As relações são complicadas. E, por vezes, é preciso arranjar boas estratégias para chamar a atenção de um homem.

Maybe you are in a long-term relationship that just hit a rough patch—he is distant and you feel like he is losing interest. He seems to be pulling away and you don’t know how to handle the situation.

Maybe you are just beginning a new relationship and you don’t want to ruin it by being too clingy. You want everything to flow smoothly but even though it is still too early to say anything, you feel like he is pulling away.

Respira fundo. E abranda.

A maioria das mulheres reagir de forma exagerada. They would make some stupid moves in order to get the guy’s attention. But you won’t because I will tell you the secrets to gaining his attention even though it might now feel like a lost cause.

For situations like this, for a ‘disease’ called pulling away, you need the secret ‘medicine’ called IGNORE.

Even though it seems simple and quite obvious, believe me—when emotions are involved, you will have a difficult time controlling your actions. Sometimes you even catch yourself doing things you swore you never would.

Se alguém lhe contasse uma história sobre uma rapariga que enviava mensagens de texto a um rapaz apesar de ele não lhe responder (ou algo semelhante), provavelmente diria: “I would never do that. Is she crazy? If I was in that situation, I would ignore him completely.” But here you are, doing the same thing—even though you said you wouldn’t. And that simple ‘IGNORE’ seems so difficult.

Use ‘ignore’ in the right way. Start with yourself, then gradually work your way to getting what you want from him.

Aqui ficam algumas dicas para tornar a missão de o ignorar e recuperar a sua atenção mais provável de ser bem sucedida:

1. Ignorar a necessidade de fazer demonstrações emocionais exageradas.

Esta é uma armadilha em que muitas mulheres caem. Pensam que os homens sentem as emoções da mesma forma que elas. Depois, mostram todas as suas emoções demasiado cedo.

Os rapazes podem ter medo disso. Eles funcionam a um nível diferente do das mulheres. Normalmente, demoram mais tempo a perceber as coisas por si próprios e a ter a certeza das suas emoções antes de as partilharem.

Se for frontal com as suas emoções ou exagerar nas demonstrações emocionais, pode ser a razão pela qual ele está a tomar uma direção diferente. Demasiada honestidade fará com que ele fuja o mais rápido possível.

Por isso, vai com calma. O tempo é tudo. Vá devagar ao ritmo dele e só comece a mostrar emoções quando ele estiver pronto para as mostrar também.

Certifique-se de que estão ao mesmo nível. Ao demonstrar o seu amor e apego demasiado cedo numa relação, pode enviar sinais de que é inseguro ou desesperado.

Ao dar-lhe espaço e tempo para pensar, talvez esteja no caminho certo para dar uma oportunidade de se amarem.

É provável que ele comece a perguntar-se porque é que mudou e porque é que não lhe dá tanta atenção como antes, e isso fará com que ele vá atrás de si.

2. Ignorar a necessidade de reagir de forma exagerada.

Most women tend to jump to conclusions. Maybe nothing is wrong but you imagine it might be because he didn’t answer your text right away or he didn’t put a heart emoji at the end of a goodnight message.

Seja o que for que faça, certifique-se primeiro de que existe realmente uma razão para se preocupar e reagir e de que precisa de reagir de alguma forma. Queixas constantes e fazer barulho a toda a hora por causa de pequenas coisas podem levá-lo a fugir o mais depressa possível. Ninguém quer ouvir reclamações constantes, especialmente sem motivo.

Escolhe bem as tuas batalhas.
If you really have an issue, you need to address it with him and make sure it’s a valid one. If he hurts you in any way, you should tell him openly. However, exaggeration might suffocate the relationship.

You want him to see you as a woman who doesn’t overthink his every word. Your life is your own, and you don’t have time to obsess about every little thing he does. You should only want to solve bigger problems.

He might even be surprised or concerned why you didn’t react to the things you would normally lose your mind about.

3. Deixe de se ignorar e ele deixará de a ignorar também.

Put yourself first. Don’t be too attentive to his needs and don’t jump to every phone call and every last-minute invitation he gives you. You don’t need to act busy; you need to be busy—busy with yourself.

Make your life function the way you want it to. Pay attention to your needs, too. You have your studies, your friends and family, your work, your career plans, your activities, and interests—regardless of him.

You have to have your own life and he should be an important part of it. If you are too accommodating, he will get used to it. He will take your time for granted and naturally assume that you will always make time for him. He should be the one adjusting his plans to fit your schedule—at least sometimes.

You don’t need to bend over backward to fit into his plans all the time. Compromise is always a good thing but don’t make him think you don’t have your own life.

Um homem não gosta de nada mais do que um mulher independente que também é capaz de o integrar na sua agenda preenchida.

4. Deixar de ignorar os seus desejos.

Assumir o controlo. Faz planos de viagem. Planear o jantar. Reserve bilhetes para ver um filme que lhe interesse. Compre bilhetes para um concerto de um músico de que ambos gostem. Faça todos os planos que considere interessantes para os dois. Diga que organizou uma atividade e convide-o a juntar-se a si.

A maioria das mulheres está habituada a que sejam os homens a tomar todas as providências. Esta é uma forma de lhe mostrar que é autossuficiente e capaz de organizar actividades e que gostaria muito que ele se juntasse a si.

