Eu me odeio por ainda te amar

Pensei que nunca me sentiria assim, que tinha tudo sob controlo, mas aqui estou eu dividida entre o meu amor-próprio e o amor por ti. Luto todos os dias com todas estas emoções que estão dentro de mim. Num momento, quero-te tanto e noutro, odeio-me por ainda te amar. Todas as memórias que tivemos juntos vêm-me à cabeça e, por um segundo, sinto-me bem, amado e respeitado.

Mas depois, num piscar de olhos, vêm os pensamentos negros, aqueles que me fazem chorar até adormecer e soluçar. And I feel like a piece of shit. I feel like I can’t live anymore after all that has happened to me. I can’t but think if I ever was enough to you. It is impossible to spend so much time with someone you loved and then to rip him out of your heart in a second. It is impossible to forget and move on. At least for me. I know I shouldn’t be thinking about you and coming back to you, but I still do. And God, I can’t explain how much I hate myself for feeling this way.

Porque mesmo que me tenhas magoado como ninguém, continuo a amar-te. Continuo a querer-te por perto. Your hands can still calm me and your kisses can heal every wound that I have. And I hate that you have so much power over me. I hate that I can’t take my life back. I hate that I don’t have control over everything again. But I am aware of the fact that the heart is not something that can be controlled. It will stop loving you where the right time comes. But until then, I will feel this way. I will feel like nothing, like a person without any value, like someone who doesn’t have any purpose in this world. And the only person guilty for that is you!

TU, TU, TU! Tu és a causa de todos os meus medos. É culpado de me partir o coração e de me fazer sentir assim. And even if you see me hurting like this, you have no mercy. You don’t care about me at all and you don’t want me close anymore. For you, love is not a saintly thing like it is for me. But unfortunately, I realized that too late. I realized that when my heart was already broken. And I know it will take a long time for me to recover. Because love like this doesn’t happen every day. It happens only once in a lifetime. But too bad it was not real. Too bad that we couldn’t last and too bad that you never loved me like I loved you.

Eu sei que Vou precisar de algum tempo para sararVou precisar de algum tempo para me perdoar por te amar cegamente sem te pedir que retribuas da mesma forma. Vou precisar de tempo para deixar de pensar em ti todas as manhãs quando abro os olhos. Vou precisar de tempo para deixar de pensar em ti nas noites frias em que fico sozinho. Preciso de aprender a dar mais valor a mim própria e preciso de voltar a entrar no caminho certo. Sei que o caminho para recuperar de ti será longo, mas também será um caminho pelo qual vale a pena lutar.

It is true. I still love you but I can’t do anything about that. I hate myself for feeling this way, but I know that one day, you will be just a bad memory. I know that one day, I will be the old me and that I won’t think of you ever again. You will just be a tough lesson I earned and I will be stronger because of that. I promise you that one day, I won’t think of you and I won’t call your name in my dreams. I promise that one day, I won’t need your toxic hands to hug me to make me feel good. I promise that one day, I will hate you like I hate myself right now. I promise I will get over you and that I won’t lose faith in love.

E tu?

Espero que, um dia, te apercebas do que me fizeste. Espero que vejas que jogaste a melhor mulher da tua vida e espero que sintas a mesma dose de agonia que eu senti quando me magoaste.

E Espero que a memória de me teres magoado te assombre para sempre because you didn’t deserve anything better.