Um narcisista pode ser fiel? Tudo o que precisa de saber

Um narcisista pode ser fiel? Tecnicamente, sim.

If you think of being faithful as not cheating, then, sure, a narcissist could probably be in a relationship and never sleep with someone who isn’t their partner.

But just because a narcissist isn’t cheating, it doesn’t mean they feel love and commitment. The reason why they’re being faithful is that they’re either still getting what they want from their partner or that they’ve never had an opportunity.

Ser fiel é mais do que não fazer batota. Fidelidade significa amar alguém de todo o coração and choosing them over everyone else in the world. But a narcissist isn’t capable of that.

Continue a ler para saber mais sobre narcisistas, amor e lealdade.

Can A Narcissist Be Faithful? Here’s Why The Answer Is No

Narcissists are far more likely to be cheaters than the majority of people. They believe that rules that apply to others don’t apply to them. This is why they can have sex with someone who isn’t their partner without a second thought.

Even if a narcissist never sleeps with someone other than their partner, the answer to the question, “Can a narcissist be faithful in a relationship?” is não.

A narc might not be sleeping around, but they’re not faithful out of love and loyalty – it’s only because it’s in their best interest. The only reason a narcissist isn’t cheating is that they’re still getting what they need from their partner or a chance hasn’t presented itself.

To understand why that is, let’s first learn more about narcissists.

Está numa relação com um narcisista?

People often use the term “narcissist” to describe someone who has narcissistic traits, such as being self-centered, but narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition that involves more than a single personality trait.

Narcissism is a spectrum. Having a slightly overblown ego is common, and simply being arrogant doesn’t mean that someone has narcissistic disorder. Someone with narcissistic tendencies is capable of healthy relationships, but someone with NPD isn’t.

Como é que se pode saber se a pessoa com quem se vive tem traços narcísicos ou se tem uma perturbação da personalidade narcísica? Apenas um médico pode diagnosticar um problema de saúde mental como este, mas existem alguns sinais de alerta que podem tornar as coisas mais claras.

• SUPERIORITY

The quickest way to know that you’re with a narcissist is to pay attention to the way they treat others. A narcissist believes that they’re not like other people. Todas as suas relações baseiam-se no que podem obter dos outros, incluindo de si.

Um narcisista sacrificará a sua felicidade, os seus interesses e o seu bem-estar em prol dos dele e não verá qualquer problema nisso.

Podem nem sequer estar conscientes de como o seu pensamento está distorcido porque vêem-se a si próprios como a única pessoa que importa e todos os outros como instrumentos utilizados para alcançar o que pretendem.

- ENTITLAMENTO

They feel entitled to whatever they want because they think they’re special, and precisam de validação constante para lhes recordar este facto. Para o efeito, exploram os outros sem ter em conta o seu bem-estar.

Um narcisista sente que o mundo lhe deve as coisas que ele quer. Admiration, attention, success, acknowledgment – whatever it is that they crave, they expect to be given because they believe they’re entitled to it.

• ABUSE

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, nearly every day is a struggle to find hope in the face of narcissistic abuse. Um narcisista explora as suas inseguranças e medos, depois distorce a realidade para te fazer acreditar que o comportamento deles é culpa tua.

O gaslighting é uma das principais armas de um narcisista – they’ll never admit to a fault or a mistake. Instead, they’ll make you doubt yourself and your perception. They must always preserve the image they hold of themselves, and your sanity isn’t a too steep a price to pay.

RELACIONADO: 52 Coisas Manipuladoras que os Narcisistas Dizem Numa Discussão

Pode um narcisista amar verdadeiramente alguém?

You could say that the only person a narcissist loves is himself or herself, but that’s not quite true. 

Narcissists don’t really feel self-love. What a narc feels underneath all the superiority is self-loathing and low self-esteem they’re trying to fight against at the expense of others.

This is why narcissists need constant affirmation from those around them that they’re as great as they’re trying to convince themselves they are. Everyone appreciates attention, but for a narcissist, it’s the only way to feel good about themselves.

