Detetar e parar o abuso narcisista
Estar envolvido com um narcisista é o inferno na terra. Mais cedo ou mais tarde, a pessoa mais próxima cai na armadilha do seu ciclo de abuso narcísico, do qual parece impossível sair.
Eles iluminam com gás e manipulam as suas vítimas. Desvalorizam o seu valor e isolam-nas do resto do mundo.
And that’s not even the beginning of it. The truth is that eles jogam connosco de formas diferentes. Mas if you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Well, I’m here to give you hope and to tell you that there is hope for your salvation. I’m here to give you instructions on how to identify narcissistic abuse, how to escape it, and, finally, how to heal from it.
O que é o abuso narcísico?
O abuso narcísico é qualquer forma de abuso praticado por um indivíduo que sofre de uma perturbação da personalidade narcísica. What’s crucial here is to understand that not only physical violence counts as abuse.
Existem outras formas de abuso narcísico, como o abuso emocional ou verbal, que são igualmente prejudiciais para a vítima.
Quais são os sintomas do abuso narcísico?
Identificar o abuso narcísico is the hardest part of the entire process. The victim is not sure whether they’re exaggerating, imagining things, or really being abused.
That’s why I’ve compiled all the signs of narcissistic abuse and explained them in detail. I promise that after reading this, you’ll be able to detetar um narcisista num primeiro encontro!
1. Chantagem emocional
De acordo com a definição, chantagem emocional significa quando alguém usa literalmente as suas emoções contra si. It’s a form of manipulation people with narcissistic personality disorder frequently use against their victims.
The abuser knows you very well, and they’re aware they’re your weak spot. So whenever you try to leave them, they aspirar: podem ameaçar suicidar-se ou fazer-lhe mal de qualquer outra forma.
Este é apenas um dos muitos exemplos de chantagem emocional. Basicamente, o seu parceiro narcisista faz diferentes exigências para conseguir o que quer de si.
Outro caso comum de chantagem emocional é a situação em que o seu parceiro reage negativamente às suas escolhas.
For example, if you do something they don’t like, they’ll pretend to be the victim. They will threaten to leave you or to be depressed just so you feel remorse and, eventually, start behaving the way they want.
Esta é apenas uma das formas de os narcisistas obterem poder e controlo sobre as suas vítimas.
2. Gaslighting
Almost all victims of narcissistic abuse have been subjected to gaslighting – a very powerful narcissistic technique and form of psychological abuse.
Basicamente, quando os narcisistas iluminam-no com gásos sociopatas distorcem o nosso sentido da realidade. Brincam com a nossa sanidade mental até que, eventualmente, começamos a questionar tudo à nossa volta.
Dito de forma simples, o gaslighting é uma forma de abuso mental em que a outra pessoa mente, engana-o e distorce a verdade.
Eis um exemplo. Sabe muito bem como se desenrolou uma certa discussão entre si e o seu parceiro narcisista. No entanto, passado algum tempo, quando se fala no assunto, ele afirma que se passou uma versão completamente diferente dos factos.
And the worst part is that they’re so sure about it to the point where you wonder if you’re going mad. Of course, you have no idea that they’re actually trying to iluminar-te com gás.
Isto acontece mais frequentemente em relação a maus tratos físicos. Por exemplo, lembra-se de que o seu parceiro lhe bateu ou fez algo abusivo.
No entanto, passado algum tempo, negam que isso tenha acontecido. Negam que o tenham insultado ou que tenham feito algo que possa ter magoado os seus sentimentos.
Sometimes, it goes as far as hiding things from you or claiming that they saw you at a place you know you’ve never been to.
3. Desvalorizar o seu valor
É preciso ter em atenção uma coisa: todos os narcisistas lutam contra a insegurança e a baixa autoestima. Ao mesmo tempo, ele sabe o quanto você é digno e, por isso, não tem outra escolha a não ser colocá-lo ao nível dele.
That’s why they’ll do everything in their power to destroy your mental health. After all, that’s the only way for them to feel superior and manipulate you in different ways.
The main goal of psychological manipulation is to reduce your worth. A narcissistic person will find ways to get inside your head and make you feel like you’re not enough.
Podem tentar insultá-lo, enquanto alguns lhe fazem elogios indiretos. Outros narcisistas inventam histórias sobre os seus entes queridos que falam nas suas costas e comentam os seus defeitos.
Even though they might use different tactics, at the end of the day, the result is the same. They want you to get the impression they’re the only ones you can trust. And when they achieve that, they can control you like a puppet and get you to do whatever they want.
