Porque nothing’s ever their fault… according to them. You’d think getting caught with receipts, screenshots, and a timeline tighter than a Dateline special would be the end of the conversation. But no.
For narcissists, it’s just the beginning of a verbal tap dance designed to spin, deflect, blame, and confuse you into doubting reality—your reality. Here are 17 classic excuses narcissists pull out when they’re cornered—and why each one is more about power than truth.
If you’ve ever found yourself second-guessing your sanity after calling someone out, you’re not alone. The mental gymnastics are real, but so is your intuition. Get ready for some validation (and maybe a few laughs) as we call out the top narcissist excuses, one by one.
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
Oh, the classic gaslight appetizer. The moment you call a narcissist out, they slap this one down like it’s their trump card. Instead of taking ownership, suddenly the spotlight swings right onto your feelings—like your reaction is the real crime.
It’s as if showing emotion is a character flaw. You might even catch yourself wondering, “Wait, am I too sensitive?” But listen, there’s a difference between sensitivity and having basic human boundaries. Narcissists love to blur that line for their own convenience.
The goal here is to get you off balance. If you’re busy defending your feelings, you’re not focusing on what they actually did. So the next time you hear this, remember: your emotions are valid. Feeling hurt is not a weakness—it’s a signal that something isn’t right. Don’t let them convince you otherwise.
2. “You’re imagining things.”
Let’s just say, you’re not exactly sitting around making up stories for fun. Narcissists love this excuse because it makes you doubt your reality, even when the receipts are staring everyone in the face. The goal? To confuse you so much that you start apologizing for noticing anything at all.
When they say, “You’re imagining things,” what they really mean is: you remembered, and that’s inconvenient. It’s not about your imagination—it’s about their desperate need to stay in control.
You might re-read old texts or replay conversations in your mind, searching for cracks. But girl, you’re not losing it. You’re just wise to their pattern. Trust those memories—they’re not as foggy as someone would like you to think.
3. “I was just joking.”
Já reparou como a narcissist’s ‘jokes’ always seem to land like little grenades? One minute, you’re at dinner, the next—boom—some ‘funny’ comment that cuts way too deep. And when you call it out, suddenly you’re accused of not being able to take a joke.
This isn’t about humor. It’s about hiding behind fake laughs while tossing out little insults. Narcissists rely on this to dodge accountability, hoping you’ll swallow the sting with your appetizer.
You deserve relationships where humor feels safe, not weaponized. If someone’s ‘joke’ leaves you feeling small or stung, it was never meant to make you laugh. Don’t let anyone convince you your pain is a punchline.
4. “You misunderstood me.”
Here comes the verbal gymnastics routine. Narcissists can twist words tighter than a pretzel at a ballgame, insisting their intentions were pure while you’re left dizzy and unsure. This excuse is all about making you question your ability to understand plain English.
It’s maddening, right? Suddenly the conversation becomes a debate club, with you scrambling for clarity while they play the victim of your ‘misinterpretation.’
The truth is, you heard what you heard. If they wanted to be understood, they’d speak clearly. Don’t let them send you on a scavenger hunt for hidden meanings that don’t exist. Your confusion? That’s exactly where they want you.
5. “Everyone else agrees with me.”
The imaginary fan club strikes again! Suddenly, you’re not arguing with just one person—you’re supposedly up against a silent army of ‘everyone’ who totally backs them. This trick is meant to make you feel isolated and outnumbered.
It never matters that you haven’t heard a peep from these mysterious supporters. The point is to plant seeds of doubt, to make you think, “Maybe I’m the crazy one.” But trust me, it’s usually smoke and mirrors.
Real support doesn’t need a secret society. If someone ever tries to drag invisible backup into an argument, it’s because their own story can’t stand on its own. You don’t need a crowd to know you’re right.
6. “You’re just trying to make me look bad.”
This one always makes me laugh. As if you’re staging a whole Broadway production just to ruin their image! The moment you hold a narcissist accountable, suddenly you’re the villain, plotting against their reputation.
But let’s be real: they did the thing. You’re not ‘making’ them look bad—you’re just refusing to let them rewrite the story. They hate mirrors unless they’re for admiration only.
If someone accuses you of being petty for calling out their behavior, remember: honesty isn’t sabotage. It’s self-respect. Don’t let anyone guilt you for refusing to play along with their fantasy.
7. “You never let anything go.”
Here comes the memory shaming. Apparently, your ability to remember things is now a crime. The real message? “Why can’t you just forget the stuff I was hoping you’d never bring up?”
Narcissists hate being reminded of their past slip-ups. They want a clean slate—every single day. Bringing up patterns or repeated problems? Suddenly, you’re labeled as grudge-holding or obsessed.
But there’s a difference between holding a grudge and recognizing red flags. You’re not a human Etch-a-Sketch, and your memory is there to protect you. Don’t apologize for seeing patterns where there are patterns.
8. “You’re overreacting.”