Ao contrário da maioria das pessoas, os narcisistas são incapazes de alcançar a realização a partir de dentro. A sua autoestima depende inteiramente da validação externa.

Como se pode ver, isto anda de mãos dadas com a batota.

When their partner can’t give them what they’re looking for, they seek attention elsewhere. They don’t feel bad about it because a sua conduta baseia-se inteiramente no facto de se sentirem bem.

If you try to confront them, you’ll be faced with a complete refusal to take responsibility. The narcissist will use manipulation and emotional abuse to fazem-nos duvidar de nós próprios.

A narcissist can’t feel real love because they have no interest in other people’s needs and feelings or the willingness to understand them. But os narcisistas podem disfarçar o seu abuso como amor. They can be hurting you and make you feel like you’re the one hurting them.

Traços narcisistas e traição

Uma das características que definem traços de narcisismo é um falta de empatia. Isto significa que um narcisista é incapaz de se ligar a outras pessoas, o que o impossibilita de amar outra pessoa.

Os narcisistas têm um sentido grandioso de auto-importância. They believe that everyone is beneath them and expect special treatment. For a narcissist, other people only have value if they serve a purpose, so they don’t think twice about taking advantage of others.

Têm um sentido de direito and believe that they’re owed things, most of all admiração, atenção e validação. They use manipulation and abuse to get what they want if it’s not given.

Todas estas características fazem com que, para um narcisista, a traição seja tão banal como algo que não magoa ninguém.

They don’t see cheating any worse than, for example, hanging out with a friend when you’re lonely and your partner is busy. If a narcissist isn’t getting attention from their partner, they’ll cheat on them as easily as if they were calling up a friend for drinks.

But even if a narcissist can’t see porquê they shouldn’t be unfaithful to their partner, it doesn’t mean that they don’t know that what they’re doing is wrong. They’ll hide the infidelity, not because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings, but so that they don’t have to bear the consequences.

Narcisismo sexual

O narcisismo sexual é composto por quatro partes: exploração sexual, sentido grandioso de habilidade sexual, direito sexual e falta de empatia sexual.

In other words, a sexual narcissist feels they’re great in bed and believes they’re entitled to sex. They’re willing to use people and don’t care about their sex partner’s experience. This is consistent with all other aspects of narcissism.

Isto significa que um narcisista é suscetível de ter sexo casual e sexo sem ligação emocional. De acordo com um investigação sobre o narcisismo sexual, it’s also tightly linked with infidelity.

Narcissists are likely to cheat because they don’t place value on others unless in terms of what they can get from them. They use sex to prove to themselves that they’re superior at it, but also to fill their need for attention.

It’s of no consequence to a narcissist how their romantic or sexual partners feel. They easily justify to themselves sex outside of the relationship as something they’re entitled to because they’re better than ordinary people.

If they can’t get what they need from one person, they see no problem in looking for it with multiple partners.

O que é que um narcisista quer numa relação?

There’s only one thing a narcissist wants from a partner, and that’s to use them to fulfill their own desperate need for attention and admiration. How can a narcissist be faithful when they can’t genuinely love someone?

Os narcisistas nunca são realmente leais aos seus parceiros, de qualquer forma que seja. Para um narcisista, uma relação termina quando não tem mais nada a ganhar com a sua vítima, pelo que nunca se compromete verdadeiramente.

They’re unfaithful because they’re always keeping their options open in case you stop giving them what they need – limitless attention, admiration and feelings of superiority.

Fornecimento narcisista

As relações com parceiros narcisistas podem durar de alguns meses a vários anos. Para compreender o funcionamento de um narcisista, é útil familiarizar-se com o conceito de oferta narcísica.

Os narcisistas precisam de validação constante. Receber tratamento especial é a forma de compensar as suas inseguranças, pelo que têm de ter sempre uma fonte que lhes proporcione a admiração e a atenção de que necessitam.

They’re incapable of real bonds with people, so they target those around them who can fulfill their needs. Para manter a sua fonte de abastecimento narcísico, manipulam e abusam das suas vítimas.