4. Egocentrismo
When you’re in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, everything revolves around them. Even though they hide it extremely well at the beginning, you see how selfish they actually are later on.
In fact, people who suffer from NPD are egomaniacs in most cases. They’re preoccupied with themselves, and their ego becomes the only thing they care about.
In some cases, they’re unable to see the other person’s point of view, while in other cases, they’re capable of doing so but consciously refuse to.
They constantly act like you’re beneath them in every way possible. They have a sense of entitlement and that they basically have the right to do whatever they want. At the same time, terms like ‘equality’ and ‘equity’ don’t exist in their dictionary.
But a narcissist doesn’t only act like they’re better than everyone else. That’s actually what they keep telling themselves.
At the same time, things are actually completely opposite. They’re dealing with deeply rooted insecurities and serious self-esteem problems that they try to resolve by putting everyone else down.
5. Falta de empatia
The best way to spot someone’s egocentrism is through their lack of empathy (beware that this is also quite common for psychopaths). Actually, that might be one of the reasons atraem os empáticos em primeiro lugar.
When you’re involved in a narcissistic relationship, the other person never puts any effort into walking a mile in your shoes.
They have no compassion for their victims at all. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be treating them this way constantly.
When a narcissist hurts you, they don’t think about how their actions will make you feel. They don’t think about the consequences their behavior leaves on other people.
They don’t care what happens to you, and they never take your emotions into consideration. All they can think about is how the situation will affect them, which is, again, a sign of egocentrism as well.
6. Bombardeamento amoroso
If you ever feel guilty for falling for a narcissist, it’s clear that you’re not familiar with the term bombardeamento de amor.
O termo diz tudo: love bombing acontece quando uma pessoa narcisista nos bombardeia com amor, atenção e afeto.
If you look closely, you’ll notice the first signs of this manipulation technique in the initial stages of your relationship.
This is when you’ll think you’ve finally met your soulmate after all the failures. You’ll meet a person who tells you they love you right away, a person who has no trouble labeling your relationship, and who talks about the future from day one.
At first, you’ll wonder if they’re too good to be true. Well, sadly, nothing they show you is real.
Isto é o que as pessoas com traços narcísicos fazem para atrair as suas vítimas. Fazem-lhe uma chuva de elogios, oferecem-lhe presentes caros, explodem o seu telemóvel com textos and calls…
Before you know it, your sense of self-worth is determined by the amount of attention they give you. Once they realize they’ve made it, that’s when signs of narcissistic abuse start.
Their behavior completely changes, and they take away all the love they’ve been giving you. Consequently, you try your best to get the person from the beginning of the story back.
And that’s how you get stuck in this kind of toxic relationship without being aware of that.
7. Mentiras e enganos
People who suffer from narcissism never show you their true selves. Why? Because deep down, they know they’re not enough.
Então, em vez disso, apresentam esta versão inventada de si próprios. Apresentam-lhe a pessoa que querem ser.
It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about narcissistic parents, co-workers, or romantic partners – every relationship with a narcissist is filled with mentiras e enganos.
The problem with these people is that they actually lie to themselves. They’re not honest when they look at themselves in the mirror, so they can’t be honest with you either.
They are actually generating their sense of self-worth from your reaction. That’s why they convince you that they’re much better versions of their true selves.
The biggest problem here is that they’re extremely skilled liars. They are capable of inventing an entire fake life, backed up with social media accounts, degrees, jobs…
Tal como as pessoas que sofrem de perturbação de personalidade limítrofe, os narcisistas também têm um forte medo do abandono.
Even though this doesn’t justify their behavior, the truth is that they lie because they’re convinced nobody would ever accept them for who they really are.
8. Jogo da vítima
O que quer que aconteça na sua relação romântica, de alguma forma, acaba por ser o vilão. Ao mesmo tempo, o seu parceiro pode fazer-se de vítima.
But if you look at things objectively, it’s actually quite the opposite. They’re the violent ones, the ones who manipulate you, insult you, and put you through other forms of abuse.
No entanto, de alguma forma, conseguem inverter a situação e fazer com que pareça o mau da fita em todos os cenários.
Even if they literally hit you, they’ll blame you. They’ll start crying and accusing you that you provoked them.
You end up being responsible for every argument you two have. You’re guilty of everything wrong in your relationship.
Sounds familiar? Well, it looks like you’re dealing with a person who suffers from NPD.
