O que significa quando um narcisista fica em silêncio (+ como reagir)?

Todas as vítimas de abuso emocional dir-lhe-ão que não há nada pior do que quando um narcisista fica calado. Ironicamente, a maior parte delas afirma que prefere as birras e as discussões a ficar calada.

Bem, toda a gente com uma perturbação de personalidade narcísica (NPD) está bem ciente disso e sabe que dar a alguém o tratamento do silêncio pode ser a forma mais dolorosa de abuso emocional.

Por muito difícil que seja admitir, estas pessoas têm uma mente perversa e procuram formas diferentes de desvalorizar as suas vítimas e, eventualmente, de se safarem dos seus actos doentios.

Se teve um ex-marido ou mulher narcisista ou se está envolvido com um parceiro narcisista neste momento, já sabe o que fazer.

They shut down out of nowhere, stop responding to your texts and phone calls, and completely vanish from your life. Or they’re still physically present but act like you don’t exist.

For someone who hasn’t experienced this hell, the narcissist’s silent treatment sounds pretty harmless. In fact, some people will probably tell you that it’s not such a big deal.

Well, it is. It does not only destroy your self-confidence but, what is even worse, it drags you even deeper into a narcissistic net – which is exactly what your abuser wants to accomplish.

So, the question arises: How should you respond when a narcissist goes quiet? Before we get there, let’s scratch beneath the surface and understand what this stonewalling is and why it happens in the first place.

O que é o silêncio tóxico ou o "stonewalling"?

Em termos simples, a obstrução ou o silêncio tóxico consiste em evitar todas as formas possíveis de comunicação.

It doesn’t necessarily have to include someone physically disappearing from your life – pode receber o tratamento de silêncio da pessoa com quem acorda todas as manhãs.

We’ve all been in a situation where our o parceiro recusa-se a falar connosco depois de uma discussão. When you ask them what’s wrong or what’s bothering them, you get short or blunt answers.

In most cases, they’re a enganar-vos. They’ll try hard to convince you that everything is perfectly alright and that you’re imagining things. In the meantime, their body language and actions will tell you something completely different.

At the end of the day, you can’t help but wonder if you’re going crazy. Have you done something wrong that caused this reaction?

É o culpado desta situação? Como podes melhorar a situação?

While you’re asking yourself all of these questions, you’re simultaneously doing your best to get to your significant other. You just want to find out what you can do to make things better.

But every time you make an attempt towards reconciliation, you face a stone wall. Or they’re out of your life completely, and you can’t reach them at all.

Maybe they’re still physically present but act completely emotionally detached from you. Either way, you feel utterly lost.

It’s like this person is trying to make you read their mind. They refuse to cooperate and communicate but at the same time are punishing you for the mistakes you’re not even aware of making.

If they were the one who did something wrong, before you know it, you’ve forgotten all about it.

Even if we’re talking about infidelity or abuse – you just want your loved one back, and you’re ready to do whatever it takes for your relationship to go back to its old ways.

O círculo interminável dos tratamentos silenciosos tóxicos

Perhaps the worst part is that you don’t know where you stand. Your entire life is practically on hold.

If this is happening for the first time, you can’t possibly know what to expect. Is this a break-up? Will you get any closure? Or will they ever start communicating with you again?

At this point, some victims do their best to move on with their lives – especially in cases when the narcissist is not physically present next to them.

Por muito doloroso que seja, aceitam que a sua relação acabou e concentram-se em apanhar os pedaços do seu coração.

No entanto, é normalmente nesta altura que o o narcisista tenta voltarquando estávamos quase a esquecê-los. Sem mais nem menos, voltam a aparecer na sua vida.

E o que é que faz? Exigem uma conversa madura sobre tudo o que se passou?

Sadly, no. You’re overjoyed that you have your loved one back to the point where you’re too scared to start any arguments.

You just go with the flow and start acting like nothing ever happened. Before you know it, you’re trapped in an endless cycle of toxic silence.

They’ve gotten away with this behavior this time, haven’t they? So, what’s stopping them from repeating the same thing over and over again – practically everytime they feel like it?

Nothing, that’s right.

Ver também: Como tornar um narcisista obcecado por si em 9 passos simples

Quando um narcisista fica em silêncio, porque é que isso acontece?

Antes de aprender a lidar com esta técnica narcísica da forma correcta, é preciso perceber porque é que ela acontece.

First and foremost, let’s be clear about one thing: As pessoas que sofrem de uma perturbação da personalidade narcísica (NPD) têm uma forma completamente diferente de pensar e de se comportar.

