Não nos falamos há uma semana depois da briga - será que acabou?

Couples fight, no matter how much we’d all like to deal with our relationship problems in an easier way. Opinions clash, needs don’t get met, and everyone makes mistakes – conflict in a relationship is inevitable.

A forma como lida com uma discussão quando esta surge depende muito das suas capacidades de comunicação e inteligência emocional. No entanto, a sua atitude tem o impacto mais significativo no resultado do conflito: what it is you’re looking to achieve from an argument with your partner.

Uma discussão pode rapidamente transformar-se numa luta quando as emoções estão ao rubro e things are said in the heat of the moment that you’d normally never say to your partner. If either of you is looking to win the fight instead of striving to solve your problems, then the last thing you’re going to reach is a solution.

This is what usually leads to situations in which you might end up thinking, “We haven’t talked in a week after fight – what should I do?” There’s really only one thing to do if you want to save your relationship: engula o seu orgulho e estenda a mão.

We Haven’t Talked In A Week After Fight – What Should I Do?

Lack of contact doesn’t have to mean that the relationship is over. If your anger has subsided by this point and all you’re left with is the thought, “We haven’t talked in a week after fight,” your worry that things might be serious is understandable.

Se o seu parceiro cortou a comunicação depois de uma grande discussão, a preocupação e a incerteza podem deixá-lo ansioso. Your partner keeping their distance can make you think they want to break up, but it’s too soon to panic.

It’s normal for casais a combater, and your relationship can recover as long as you’re prepared to work to solve your problems. So what should you do – contact your partner, or give them space? Será que as coisas vão melhorar se lhes dermos espaço ou se entrarmos em contacto?

Descobrir isto é um desafio porque unless they’ve let you know what‘s going on, you can’t be sure whether they want you to contact them or not, but this is exactly where the answer lies. Deciding what to do depends on which one of the following two situations you find yourself in.

1. Se o seu parceiro lhe disse que precisa de espaço

Deixa-os em paz.

Se, imediatamente após a luta, o seu parceiro lhe tiver dito diretamente que precisa de espaço or told a mutual friend that they can’t talk to you right now, you’re aware of the reason for the lack of contact. This isn’t the time to push and be clingy.

In this case, respect your partner’s wishes and give them space to work out their issues. You can’t make your partner talk to you until they’re ready. Don’t try to get them to explain things right now, and especially don‘t try to continue the argument.

A pessoa pode precisar de tempo para amuar durante algum tempo. Forçar as coisas depois de o seu parceiro lhe dizer para não entrar em contacto só vai prolongar a situação.

If you dwell on what happened and what they might decide, you‘ll drive yourself crazy thinking about what’s going on. Deixe isso de lado por enquanto para se concentrar em si mesmo e na sua própria vida. É mais fácil falar do que fazer, mas a forma mais simples de não pensar em nada é encontrar algo para se manter ocupado, de preferência fazendo algo de que gosta.

2. If your partner hasn’t contacted you since the fight

Entre em contacto.

If you haven’t heard from your partner at all since the fight, you can’t possibly know what’s going on. Your partner might be hurt and need space to work out their feelings, or they might be punishing you. They might be playing games, but avoid the temptation to push back.

Your partner might be stuck in a win/lose mindset and believe that you’re to blame for whatever happened and that you should take the first step. Este tipo de pensamento não tem lugar numa relação saudável, and it’s something you should work on after things have calmed down a little.

Nevertheless, if you’re trying to avoid a breakup, the first thing to do is put your ego aside. Someone has to take the first step, and it might as well be you. Right now, stop focusing on who was right or wrong. Think of your relationship: is being right worth losing it? Colocar o amor à frente do orgulho.

Quanto tempo se deve esperar para falar com alguém depois de uma briga?

Unless your partner has explicitly told you not to contact them, then do it as soon as possible. If your partner has told you that they need space, don’t contact them until they do. Otherwise, you won’t know what‘s happening until you get in touch.

Podem ignorar a sua mensagem e, nesse caso you shouldn’t contact them again. They‘ll know you made a move and that the ball is now in their court. They might let you know that they need some time until they’re ready to talk, in which case, dar-lhes espaço até que eles se aproximem.