Suddenly, the real drama isn’t what they did—it’s your totally wild response to it. Never mind that they lied, cheated, or blew up out of nowhere. Apparently, your reaction is the only problem in the room.
It’s classic deflection. By painting you as hysterical, they get to downplay their own behavior and avoid consequences. You end up defending your right to feel anything at all.
Here’s a truth bomb: if it hurt you, it matters. Your feelings aren’t an overreaction—they’re a signal. Never let anyone shrink your pain just because it’s inconvenient for them.
9. “That never happened.”
The Oscar for Best Actor in Denial goes to… This excuse is bold, especially when you’re literally holding proof. Narcissists excel at rewriting history, as if saying it didn’t happen will magically erase your memory.
Even in the face of evidence, they’ll double down. It’s not just about dodging blame—it’s about making you question the ground beneath your feet. It’s a power move, plain and simple.
If someone insists on their own alternate reality, you’re not obligated to follow them there. Stand firm with what you know. Delusion isn’t contagious—unless you let it be.
10. “I only did that because you…”
Blame shift: activated. Narcissists are Olympic-level finger-pointers, always ready to blame you for their own mess. The second they’re caught, out comes the laundry list of things you supposedly did to ‘make them’ act that way.
It’s a mental tug-of-war. Suddenly, you’re the one explaining yourself, instead of them. This move isn’t about logic—it’s about avoiding responsibility at all costs.
You didn’t ‘make’ anyone lie, cheat, or lash out. That’s on them. Don’t let anyone use your humanity as an excuse for their own bad decisions.
11. “I thought we were past that.”
Ever heard this one after bringing up something that still bothers you? Narcissists love to act like time alone should heal all wounds—and that you’re a party pooper for not playing along.
This is less about closure, and more about dodging real accountability. They want everything swept under the rug, never discussed again.
But healing isn’t a race, and you get to decide when you’re ready to move on. If someone’s rushing your process, they’re not interested in making amends—they just want the topic gone.
12. “You know how I get.”
Cue the weather report: “You know how I get when I’m tired/angry/stressed.” Narcissists love to treat their moods like natural disasters—inevitable and out of anyone’s control. It’s a built-in excuse for never changing.
The real message? Stop expecting better, because this is as good as it gets. You’re left tiptoeing around their storm clouds, exhausted before the conversation even starts.
You deserve relationships where growth is the norm, not a punchline. Don’t let anyone use their personality quirks as a free pass for bad behavior.
13. “I was just stressed.”
Stress is real—but it’s not a permission slip for disrespect. Narcissists love to wave the ‘stressed’ flag every time they’re caught behaving badly. Somehow, the pressure of life always explains away their outbursts or shady moves.
You might start excusing things too, thinking, “Maybe he’s just overwhelmed.” But after the third or fourth repeat, it’s not about stress. It’s a pattern.
Everyone gets frazzled. Not everyone hurts the people around them. Don’t let someone use life’s chaos as an excuse for treating you like an emotional punching bag.
14. “It didn’t mean anything.”
This excuse is a classic for minimizing hurt. Narcissists love to pretend that their choices—lying, cheating, breaking trust—were random blips with zero emotional weight. But meaninglessness doesn’t erase pain.
It’s a strategy to talk you out of your own heartbreak. If what happened meant nothing, then why are you so upset? It’s dismissive, and it’s meant to make you question your right to feel wounded.
Never let anyone tell you your heartache is imaginary. Actions have meaning, no matter how casually someone tries to brush them off.
15. “You do things too.”
Suddenly, the spotlight is off them and shining right back at you. This move is distraction on expert level. Narcissists love to drag your supposed mistakes into the mix, hoping you’ll spend so much time defending yourself you forget what started the whole thing.
The best part? Their ‘examples’ are almost always exaggerated or twisted. You end up arguing about stuff from months ago, while the actual issue gets buried under the noise.
You’re allowed to call out bad behavior without being perfect yourself. Don’t let someone derail accountability just because nobody’s flawless.
16. “You’re making this a bigger deal than it is.”
Nothing to see here, move along. Narcissists love to downplay the fallout of their actions. The hope is you’ll start questioning your response, second-guessing whether your hurt really matters at all.
But minimizing isn’t the same as making amends. If something wounded you, it’s a big deal—full stop. Your pain isn’t measured by their scale.
Trust yourself. If it feels big, it is big. Don’t let someone else decide what counts as important in your own life.
17. “Fine. I guess I’m the villain now.”
Cue the world’s smallest violin. When all else fails, narcissists switch to a pity performance—suddenly, they’re the misunderstood villain, and you’re the big meanie for pointing out the truth.
This routine is designed to flip your guilt switch. Maybe if they act wounded enough, you’ll comfort them instead of expecting real ownership.
Martyrdom isn’t accountability. If someone’s more upset about being ‘the bad guy’ than making amends, that’s your cue to step back and let the curtain fall. Don’t audition for a role in their drama.