Ao fazeres jogos comigo, só acabaste por fazer jogos contigo próprio

You were like nobody I ever met. You had something so devilish inside of you that was impossible to resist. The fire burning in your eyes was calling me to come closer. That little voice inside my head screamed you were trouble but I silenced it. My eyes were wide shut and my heart was burning for you. I couldn’t hear and I couldn’t see the player you really were.

So deaf and blind, I fell into your deceiving arms. I fell into a trap of manipulative games that took me forever to realize but you know what they say—’better late than never’.

Começámos lentamente como amigos. Entraste sorrateiramente no meu coração. Acho que o que mais me conquistou foi a tua atenção total sempre que falávamos. Ouviste cada palavra que saiu da minha boca, riste-te das tolices e ficaste calado e apoiaste-me nas coisas sérias.

Fizeste-me sentir tão confortável e tão rapidamente que comecei a sentir-me segura ao teu lado. Comecei a confiar completamente em ti e abri-me tão facilmente. E eu não sou uma daquelas mulheres que fazem isso facilmente. Para mim, é preciso muito tempo antes de partilhar com alguém algo que vem do fundo do coração. E eu sei que eras um perfeito desconhecido, mas fizeste-me sentir como se fosses alguém próximo.

The other big thing that made me so into you is that you were so damn attractive. You were the sexiest creature I ever laid my eyes on. I’d always given more emphasis to what was from within. I wasn’t in high school anymore, to just fall for someone’s good looks.

That never was one of my criteria when I would choose a boyfriend in the past. Sure I wanted them to have something I liked, something I found attractive, as I think that it’s important to concentrate on the whole package, the wrapping on the outside and the beautiful gift that is on the inside.

I had no idea that you – my perfect package, my amazing gift – would end up being so wrong for me.

Aquele fogo nos teus olhos chamava-me. Nunca tinha sentido uma paixão tão grande em toda a minha vida. Dei-te o meu coração, o meu corpo, a minha alma, sem sequer pensar duas vezes. Eu era toda tua, mas infelizmente, tu nunca foste meu.

Depois de teres conseguido o que querias, depois de veres que eu estava tão apaixonada por ti, começaram os jogos. Eras o exemplo perfeito de um jogador. Agora apercebo-me disso.

It started where it all starts – with a texting game. You gave me so much attention at first. Texting every day was something I’d gotten very used to. All of a sudden it would take you forever to reply. Sometimes you would even text me back the next day, like, ‘I was sleeping. I was so tired babe sorry.’ Yeah right, sleeping from 6 p.m. to 9 a.m. But I let it slide.

The more the texts got delayed, the more I was anticipating them. I would answer in a heartbeat but you would take your precious time. You were always busy. You were always tired and never had time for me. Even though I knew nobody that busy. If you wanted, you could’ve taken five minutes from the day to text, just to let me know you were thinking of me. But no. You had no time. And I chose to make myself believe in those lies because all I wanted was to be with you.

Sabias bem disso, sabias que, acontecesse o que acontecesse, eu estaria sempre presente. Ou assim pensámos os dois na altura.

Os jogos começaram a ser mais profissionais. Mudaste o teu comportamento. Antes, davas-me tudo e agora eu satisfazia-me com pedaços do teu afeto. Todas aquelas noites que passámos a falar de tudo e de nada, todas aquelas vezes em que senti que me estavas a ouvir com atenção, desapareceram para sempre.

Fazíamos planos. Ou melhor, eu fazia planos porque tu estavas demasiado ocupado para os fazeres por nós. Cancelava-os à última hora. Deixavas-me em lágrimas e ias sabe Deus para onde, sem sequer pensar em como me fazias sentir.  

Estavas demasiado ocupado para investir qualquer tipo de esforço em mim, ou no que quer que fosse que tínhamos. Porque nunca disseste que eu era tua namorada. Apenas assumi que era ou estava perto de o ser, porque o teu comportamento no início disto me apontava nessa direção.

Time passed and all I had with you were tears. That’s what happens when you deal with a player. All you are constantly feeling is pain with glimpses of happiness and somehow you are hooked and you are incapaz de deixar ir. Queremos mais e mais, até que as lágrimas secam e nos dizem que já chega.

That’s exactly what happened to me; my tears made me see, my sobbing on those sleepless nights made me hear that little voice inside my head that was telling me it was time to let go.

So, I did. I let you go even though it was anything but easy. I just figured it would be worse staying with you. Your behavior toward me was getting worse and worse. You were becoming so self-centered that I started to feel like I didn’t exist and like I didn’t matter.

Tears made me remember I did. They made me remember I have limits and you crossed them all. They made me remember that I am worthy of love and that it was time I started giving it to myself.  And I wasn’t wrong when I started to do that because everything else started to fall into place.

I learned that I am happier without you and that there is nothing that hurts you more. Now you have time and you are not busy and you keep begging me to give you one more chance. But you don’t deserve any more chances. Now I am the one who is in control of my life and you don’t get to be a part of it.

Compreendo o teu choque. Pensaste que eu era fraco, que nunca me deixaria ir. Pensaste que os jogos comigo durariam para sempre. Nunca pensaste que perder-me te iria magoar. You played a game with me and ended up playing yourself. I am sorry for you, as we could’ve had it great if it wasn’t for your games. But, it is how it is and the only reality now is that I don’t want you in my life anymore. Game over.