Talvez o seu parceiro estivesse apenas à espera que desse o primeiro passo e mostrasse que se preocupa. If there’s goodwill and a desire to continue your relationship on both sides, you can get over this. Don’t wait for your partner to contact you – reach out and extend an olive branch. Let them know that you’re willing to work for your relationship.

Uma boa forma de entrar em contacto é enviar uma mensagem de texto ou uma mensagem de voz. This doesn’t put immediate pressure on them to respond like a phone call would, and it gives the both of you the chance to organize your thoughts. Depois de a pessoa responder, pode marcar uma reunião ou qualquer outra forma que lhe permita conversar.

Como agir com o seu parceiro depois de uma discussão

Communicate with your partner sincerely and respect both of your feelings. There’s no need to be meek and walk on eggshells to avoid spooking your partner. Instead, encourage them to speak up and let you know when they can‘t talk about something.

Your and your partner’s mental health are important factors in the health of your relationship. As questões pessoais podem dificultar a resolução de conflitos. It’s important to be understanding and give each other the benefit of the doubt.

1. Pense no combate antes de falar com o seu parceiro.

Uma discussão pode começar quando pedimos ao nosso parceiro para fazer uma tarefa e acabar em lágrimas, portas a bater e silêncio de rádio. Antes de tentar falar com eles, pense seriamente na sua luta recente e outras lutas para perceber porque é que algo insignificante se agravou e como evitar que volte a acontecer.

Algumas perguntas a fazer a si próprio:

• Was the reason for the fight something that’s been bothering you for a while?

Sometimes couples fight about the same thing over and over again or bottle something up until it explodes. It might be a conflict in their values or a behavior they’re unwilling to change, but it has to be dealt with.

• Did you say something they can’t get over?

Sometimes in the heat of the moment, things are said that don’t seem like a big deal to one person but cut deep and feel overwhelming to the other.

• How did you act in the fight?

Enquanto comunica, tudo, desde o tom de voz à linguagem corporal e às palavras que utiliza, diz ao seu parceiro como se sente e vice-versa. Se estava muito zangado durante a discussão e se sentia vingativo, o seu parceiro pode pensar que os seus sentimentos por ele mudaram.

• Were you fighting to win the fight or to solve the problem?

Construtivo os argumentos podem ser úteis nas relações. They help you see the other person’s point of view and can even bring you closer together. When all you focus on is proving your point, conflicts end in resentment instead of solutions.

• Do you fight often?

If you often fight about insignificant things, it usually means that there is an underlying issue you’re not dealing with. Before you can move forward, you have to figure out what it is and how to address it.

• Are there other signs that there are issues in your relationship?

Just because you and your partner aren’t best friends (yet) isn’t in itself a problem. On the other hand, if you don’t like spending time together, don’t listen to each other, if you complain and criticize each other, you might be in trouble.

• Did you hurt your partner on purpose?

Sometimes when you‘re hurt and angry, all you want to do is make the other person hurt too, even though you later regret it. Sometimes anger lingers, and people take it further when they should let it go.

For example, posting pics of you partying with friends on social media the next day when you know your partner will see them while they’re hurting.

• Are you willing to work on your problems?

Isto é fundamental. A menos que ambos sejam pronto para trabalharSe o seu namorado ou namorada se repetir, pode tornar-se no seu ex-namorado ou ex-namorada.

Answers to these questions might give you the answers to ”Why won’t my partner talk to me in a week after a fight?” and “How can I get them to come back?“ You‘ll get a picture of how to apologize and how to approach your partner. Really giving it some thought might even give you an idea if it’s space they need.

2. Don’t view arguments as zero-sum games.

A situação menos benéfica depois de uma discussão numa relação é quando ambos os parceiros se culpam mutuamente e tentam levar a melhor, fazendo com que a outra pessoa tente chegar primeiro. If at least one person demonstrates the willingness to communicate and reconcile, it can get easier – just don’t be the one to wait for your partner to do so.

