5 problemas para encontrar "a pessoa certa" no mundo moderno

For many, finding a soulmate in today’s era seems like a dream which will never turn into reality. It’s like we’ve all accepted the fact that we’re heading nowhere.

Nevertheless, we rarely question why. What are the problems of finding “the one” in the modern world? Well, we’ve got the answers.

1. Amor é igual a apego

In the modern dating world, there is no such thing as love. At least, it doesn’t exist in the form you’re familiar with.

On the contrary, you’re automatically accused of being pathetic if you’re looking for something which used to be a bare minimum.

If you’re romantic, you’re cheesy and if you want attention, you’re needy.

I won’t lie to you: comportamento demasiado pegajoso has never been attractive. However, you’re not needy for expecting a good morning text or for wanting to see your boyfriend a few times a week.

You’re not pathetic for telling him how much he means to you and you’re not cheesy for asking him to listen to a love song that reminds you of him.

However, the truth is that in modern dating, you’re not allowed to do any of these things unless you want to be called old fashioned.

Então, como é que se pode criar uma ligação com um homem se todas estas coisas estão fora dos limites?

2. A infidelidade tornou-se normalizada

Outro grande problema dos encontros modernos, que o impede de encontrar a pessoa certa, é o facto de, infelizmente, a fidelidade não ser valorizada como antigamente.

In fact, the concept of cheating has changed so much that at the end of the day, you simply can’t tell what is considered acceptable behavior.

A questão é que as pessoas já não colocar um rótulo nas suas relações. Já ninguém é exclusivo, o que lhe dá o direito de ver várias pessoas ao mesmo tempo.

So, when you’re not in a relationship and when you’re just dating, you’re allowed to date other people as well.

You can be in touch with a guy for a while, but if he doesn’t call you his girlfriend (which he probably won’t) you can’t accuse him of cheating if you catch him texting or even sleeping with someone else.

Sounds like a real bummer, right? Well, technically, you’re also allowed to keep on doing the same things, but in this kind of arrangement, is it even possible to find true love? I think not.

3. Toda a gente tem medo de compromissos

I’m here to ask a crucial question: have we all really become so scared of commitment or has fobia de compromisso tornar-se uma coisa?

Será que todos nós nos tornámos realmente emocionalmente indisponíveis ou será que as pessoas têm medo de dizer que procuram um verdadeiro romance porque esperam ser vistas como ingénuas por acreditarem em tais coisas?

Whatever the answer is, the bottom line is the same: everywhere you look, you’ll bump into commitment phobes.

People who don’t have the desire to truly connect with someone or to build real relationships.

Sim, viver o momento é ótimo. Afinal de contas, nunca se sabe o que o amanhã nos pode trazer, por isso é melhor aproveitar cada respiração como se fosse a última.

However, when you’re trapped in the middle of a culture that doesn’t believe in giving your entire self to another being and that doesn’t believe in building a future as a part of a couple, finding the one often seems like mission impossible.

4. As suas expectativas são reduzidas

Quer goste de o admitir ou não, no mundo moderno dos encontros, as suas expectativas estão constantemente a baixar.

Even if you’re not involved in a modern relationship, you can’t help but be affected by what you see in other people’s lives.

De facto, toda a gente o acusa de ser demasiado exigente só porque tem alguns padrões básicos.

People look at you like you’re a lunatic if you expect certain things that used to be normal, such as fidelity, undivided attention, and most importantly unconditional love.

After some time,, without even noticing it, you start to settle for less. You adapt to the rest of the world and you adopt “the new normal”.

5. A cultura do namoro tornou-se um campo de jogos

Last but not least, when you’re in the piscina de encontros, the main problem you’ll encounter is the fact that dating culture has actually become similar to a children’s playing field.

Tudo gira em torno de jogos mentais imaturos que toda a gente joga. Basicamente, os encontros transformaram-se numa competição. A questão principal é saber quem engana quem.

You’re expected to know the drill even though there’s no manual on how you should behave properly.

Assim, durante a maior parte do tempo, em vez de se concentrar em construir uma potencial relação, tem de dominar a arte de jogar estes jogos de encontros, quer goste ou não.

Instead of enjoying your love life, you’re pressured into dissecting other people’s words and actions.

É preciso fazer o melhor que se pode para ler os sinais contraditórios e chegar ao fundo das suas intenções.

To put things simply: the trick is to outsmart the other person. It’s almost as if you are working against each other, instead of being united towards your common goal of eventually being happy.