¿Por qué evita la intimidad cuando es obvio que anhela el amor?
¿Le habían hecho daño antes? ¿Es sólo algo que hacen los hombres? ¿Es posible que teme al amor?
Well, they don’t say “el amor duele” without good reason. However, it’s the only thing we really crave in life. Everybody wants love even when they’re set to “stay single forever.”
It’s pretty obvious there’s some underlying issue that needs to be addressed and understood when it’s clear he wants love but refuses to receive it.
Hay muchas razones posibles por las que evita intimar y mostrando sus sentimientos. For many of those reasons, we can blame society, which tells men to “suck it up” and “be a man.”
Para entender a los hombres, las mujeres tienen que cambiar totalmente de punto de vista. Ser hombre conlleva una serie de problemas distintos de los que tienen las mujeres.
And yes, even though it’s generally accepted that men “have it easy,” that doesn’t mean they don’t have problems.
In fact, having problems and not being able to talk about them (because it’s not manly) is an issue on its own.
Intimacy and love are universal things. If everything’s balanced, neither men nor women should have a problem with receiving or giving it.
Sin embargo, muchas personas, si no todas, en algún momento de su vida tienen problemas para comprenderse a sí mismas y sus deseos, necesidades y problemas.
That’s when they usually slip into either estar necesitado (exigiendo amor y atención) o ser demasiado distante (evitar la intimidad y no prestar atención).
Entonces, ¿cuáles son algunos de los factores desencadenantes de este tipo de comportamiento que se pasan por alto?
Los nuevos sentimientos agitan las heridas del pasado
Maybe he was badly hurt before, so he’s extra careful when it comes to a new relationship.
Even if he’s in a steady relationship and even if he manages to be affectionate initially, thoughts about past experiences will start to creep up over time.
Esto hace que una persona sea vulnerable, y La vulnerabilidad se considera una debilidad.
It usually isn’t about the person he’s with, but the situations that trigger something from the past.
This doesn’t just refer to experiences with romantic partners but also circumstances in which he grew up, his upbringing, and family dynamics, which have a huge role in emotional life later on.
It doesn’t help that we too often choose partners with whom we unconsciously recreate problematic dynamics.
Esto demuestra lo importante y profundamente arraigado que está nuestro comportamiento aprendido y lo compleja que es realmente la mente humana.
El estrés se está apoderando de su vida
El estrés es un conocido destructor del estado de ánimo, and, in my opinion, it’s not talked about enough regarding this context.
El estrés secuestra tu vida, cambia por completo tus prioridades en contra de tu voluntad y te impide sentir las cosas plenamente.
It’s not easy to get rid of or control. It gets into your mind and makes a person forget about things they really want or even live for, hence the lack of affection even if they love you.
It’s no secret that love sometimes triggers existential fears because having someone to take care of means providing, especially when it comes to men’s traditional role.
Esto es lo que dificulta el aprovechamiento de los sentimientos, incluso cuando una persona ama de verdad a su pareja.
Miedo al amor desigual
Everybody has that tiny voice in their head that sometimes tells them they’re not enough.
El miedo al amor desigual es real y afecta a la forma en que una persona expresa sus sentimientos.
Sometimes we fear that we’ll end up hurt, and sometimes we fear that the other person will end up hurt because of us. Either way, we’re lacking in something, and it prevents us from expressing romantic feelings.
Often this has to do with feeling unlovable deep inside ourselves. We refuse to love because we don’t think we deserve it or think we’re not capable of giving it back.
That’s what sometimes makes people act colder than they are when in reality, they crave love the same way everybody else does.