Ciclo de relações narcísicas

É assim que funciona uma relação com um narcisista: Primeiro prendem-nos, depois destroem-nos e, no fim, deitam-nos fora.

As long as you serve your purpose, you’re useful. This is how the idea that a narcissist can be faithful can seem plausible: even if they’re abusive, they could still be faithful because what they’re getting from their victim is alimentar a sua oferta.

As três fases da ciclo de relações narcísicas são:

Fase 1. Idealização

Do you believe in true love at first sight? Maybe you don’t, but then you meet o único. A sua alma gémea. Alguém tão perfeito para si que o tempo que passam juntos parece um conto de fadas.

Quando um narcisista precisa de alguém que lhe dê a atenção necessária e encontra alguém suficientemente vulnerável para o usar, coloca-o num pedestal. 

Os narcisistas idealizam as suas vítimas porque querem acreditar que o seu fornecimento vem de uma fonte valiosa, não porque as amam.

At this stage, a narcissist might even believe that they feel love, but they don’t. They’re creating a fantasy version of you that can do no wrong so that they can deem you digno de ser seu fornecedor. 

They’re probably faithful at this point because they’re getting what they need from you.

The narcissist learns what their victim wants and presents themselves as the ideal partner. They give their victim what seems to be intense love and affection – mas está, de facto, a bombardear de amor – to get their trust so that they’ll let their guard down.

Fase 2. Desvalorização

Soon enough, a narcissist realizes that you aren’t the person they made up inside their head. They think in absolutes – you can be either flawless or worthless. You can’t keep up with the demands of the narcissist, so you lose their value to them.

Even worse, if you love a narcissist, they’ll think of you as inferior and worthless. They transfer their feelings about themselves onto you. This is how they see themselves deep down, so if you love them, something is wrong with you. 

The narcissist devalues their victim and puts them down because they don’t belong on the pedestal any longer. Abuso narcísico é o castigo por não sermos o que eles imaginavam e não podermos dar-lhes o que eles precisam.

Ameaças de violência, gaslighting, violação dos seus limites e isolamento dos seus familiares são alguns dos comportamentos abusivos que um narcisista pode utilizar para o castigar.

Nesta altura, podem ser infiéis se já tiverem encontrado outro fornecedor. If they haven’t, they might appear remorseful and restart the cycle to get what they need from you.

Etapa 3. Descarte

When a narcissist can’t exploit you the way they want any longer, they first punish you, then discard you.

No entanto, antes de se desfazerem completamente da sua vítima, a narcissist wants to make sure that they’re punished the way they deserve. Invalidam os seus sentimentos, fazem-se de vítimas e lançam campanhas de difamação para arruinar a sua reputação.

Often, even after they discard their victims, a narcissist still leaves the door open so that they can come back in case there’s still more for them to take from you.

Tudo se resume ao facto desanimador de que um narcisista é incapaz de amar. Alguns deles podem acreditar que pode feel love, so when they inevitably become disappointed in their partner, they’ll place the blame on them and look for someone else.

After discarding their old, “faulty” significant other, a narcissist moves on to a new romantic partner, but in reality, all they want is another supply.

Como saber se um narcisista é infiel?

Isto depende do tipo de traição em que o narcisista está envolvido.

Sometimes, all they’re trying to get is more attention from their partner, and sometimes they want attention from whichever source they can get it.

Tipos de infidelidade

Some narcissists are satisfied with emotional infidelity, while others sleep with everyone who’s willing. Some are serial cheaters, and others have affairs.

If a narcissist doesn’t give as much value to sexual conquest as they give to, for example, wealth, business success or popularity, they might stay faithful, but only because they wouldn’t gain anything from infidelity.

1. Infidelidade física

A infidelidade física significa que o narcisista está a ter relações sexuais fora da relação. Isto pode ir desde um caso a longo prazo até encontros de uma noite. This is what we usually think of when talking about infidelity, but it’s often connected to other types as well.