When this happens, please keep in mind that you’re the one being subjected to physical, emotional, and verbal abuse in this relationship. You’re the victim of your partner’s narcissistic behavior; it’s not the other way around.
9. Isolamento social
A healthy relationship gives you enough space to be yourself outside of the romance. But when you’re involved with a narcissist, they want you all to themselves.
At first, you may even find it cute. They’re obviously so in love with you that they can’t spend a minute without you around.
Mas atenção, porque esta é, na verdade, outra forma de abuso emocional. It’s clear that your partner wants to isolate you from your loved ones.
Why? Well, because it’s easier for them to manipulate you that way.
Wouldn’t your best friend or a family member warn you that you’re in an abusive relationship? Wouldn’t they try to tell you that your partner hitting you is not normal and that you’re actually going through domestic violence?
Wouldn’t they do their best to take off your rose-tinted glasses and help you see the truth?
Claro que sim, e o seu parceiro narcisista sabe perfeitamente disso. Por isso, faz tudo o que está ao seu alcance para o fazer excluir toda a gente para além dele.
Começam por ser demasiado carentes. Inventam actividades para ocupar o seu tempo e impedem-no de contactar qualquer outra pessoa.
After that, they start planting seeds of doubt in your mind. They keep telling you that your best friend doesn’t have your best interest at heart or that your parents have always loved your siblings more than you.
Começa com coisas tolas, mas eventualmente, começa a evitar as pessoas mais próximas.
If that doesn’t work, they proceed in making you jealous. They become possessive and emotionally blackmail you into never spending time with anyone besides them.
Ver também: 13 fases do divórcio de um narcisista e como superá-las
Quais são os 9 traços de um narcisista?
De acordo com o DSM (Manual de Diagnóstico e Estatística das Perturbações Mentais), a NPD é classificada como uma das dez perturbações da personalidade. Eis o que dizem os 9 traços narcísicos mais comuns são:
1. Grandiosidade
2. Necessidade excessiva de admiração
3. Relações superficiais e de exploração
4. Falta de empatia
5. Perturbação da identidade
6. Dificuldade com a vinculação e a dependência
7. Sentimentos crónicos de vazio e tédio
8. Vulnerabilidade às transições de vida
9. Factores de risco de suicídio e tentativas de suicídio.
Ciclo de abuso narcisista
Nem todos os narcisistas são iguais. Alguns sofrem de outras doenças mentais, alguns são sociopatasAlguns são psicopatas, outros sofrem de uma perturbação de personalidade limítrofe e outros têm apenas traços narcísicos.
Apesar disso, há um certo padrão de comportamento que todos eles seguem depois de encontrarem uma nova vítima. It’s called a narcissistic abuse cycle, and here is how it usually goes.
1. Idealização
No início, um abusador narcisista idealiza a sua vítima. Colocam-na num pedestal e vêem-na como a sua salvação.
They refuse to notice their victim’s flaws. For them, this is not just an ordinary human being – they’re the closest thing to perfection.
É claro que esta idealização é seguida de um bombardeamento amoroso. Continuam a convencer a sua vítima de que os dois são almas gémeas que estão destinados a passar a eternidade juntos.
This is more than love they’re experiencing. This is a destiny and a once-in-a-lifetime kind of connection.
O principal problema é que quase todas as vítimas confundem esta fase com a fase da lua de mel, que é habitual na maioria das novas relações.
Mas há uma diferença crucial aqui: o bombardeamento amoroso e a idealização visam criar dependência emocional, poder e controlo. Por outro lado, a fase da lua de mel tem tudo a ver com borboletas.
2. Desvalorização
In a healthy relationship, things don’t change much after the honeymoon stage. Yes, the butterflies fly away, but most couples keep on loving and respecting each other. The worst thing that can happen here is falling into a rut.
Nevertheless, this is where a narcissistic relationship is different. This is when victims of narcissistic abuse see their partner’s true colors for the first time.
Esta é a fase do ciclo em que o narcisista desvaloriza a sua vítima. Destrói a sua autoestima e o seu sentido de valor próprio.
É aqui que começam os insultos, as agressões físicas e as diferentes formas de manipulação.
3. Rejeição
Finally, the third phase begins once the narcissist has fulfilled all of their twisted needs. They’re aware they’ve managed to ruin their victim but don’t feel sorry about it due to their lack of empathy.
