Porque é que ele evita a intimidade quando é óbvio que anseia por amor?

Ele já se tinha magoado antes? É apenas algo que os homens fazem? É possível que ele teme o amor?

Well, they don’t say “o amor magoa” without good reason. However, it’s the only thing we really crave in life. Everybody wants love even when they’re set to “stay single forever.”

It’s pretty obvious there’s some underlying issue that needs to be addressed and understood when it’s clear he wants love but refuses to receive it.

Há muitas razões possíveis para que ele evite ser íntimo e mostrar os seus sentimentos. For many of those reasons, we can blame society, which tells men to “suck it up” and “be a man.”

Para compreender os homens, as mulheres precisam de mudar de ponto de vista. O facto de ser homem acarreta um conjunto de problemas diferentes dos que as mulheres têm.

And yes, even though it’s generally accepted that men “have it easy,” that doesn’t mean they don’t have problems.

In fact, having problems and not being able to talk about them (because it’s not manly) is an issue on its own.

Intimacy and love are universal things. If everything’s balanced, neither men nor women should have a problem with receiving or giving it.

No entanto, muitas pessoas, se não todas, a dada altura das suas vidas, têm um problema de compreensão de si próprias e dos seus desejos, necessidades e problemas.

That’s when they usually slip into either ser carente (exigir amor e atenção) ou ser demasiado desligado (evitar a intimidade e não dar atenção).

Então, quais são os factores que podem desencadear este tipo de comportamento?

Novos sentimentos reavivam mágoas passadas

Maybe he was badly hurt before, so he’s extra careful when it comes to a new relationship.

Even if he’s in a steady relationship and even if he manages to be affectionate initially, thoughts about past experiences will start to creep up over time.

Isto torna a pessoa vulnerável, e a vulnerabilidade é vista como uma fraqueza.

It usually isn’t about the person he’s with, but the situations that trigger something from the past.

This doesn’t just refer to experiences with romantic partners but also circumstances in which he grew up, his upbringing, and family dynamics, which have a huge role in emotional life later on.

It doesn’t help that we too often choose partners with whom we unconsciously recreate problematic dynamics.

Isto mostra-nos quão importante e profundamente enraizado é o nosso comportamento aprendido e quão complexa é realmente a mente humana.

O stress está a tomar conta da sua vida

O stress é um conhecido assassino do humor, and, in my opinion, it’s not talked about enough regarding this context.

O stress sequestra a sua vida, muda completamente as suas prioridades contra a sua vontade e impede-o de sentir as coisas plenamente.

It’s not easy to get rid of or control. It gets into your mind and makes a person forget about things they really want or even live for, hence the lack of affection even if they love you.

It’s no secret that love sometimes triggers existential fears because having someone to take care of means providing, especially when it comes to men’s traditional role.

É isto que faz com que seja difícil explorar os sentimentos, mesmo quando uma pessoa ama genuinamente o seu parceiro.

Medo do amor desigual

Everybody has that tiny voice in their head that sometimes tells them they’re not enough.

O medo do amor desigual é real e afecta a forma como uma pessoa expressa os seus sentimentos.

Sometimes we fear that we’ll end up hurt, and sometimes we fear that the other person will end up hurt because of us. Either way, we’re lacking in something, and it prevents us from expressing romantic feelings.

Often this has to do with feeling unlovable deep inside ourselves. We refuse to love because we don’t think we deserve it or think we’re not capable of giving it back.

That’s what sometimes makes people act colder than they are when in reality, they crave love the same way everybody else does.