Therefore, don’t try reasoning with their methods. Don’t put any effort into walking in their shoes, and don’t look at things from the perspective of normal people.

The name says it all: this is a personality disorder. That means that you can’t change them or help them. In fact, nothing besides professional treatment can cure them.

A questão é que os narcisistas têm uma visão bastante distorcida da realidade. Se quisermos ir ao fundo das suas intenções, temos de esquecer todos os princípios lógicos e valores morais que adoptámos ao longo da nossa vida.

Em vez disso, temos de pôr os óculos deles e, só por um momento, observar o mundo da forma como eles o fazem. Bem, apertem os cintos e deixem a viagem começar.

Uma poderosa arma de castigo

Já alguma vez esteve numa situação em que um narcisista lhe fez algo de errado? Descobrimos a sua infidelidade, ele grita connosco ou é abusivo de alguma forma.

A sua reação natural é querer um pedido de desculpas, quanto mais não seja. Quer deixar as coisas claras e quer comunicar o que acabou de acontecer.

Mas o que é que eles fazem? Dizem-lhe que lamentam muito? Assumem a responsabilidade pelo seu comportamento tóxico?

Não, em vez disto, começam agir como a vítima. All of a sudden, you’re the one guilty of exposing them.

You’re guilty of having the nerve to accuse them of something they’ve actually done. They turn the tables on you and do everything they can to make you look like the bad guy.

Worst of all, they succeed in their sneaky intentions. Before you realize what’s hit you, they give you the silent treatment.

Nesse momento, num piscar de olhos, esquece-se do que inicialmente causou o problema. Além disso, esquece-se de QUEM o causou e, inconscientemente, começa a alinhar e assume o papel de culpado.

Parece-me familiar, certo? Pois bem, that’s the trick of this entire scheme – the narcissist is not only doing this to take the blame off themselves – they’re also doing it to punish you.

De repente, o começar a duvidar de si próprio. They’re obviously offended by your reaction or accusation, so you begin to wonder if you really overreacted.

Now, you become the one who apologizes. You ask for their forgiveness, and you’re ready to do anything just to have them talk to you again.

But let’s look at things from this perspective. What should you do when this happens once more? Because this phase will go away sooner or later.

Eles voltarão to you, acting like they’re giving you some kind of mercy by returning to you.

Nevertheless, let’s face it: they will do something to hurt you again in the future.

Quando isso acontecer, ficarão completamente impunes. You won’t have the courage to confront them about anything they did to you. Instead, you’ll walk on eggshells around them, afraid of getting the cold shoulder again.

No matter how much they hurt you, you won’t call them out on your actions. Why? Because you know what’s coming next.

You know that you’ll have to go through being ignored and endure the silent treatment time and again. So, you think it’s better to let them be than to experience this hell again.

Relação dominante-submissa

When a narcissist goes quiet, you feel like a little child who’s being punished for misbehaving. Well, that’s exactly how a narcissist perceives you.

No, they don’t see you as their child in terms of their unconditional love for you. They think that they’re above you.

Têm este sentimento de direito e de superioridade, que lhes dá o direito de o educar, o que inclui diferentes castigos.

This person sees you as submissive. You two are not equal partners in this relationship, nor can you ever be. Instead, they’re the dominant one: the one who owns you and the one who has the right to “teach” you what’s right and wrong.

Controlo de danos

You have to be aware of one significant thing here: an entire narcissist’s life and personality are based on a lie.

It doesn’t matter if they’re consciously lying to you to present themselves as better than they are or if they’re subconsciously lying to themselves: this is all their deception.

But this charade can’t go on forever, can it? Por vezes, uma pessoa narcisista fica presa na rede das suas próprias mentiras.

When that happens, they get paranoid that you’ll discover them. Maybe you’ll see their true colors, or you’ll realize that half of their alleged past is a big fat lie. Some narcissists even live double lives, so they’re scared of being busted.

Nesse caso, têm de se retirar durante algum tempo. They’re actually doing some serious damage control: they’re putting effort into repairing what can be repaired in an attempt not to blow their cover and lose their mask.

Quando um narcisista se cala nas redes sociais

Simultaneously with this “physical” ghosting, a narcissist will usually desaparecer ou ficar em silêncio nas redes sociais. Of course, you will assume that this is all your fault – something you did or said hurt them so bad that they’ve literally given up on life.

Bem, a verdade é bem diferente. Don’t forget that covert narcissists need attention and validation the same way you need air to breathe.

Therefore, if they’re about to be discovered (or already have been), they won’t be posting that on their current profiles.

Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that they will go completely offline. They can’t stand not having a bunch of followers or social media friends admiring them. They can’t stand not being able to show the world that they’re above everyone else.

That’s why they’re probably activating backup profiles you have no clue about.

I hate to disappoint you, but this is also a red flag that your narcissist has a new girlfriend or boyfriend. They’re literally presenting their latest victim with their new identity and want to avoid any chance of their two lives becoming intertwined.

Uma atitude cobarde

Sometimes, a narcissist engages in damage control when they know that they did you something extremely wrong. They know very well that you’re furious, and rightly so, and that the only way to escape your anger is to stay away from you.

When he or she ghosts you, you have no opportunity to call them out on their actions. You can’t ask them for an explanation, nor can you get even.

Então, em vez de agir como um verdadeiro adulto que enfrenta as consequências dos seus actos, foge. Fazem um movimento cobarde e escondem-se, à espera que se acalmem e se acalmem.

Whether you like it or not, with time, you will process the things that have been done to you. No matter how much harm they caused, after a while, you’ll put your pain second and start to think about their whereabouts.

Without even being aware of it, you partially forgive them. You come to terms with what they’ve done, and when that happens, they reappear in your life.

Once again, you welcome them with open arms the very next day. And that is exactly how they’ve repaired the damage they made.

Procura de atenção

As pessoas que sofrem de narcisismo são alimentadas pela atenção. E esperam-na sobretudo de si, a sua principal vítima.

Bem, no início da vossa relação, eram loucos por essa pessoa. Só tinha olhos para ela, e ela era o centro do seu universo.

Nevertheless, as time passes, you’ve started noticing that they weren’t as perfect as they seemed. Even though you still love them and are still by their side, you’re no longer fascinated with every word they say and move they make.

You no longer see your narcissistic boyfriend or girlfriend as pure perfection. As much as you love them, you’ve realized that they’re just human beings, with all of their flaws.

In a healthy relationship, this would be a good sign. It would mean that the initial attraction is gone and that you’re finally accepting each other for who you really are.

But don’t forget that nothing about a narcissistic relationship is ever healthy. Therefore, a narcissist sees this as a threat.

Ele ou ela já não está a receber a quantidade desejada do seu suprimento narcísico. Isso significa que tem de encontrar uma forma de recuperar a atenção que estava a receber no início.

And what better way to do it than by making you wonder? What’ better way to do it than by making you afraid of losing them?

What’s better than giving you the cold shoulder and making you fight for their love again?

Campanha de difamação

Another possibility is that your narcissist’s silent treatment is actually a cover for a smear campaign they’ve been organizing against you. Basically, they’re trying to ruin your reputation and invalidá-lo ainda mais.

Of course, they’re doing it in the sneakiest way possible. They’re spreading lies about you, and they’re trying to get your loved ones on their side.

If this is true, we’re talking about the consequence of narcissistic rage. They’re angry at you for not obeying them or for not giving them the attention they craved, so they’ve decided to get back at you.

Um regresso em grande plano

If you’re a victim of narcissistic abuse who’s become aware of the situation you’re in, when a narcissist goes quiet, you think of this as your final break up.

Let’s be honest – even though you’re perfectly aware of who this person really is, you still love them.

Therefore, you don’t take them walking away from you easily. Your heart is broken, and you miss them, despite knowing you shouldn’t.

Mas ao mesmo tempo, o seu cérebro diz-vos que este é o vosso bilhete para a salvação. This person has been stalking you one way or another for a long time, and now it seems that they’ve finally disappeared.

As much as it hurts that you two hadn’t made it, your rational side tells you that this is actually the best thing that could ever happen to you.

Now you’re finally free to move on from this toxic relationship and work on your self-healing and well-being.

Bem, detesto ser eu a rebentar a tua bolha, mas infelizmente, Na maioria dos casos, isto não é mais do que a calma que antecede a tempestade. Na verdade, o seu agressor narcisista está provavelmente a preparar-se para o seu grande regresso.

Bombardeamento de amor

When you start to forget about them, they’ll reappear on your doorstep. And the worst part of this is that all of their love-bombing will begin again.

They’ve used this time to think about new strategies. If they’re out of their narcissistic supply, they’re desperate to get it from you, and they’ll choose any means to achieve their goals.

All of a sudden, you’ll get the person from the beginning of your relationship back. Wow, it looks like all of your dreams are coming true.

Este período mau foi apenas um pesadelo que, felizmente, já passou. Agora estão de novo juntos e podem ter o vosso "felizes para sempre".