É nesta altura que a pessoa que sofre de perturbação da personalidade narcísica começa a afastar a sua vítima. Their job is done here, and they’re ready to move on to the next person they’ll also break.
Dicas e truques para a recuperação do abuso de narcisistas
Sobreviver a este tipo de abuso and coming out of it stronger is doable. Nevertheless, it’s easier with the help of this step-by-step guide.
1. Desprendimento emocional
Before actually leaving your narcissist, it’s more important to desprender-se emocionalmente deles. O que é que isso significa?
Bem, afastar-se de um agressor nem sempre é fácil. De facto, na maioria dos casos, pode ser potencialmente perigoso.
Now that you know who you’re dealing with, you can’t just walk out the door. You need an exit strategy and a support system.
What about your relationship? Start with reducing all the communication with your partner. Even when you have to talk to them, always be aware of what they’re doing.
Don’t argue with them. But when they try to manipulate you, identify their tactics in your head.
You don’t have to tell them that you’ve figured them out. It’s enough to mentally tell yourself: They’re trying to gaslight me now. I am aware of it, and I won’t fall into that trap.
Don’t fall for their false promises, and kill all hopes that things will change.
2. Nenhum contacto
Depois de finalmente o deixar, o narcisista fará tudo o que estiver ao seu alcance para recuperar-te. They’ll bargain, pedir-vos que continuem amigos, beg, shower you with love, make false promises… They’ll basically become the person you once fell in love with.
This is a trap! They won’t ever change. They just want you back so they can go back to their old ways the moment they see they’ve managed to capture you once again.
But that doesn’t mean you won’t hesitate to ride into the sunset with them. Well, that’s why you have to take all precautionary measures to prevent this.
O que eu quero que façam é não entrar em contacto. Cortem-nas completamente e para sempre!
Block their number, block their social media accounts, stop talking to anyone who’ll give you information about them, stop showing up wherever you could encounter them… Desaparece da vida deles e reza a Deus para que eles também desapareçam da tua.
3. Sistema de apoio
I mentioned earlier the importance of a support system. Let’s make it clear: passar por todo este processo sozinho vai tornar tudo muito mais difícil.
That’s why you must turn to people you trust. Yes, I know that you’ve probably ignored them while you were in the relationship.
You never returned your best friend’s calls, and you even cut ties with most of your family.
Mas, ei, esta é a vossa gente. Compreendem perfeitamente tudo aquilo por que passaste e prometo-te que te receberão com de braços abertos.
Por isso, ganhe coragem e telefone-lhes. Diga-lhes que quer sair e peça-lhes ajuda.
First of all, they’ll give you much-needed emotional support. But not only that – they can also help you get by after you leave.
What if you don’t have anyone to turn to? Ask your healthcare provider to give you information on where you can seek help.
There are numerous support groups for victims of narcissistic abuse. You’ll get the guidance you need there.
4. Autocuidado
O que a maioria das vítimas esquece em toda esta confusão é aprender a amarem-se de novo. You’re so focused on getting out of this abusive relationship alive that you completely forget the importance of self-care.
Please, use this time to spoil yourself. Use it to remember how much you deserve. Use it to remember that you’re worthy of self-love. At last, use it to regain your sense of self-worth.
Ver também: A arte de se espelhar num narcisista
5 fases de cura do abuso narcisista
Healing from narcissistic abuse doesn’t end the moment you leave the relationship. It’s an undertaking that dura muito mais tempo do que se pensa.
Na verdade, cada vítima cura-se ao seu próprio ritmo. No entanto, todas elas têm uma coisa em comum: passam pelas mesmas fases de ultrapassar um narcisista.
1. Recusa
No início, todas as vítimas estão em negação. They refuse to accept that their partner has a severe mental health condition and that they’re their victim.
It’s not possible that this is happening to me. They were so loving and kind.
I’ve finally found my true soulmate. This is just a phase. It will go away.
Maybe it’s something I’ve done. They will go back to their old ways before I know it.
If these and similar thoughts are going through your head, you’re definitely in denial. But that doesn’t have to be so bad. After all, it is the first step of healing.
2. Vergonha e culpa
Maybe it’s something I’ve done. They will go back to their old ways.
My family can never find out about this! I don’t want them to look at my partner differently! I don’t want people to think they don’t love me!
Let me cover up this bruise! I guess they’re right – I really did provoke them to hit me.
These are all common thoughts every victim of narcissistic abuse thinks. This isn’t strange for victims of emotional abuse as well as for ones who go through domestic violence.
