Las relaciones son complicadas. Y a veces hay que idear buenas estrategias para llamar la atención de un chico.

Maybe you are in a long-term relationship that just hit a rough patch—he is distant and you feel like he is losing interest. He seems to be pulling away and you don’t know how to handle the situation.

Maybe you are just beginning a new relationship and you don’t want to ruin it by being too clingy. You want everything to flow smoothly but even though it is still too early to say anything, you feel like he is pulling away.

Respira hondo. Y baja el ritmo.

La mayoría de las mujeres reaccione de forma exagerada. They would make some stupid moves in order to get the guy’s attention. But you won’t because I will tell you the secrets to gaining his attention even though it might now feel like a lost cause.

For situations like this, for a ‘disease’ called pulling away, you need the secret ‘medicine’ called IGNORE.

Even though it seems simple and quite obvious, believe me—when emotions are involved, you will have a difficult time controlling your actions. Sometimes you even catch yourself doing things you swore you never would.

Si alguien te contara la historia de una chica que enviaba mensajes de texto a un chico a pesar de que él no le contestaba (o algo parecido), probablemente dirías: “I would never do that. Is she crazy? If I was in that situation, I would ignore him completely.” But here you are, doing the same thing—even though you said you wouldn’t. And that simple ‘IGNORE’ seems so difficult.

Use ‘ignore’ in the right way. Start with yourself, then gradually work your way to getting what you want from him.

He aquí algunos consejos para que la misión de ignorarle y recuperar su atención tenga más probabilidades de éxito:

1. Ignora la necesidad de tener manifestaciones emocionales exageradas.

Esta es una trampa en la que caen muchas mujeres. Piensan que los chicos experimentan las emociones de la misma manera que ellas. Entonces, muestran todas sus emociones demasiado pronto.

Los chicos pueden tener miedo de eso. Funcionan a un nivel diferente al de las mujeres. Suelen tardar más tiempo en entender las cosas por sí mismos y en estar seguros de sus emociones antes de compartirlas.

Si eres franca con tus emociones o exageras con las muestras emocionales, puede ser la razón por la que él esté tomando una dirección diferente. Demasiada honestidad simplemente le hará correr tan rápido como pueda.

Así que tómatelo con calma. El tiempo lo es todo. Acompáñalo a su ritmo y empieza a mostrarle tus emociones cuando él también esté dispuesto a hacerlo.

Asegúrate de que estáis al mismo nivel. Si demuestras tu amor y apego demasiado pronto en una relación, podrías enviar señales de que estás inseguro o desesperado.

Dándole espacio y tiempo para pensar, tal vez estés en el buen camino para daros una oportunidad de amaros.

Probablemente empezará a preguntarse por qué has cambiado y por qué no le prestas tanta atención como antes, y eso hará que vaya a por ti.

2. Ignora la necesidad de reaccionar de forma exagerada.

Most women tend to jump to conclusions. Maybe nothing is wrong but you imagine it might be because he didn’t answer your text right away or he didn’t put a heart emoji at the end of a goodnight message.

Haga lo que haga, asegúrese primero de que realmente existe un motivo para preocuparse y reaccionar y de que necesita reaccionar de alguna manera. Quejarse constantemente y hacer ruido todo el tiempo por las cosas más insignificantes puede hacer que salga corriendo lo más rápido que pueda. Nadie quiere oír quejas constantes, sobre todo sin motivo.

Elige bien tus batallas.
If you really have an issue, you need to address it with him and make sure it’s a valid one. If he hurts you in any way, you should tell him openly. However, exaggeration might suffocate the relationship.

You want him to see you as a woman who doesn’t overthink his every word. Your life is your own, and you don’t have time to obsess about every little thing he does. You should only want to solve bigger problems.

He might even be surprised or concerned why you didn’t react to the things you would normally lose your mind about.

3. Deja de ignorarte y él también dejará de ignorarte.

Put yourself first. Don’t be too attentive to his needs and don’t jump to every phone call and every last-minute invitation he gives you. You don’t need to act busy; you need to be busy—busy with yourself.

Make your life function the way you want it to. Pay attention to your needs, too. You have your studies, your friends and family, your work, your career plans, your activities, and interests—regardless of him.

You have to have your own life and he should be an important part of it. If you are too accommodating, he will get used to it. He will take your time for granted and naturally assume that you will always make time for him. He should be the one adjusting his plans to fit your schedule—at least sometimes.

You don’t need to bend over backward to fit into his plans all the time. Compromise is always a good thing but don’t make him think you don’t have your own life.

Nada le gusta más a un hombre que una mujer independiente que también es capaz de incluirlo en su apretada agenda.

4. Deja de ignorar tus deseos.

Hazte cargo. Haz planes de viaje. Haz planes para cenar. Reserva entradas para ver una película que le interese. Compra entradas para un concierto con algún músico que os guste a los dos. Haz cualquier plan que consideres interesante para los dos. Di que has organizado alguna actividad y pídele que te acompañe.

La mayoría de las mujeres están acostumbradas a que los hombres hagan todos los preparativos. Es una forma de demostrarle que eres autosuficiente y capaz de organizar actividades, y que te gustaría mucho que te acompañara.