You wish! Sadly, this is nothing but another one of your narcissist’s charades. Before you know it, they’ll go back to their old ways, and you’ll regret ever taking them back.

Desvalorização

When a narcissist goes quiet, they’re doing the worst thing that can be done to any person in this world: they’re making you feel invisible.

Anteriormente, distanciaram-no de toda a gente à sua volta. Provavelmente, já não tem os seus melhores amigos, a sua relação com os seus familiares nunca foi tão má e não tem ninguém com quem falar no trabalho.

Basically, you’ve lost everyone who ever cared about you, everyone except your abuser.

Consequently, they’ve become the only source of love for you. They’re the one who determines your value and the one who holds your life in their hands.

So, what happens when this person starts to ignore you? When the only person who’s giving you attention stops? When the only person you think who loves you stops loving you?

Logicamente, perde-se todo o sentido de autoestima. Se eles desistiram de si, o que pode esperar de todos os outros?

If they can’t give you crumbs of their respect, why would you respect yourself?

It’s pretty obvious that you don’t deserve anyone’s love or appreciation. You’re not enough, and your value is so low that you don’t even deserve a reaction from your abuser.

Don’t worry: these are the thoughts every single victim fights with when a narcissist goes quiet. In fact, this is exactly what every narcissist wants you to think.

Tática de manipulação

You must be asking yourself, “What’s the final goal here?”. Well, it’s much easier to manipulate someone once you get rid of their self-worth.

And that’s what your abuser knows all too well. A narcissist wants to see you at your lowest, so they become your only light at the end of the tunnel.

They’ve already made you codependent on their attention. So, now, they’re giving you the toxic silent treatment to take that away from you.

They’re showing you that you need them. You need their response and reaction, and you need to communicate with them to stay sane.

Once they prove to you that you’re good for nothing, you’ll forever see them as some kind of royalty. Once they humiliate you in the worst way possible, dominance and controlo sobre si tornam-se pedaços de bolo.

Nova oferta narcísica

Finally, when a narcissist goes quiet, it could mean that they’ve switched their attention to a new victim. You have to be aware that this man or woman has never seen you as an individual: from day one, they’ve looked at you as a suitable victim.

Maybe they’ve gotten tired of you. Perhaps they’ve seen that you became too difficult to manipulate. Maybe they weren’t getting as much attention from you as they used to.

Or maybe you became submissive to the point where you’ve ceased to be interesting.

Either way, the bottom line is that you’ve dodged a bullet. Their energy is somewhere else now, and even if you don’t understand it now, you should thank God for it.

A tua maior bênção

Do you know what’s possibly the worst about sofrer da síndrome da vítima narcisista? It’s the PTSD you develop with time. It’s a fact that you don’t want your abuser to leave you. Para ser mais exato, vê-o como o pior cenário possível.

Actually, you’re convinced this is true.

You’ve been brainwashed to the point where you think that you love this awful person. You’ve been manipulated into thinking that you would be utterly lost without them.

Bem, deixe-me dizer-lhe que o seu agressor que se concentra no seu novo suprimento narcísico é a maior bênção que pode enfrentar. O seu o narcisista que o deixa is the biggest favor he’s ever done for you.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m heartbroken for this new person who has no idea what they’re getting themselves into. But hey, this means that you’re finally off the hook.

I won’t lie to you: it will take you a long time before you realize this. Nevertheless, the moment you do, it means you’ve taken a step on your jornada de cura.

O que fazer quando um narcisista se cala?

Então, quais são os passos que deve dar quando um narcisista se cala? Qual é o melhor mecanismo para lidar com esta situação?

Estar consciente da realidade

Let’s be honest: we’ve all been guilty of giving someone the silent treatment at some point.

So, if your partner has left in the middle of an argument or hasn’t responded to your phone calls for a few hours after a big fight – it doesn’t mean that they’re necessarily a narcissist who está a bloquear-vos.

Nevertheless, there is a huge difference between this happening once and between this being a habit of theirs. In the latter case, it’s pretty clear what you’re dealing with.

So, for starters, let’s not see this as a minor inconvenience. Instead, this kind of behavior is a huge red flag, and it is an alarming signal of an abusive relationship.

Don’t sugarcoat things and be aware of reality. It’s the only way for you to process it and finally solve it.

Abuso emocional

That’s why it’s crucial to call things their real names. This is a form of abuse. As hard as this might sound, it’s the truth.

You see, there are many ways someone can abuse you besides physically harming you. Emotional and verbal abuse is very real, and it is what you’re dealing with here.

