Uma parte de mim ainda te ama, mas eu segui em frente

When I remember the days and months we spent in our city, just driving in your car and sitting on the beach, my heart stops. I wonder how that is still possible. It has been two years now since our last kiss, but I don’t remember the taste of your lips or your smell. I just remember the feeling I had when you were holding me, back there on the beach.

Our story is nothing special when I compare it to some ‘Romeo and Juliet’ stories. We met because we had a common friend, we laughed because we had the same sense of humor. Maybe it is better to describe it like this: I always loved my jokes and you were the first person who loved them as much as I did. I enjoyed the way you looked me like I was something so different and beautiful, even though I was an ordinary girl who loved watching TV and sair com amigos.

So I suppose you liked that I wasn’t complicated, and I didn’t ask you for anything. Your life wasn’t like that. However, I figured that out later, when it was too late. It was so disappointing finding out that you were so fascinated by my simplicity and kindness, just because all of your ex-girlfriends were so demanding. The reason they were like that was because you cheated on some of them, you lied and foste egoísta.

In the beginning, I didn’t see that. I realized that it is true that people in love are blind. When you hurt me the first or the second or the third time, I ignored that. I always found a good excuse for you. My friends saw you the way you were. They told me millions of times that you were not good enough for me, that you didn’t deserve me and that you only thought about yourself and what was good for you.

Eu sabia que eles tinham razão, no fundo eu sabia a verdade, mas continuava a ignorar tudo. O que é que ganhei com isso? Mais desilusões e humilhações. A razão pela qual eu ainda estava contigo era que eras um mentiroso tão bommanipulou-me na perfeição e conseguiu fazê-lo tão facilmente porque eu era tão apaixonado por ti. Amei-te porque eras corajosa, senti-me sempre protegida contigo e nunca ninguém me fez sentir tão bonita como tu.

And then the time came. I knew I needed to let you go because being with you was hurting me more than making me happy. I felt like I was losing myself and becoming something I was not. You wanted to make me small, so you could be bigger for yourself. And that is not love. It was hard at the beginning, I missed you and I didn’t want to talk about you to anyone. I needed to fight this fight alone, because I was my enemy, that part of me who loved you still.

I haven’t lived in that city for two years’ I am always happy when I go there because I have so many beautiful memories, but I am always afraid of seeing you. I don’t know how I would feel. I am happy now, I have him and he is the best thing that ever happened to me. Ele ama-me e respeita-me de uma forma que tu nunca poderias ter feito.

Quando já me tinha esquecido de ti e segui em frente com a minha vidaComeçaste a enviar-me mensagens a dizer que tinhas saudades minhas. Suponho que é essa a justiça que a vida nos dá. Uma lição tem de ser aprendida. Estás agora a sentir tudo o que eu senti quando me rejeitaste, quando eu era o número dois ou cinco ou dez na tua vida, enquanto tu eras o meu número um.

It is funny how memories work—some things we can’t remember, and some things we can never forget. I can never forget those days at the beach when you made me laugh, even though you hurt me. So yes, part of me still loves you, but I know just now I need to be my number one.