más contento.

Los narcisistas extraen energía de sus víctimas cuando éstas se encuentran en sus estados más vulnerables. Tu miseria y tu agonía son lo que les mantiene vivos. Son como parásitos que se alimentan de otros organismos sin hacer nada a cambio.

That’s what I was—a source of emotional food. My every tear and anxiety attack made him stronger.

Doubting in myself and thinking I’m not good enough pushed his ego sky high. That was all he needed from me.

Even when I dumped him, I couldn’t get rid of him. He had some kind of power over me. He knew how to emotionally hook me and bring me back every time I tried to escape.

He would turn on his irresistible charm, his goodie face and I thought he had changed. I thought he finally understood that he was acting like a piece of shit. But, psychopaths don’t work that way and I didn’t know that, so I foolishly tried to understand him.

Ésas eran sólo una de sus numerosas mentiras para conseguir lo que quería, para usarme hasta que no quedara nada de mí que usar.

No es fácil liberarse de una relación narcisista. Como ya sabrás, cuando quisiste irte, o si realmente te fuiste, tu adicción a los narcóticos entró en acción.

You knew that you needed a dose of him. You couldn’t just go on and live your life without him in it because he made sure that you missed him. He knew exactly how to manipulate you into staying.

He wasn’t such an idiot all the time. There were times when you loved him so much—when he appeared to be something completely different than what he really was.

Pero, todo eso era mentira, por supuesto. Y el problema apareció porque te aferraste a esa mentira y esperaste que pudiera ser verdad.

Tú secretamente don’t want to let go because you hope it’s not too late to turn things around. You still hope there is something good in him and you can take it out and change him.  

Esperas que sea realmente considerado y cariñoso. Esperas que te convierta en su prioridad, pero la verdad es que sólo mira por sí mismo.

Deep down inside, he is a poor little insecure boy who turned into a monster to hide his vulnerabilities and his shortcomings. And you’re his victim, his tool to feel good about himself.

But listen, when you find yourself struggling with whether you’ve made a good decision for leaving him or when you find yourself under his pressure of wanting you back, just remember that you are not in love with him but in something he pretende to be, something that doesn’t exist.

I know it’s not easy to just walk away—especially if you’ve lived with him, have children with him or you have to keep seeing him because he is your boss—or pretty much anyone you can’t avoid in your life.

Relacionado: 18 señales de advertencia de un novio controlador

Todos los demás dicen que ningún contacto es la forma más eficaz de deshacerse de un narcisista para siempre.

But what happens when you don’t have that option? What happens when there are things that force you to keep seeing him and prolonging your pain? Then you use the Gray Rock method.

¿Qué es el método Gray Rock?

The whole point is to really become a gray rock. A rock that is so boring and unattractive that no one would look at it twice. Using the grey rock method, you’ll become completely unattractive for him to interact with.

Tu ex maltratador perderá interés en ti y acabará por dejarte en paz.

Look at it this way. Imagine him being a small boy and small boys want toys to play with—only a narc doesn’t want toys because his toys are people.

Juega con las personas y sus sentimientos, y eso tiene graves consecuencias.

In a narc’s eyes, you are the same as the toy. He knows he can do whatever he wants with you because he has the control. He can create scenarios he likes and make you dance to the music he plays. Narcs are in complete control over you.

¿Por qué funciona este método?

Quiere jugar contigo y si te vuelves aburrida y poco atractiva a la vista, perderá el interés, como hacen los chicos con los juguetes.

While the toys are brand new and while they have some attraction, the ‘boys’ will play with them because they get something back—satisfaction—and as long as they keep getting satisfaction, they will keep playing. But, when the toy becomes old and worn down, they will toss it because they get nothing in return.

That’s why by using this method, you’re turning yourself into a boring, unattractive, plain old toy he doesn’t want to play with anymore. You become this gray rock that shows no feelings whatsoever.

Y donde no hay emociones, no hay narcisistas que las drenen.

He wants all the attention he can get from you and once you become cold and indifferent and deny him that attention, love and affection, he will stop playing with you because he can’t get anything from the game; he benefits nothing.

¿Cómo utilizar el método Gray Rock?

Don’t create chaos or drama.

Narcissists feed off of chaos and drama. They will provoke you just to get that state because when you’re an emotional wreck, they are the happiest they can be. To avoid this, try to talk about superficial things.

Talk about how you’ve washed your car or how you had to run some errands. Talk about everything that sounds boring and unexciting, anything that won’t give them a reason to create drama.

Don’t talk about your personal life.

Don’t talk about anything that has something to do with you or your accomplishments. It will give them material to suck your energy dry and turn your happiness into misery.

Narcisistas are known to be jealous of anything they don’t have and you do.

So, don’t give them a chance to be jealous. Stay quiet and if he tries to talk about your life, steer the conversation in another direction. Smoothly avoid answering the question.

Don’t react to his provocations.

Intentará provocarte cualquier tipo de emoción, normalmente sólo las negativas. Te provocará e intentará molestarte.

But, whatever he does, you have to deny him seeing any reaction from you. It’s hard to stay indifferent—especially when something makes you sad or hurt—but keep in mind that’s exactly what he wants. He wants to see emotion, so he can use it.

Don’t ask him questions.

Tienen una necesidad loca de atención constante; son auténticos... buscadores de atención. Cuando les das lo que quieren, no hay forma de detenerlos.

So, when you meet with your narcissist, don’t ever ask him anything about his life. If you do, it will give him a chance to rub his accomplishments (real or fake) right into your face.

He will use the situation and turn it around to make you feel worthless because he is doing so great and in his eyes, you’re a complete failure.

Don’t ever mention the past.

They want you to relive those bad moments again (and again) because each time, it will provoke sadness and fear, and you’re risking opening old wounds which have barely healed.

But, if this happens and it probably will, the best thing you can do it to accept responsibility for the end of your relationship (even if you don’t since it wasn’t your fault).

Si intentas negar que tú tienes la culpa de que vuestra relación haya terminado, te atacará y te gritará, lo que volverá a provocar en ti sentimientos negativos de los que se alimentará.

It’s not easy to gray rock someone because they bring you to the point where you want to scream at them and practically strangle them. They provoke you and bring out the worst in you.

Pero en estas situaciones, si quieres una solución a largo plazo, tienes que fingir que nada te afecta.

Tienes que ser tan poco interesante como una roca gris y con suerte, te dejará de nuevo y encontrará otra víctima usar.

Los inconvenientes del método de la roca gris

Don’t use it when you can ir sin contacto. The grey rock method is reserved only for situations when you absolutely have to see him—you can’t avoid it no matter what you do.

Don’t use it if you still have feelings for him and you actually don’t want to cut off every contact with him.

Sin embargo, recuerda que mantener un contacto innecesario con un narcisista puede ponerte en peligro y permitirle que te atraiga de nuevo a su trampa.

No importa lo fuerte que te creas, este es un juego en el que él ganará siempre.

Another dangerous thing that can happen if you use the Gray Rock method is that you can go numb and appear emotionless with people with whom you don’t want to act in that way.

Este método puede consumirte y puedes olvidar fácilmente dónde poner el límite.

The bottom line is, don’t be a new shiny toy he craves to play with, be a boring and unattractive rock he will just pass by.