Be honest: it’s very possible that you are also experiencing toxic thoughts and negative feelings regarding who’s to blame e o que significa ser o primeiro a dar o primeiro passo. Quanto mais cedo abandonar a ideia de que a pessoa que lhe estende a mão é a perdedora, mais cedo poderá começar a melhorar as coisas.

Being the one to forgive doesn’t imply that from now on, the other person can do whatever they want or that they’re somehow the winner of the fight. Deve continuar a ter limites que deve dar a conhecer ao seu parceiro e que espera que ele respeite. Não há vencedores nem vencidos numa parceria.

Gaste a sua energia a procurar uma solução em vez de tentar ganhar a discussão.

3. Ser compassivo.

If your partner is reluctant to communicate after the fight, don’t try to force them to open up; instead, give them the option and let them know you’re willing to listen. Emotional distance following an argument isn’t necessarily a sign of a dysfunctional relationship, but it can mean that the person who’s withdrawing isn’t equipped to deal with the situation.

Se o seu parceiro lhe está a dar a tratamento silencioso or stonewalling you, it doesn’t have to be seen as an immediate sign that they’re trying to manipulate you, although it can be. Whether it’s a coping mechanism when they’re feeling overwhelmed, they’re too upset to continue, or a manipulation technique can be determined from other aspects of your relationship.

Trying to reach someone who doesn’t want to talk can be frustrating, but trying to force it won’t have any effect aside from making you argue again.

4. Pensa no que deves dizer.

When you approach your partner, do so with the best intentions and with an idea of what you want to say. Here are some things you might want to include to let your partner know you’re ready to communicate.

• Offer an explanation, but don’t look for excuses. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t mean it if it has hurt your partner.

• Let them know you feel bad about the fight. Be specific if you especially regret saying or doing something. Apologize if you think that’s what you need to do, but make sure your apology is genuine.

- Assumir a responsabilidade pelo seu comportamento durante o combate e o que quer que tenha levado a isso.

• Express regret about the fight e reconhecer o seu comportamento.

• Ask your partner how you can make things better. Diga-lhes o que precisa deles.

• Show how much your partner means to you and that you want to deal with your problems. Promise – and mean it – that you’ll do better.

- Diga ao seu parceiro que a vossa relação é mais importante do que a discussão and that you don’t want to fight anymore.

5. Saber quando pedir ajuda.

Se for impossível resolver as coisas sozinho, considere a possibilidade de visitar um profissional em conjunto. Desde que ambos queiram permanecer juntos, têm de aprender a lidar com os conflitos e a resolver os problemas subjacentes à vossa relação.

Estes são alguns sinais de que os problemas da sua relação podem ser demasiado graves para resolver sozinho e que deve pedir ajuda:

- Ameaças. If you’re constantly threatening to break up while you fight, one of these days it’s going to happen. You need to examine why this happens.

- Ultimatos. Isto é o oposto do compromisso, que é um dos pilares de uma parceria.

- Derisão. Chamar nomes uns aos outrosA pessoa que se quer magoar, que faz coisas só para irritar a outra pessoa e outros sinais de querer fazer mal à outra pessoa.

- Infidelidade. Rebuilding trust after infidelity is a long and difficult process that can be too much to handle. If you’ve decided to continue your relationship after infidelity, aconselhamento em matéria de relações pode tornar as coisas mais fáceis.

- Ressentimento. Se, durante as discussões, falar de coisas não só da noite passada, mas também do ano passado, é possível que haja questões por resolver.

Estender a mão ou dar-lhes espaço?

Depois de uma grande discussão numa relação que acaba em vozes altas, lágrimas e relutância em lidar com os verdadeiros problemas, ambos os parceiros se sentirão magoados e zangados. The first time you fight with your significant other in that way will be the last time you fight at all unless one of you reaches out because there won’t be a relationship to fight about.

“We had a fight” can easily turn into ”We haven’t talked in a week after fight,” which pode transformar-se numa rutura, a não ser que alguém se esforce por resolver a situação.

You don’t have to be the one to do so, but if you see that your partner hasn’t contacted you in a couple of days and hasn’t given you an indication that they need space, rather than waiting for them to come around, ser o único a estabelecer contacto.