Afinal de contas, que outro nome se poderia dar a estes tentativas de manipulação, desvalorizando-o e castigando-o?

Don’t play their mind games

After you’ve gathered all the intel, your number one worry is how to respond when a narcissist goes quiet. Well, the answer is something you’d probably never expected to hear: you don’t.

You see, this toxic person counts on your reaction. They consider themselves so sneaky that they won’t have any trouble getting you involved in their jogos mentais distorcidos.

That’s why you have to show them that the best way to win them is by not playing at all.

Yes, this will take a lot of effort and self-control on your part. It’s normal that you want them to talk to you. You want to get to the bottom of this issue, one way or another.

Em vez de os perseguir e de lhes implorar para terem uma conversa honesta, basta ignorá-los. Vive a tua vida como se nada estivesse a acontecer e dá-lhes o tratamento de silêncio em troca.

Para variar, seja aquele que não tem contacto. Don’t post sad quotes or songs on your social media profiles, expecting them to see.

Don’t stalk them, and don’t go around complaining to people about them ghosting you. Don’t try reaching out, and don’t send them any signals or hints.

Not giving the narcissistic partner control

Confia em mim. Esta é a única coisa que um narcisista nunca previu: a descobrir. Esperavam que chorasse ou ficasse furioso.

Esperavam que tentasses fazer-lhes ciúmes ou que te sentasses à frente da casa deles, implorando-lhes que falassem contigo.

But this is something they could never predict. And that’s exactly why it’s the only thing that will leave them confused.

Most importantly, it will show them that they haven’t succeeded. All of their manipulation techniques failed.

They don’t have full control over you, contrary to what they believed. They haven’t managed to brainwash you, and despite everything, you’re much more than their puppet on a string. So, I guess you’ve quebrou o seu feitiço.

Turn it into “you” time

Em vez de passar todo este tempo a lamentar a sua grande perda, faça um favor a si próprio e aproveite o seu tempo livre de tóxicos.

Let’s face it. This person will come back into your life. So, é melhor recarregar as baterias when you have the chance to do so because you’re up for many more challenges and fights in the future.

Recapitule toda a vossa relação e decida se é isto que realmente quer. Vale a pena lutar por isto? Ou é altura de desistir desta pessoa venenosa?

I think both you and I know the answer. Nevertheless, your romance shouldn’t be the only thing on your mind right now. Instead, you must work on yourself.

Comece por reconstruir outras relações que o seu agressor arruinou para si. No, I’m not talking about jumping into a new romance here.

I’m talking about your close friends and family members. Do your best to reconnect with some of them – just to see that there is a beautiful life outside of this hell you’re trapped in.

O mais importante: trabalhar na relação que tem consigo próprio.

Put maximum effort into finding your true self – the person you were before this monster marched into your life. Put all of your energy into regaining your self-esteem and your sense of self-worth and self-love.

If you still don’t have what it takes to chase this person out of your life for good, at least become a stronger version of yourself for when they do return.

Estabelecer limites saudáveis

O que acontece quando um narcisista se cala e depois volta para si? Bem, o cenário ideal seria expulsá-lo da casa e simplesmente fechar-lhe a porta na cara no dia seguinte.

But I’m sure that you’re still not ready for these drastic measures. In that case, what you must do is set healthy boundaries.

Now is the time to calmly tell them that this is not acceptable behavior. Don’t yell, don’t play games, and don’t accuse them of anything.

Just directly tell them that this is not something you’ll tolerate in the future. Dê-lhes a sua visão de uma relação saudável e defina a direção que pretende seguir.

Cumprir as suas promessas

Por fim, cumpra as suas promessas. O pior que se pode fazer é fazer ameaças vazias sem as cumprir.

Quando o narcisista voltar a ficar calado, faça-o arcar com as consequências dos seus actos. Otherwise, you’re just giving them the green light to keep on treating you however they want.

Considerações finais:

When a narcissist goes quiet, they’re not only giving you the silent treatment (as if that alone wouldn’t be enough).

They’re also gaslighting you and playing with your mental health. Ironically, by ignoring you, they’re pulling you even closer to them.

Bem, you’re the one who has to break that cycle because they won’t do it for you. In fact, they’ll probably never admit their true intentions.

Em vez disso, a dura verdade é que um narcisista abusará de si durante o tempo que o deixar. That’s why you have to find the last atoms of your strength and encerrá-los.

Sei que tudo isto parece demasiado difícil ou mesmo impossível de gerir. Mas garanto-vos que são capazes de o fazer.

Irá curar-se deste abuso. Só tens de dar o primeiro passo! Estás pronto para isso?