The crucial thing here is to say, “If you can’t go, that’s OK. I will ask some of my friends to go with me, because I really wanna go.” Keep it casual. It will make him wonder, “What friends?” And you will show him that you are capable of having fun without him. This is a subtle way to ignore him.

5. Caliente y frío.

If you are constantly ignoring him, he will tire of it after some time. He will see that he is hitting a brick wall and that there’s no way that he has any chance with you.
So give him some hints that there might be hope for him after all. You’re playing the role of an ice queen but from time to time, give him hints that you have a warm heart underneath.

Engage in conversation with him when you have a chance. Show him you are interested in what he has to say. Let him feel like what he is saying is so captivating that you don’t want to miss a single word. You could also even text him to ask him about something he has some information about and you don’t (just don’t make it too obvious).
Si ves que tus repentinas muestras de atención hacen que quiera hablarte más o enviarte más mensajes, vas por buen camino.

Make a balance between ignoring him and giving him some attention. You don’t want to act completely cool toward him but you also don’t want to come off as needy. Play the game of hot and cold, give him just enough to keep him hooked but not too much. Balance is the key.

Véase también: Blowing Hot And Cold (La psicología detrás del juego de las citas)

6. Desencadenar sus celos.

Los hombres son muy competitivos y a veces sólo necesitan un poco de celos para levantarse e ir a por ti. Puede que ni siquiera vea lo que tiene delante de sus narices hasta que le amenacen con quitárselo.

So, flirt but in a way where you give your attention to others. Talk to some other man, smile a lot, touch his shoulder and have your focus only on him. Make sure your man can see you talking to some other guy and don’t pay attention to anything other than the guy you are talking to.

Despertar los celos es una de las tácticas más peligrosas, porque puede transmitirle el mensaje de que no te interesa o de que estás interesada en otra persona. Así que asegúrate de no exagerar demasiado en el juego del flirteo, ya que los celos sólo conseguirán alejarlo. Sólo necesitas una chispa, no un gran incendio.

7. Calma tu mente desconfiada.

Don’t allow yourself to be jealous or at least avoid having jealous displays. Not every girl around him is a threat. Jealous overreactions will give out the wrong impression that you are insecure. Stay sure of yourself and put yourself in his shoes. If you have male friends or co-workers you feel tight with, you wouldn’t want him overreacting because there’s nothing going on there.

Also, he might be making you jealous on purpose as a way to test you or to evoke a reaction. Stay cool. Don’t give him the pleasure of seeing you upset over some girl. You might not be indifferent but you shouldn’t call him out on anything, at least not early on.

8. El aferramiento no es tu amigo.

This is in case you are aware that you are clingy and you want to do something about it. The traits of a clingy girlfriend can be very tiring and most men can’t tolerate them, that’s why most relationships they are in don’t last for very long.

A clingy woman will want to know his every move, she will want to text 24/7, she forgets about all the aspects of her own life and concentrates solely on him, she doesn’t understand when he wants to do something that doesn’t include her, like going rafting with his friends, etc. Basically, she doesn’t give him space to breathe and that terrifies him and makes him pull away. So if you notice this behavioral pattern, do your best to deshacerse de la pegajosidad.

9. Ser independiente.

The most important thing of all is to create a life you enjoy, the kind of life you are proud of. Your relationship status shouldn’t define you or affect your perception of yourself. Treat yourself well because the people around you learn from you. If you don’t have enough respect for yourself, if you lack love toward yourself, your partner and other people around you will often take you for granted and treat you badly. So make sure you work on your strength and independence. By working on yourself and making your life great, you will make him want to share that life with you.

10. Sigue su ejemplo.

If he is ignoring your texts, don’t ask him why he is ignoring them. Do the same—don’t text him. Don’t call. Don’t insist. Don’t force things. It’s useless.

He will be more interested when he doesn’t hear from you than when you send text after text, trying to get to the bottom of things. Ignoring him makes him wonder where you disappeared to. It forms a million questions in his head. It makes you seem like a puzzle and he will be eager to solve it.

And when you are too available, it does the opposite. He knows where you are, what you think and he knows that him not texting you bothers you. So he has the upper hand in that situation, even when he has no clue what’s happening and thinks that you probably don’t even care whether he responds to your text or not.

He will respond eventually and when he does, take your precious time in answering. Don’t make him think that you have been waiting by the phone for him to remember you exist. Never let him see that you were upset because he didn’t text. I know that these games can be exhausting but they are sometimes necessary.

It is not a good idea to invest a lot in a person who doesn’t invest in you, too. That’s why you shouldn’t give more than he gives you. You should care for each other the same way and give the same amount of your time and attention to one another.

Obviously, you won’t measure and keep track of who gave more on each different occasion but make sure that overall, you are somewhere close. All your efforts should be reciprocated, never settle for anything less.

Si sientes que estás dando demasiado y él no está dando nada en absoluto, es posible que quieras reconsiderar si quieres ese tipo de relación de todos modos.

Ignoring somebody is also a good way to test if they are really into you. If you ignore him in any of the ways listed above and he starts chasing you, you are on the right track; it means you have his full attention. If he doesn’t do a thing, at least you will know where you stand, and it will be his loss if he doesn’t go after you.

La conclusión es que los hombres son simples: Si los persigues, se alejarán. Si los ignoras, te perseguirán.