The crucial thing here is to say, “If you can’t go, that’s OK. I will ask some of my friends to go with me, because I really wanna go.” Keep it casual. It will make him wonder, “What friends?” And you will show him that you are capable of having fun without him. This is a subtle way to ignore him.

5. Quente e frio.

If you are constantly ignoring him, he will tire of it after some time. He will see that he is hitting a brick wall and that there’s no way that he has any chance with you.
So give him some hints that there might be hope for him after all. You’re playing the role of an ice queen but from time to time, give him hints that you have a warm heart underneath.

Engage in conversation with him when you have a chance. Show him you are interested in what he has to say. Let him feel like what he is saying is so captivating that you don’t want to miss a single word. You could also even text him to ask him about something he has some information about and you don’t (just don’t make it too obvious).
Se vir que as suas súbitas atenções estão a fazer com que ele queira falar mais consigo ou enviar-lhe mais mensagens, está no caminho certo.

Make a balance between ignoring him and giving him some attention. You don’t want to act completely cool toward him but you also don’t want to come off as needy. Play the game of hot and cold, give him just enough to keep him hooked but not too much. Balance is the key.

Ver também: Blowing Hot And Cold (A psicologia por detrás do jogo do namoro)

6. Despertar o seu ciúme.

Os homens são muito competitivos e, por vezes, tudo o que precisam é de um pouco de ciúme para se levantarem e irem atrás de si. Ele pode nem sequer ver o que tem mesmo à sua frente até haver uma ameaça de que outra pessoa lho pode tirar.

So, flirt but in a way where you give your attention to others. Talk to some other man, smile a lot, touch his shoulder and have your focus only on him. Make sure your man can see you talking to some other guy and don’t pay attention to anything other than the guy you are talking to.

Despertar o ciúme é uma das tácticas mais perigosas porque pode transmitir-lhe a mensagem de que não está interessada ou que está interessada noutra pessoa. Por isso, certifique-se de que não exagera demasiado no jogo do flirt, pois os ciúmes só o vão afastar. Precisa apenas de uma faísca, não de um fogo enorme.

7. Acalme a sua mente desconfiada.

Don’t allow yourself to be jealous or at least avoid having jealous displays. Not every girl around him is a threat. Jealous overreactions will give out the wrong impression that you are insecure. Stay sure of yourself and put yourself in his shoes. If you have male friends or co-workers you feel tight with, you wouldn’t want him overreacting because there’s nothing going on there.

Also, he might be making you jealous on purpose as a way to test you or to evoke a reaction. Stay cool. Don’t give him the pleasure of seeing you upset over some girl. You might not be indifferent but you shouldn’t call him out on anything, at least not early on.

8. O apego não é teu amigo.

This is in case you are aware that you are clingy and you want to do something about it. The traits of a clingy girlfriend can be very tiring and most men can’t tolerate them, that’s why most relationships they are in don’t last for very long.

A clingy woman will want to know his every move, she will want to text 24/7, she forgets about all the aspects of her own life and concentrates solely on him, she doesn’t understand when he wants to do something that doesn’t include her, like going rafting with his friends, etc. Basically, she doesn’t give him space to breathe and that terrifies him and makes him pull away. So if you notice this behavioral pattern, do your best to livrar-se do apego.

9. Ser independente.

The most important thing of all is to create a life you enjoy, the kind of life you are proud of. Your relationship status shouldn’t define you or affect your perception of yourself. Treat yourself well because the people around you learn from you. If you don’t have enough respect for yourself, if you lack love toward yourself, your partner and other people around you will often take you for granted and treat you badly. So make sure you work on your strength and independence. By working on yourself and making your life great, you will make him want to share that life with you.

10. Seguir o seu exemplo.

If he is ignoring your texts, don’t ask him why he is ignoring them. Do the same—don’t text him. Don’t call. Don’t insist. Don’t force things. It’s useless.

He will be more interested when he doesn’t hear from you than when you send text after text, trying to get to the bottom of things. Ignoring him makes him wonder where you disappeared to. It forms a million questions in his head. It makes you seem like a puzzle and he will be eager to solve it.

And when you are too available, it does the opposite. He knows where you are, what you think and he knows that him not texting you bothers you. So he has the upper hand in that situation, even when he has no clue what’s happening and thinks that you probably don’t even care whether he responds to your text or not.

He will respond eventually and when he does, take your precious time in answering. Don’t make him think that you have been waiting by the phone for him to remember you exist. Never let him see that you were upset because he didn’t text. I know that these games can be exhausting but they are sometimes necessary.

It is not a good idea to invest a lot in a person who doesn’t invest in you, too. That’s why you shouldn’t give more than he gives you. You should care for each other the same way and give the same amount of your time and attention to one another.

Obviously, you won’t measure and keep track of who gave more on each different occasion but make sure that overall, you are somewhere close. All your efforts should be reciprocated, never settle for anything less.

Se sente que está a dar demasiado e ele não está a dar nada, talvez deva reconsiderar se quer esse tipo de relação.

Ignoring somebody is also a good way to test if they are really into you. If you ignore him in any of the ways listed above and he starts chasing you, you are on the right track; it means you have his full attention. If he doesn’t do a thing, at least you will know where you stand, and it will be his loss if he doesn’t go after you.

O que interessa é que os homens são simples: Se os perseguir, eles afastam-se. Se os ignorar, eles vão atrás de si.