If you can relate to this, please let me tell you that you’re not to blame. There is nothing to be ashamed of – your abuser is the only one responsible for this, and they’re the one who should be ashamed.
But this is exactly what they want. They count on your feelings of self-blame. After all, they’ve implanted it inside your brain.
Em vez de esconder as coisas das pessoas que lhe são mais próximas, encontre o seu grupo de apoio. Abra-se com alguém e deixe que essa pessoa lhe dê o seu ponto de vista.
3. Raiva
Esta é a fase em que começamos a odiar o nosso agressor. E com razão.
Queres destruí-los a todo o custo. Queres que eles paguem por cada lágrima que choraste.
So you try to get even. You try to hurt them without being aware that you’re just sinking deeper.
Confie em mim: a única maneira de interpretar um narcisista é ignorá-los. Nunca se pode ser mais esperto que eles when it comes to manipulation because you have something they don’t possess: empathy.
4. Depressão
Depois de os sentimentos de raiva desaparecerem, a depressão bate à sua porta. É a primeira vez que consegue ver a sua situação de forma objetiva.
It’s the first time you realize everything you’ve been through. A primeira vez que a realidade nos bate com força na cabeça.
And it’s perfectly normal for you not to be happy about it.
Instead, you feel like your narcissist has taken away your desire to live. You’ve moved on from them physically up to now, but your mind is still trapped in darkness.
Não tem qualquer motivação para voltar à sua vida anterior. Tudo o que se vê são nuvens de tempestade sem qualquer raio de sol.
Não há nada de invulgar em sentir-se assim. But if your depression lasts longer than a couple of weeks, maybe it’s time to talk to a healthcare professional.
There are mental health professionals who’ll help you drag yourself out of this abyss you’ve fallen into. Please, ask for help if you see that this is more than you can handle by yourself!
5. Cura
Finally, you start to slowly accept everything that went on. Not only that – you also accept that none of it was your fault.
Passado algum tempo, até perdoem os vossos narcisistas. You don’t forget what they did to you, nor do you justify their behavior, but somehow, you let the anger go.
You have no trouble talking about your experience anymore. On the contrary, you’re more than willing to help other victims going through the same thing.
Maybe you’re still not ready for a new relationship, but you know that, eventually, you’ll get there. Your traumas haven’t magically faded away, but things are getting better.
Congratulations, you’ve healed!
C-PTSD Abuso narcísico
C-PTSD significa Complex Perturbação de Stress Pós-Traumático. Esta condição pode ser uma consequência de abuso narcísico.
Sometimes, people don’t overcome everything they’ve experienced in their abusive relationships the moment they escape it.
Instead, they develop a trauma that haunts them long after the relationship ends. Of course, this is highly treatable, but it’s important for the victim to identify their post-traumatic stress disorder and ask for help in time.
Sintomas de C-PTSD
Se sentir algum destes sintomas apesar de se ter afastado da sua relação narcísica há algum tempo, considere a possibilidade de procurar ajuda:
1. Desamparo
2. Medo
3. Raiva avassaladora
4. Vergonha
5. Flashbacks
O que é o abuso narcísico? Exemplos:
Some of the most common examples of narcissistic abuse are physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse (insulting, criticizing, shaming, bullying), emotional manipulation, threats…
Cada uma destas técnicas tem o mesmo objetivo: para destruir e traumatizar a outra pessoa o mais possível.
You must wonder why they do it: it’s the only way for them to feel dominant and because they’re mentally ill people who enjoy making others suffer.
O que é que os narcisistas fazem às suas vítimas?
Narcissists use different methods to get inside their victims’ heads, but it all comes down to manipulation at the end of the day. Their final goal is to destroy one’s self-esteem because that’s the only way for them to feel better about themselves and feed their egotistical needs.
They implant self-doubt, guilt, and shame into their victim’s brain. They make them feel crazy and isolate them from everyone who could help them see the truth at the same time.
Para terminar
Escaping the cycle of narcissistic abuse is never easy. To be honest, it will probably be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do.
Mas acreditem, pode ser feito com muito esforço, energia e dedicação.
Nevertheless, I won’t lie to you: you’ll never be the same person you were before this hit you. But hey, I’m not talking about your traumas and baggage here.
I’m talking about the strength you’ll gain. I’m talking about how after this, you’ll never settle for less than you deserve, nor will you need anyone’s approval to feel worthy.
I guess there is a silver lining to every cloud, and yours are the lessons you’ll learn.