2. Infidelidade emocional

A infidelidade emocional acontece quando alguém se torna emocionalmente íntimo de outra pessoa que não o seu parceiro. Desenvolver uma ligação emocional com outra pessoa pode ser tão prejudicial para uma relação como um caso sexual.

However, because a narcissist isn’t capable of really bonding with others, an emotional affair to them can mean different things than it does to an ordinary person.

3. Infidelidade cibernética

A infidelidade cibernética significa geralmente utilizar as redes sociais e as aplicações de encontros estabelecer algum tipo de relação íntima com outra pessoa ou consumo excessivo de pornografia. It can stay on the level of just liking someone’s sexy pictures or escalate into sexting or video chatting.

4. Infidelidade ao objeto

While it’s not often thought of as cheating, focusing on something to the point of obsession and neglecting your partner is a form of infidelity. This includes, for example, someone who’s so focused on their work that their relationship suffers.

Se um narcisista encontra a validação de que necessita ao ser bem sucedido no seu trabalho, pode ignorar o seu parceiro na procura de ainda mais admiração que pode obter ao alcançar o sucesso empresarial.

5. Micro infidelidade

A micro infidelidade pode arruinar uma relação a longo prazo, por mais inofensiva que pareça. Envolve acções aparentemente insignificantes que alguém faz e que incomodam o seu parceiro.

For example, if someone constantly flirts even though their partner doesn’t like it, the longer it goes on, their partner is more likely to get hurt, even if there’s no intention of taking it further.

RELACIONADO: 49 sinais de traição a que deve estar atento

Sinais de aviso de infidelidade

Here are the signs that show that a partner might be cheating on you, regardless if they’re a narcissist or not. The main difference is that a narcissist will be much more defensive if you confront them and take their gaslighting to another level.

• Lack of interest in sex

If your partner suddenly loses interest in sex, it’s possible that they’re getting enough sex elsewhere. For any cheater, and especially a narcissist, sex outside of the relationship is far more exciting than sex with their partner.

• Changes in sexual behavior

When your partner suggests something they’ve never even mentioned before, it might be a sign of cheating. They might have tried something with the person they’re cheating with and liked it, so now they want to do it again.

• Claims to be working all the time

Suddenly having to work overtime or on the weekends might be an excuse, especially if your partner can’t give you answers to questions you ask them about it.

• Going out with friends more than usual

If your partner is meeting friends more often than usual, they might actually be meeting their affair partner. It’s especially likely if the things they tell you about hanging out with their friends are vague.

• Doesn’t want to spend time together

If your partner is avoiding you, they might be trying to hide something from you. It’s much easier to not talk at all than to talk and accidentally let something incriminating slip out.

• Unusual behavior

When your partner is acting oddly and you feel that something is off, it might be a sign that something is going on. For example, if they’re more irritable than usual, defensive when you ask them anything or if they blame you for everything that goes wrong.

• Suspicious technology use

Hiding their phone is one of the first signs that your partner might be cheating. If their phone is always on silent, if they leave the room to answer a call, if you sometimes can’t reach them on the phone, they might be sneaking around.

• Paying attention to appearance

If your partner has started paying attention to their appearance more than they used to, it could be because they want to look good for the person they’re cheating with.

• Suspicious spending

Os débitos invulgares no cartão de crédito ou os levantamentos de dinheiro inexplicáveis podem significar que o seu parceiro está a gastar dinheiro com o seu parceiro e a financiar a sua traição.

Considerações finais

Sometimes, a narcissist’s victim isn’t even aware that what they’re being put through isn’t okay. A narcissist works hard to normalizar os comportamentos abusivos and make their victim believe that they deserve credit when they’re not being hurtful.

For example, finding comfort in the fact that they’re not cheating on you is a result of their abuse. But can a narcissist be faithful to their partner when they can’t really love them?

A resposta é, infelizmente, não. 

A narcissist only uses people for their own gain. Even when they believe that they love someone, it’s temporary, on their own terms and only depends on what they can get from them. Sooner or later, they become disillusioned and move on.

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you won’t be the one to change them. Ninguém pode e a única maneira de sair do ciclo de abuso é sair o mais rapidamente possível.